There’s absolutely nothing wrong with trying to get your ex back.
It doesn’t mean you are weak or needy if you want her back.
You will only appear needy or weak if approach the ex back process in a needy or weak way.
So, what’s the difference between a guy who is being needy and one who is not?
Examples of Being Needy When Trying to Get an Ex Back
A guy who is being needy will try to get a woman back by…
1. Begging and pleading for another chance
The shock of losing his woman forever might cause a guy to react in a way that goes against his better judgment.
Suddenly, he panics and says things like, “Please baby, don’t walk away from what we had together. I need you so much. You mean everything to me and without you my life is empty! I know I stuffed up, but I’m ready to change and become the man you want me to be. I beg you! Please just give me one more chance. I promise you won’t regret it. Please!”
Yet, rather than make a woman think, “He must really love me if he’s willing to beg me for another chance! This is amazing! He must be the one!!! Clearly his intentions are good, so I’m going to get back with him because of that,” she’s likely just going to pull away from him even more.
A woman’s attraction to a guy is based mostly on his ability to make her feel like she can look up to him and respect him as a man.
So, when a guy is begging and pleading and being emotionally weak and needy, he’s actually making her feel the opposite of the way he needs to make her feel to get her back.
Watch this video for more info…
By begging and pleading, he’s turning her off further, when what he should be doing is quickly re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for him again, so she naturally becomes unsure about her decision to break up with him.
All of a sudden, she stops looking at him in a negative light and starts enjoying interacting with him.
Yet, most guys don’t do that when their woman attempts to dump them.
Most guys lose it and become insecure, desperate or become very self-doubting all of a sudden, which turns the woman off even more.
So, even though his intentions are good and he just wants things to work out between them, his approach is unattractive, so she goes through with the break up and feels good about it.
Note: In some instances, a woman might give a guy another chance if he begs her for it.
When a woman does that, she usually has very little experience with relationships, or she feels bad for him and wants to give it a try.
Yet, it usually only lasts for a few days because she realizes her mistake and breaks up with him again.
If you want to get your ex back for real and keep her in a relationship, you’ve got to do it properly.
The proper way to get an ex back is to focus on making her have feelings for you by quickly changing your approach to be more attractive and appealing to her.
Not in a desperate, hurried way, but in a relaxed, confident, easy-going way.
As long as you are relaxed about the ex back process, you will not appear needy or weak.
However, if you panic and try hard to impress her and hopefully get another chance, she will pick up on your desperation and it will turn her off.
2. Trying to convince her to give you another chance before letting her experience the new you
Another common example of communicating weakness or being needy when contacting your ex to get her back is trying to convince her to give you another chance, before she’s had a chance to experience the new you.
For example: A guy might call his ex on the phone and rather than use that time constructively to trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for him again (e.g. by using humor to break down her walls, flirting with her, remaining confident and unfazed when she tries to put him off by being cold, distant or even rude towards him), he instead tries to convince her to give him another chance by telling her how much he cares about her and how much she means to him.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Regardless of how much he loves her or how convincing his arguments may be, a modern woman doesn’t have to stay with a guy if she doesn’t want to.
She has the freedom and right to break up with a guy and move on, so she uses that to take care of her own personal happiness and well being, rather than sticking with a guy out of guilt or pity.
So, to get a modern woman back, it can’t just be all about how much you love her, or reminding her about how good things used to be in the past.
What matters to her is how you make her feel right now.
If you’re being needy and telling her how much you love her and want her in your life, it’s not really going to matter to her because she doesn’t have strong enough feelings for you yet.
You have to reawaken those feelings inside of her, rather than trying to get her back into a relationship right away.
Another example of neediness when a guy tries to get his ex back is…
3. Being desperate
For example: A guy might…
- Send his ex loads of text messages or long e-mails apologizing and promising to change.
- Bombard her with gifts, flowers or chocolates.
- Enlist friends, co-workers and family to put in a good word for him.
- Rush to buy her a ring and then propose to her.
- Pour his heart out to her and cry to show her how badly the break up is affecting him.
He’s hoping that when she sees how desperate he is to get her back, she will feel flattered, give him another chance and everything will be okay between them once again.
However, it rarely plays out that way (unless the woman is young and inexperienced, or just gives him another chance to dump him again because she likes to do that to guys).
Most women just feel turned off by the desperation and use it as a reason to want to remain broken up.
Another example of neediness is…
4. Doing whatever she wants or demands just to get another chance with her
Another way a guy might communicate weakness or being needy to an ex, is by being a good little boy around her and saying and doing whatever she wants him to do (even if it’s totally unreasonable), in the hopes that his behavior will convince her to give him another chance.
For example: A woman might belittle him in front of other people, by saying, “Tell everyone how you stuffed things up between us. Tell them how badly you treated me. Tell them!”
If he then tells the people listening all the things he did, she loses respect for him for being such a pushover and letting her belittle him in that way.
Alternatively, a woman might make a bunch of unreasonable demands of her ex (e.g. tell him to only call her on a specific day or else she won’t answer his calls. Tell him not to contact her for a few weeks or months because she’s too busy to talk to him. Only talk to him if he pays her bills or runs errands for her).
If he just takes whatever she throws at him and never stands up to her (or laughs at her for being so silly and unreasonable), rather than get another chance with her, his behavior actually convinces her even more that she made the right decision by breaking up with him.
Here’s the thing…
Contrary to what many guys believe, if a woman feels that she’s more emotionally dominant than a guy, she won’t be able to respect him.
It’s politically correct for women to go around saying that men should essentially bow down at women’s feet and respect them as the masters of the world.
Yet, in reality, women don’t want their man to bow down and follow her orders.
Women want to be respected, but they want you to respect yourself more.
Getting Her Back the Masculine Way
There’s nothing wrong with contacting your ex and getting her back in a masculine way.
How can you do that?
1. Calmly and confidently guide her back into a relationship by getting her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction to the new and
improved version of you
For a woman to open herself up to the idea of getting back together with her ex, she needs to be able to look up to, respect and feel attracted to him first.
So, a masculine guy focuses on triggering her feelings by behaving in ways that he knows are naturally attractive to women.
- He shows her his confidence by not feeling nervous or unsure of himself when she is being cold, or saying things like, “Do you really think I’d give you another chance with me after everything that happened between us?” or, “I don’t feel attracted to you anymore.”
- He uses humor to diffuse a tense situation and get her laughing, smiling and feeling good when she’s in a bad mood.
- He stands up to her in a lovingly dominant way if she tries to dominate him during conversation (e.g. he laughs at her attempts to boss him around).
- He’s not afraid to make her feel sexually attracted to him again by flirting with her and making her feel sexually aroused.
When a guy approaches the ex back process in this way, he is effectively telling his ex (without using words), “Look how different I am from the guy you broke up with. I’ve changed and I’m no longer hiding from my true potential as a man. I’m a new man and I believe in myself and in my value to you. So, even though I really want you back, I’m also happy and fulfilled without you in my life. It’s okay if you don’t want to get back with me. Other women love the new me.”
Reminder: You don’t say that kind of thing to your ex woman.
Just let her get that sense based on how confident you are now.
When a guy interacts with this ex woman in that way, she feels attracted to his confidence and emotional strength and can’t stop herself from looking at him with new eyes because he is now behaving like the kind of man that she can look up to and respect.
Another way to get her back in a calm, confident, masculine way is to…
2. Get her to forgive the old you
Getting an ex to forgive you is a very important step to getting her back because it changes how she thinks about you, looks at you and feels around you from then on.
For example: A guy might say (in a relaxed, confident, masculine way), “Look…I know that I messed up and I’m sorry about it. I accept responsibility for my actions. However, holding on to all that baggage isn’t going to allow you to move on and have healthy relationships in the future. The mature way to handle this is if we both forgive each other by acknowledging that people can make mistakes and learn from those mistakes. I made mistakes and I’ve learned from it. You don’t need to take me back, but at least do the right thing by yourself and me by forgiving me for losing my way and making those mistakes. Even though it’s over now and we’re not getting back together, we did share some good times together, so we don’t have to think of the relationship in such a bad way. It was a good learning experience for both of us. When you forgive me for those reasons, not only will you feel better about what happened, but we can also move forward as just friends. So how about it? Can you forgive me for both our sakes? Can we just let the past go and look at each other for who we have become? I’m not asking you to get back with me at all. It’s just the mature thing to do to forgive each other and be able to move on with a clear head.”
The cool thing about asking an ex to forgive you like this, is that she suddenly stops looking at you in such a negative way.
She stops focusing about all the mistakes you made and she starts feeling impressed by what she perceives as your emotional maturity.
Her defenses begin to come down and she starts to feel drawn to the new version of you.
As you can see, there’s nothing needy about that!
You’re just being a confident, mature man and allowing her to go through the natural ex back process in a calm, easy-going manner.
Little does she know though, it’s actually helping you to get her back!
3. Focus on getting her smiling, laughing and feeling good
A big mistake that a lot of guys make is feeling like they have to be serious and be on their best behavior around their ex woman to avoid annoying her.
Some guys also feel like it’s important to have long discussions about the relationship and what went wrong, but it just doesn’t work to get a woman back.
The best approach to interacting with an ex that will not only make her drop her guard and open back up to the idea of getting back together again, but will also make her feel attracted to your masculinity and confidence, is to make her laugh, smile and feel good when she interacts with you.
No matter how negative she’s being towards you, if you just relax and use humor to diffuse the tension, she won’t be able to stay closed off for very long.
Her guard will come down and she will open back up to you.
4. Build up some sexual tension and release it with a hug, kiss and also sex if possible
One of the easiest ways to build up sexual tension with a woman is to flirt with her, make her laugh, smile and feel attracted during interactions and then stop.
Just go back to talking normally for a minute and then do it again.
Then, go back to talking normally for about 5 minutes and give her some more flirting and humor to loosen the vibe and make her feel great around you.
This builds up the exciting feeling of anticipation inside of her and gets her wondering, “Why am I feeling so drawn to him all of a sudden? Is he going to kiss me? Why am I even thinking like this around him? We’re supposed to be broken up! I don’t want to be broken up…I think…oh, why do I want him all of a sudden?”
That’s how you want her to be thinking because then, getting back together, becomes something that she wants too.
Then, it’s not you being needy and needing her back.
It’s about you and her wanting to be back together and enjoying the process of making it happen.
For example: Imagine you and your ex are having a catch up in a little coffee shop and you’ve successfully built up the tension between you and her.
She’s smiling, laughing and possibly even giving you other signs that she’s attracted (e.g. playing with her hair, licking her lips, touching you often, talking about how you and her used to have great sex).
Whatever the case, it’s up to you to take the lead and release the sexual tension that has been building up between you, by giving her a hug and maybe even a kiss.
You can do that by confidently saying to her, “I’m so glad we’re not like those crazy ex’s who are always fighting and acting like brats with each other. You and I are cool ex’s.”
She will most likely smile and agree or playfully tease you by saying that she’s a cool ex, but you’re not.
You can then say to her, “We’re cool ex’s. I think something like that at least deserves a hug. So, come here. Bring it in for a hug.”
If you’ve built up enough sexual tension, she’ll want to hug you as much as you want to hug her.
So, just go ahead and pull her gently into your arms and give her a tight squeeze for a few seconds.
If she seems open, lean in and give her a kiss.
If pulls away from the kiss or avoids it, just move back and continue building the sexual tension between you and her and try again later if it looks like she’s keen.
From there, you can head off to your place or hers for sex.
Once you and your ex have had sex, she becomes open to getting back together again because her emotional walls are no longer blocking her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
You just need to lead the way and make it happen.
You Have to Believe That You Can Do it
In many ex back cases, the difference between a guy getting his girl back or not comes down to his level of belief that he can do it.
A guy who believes that he can get her back will take action in a confident, forward moving manner, whereas a guy who doubts that he can get her back will tend to waste time giving her space or turning her off by seeming insecure and self-doubting.
It’s not needy to get her back in a confident, calm, relaxed manner.
Where some guys go wrong is assuming that the way to show an ex woman that he isn’t needy is to not try to get her back at all, or to show her that he doesn’t care about her anymore.
He just gives her space and hopes that she comes back.
Yet, when a woman has lost respect and attraction for a guy and has pushed her feelings of love into the background, him ignoring her or pretending not to care isn’t really going to matter that much to her.
Instead, she’s just going to take his actions as a sign that it’s 100% over between them and she’ll move on and possibly even hook up with and fall in love with another guy.
So, why would a guy try to get his ex back in these ways if they almost never work?
A lot of boils down to not having any masculine role models in his life who can explain to him that loving a woman isn’t weak.
Instead, insecure guys (especially on online forums) might tell him that he needs to show her that he doesn’t care to prove to her that he’s not needy.
Yet, that’s just insecurity trying to cover up insecurity.
You don’t need to put on an act of not wanting her.
You do want her and that’s okay.
The problem is when you need her and can’t live without her.
So, don’t listen to what other people say when they tell you that you’re communicating weakness or being needy if you contact your ex to get her back.
They’re only saying that because they don’t know how to be a confident man and give a woman the attraction experience she really wants in a relationship.
They also don’t understand that love the second time around, can be even more amazing than the first.
However, you do know that now and you can prove them wrong by getting your woman back today.
You just have to believe that you can do it and then do it.