At the beginning of a relationship, a couple usually wants to spend as much time together as possible.
However, if the relationship doesn’t progress to the next stages and the woman begins to lose touch with her feelings of respect and attraction for her man, she may end up wanting to be alone so can figure out whether or not the relationship is something worth sticking with.
If you’re saying, “My girlfriend said she wants to be alone,” even though to you this may seem like a big surprise, for her, this is a decision that has been in the making for a long time.
When in a relationship, a woman will give her guy ample warnings, by way of arguing with him over those “little” things, that she’s not happy about in the relationship. However, most guys who lack experience with women and in relationships, often assume that these fights are “normal” and that she’s just being “a woman”.
In reality, fighting over “little” things is a woman’s way of saying, “These are the things in our relationship that I don’t like and I need you to pay attention and make some changes.” She may even be more specific and say things like, “I don’t like it when you do that,” or even, “If you don’t change those things / that behavior, I’m going to break up with you.”
Yet, most guys are taken completely by surprise when she gives him the, “We need to talk,” speech. They will often say, “I never saw it coming,” and “This was so out of the blue; I just don’t understand where this is coming from.”
Telling them that she already gave them many hints before she reached the point where she is at right now doesn’t make sense to them.
When we men are unhappy about something, it’s natural for us to come out and tell it like it is. Mistakenly, some guys assume that their woman will do the same thing and speak up like a man, if she feels that something in the relationship is bothering her.
Why Didn’t She Tell Me How She Was Feeling?
As nice as it would be for most guys if their girlfriend (or fiancé or wife) simply gave them a nice, neat list of complaints and asked them to fix those things, the reality is, a woman won’t do that.
Why? Basically, a woman wants her man to lead in the relationship and to figure out what the problem is by himself. She wants him to realize that she’s not “just being a woman” but that she’s actually unhappy about certain things in their relationship, and then she wants him to take some sort of action to fix those things.
She doesn’t want to have to break down the problem for him and spell it out like she’s his teacher or his mother.
There is a specific dynamic that occurs between a man and a woman that allows the sexual attraction between them to exist. If she has to “mother” him and teach him how to be the man in the relationship, the dynamic between them goes out of balance and the attraction she feels for him dies, eventually leading to the end of the relationship.
Is it Too Late to Change How She Feels About Me?
No, it’s never too late to make your girlfriend feel respect, attraction and love for you again. Yes, right now, her message to you is not encouraging, but even if a woman is saying, “I want to be alone,” it doesn’t mean she’ll be stuck feeling like that forever. Feelings change all the time.
As you may already know, most women can be pretty emotional and dramatic, especially when they’re feeling angry or hurt. This is why, although a woman might say something in the heat of the moment and even make it sound like she’ll never change her mind about it, a little while later she will be over it and even act surprised if you happen to bring up her earlier behavior.
What you need to understand is this…
Even though right now you’re saying, “My girlfriend said she wants to be alone,” this isn’t something that cannot easily be changed. There are many things you can do immediately to get her to feel differently about you and get her to feel respect for you again, BUT first you have to be willing to change some things about yourself.
It’s not about becoming perfect or changing who you are inside; you simply have to become a better, more complete and well-rounded version of who you are right now. When you make her feel differently about you and get her to see you in a new light, she will automatically begin to reconsider her decision to be alone.
How can you do that?
Here are 3 important steps to get you started…
1. Don’t try to talk her out of it.
It’s natural for a guy to want to convince his girlfriend to give him another chance.
However, the more you say to her, “I know I messed up but we can work this out. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it” or, “You can’t let what we have just disappear. I still love you and if you let me make it up to you, I know you can love me again too,” the more you’re highlighting to her that you have absolutely no idea why she’s telling you she wants to be alone.
The more you try to convince her to change her mind, the more misunderstood you’re making her feel and the more determined she becomes to walk away from you.
If your girlfriend is currently confused about her feelings for you, or perceives you to be needy, weak or desperate, how do you think she’ll view your behavior? Will she assume that you are being a strong, confident guy who simply wants to get his relationship with her back on track, or will she see you as weak, needy, loser who would do anything to hold on to her?
The truth is, you can’t talk her out of her decision. However, when you change the way you communicate with her so that she can begin to feel respect and attraction for you again, she will naturally begin to think and behave differently. She will become more open to being with you or at least to meeting up with you to have a chat.
2. Don’t waste time with the “No Contact” rule.
Another common reaction that guys have when faced with a girlfriend who said she wants to be alone is to ignore her and hope she’ll change her mind.
However, the No Contact rule (ignoring your ex for 30 to 60 days) rarely works because while you’re sitting at home moping and counting the minutes off the clock, she’s out there meeting new guys, having sex and even falling in love again.
Here’s a video I made for guys who’ve already been dumped and are now trying to get their girlfriend back:
In most case, not contacting her just doesn’t work if she doesn’t have feelings for you anymore.
Of course, some women might call when they don’t hear from their ex boyfriend for a while, but this is mostly to see if he’s missing her.
If, when she calls him he admits how lonely he’s been without her and that he’s so glad she called, she’ll feel relieved that she broke up with him.
Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men and repelled by weakness. When she discovers that his not contacting her was all an “act” to get her to call HIM, she will feel even more turned off by him and will be more able to move on with her life without regrets.
3. Don’t promise her that you will change if she will just give you a chance.
If you try to get your girlfriend back without really fixing or improving anything about yourself and are just saying that you “will” change, it’s not going to be enough for her.
Yes, it’s true that some women (e.g. women who are inexperienced with relationships, or women who haven’t been able to find another guy) will agree to give their ex boyfriend a second chance if he says that he “will” change, but, she will break up with him again as soon as she realizes that he has no intention of actually changing once she’s back.
However, if when you contact her you have already begun to fix your issues and improve yourself, she will be able to see that when she interacts with you. By showing her that you’ve taken her concerns seriously she will feel understood and she will begin to trust you again.
Changing Her Mind is Easier Than You Think
Yes, you can sit around feeling hopeless and saying, “My girlfriend said she wants to be alone,” or you can take action right now to become an even better guy than she first fell in love with, giving her a reason to feel a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for you.
When you learn from your mistakes, overcome any insecurities that are holding you back and become a better man, you will not only have what it takes to win back her love, but you will also have the skills to make her fall even more passionately in love with you than she did before.
A big part of what you need to do is focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you as a man.
When you re-spark her feelings for you, she will naturally start to miss you and want to get back with you…