Have you ever asked yourself the question, “Am I an alpha male?”
However, if you answered, “No” or “I’m not sure,” then have a think about your answers to the following questions…
1. Do you feel shy, anxious or nervous in social settings?
If you do feel shy, anxious or nervous in social settings, then you don’t have the mindset of an alpha male.
An alpha male feels totally at ease and comfortable in his own skin in any social environment. Why? He believes in himself and knows that he is more than good enough, to the point where he doesn’t waste any time comparing himself to other people and thinking, “Do I fit in here?” or “Do these people like me?”
Instead, he just allows his belief in himself to be the mindset from which he operates from and he then gets on with enjoying himself and doing whatever he wants. Even if he decides to sit down and not interact with people for an hour, he still doesn’t start doubting himself and worrying what people are thinking.
A guy who doesn’t have an alpha male mindset will worry that people are looking at him sitting down and not appearing to be interested in socializing. He might think something like, “Do people think I am a lonely outsider?” or “Have people realized that I don’t fit in here? Can they see how uncomfortable I am now feeling? Do they notice me?”
On the other hand, an alpha male will not question or doubt his place in the scene. He knows he is more than good enough and will talk and interact with people whenever he feels like it.
2. Do you doubt yourself around attractive women?
An alpha male decides that he is attractive to women and then doesn’t question it. Ironically, this actually makes him extremely attractive to women because he exudes the type of confidence that women are naturally attracted to.
A lower ranking male decides that he isn’t good enough for attractive women and tries hard to hopefully impress them and be liked enough to be “given a chance.” Women see his self-doubt and insecurity coming through via his body language, vibe, conversation and actions and it turns them off at a deep and instinctive level.
3. Do you allow selfishly dominant people to push you around?
A guy who isn’t an alpha male (i.e. a lower ranking male) will allow himself to be pushed around, taken advantage of or controlled by mean, selfish people who are more dominant than him.
For example: When talking amongst a group of people, a lower ranking male will be nervous about sticking to his opinion (even if he thinks it is right), if dominant people in the group begin to challenge his position.
He might be talking about how he really likes a certain sport or TV show and some dominant people in the group will say, “That TV show is shit…only losers watch that crap” and he will then begin to back away from his support of the TV show. He might then say, “Well, I don’t like it that much…it’s okay.”
An alpha male knows who he is and what he stands for in life and he can be relied upon to always remain true to himself. His strength of character makes him someone who can’t be pushed around.
If an alpha male decides that he likes a TV show and other people disagree, the alpha male won’t feel threatened by that. He doesn’t have to fight to stand up for his opinion and can simply smile, feel sorry for those who don’t like the same TV as he does, ask them why they don’t like it or challenge them for not being smart enough to understand it.
He will decide how he is going to respond, but he won’t worry about picking the perfect response. Why? An alpha male knows that he is good enough and doesn’t need to prove it to anyone. People pick up on that and it makes women feel attracted to him and men respect him.
4. Do you usually just follow, rather than standing up take on the responsibility to lead?
An alpha male does not have to lead everything, take control of everything or boss everyone around. Instead, he simply takes the lead when he wants to and lets other people lead when he wants them to.
A lower ranking male doesn’t feel comfortable in the position of leadership because he is worried about making a mistake, being challenged by other people, being rejected or being laughed at for trying to take the lead.
An alpha male knows that anyone can be a leader and a man just needs to step up and take on that type of responsibility when he feels like he can do it.
Common Confusion About What it Means to Be an Alpha Male
Amongst both men and women, there is a lot of confusion over what it means to be an alpha male.
A big part of the confusion comes down to the types of myths and stereotypes that are shown in movies, TV shows and music videos.
It’s for this reason that when a guy asks me, “Am I an alpha male?” I first have to make sure that his understanding of what it means to be an alpha male is based on real world facts and not Hollywood fiction.
1.Being alpha is not about being an arrogant asshole
In the movies, alpha males are usually portrayed as arrogant, selfish assholes. The opposing character is usually a shy, unassuming, nice guy who eventually teaches the arrogant asshole a lesson, saves the day (or saves the world) and then gets the girl in the end.
In college movies, the alpha males are usually the jocks and in workplace movies, they are usually the asshole boss or manager. In crime movies, the alpha male will be portrayed as the crime boss with lots of hot chicks and he will die in a hail of bullets from the nice guy sometime before the credits roll.
Back to reality…
In the real world, being an alpha male is simply about knowing what you want, believing that you deserve it and then going after it with unrelenting confidence.
At The Modern Man, we teach guys how to be good guy alpha males, not arrogant asshole alpha males. A good guy alpha male is the type of guy that women are attracted to, men respect and pretty much everyone wants to be friends with.
Think about the types of men that you respect most in real life (not fictional movie characters) and they are most-likely good guy alpha males.
2. Being an alpha male is not about being loud and obnoxious
Obnoxious (adjective): Highly offensive, unpleasant, disgustingly objectionable.
Yes, there are some loud, obnoxious guys who some people will label as an “alpha male,” but don’t let those guys cloud your ideas on what it means to be an alpha male.
If you understand how human psychology works, you will know that any type of extreme personality or behaviour is usually based on insecurity.
For example: If a guy is being loud or obnoxious, he is usually insecure about how much people like him. He has found that the louder and more obnoxious he is, the more attention he gets.
He may also run into trouble for being a prick to people, but as long as he can get enough people to like him, get laid and feel good about himself, he will often continue on throughout his life with that warped, insecure social strategy.
Emotionally secure alpha males (i.e. alpha males that are truly confident and are not insecure) are able to enjoy the full range of their personality.
For example: If he wants to be loud and funny in a certain situation, he will do that. If he wants to be quiet and brooding in another, he will do that. If he just wants to be relaxed, normal and average in another, he will do that too.
A true alpha male doesn’t need to put on a big show for anyone. He knows that he is more than good enough and simply does whatever he wants, whenever he feels like it, while also being respectful towards others…if he decides that they deserve it.
True alpha males have a relaxed, inner confidence that makes them stand out as men who know who they are and what they stand for in life. It is this genuineness that makes him the type of guy that both men and women want to hang out with.
3. Being alpha is not putting other men down
In the movies, the alpha male is the “top dog” who keeps other men in their place by putting them down at every opportunity (e.g. the bad ass crime boss, the asshole CEO of a company, etc).
Yet, once again, real life is not like the movies and belittling men does not make you a true alpha male. In the real world, true alpha males have no need to make other men feel small in an effort to feel better about themselves.
A true alpha male has so much inner confidence and self-esteem that he doesn’t need to put anyone down to feel good about himself. Instead, he has so much confidence and self-esteem that can afford to make other people feel good about themselves, without feeling like he is losing anything.
4. Being alpha is not about being physically strong
In today’s world, men rule with their minds rather than their muscles.
In the past, a bigger, stronger man could simply kill a smaller, weaker man and take his food, shelter and woman. There was no police, media or court system to protect physically weaker men and they either had to comply or be socially intelligent enough to lead bigger men without being beaten up or killed.
Fortunately, today’s world is a little more civilized. Men can now be short, slim and still successfully rule an office, household, gang, community or even country. Although being tall and having muscles can make a guy appear to be alpha, it only matters if he is also mentally and emotionally alpha.
For example: No doubt you’ve come across some tall guys who are nervous around shorter guys and people in general. Likewise, no doubt you’ve also seen guys who have big muscles still looking nervous in social situations like bars, house parties, etc.
This is because muscles do not give you “alpha.” To be alpha, you have to decide that you are. It’s mostly about how you think, feel and behave, rather than how you look.
Yes, muscles will be a great addition if you want to go to the trouble of building them up. However, I don’t have a gym body and I was the leader of more than 100 staff and 10 managers at an international company.
I then left and started The Modern Man and have lead that for more than 10 years now. I’ve had sex with more than 250 women and recently married my sexy 22-year-old girlfriend at age 37.
I have lots of friends who are tall, confident guys, but I am respected as an alpha male. I don’t care how much or how little muscle a guy has; at the end of the day, I know that I am an alpha male and that’s what counts.
Both men and women pick up on it via your body language, vibe, attitude, behavior and actions. It makes women feel attracted to you, men respect you and makes most people want to be your friend.
It doesn’t matter if you are overweight or have an athletic body, being alpha comes from within.
You don’t need to look like The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) or a young Arnold Schwarzeneggeror to be an alpha male and if you’re asking, “Am I an alpha male?” because you’ve been working your ass off at the gym to create a perfect “tough guy” image, then you’ve completely missed the point.
If you enjoy working out in the gym and building up muscle, then go ahead. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it at all, but just don’t ever think that you are not yet an alpha male because your body doesn’t look like The Rock.