If you’re asking yourself, “Am I a good boyfriend?” what is motivating you to ask the question?
Are you asking the question because:
- You are in a relationship and are suddenly feeling insecure about your girlfriend’s feelings for you?
- You’ve recently been dumped and are now feeling insecure about your chances of getting another girlfriend and keeping her happy in a relationship?
- You’ve never had a girlfriend and you’re wondering if you’ve got what it takes to be a good boyfriend?
Whatever question applies to you, the fact that you’re asking yourself, “Am I a good boyfriend?” suggests that you’re feeling unsure of yourself. The irony is that being unsure of yourself is the thing that makes you not be a good boyfriend.
Whether a guy is meeting a woman for the first time, on a date, in a relationship or having sex with a woman, the main trait that she hopes he will have is confidence. In other words, that the guy is sure of himself, believes in himself and can simply be present with her and enjoy the moment.
Women are naturally turned off by guys who second-guess themselves all the time because women don’t want to be paired up with a guy that might crumble under the pressures of life.
A woman wants to see that, no matter what happens, you always retain your belief in yourself and if you make a mistake or are lacking in a certain area, you remain confident and work on fixing the mistake or improving your weakness.
So, if you want to be a good boyfriend, the first place to start is within. You’ve got to know that you are good enough and if there is anything that you need to improve, you can work on improving that while retaining your belief in yourself.
The Perfect Boyfriend on TV or in Movies
These days, a lot of guys get confused over what it means to be a good boyfriend because they are constantly bombarded with conflicting messages from movies, TV shows, pop songs and random opinions from people who aren’t relationship experts.
For example: The guy that a woman describes as the “perfect boyfriend” in a movie is more than likely going to be the guy with “perfect” Hollywood good looks. He’s also going to have the perfect body, perfect job, perfect house, perfect car…and probably the perfect fluffy pet too.
Yep, he’s just perfect in every way, but here’s the thing – he’s not real. Nobody is absolutely perfect in every way.
Some women are delusional and expect a guy to be perfect in every way, but the majority of women are much easier to impress and keep happy in a relationship. Why?
Watch the video below to understand how a woman’s attraction for a man really works and how you can use it to make her see you as her ideal boyfriend…
As you will discover from the video above, the amount of attraction that you make your girlfriend feel is pretty much up to you.
As a man, you have to actively make women feel attracted to you by displaying the personality traits and behaviors that naturally attract them.
For example: Being confident, rather than being insecure. Sharing love with her in a balanced way, rather than constantly needing her to reassure you that she loves you. Making her feel feminine and girly in response to your masculinity, rather than making her feel like “one of the boys” or like your neutral friend.
Are You Being the Type of Guy That She Really Wants?
A woman wants to be in a relationship with a guy who has what it takes to naturally lead the way and allow her to relax into being a feminine, emotional woman.
Although a woman might put up with it for a while (sometimes even years), she will gradually fall out of love with a man who expects her to think, behave, act and feel like he does.
If a woman isn’t able to think, behave, feel and act like a feminine woman (i.e. girly, emotional, etc) in a relationship, she will eventually become bored, restless and frustrated. She will then often begin to flirt with other guys who have the ability to make her feel more girly and feminine.
How do you make your girlfriend feel? Does she feel like a sexy, feminine, girly woman around you because you’re such a confident, masculine guy?
If not, maybe you should ask yourself the following questions…
Have you become too needy or emotionally sensitive?
When a guy is feeling insecure and unsure of himself in a relationship, he will sometimes slip into seeking constant reassurance from his girlfriend about her feelings for him.
If he continually asks her things like, “Am I a good boyfriend?” or, “Do you still love me?” then he isn’t behaving in the confident, self-assured, emotionally secure way that his girlfriend needs to see to retain her feelings of respect and attraction for him.
If he keeps behaving like for long enough, her feelings for him will begin to change. She will become less interested in sex, will feel annoyed when he asks for a hug and will begin to feel smothered by how often he texts her, calls her or wants to see her.
In most cases, the boyfriend will then feel even more needy and emotionally sensitive, which will turn her off even more.
Are you being too possessive or jealous?
Following on from the above, being needy often leads to being to jealous or becoming overly possessive of a woman. If you begin to question your girlfriend’s every move and attempt to spend every available moment with her, then you’re in danger of suffocating the life out of your relationship.
If you then begin to sulk and feel hurt every time she chooses to do something that doesn’t include you, she’s going to see your behavior as weak and wimpy and a complete turn off as a result.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to spend a lot of time with your girlfriend or protecting her from situations where other guys might take advantage of her, but you’ve got to give her your trust.
If you can’t give a woman your 100% trust, the love cannot grow and mature between you. It will always be blocked by the fact that you are unwilling to trust her and the more jealous and possessive you become, the more respect and attraction she will lose for you.
When a woman begins to lose a lot of respect and attraction for her boyfriend, she then begins to fall out of love with him.
Are you putting her on a pedestal?
A “perfect boyfriend” in the movies will often shower his girlfriend with gifts and throw himself at her feet. He will do absolutely anything and everything for her to hopefully impress her and keep her happy.
This might make a woman’s heart skip a beat in the movies, but in the real world it will usually just make her sick. Real women do not want to be put on a pedestal or have a guy behave like a slave in the hope that she sticks with him.
A woman will stick with a guy that she can look up to and respect, not a guy that she can push around and disrespect. Some women do keep a guy like that around (often for life), but the guy’s life is almost always miserable and she rarely will want to have sex with him.
The real way to not only get a woman to stick with you for life, but to love you, desire you, respect you and feel happy to be with you, is to deepen her feelings of love, respect and attraction over time.
This is done by being the sort of man that she can look up to and respect, while also being the guy that she feels attracted to and is excited to be in love with. It’s actually a lot easier to do that most guys realize.
The reason why so many guys have difficulties with their relationships with women, is that they never get taught how to deepen a woman’s feelings of love, respect and attraction over time.
So, without that education, they unknowingly turn their girlfriend off, ruin her feelings of respect and attraction and gradually destroy the love that existed at the start of the relationship.
It’s not because the guy is a bad person or lacks intelligence, but that he simply doesn’t know what else to do to succeed. To him, women are difficult, a mystery, too complicated and too hard to please.
Yet, for a guy who understands women, being successful at picking up women and keeping a relationship together is a very simple, natural and effortless thing to do.
As you will discover from the video above, women are a lot easier to attract than most guys realize, but if you never get taught what women really want, it will likely remain as a frustrating mystery for you for life.
For example: If you try to be the perfect boyfriend by doting on a woman and making her every wish your command, it doesn’t mean that she will stick with you for life, respect you and desire you sexually.
If you go overboard with your attempts to kiss up to her and essentially be her “yes” man who does whatever she wants, you will end up making her see you as a weak, desperate man and she will no longer feel sexually attracted to you as a result.
You might have great intentions by being so nice to her, but that isn’t what makes a woman deepen her feelings of love, respect and attraction for a guy.
Being nice to her only deepens her love, respect and attraction if you are also the type of guy that she can look up to and respect, rather than a doormat boyfriend who she can walk all over.
Are you taking her for granted?
Some guys make the mistake of thinking that once a woman says, “I love you” she is essentially his and he can do whatever he wants.
While that approached worked back in the time where a woman had to save her virginity for marriage and then stick with her chosen husband for life, it doesn’t work in today’s world.
If a woman is not being treated with love, respect and care, she now has the right to get up and leave a man. The society around a woman today even encourages her to do so, compared to how things used to work in the past when society demanded that women stay with one man for life.
If you want a woman to stick with you, it’s no longer possible to treat her badly and take her for granted. She might put up with it for a while, but she won’t put up with it forever.
In today’s world, it’s just too easy for a woman to put up an online dating profile and have 1,000s of matches overnight or go to a bar or nightclub and have sex with a guy on the first night.
She doesn’t have to stick with a guy who takes her for granted, so if you want her to stick around, you’ve got to be able to deepen her feelings of love, respect and attraction for you.
Are you being enough of a man for her?
Every day, I help new guys to get an ex-girlfriend, fiancé or wife back.
One of the most common reasons that I see as being the cause of the break up is that the guy essentially wasn’t enough of a man for her.
In other words, he wasn’t rising through the levels of life to reach for his true potential as a man, or he wasn’t manly enough and had become a bit feminine around her. It can also be that he isn’t emotionally strong enough and has made her feel as though she almost has to take care of him emotionally.
What a woman really wants is to not have to worry about her man. She wants to be able to trust that he will remain strong no matter what and he will keep pushing forward to create a better life for himself and her.
She doesn’t want to be stuck with a guy who needs her to “mother” him or constantly lift his spirits because he’s unmotivated, depressed or lacking mojo for life. She also doesn’t want a guy who expects her to take the lead or “wear the pants” in the relationship because he can’t be bothered doing so.
If you want to be a good boyfriend, you’ve got to be able to allow your woman to feel feminine, girly and free to be emotional like a woman. You can’t expect her to be sensible, rational, logical and strong like a man all the time.
Yes, she likely has the capability to be like that (e.g. at work, at university, etc), but when in a relationship with a man, she wants to be able to relax into being her most natural, feminine self as possible.
If you can allow her to relax into being a woman, while also giving her the trust and space to grow and explore life in the ways she wants, she will see you as being much more than a good boyfriend. You will be her chosen man for life.