To stop being jealous in a relationship with a woman, you need to:
- Trust in her love and attraction for you.
- Believe that you are more than good enough.
- Know that by being jealous, you actually make other guys appear more attractive than you because women are turned off by emotional weakness.
- Know that you will never improve your woman’s love, respect and attraction for you by being jealous.
- Make sure that your life is balanced and you have other important things to focus on, rather than putting too much focus on her.
- Understand that if she messes up the relationship by cheating on you with another guy, then it is her loss, but don’t push her into doing that by turning her off with your emotional weakness.
- Understand that women want you to love them, want them and protect them, but they don’t want to feel as though you would be lost with out them.
Essentially, you need to be able to trust in the fact that she is with you. You need to believe that you are more than good enough for her and stop worrying about other guys.
If you find it difficult to stop yourself from being jealous in a relationship, you might find it helpful to answer the following questions…
Do You Have Purpose in Life Outside of the Relationship?
If you lack purpose in life, it’s quite possible that the woman in your life has become the center of your universe. She is a main part of your identity as a man and without her, you’d probably feel lost and alone.
Think about it for a moment…
If a guy has nothing very important that he’s aiming for (i.e. his biggest goals and ambitions in life) and has no important, independent interests outside of the relationship, it stands to reason that he’s going to feel jealous of anything his woman does that doesn’t involve him, right?
She is his world, so if she is enjoying things without him or seeming like she is losing interest or drifting away from him in any way, it’s going to send a shockwave through his emotional mind.
In his mind, she is the most important thing in the world and without her life almost isn’t worth living. If his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) chooses to spend time with other people from time to time doing her own thing and following her own interests, he will naturally feel jealous and even protective of her.
Problems occur when his feelings of jealousy lead to blaming her for making him feel that way. Yet, she’s most likely not doing anything that’s intended to make him feel jealous and his feelings are being caused by his own lack of purpose and balance in life. She is living a more emotionally balanced life, but he has everything stacked to one side.
Professor Richard Smith from the University of Kentucky says, “Jealousy arises when a relationship is infringed on by a rival who threatens to take away something that is in a sense rightfully yours.”
If a guy who lacks purpose (i.e. he isn’t going after his biggest goals and ambitions in life and is hiding behind the safety of a relationship with a woman), then he’s going to see her independent interests as rivals that are threatening to take her away from him. Yet, the only real threat to the relationship is his emotional dependence on her.
Being “joined at the hip” and doing everything together does not make a relationship a healthy one. A relationship can only grow and become stronger when the two individuals involved also have the opportunity to grow as people and to follow their own individual passions, as well as doing things together as part of a couple.
It doesn’t mean that a couple has to spend a lot of time apart, but they do need to be able to feel free to do whatever they feel like, while also maintaining their commitment to each other.
A woman will remain committed to a guy who has the ability to deepen her feelings of love, respect and attraction. However, jealousy, clingy behavior, neediness and other emotional issues put a stop to a woman’s capacity to fall deeper in love with her man.
Women are attracted to men who have purpose in life; men who have personal ambitions they want to achieve, and, most importantly, men who are passionate about achieving those ambitions.
You don’t need to be passionately pursuing some lofty ideal (e.g. creating world peace, curing cancer, ending poverty, etc), but you do need to know where you’re going in life and be passionate about getting there.
Regardless of what your biggest dreams are as a man, you need to show a woman that you’re making progress towards achieving your true potential and realizing your biggest dreams.
The bottom line is that if you lack purpose and your world essentially revolves around her, then the feelings of jealousy that you will naturally experience as a result may eventually tear your relationship apart.
Are You Insecure About Your Attractiveness and Value to Women?
Psychological studies have shown that jealousy is likely to be a much bigger problem for guys who are insecure in themselves as men, especially when it comes to attracting women for sex and relationships.
In the same way that a guy who lacks purpose may view his woman’s individual interests as rivals to their relationship, a guy who is insecure about his attractiveness to women may feel threated anytime she is around other.
For example: If his girlfriend always goes to an exercise class or a hobby club on a Tuesday evening. He calls her when he knows that she should be back at home and she doesn’t answer.
He then panics and his insecurity leads him to repeatedly calling her cell phone, texting her and leaving voicemail messages to check up on her whereabouts.
When she finally answers, she informs her boyfriend that she’s just having an “after class” drink to celebrate someone’s birthday. Yet, he can hear male voices in the background and he wants to know who is there.
The moment she mentions a guy’s name, he feels a surge of jealousy and either tries to play it cool or asks more questions about the guy, such as, “What does he look like?” and “Have you met him before?”
He then spends the rest of the evening sitting alone dwelling on whether she might be cheating on him. He imagines her getting drunk and being hit on by guys who are more attractive than him and he begins to feel angry at her for doing this to him.
Yet, she isn’t doing it. His insecurity is causing him to feel that way. If he was confident in his attractiveness and value to his girlfriend and other women, he wouldn’t be worried about it.
He would know that the majority of guys she meets would pale in comparison to him and if she did get drunk and cheat on him, it would be her loss because many other women would love to take her place as his girlfriend.
Being insecure about your attractiveness and value to your woman will never help you. It’s always better to believe that you are more than good enough for her and do not question that in your mind. Just believe it and live it.
Accusing your girlfriend or being interested in other guys or seeking her constant reassurance that she loves you will not make your feelings of jealousy go away. Instead, it is more likely to lead you into a vicious cycle of neediness and even more jealous behavior as a result.
Insecurity in a man is not attractive to women and behaving this way will become a complete turn off to your woman. Successful relationships are built on trust and even though you might feel worried to trust her, you simply have to.
If you don’t give her your trust and let her take care of it, your insecurity will eat away at her respect and attraction for you. After a while, she will fall out of love with you and may end up dumping you or cheating on you.
Stopping the Jealousy
The answer to the question of how to stop being jealous in a relationship is to become and be a confident, secure man who knows who he is and where he’s going in life…with or without her.
You have to know that you would be happy with or without her because you have the ability to easily attract other women and you also have purpose in life that is extremely important to you.
You are a man who is rising through the levels of life to reach your true potential. She is simply your beautiful woman who you love, respect and want in your life, but do not need.
Don’t base your entire sense of identity and purpose in life on her. Make her a big part of your life, but approach life in a way where you would be happy with or without her.