The fastest way to undo a break up is to apologize to your ex and make her have strong feelings for you from now on whenever you interact with her (e.g. via e-mail, text message, social media, on the phone or in person).
Once you have re-sparked some of her feelings for you, it’s only natural that her guard will come down and she will open up to you.
Even if she tries to fight the change in her feelings, if you have started to regain her respect and attraction for you, she won’t be able to resist feeling drawn to you again.
She will find herself thinking about you, missing you and wondering why she isn’t giving you another chance.
All you need to do then is meet up with her and guide her back into a relationship.
So, if you are serious about wanting to know how to undo a break up, here are five mistakes that you should avoid making…
1. Begging and Pleading For Her Forgiveness
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with apologizing to a woman for past mistakes.
In fact, getting her to forgive you is an important step to making her have strong (positive) feelings for you again.
However, where many guys go wrong, is that instead of apologizing to their ex in a mature and emotionally strong way that will attract her, they resort to begging and pleading with her, in the hopes that she will forgive him and change her mind about not wanting to be together anymore.
For example: A guy who is desperate to undo a break up with his ex might text her, or call her up, and say something like, “I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I can’t bear the thought of having hurt you so much. Please forgive me. I’ll do anything to get you back.”
Yet, rather than soften her up and make her feel more open to the idea of taking him back, begging and pleading actually turns her off even more. Why?
The main reason is because men and women are different.
To better understand these differences, first look at it from a man’s point of view…
When a guy breaks up with a woman, and she reacts by begging and pleading with him for a second chance, a lot of guys will actually respond to her emotional weakness in a positive way.
A guy might even feel more attracted to woman when she begs and pleads with him, because he might choose to interpret her needy behavior as a sign of how much she loves him, and that she’s willing to do anything to keep him.
Since a guy might think, “If I broke up with her, I would most likely give her a second chance if she was begging me to do it, so she will hopefully do that for me.”
Yet, that’s not how it works for women.
From a woman’s point of view, begging and pleading brings up negative emotions in her because women are sexually turned off by emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, neediness, low self esteem) in men.
In most cases, rather than making a woman think, “Awww, how sweet! He really does love me. I think I’m going to give him another chance now,” she’s likely going to be thinking, “Okay! This is not how I want my man to be behaving. I feel disgusted and disappointed at how weak he is acting right now. I think I’ve made the right decision here to break up with him.”
When a guy is begging and pleading with a woman for forgiveness, she will usually interpret it as a sign of emotional weakness and will then feel even less respect and attraction for him as a man.
Of course, some women will give a guy another chance for a day or two if he begs and pleads with her, but when she realizes that nothing about him has changed (e.g. his still promising to change things about himself that she doesn’t really care about, he’s still asking her to explain to him what he did wrong), she will likely break up with him again.
So, one of the main steps to undoing a break up is to stay emotionally strong, so that you can re-spark your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
However, if you’ve already begged and pleaded with her, don’t worry about it. It’s not the end of the world.
Just make sure that from this moment onwards, every time you interact with her, you are behaving in ways that will make her start having strong feelings for you again.
2. Ignoring Her in the Hopes That She Comes Running Back
Some guys will spend weeks, or even months ignoring their ex, in the hopes that she will realize that she can’t live without him, and then come running back.
However, if a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy, she’s not going to feel like she’s missing out on much, and she will usually just start dating or having sex with new guys.
In some cases, she might even feel relieved not to have to deal with her ex begging and pleading with her for a second chance and will be glad that he’s giving her so much space to move on.
So, if you’re considering ignoring your ex as a way to undo your break up, you’re likely just going to waste a lot of time.
The fastest way to get her back is by actively making her have strong feelings for you, whenever you interact with her.
If you’re ignoring your ex, she’s not interacting with you and will almost certainly hold onto her negative opinions about you, which caused her to break up with you in the first place.
Since you’re not interacting with her, she can’t feel drawn to those things about you that are attractive to her (e.g. your confidence, masculinity, sense of humor, charisma, charm).
If she doesn’t hear from you for a long time, she may begin to think, “Okay, so my ex is clearly over me now, so I’m not going to wait around for him anymore. I’m going to go out and meet new guys and have a great time without him. I’m going to have a lot of sex and really enjoy myself to get over the pain that I feel due to him not contacting me. I’m not going to let him make me feel this way. I’m going to get laid and then let him find out about it on social media or through friends.”
This is why ignoring a woman after a break up is usually a bad idea. It’s very easy for a woman to go out and get laid.
Based on advice found online about the so called No Contact Rule (ignoring your ex for 30-60 days) a lot of guys will waste 30, 60, or even more days ignoring their ex in the hope that it makes her come running back.
Yet, it rarely works for men who want a woman back because the woman has usually lost most or all of her feelings of respect and attraction for him.
Rather than chasing a guy that she no longer respects or feels attracted to, she just lets a new guy have sex with her and begins to enjoy herself and move on.
Then, when her ex contacts her one day and she tells him that she’s dating another guy, he thinks to himself, “Why didn’t ignoring her work? Why isn’t she coming back to me? Isn’t she supposed to have missed me so much that she comes running back to me? I thought that all I needed to do was ignore her and I could get my ex back.”
Based on my vast experience successfully helping men to get women back, I’ve found that ignoring a woman only works about 20% of the time.
If she does come back and notices that the guy hasn’t really changed, she simply breaks up with him again.
So, not only has the guy lost a lot of time ignoring her, but he has also given her the space she needs to move on, get over the pain of the break up and forget all about him.
To undo a break up quickly, you need to actively make your ex have strong feelings for you again whenever you interact with her via text, on the phone, on social media and in person.
She then starts to wonder, “What’s going on here? Why am I always thinking about him now? Why am I feeling jealous about the idea of him meeting another woman? Why do I want to at least have sex with him again? What does this mean? Do I want him back? OMG, I want him back.”
If you want to undo a break up, don’t waste time ignoring her and hoping that time apart will bring her back.
Instead, use every interaction with her (e.g. via text message or e-mail, on social media, over the phone, in person) as an opportunity to make her feel strong feelings of respect and attraction for you.
The more she feels attracted to you, the more open she becomes to the idea of being with you again.
3. Promising to Change Whatever She Wants
When nothing seems to be working to change her mind, a man will often say something like, “I love you so much! Just tell me what you want me to do. I will change for you. I will be whatever you want me to be. Just give me one more chance. Please just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”
Yet, that doesn’t work either.
By saying these sorts of things to a woman, a guy is only confirming to her that he doesn’t really know, or understand, what he has been doing wrong, or why she has broken up with him.
Why is this important?
If a guy doesn’t know what caused a woman to break up with him, then it means that she has to explain it to him.
She has to take on the role of being his teacher about how to be the kind of real man who is attractive to her and pretty much all other women.
A woman doesn’t want to be a guy’s teacher and have to instruct him on how to be a real man.
After a break up, a woman wants her man to work that stuff out on his own and then come back to her and show her that he has truly improved and changed himself.
Watch this video for more info…
So, rather than make promises to your ex that she’s not going to really care about, ask yourself, “What are the real reasons she broke up with me?” and “Do I need help to improve and change, or have I already made improvements and changes that she is going to find attractive?”
For example: Ask yourself…
- Did I take her for granted in any way? If so, do I now know how to not take her for granted?
- Was I the emotionally strong man she needed me to be, or did I become clingy, insecure and needy? If I was emotionally weak, am I now emotionally strong?
- Was I the dominant one in the relationship, or did I allow her to wear the pants? If I wasn’t dominant enough, do I know what to do to be a loving, dominant man whenever I interact with her from now on?
- Did I have a life purpose outside of my relationship with her, or did I make everything about her?
When you understand the real reasons why your ex broke up with you, you can begin to offer her what she really wants, not what you think she wants.
4. Over Texting Her
While some guys will completely ignore their ex hoping that it will make her come running back, other guys do the complete opposite and don’t give her a minute of space.
Some guys mistakenly think that the best way to undo a break up is to keep in constant contact, so he is always on her mind.
A guy like this might think, “If I keep in touch with my ex, she won’t be able to forget about me. She will gradually realize that she misses me, that I really love her and that she means more to me than anything else in the world. We can then get back together again,” or “My ex says she doesn’t want to see me. So, if I text her in a friendly way, it will hopefully appear as though I’m not pushing her to get back together and she will then talk to me and gradually decide to get back with me.”
He then starts to text his ex every day or even several times a day.
Although it might seem tempting to use texting as a way to contact your ex in a casual, non-threatening way, it usually does more harm than good.
Generally speaking, you should only text an ex as a way of getting her to talk to you on the phone, or in person or to create a bit of a spark of attraction to bring her guard down so she will talk to you on the phone.
To use texting as anything more (e.g. to apologize in long messages, to ask for a second chance or to tell her how much you miss her) will usually be taken the wrong way.
When a woman looks at a text message, she has to guess at what state of mind the guy is in, where he’s coming from and why he’s texting her.
For example: If a woman currently feels anger, resentment, or any other negative emotions towards her ex, even a seemingly innocent, “Hey, how are you doing? I hope you doing okay,” can make her wonder, “What does my ex want now? Why is he asking if I’m okay? Does he think I’m going to tell him I can’t live without him? Yeah right. I’ll let him see how happy I am and that will hurt him.”
She might then reply with, “I’m doing great. I am so much happier now that I’m single. Please leave me alone.”
That isn’t because she’s being a cold-hearted bitch, but because he hasn’t reactivated her feelings of respect, attraction and love and he is expecting her to reply in a positive, friendly way.
She doesn’t want to give him the idea that she wants him back, because he hasn’t even said or done anything to make her want him back.
She is basing her opinion of him on past experiences of him behaving in ways that were emotionally weak and unattractive to her.
She cannot see his body language, experience his conversation style or hear the tonality of his voice via text messages, so she will simply judge his texts based on how she felt about him leading up to, and during, the break up.
Even if the guy has completely changed and is now more confident, interesting, ambitious, someone she can look up to and respect, than he was when they broke up, she just can’t experience that in a text message.
So, rather than send your ex a lot of pointless text messages that might actually annoy her, focus only on texting her with the intention of getting her on a phone call so that you can reactivate her feelings on a phone call and then arrange an in person meet up.
On the phone, she will be able to hear the tone of your voice and sense whether you are more confident and emotionally strong than you were when she broke up with you.
From there, you can apologize, get her smiling and laughing and make her open up to the idea of meeting with you in person.
Then, when you meet up in person, you can make her feel strong feelings for you again and she will naturally become open to giving you another chance or at least hooking up one last time to see how she feels.
5. Showing Emotional Weakness
Most women like the idea of being with a man they can look up to and respect, feel attracted to and feel proud to show off to their family and friends.
So, when a man becomes an emotional mess during, or after, a break up, a woman feels turned off by him at a deep instinctive level.
Some examples of emotionally weak things that guys do are:
- Crying to her in the hope that she feels pity and gives him yet another chance.
- Taking the blame for everything that happened in the relationship, without fully understanding her reasons for wanting to break up.
- Threatening to hurt himself (e.g. by saying something like, “I can’t live without you. I’m going to kill myself” or “If I can’t have you, there’s no point on living anymore.”)
- Begging family and friends to put in a good word for him, to make her change her mind.
- Being extra nice to her, even though she treats him badly, in the hopes that she sees how much he cares and then changes her mind.
In most cases, if a guy shows his emotional weakness in any of these ways, rather than undo the break up, he will convince his ex even more that she is better off without him.
The truth is, a woman doesn’t care how much a guy cares for her, how badly he’s hurting, or even that he’s thinking of killing himself, if she doesn’t have feelings for him.
He needs to make her have some feelings for him first, otherwise she’s not going to care about any of the things he’s saying or doing to get her back.
Undoing a Break Up is Easier Than You Might Think
Before you arrived at my site, you might have been thinking that it seemed almost impossible to undo a break up, especially if your ex has been saying things like, “Leave me alone,” “I never want to see you again,” or even, “I hate you and I’ll never forgive you.”
However, no matter how determined she is about staying broken up with you, what she doesn’t realize is that feelings can and do change.
When you make her have strong feelings of respect and attraction every time you interact with her from now, she won’t be able to stop herself from changing how she feels about you.
It happens naturally and automatically whether she wants it to or not.
Think about it…
How can she carry on hating you or ignoring her when she is feeling so much attraction and respect for you as a man now?
How can she hate interacting with you if she always smiles, laughs and feels good when she talks to you?
She can fake it and pretend like she’s not interested, but you will see her smiling, laughing and opening up to you again.
You will notice that she texts you or calls you and is open to seeing you again and again.
You might get her back the first time that you meet up with her, or if your break up was pretty bad, it might take a couple of meet ups.
Yet, it’s going to happen.
You are going to undo this break up and get her back.
That is, as long as you focus on reactivating her feelings whenever you interact with her!
If you’re trying to undo a break up without trying to make your ex have feelings for you again, then it’s going to be a really difficult, drawn out process for you.
She’s just not going to be interested.
She’s not going to care how much you care until you make her have feelings for you again.
When you focus on making her have feelings for you again and build on that, all her walls come down and she literally wants to be back in your arms again.
The idea of being held by you feels good. It feels right.
That is how you undo a break up…