If your wife doesn’t want to be married anymore, it’s because she has stopped feeling the way she wants to feel in a marriage. She’s not experiencing the type of feelings that warrant dedicating herself to one man for life.
You may have done a great job of making her feel a lot of love, respect and attraction for you in the early stages of the relationship, but if she’s feeling like she wants out, then those elements are now missing from the marriage.
If your wife cares about the commitment she made to you on your wedding day and is concerned about how she might be perceived by family, friends and coworkers if she becomes a divorcee, she will be more open to you winning her love back.
When you make her feel how she wants to feel with you, she will naturally change her mind about not wanting to be married anymore. You might have started out today thinking, “My wife doesn’t want to be married anymore,” and feeling like you were going to lose her forever, but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Even if your wife is currently saying, “I don’t love you anymore,” or “My feelings for you are dead,” what she really means is that, right NOW, she doesn’t feel like she can be in love with you.
However, the love that you and her tapped into early on is still in the background; she’s just not willing to connect with it right now. She doesn’t feel like she wants to be in love with you right now, but that doesn’t mean it’s hopeless and you can’t change the way that she feels about you.
When you make her feel enough respect and attraction for you, while also getting her to forgive you for your past mistakes, she will naturally become open to reconnecting with her loving feelings for you and will stop looking for a way to end the marriage.
So, how can you change how your wife feels right now and save your marriage?
Understand What is Causing Her to Say That She Doesn’t Want to Be Married Anymore
Chances are that if a guy is saying, “My wife doesn’t want to be married anymore,” then the next words coming out of his mouth are, “I never saw it coming. It came like a bolt out of the blue.”
Yet, the reality is, his wife probably gave him numerous signs and warnings before she reached “breaking point” it’s just that he either never noticed them, or he chose to ignore them or write them off to her being “moody” or “just a typical woman.”
Regardless of what is true for you and your wife, it’s unlikely that she woke up one morning and, over a cup of coffee, thought to herself, “Hmmm… I don’t want to be married anymore.” In fact, she likely went through a long and difficult process, while also trying to get through to you to let you know how unhappy she was feeling, before she came to that decision.
So, if you’re going to make her change her mind, you have to make sure you’re giving her what she really needs and not what you think she needs.
When you know the REAL reasons why your wife doesn’t want to be married to you anymore, you can make the correct changes that will make her feel understood and happy to be interacting with you again.
On the other hand, if you don’t know exactly what she really wants to change, you will most likely be making classic mistakes that will be turning her off and convincing her even more that she doesn’t want to be married.
1. Don’t ask her to explain why.
Right now you’re probably thinking, “Why don’t you want to be married anymore?” or “What have I done? What can I change to make you feel differently?”
However, actually coming out and asking your wife these questions is not a good idea (but don’t stress if you’ve already done it; it’s only natural to want some answers from her).
Why shouldn’t you ask her to explain why?
A woman doesn’t want to be a man’s teacher in life. She doesn’t want to teach him how to be the kind of man who makes her feel the way she really wants to feel. If she teaches him once, he will probably want to be taught again later on and it will create an ongoing cycle of a mother-to-son type of relationship, where she essentially has to teach him how to grow up and be a man.
By asking your wife to explain “why” she doesn’t want to be married anymore, you’re essentially telling her you’re unable to work it out by yourself. You’re saying that you don’t know how to be a man and unless she can teach you what to do, you are stuck, lost and hopeless.
This simply makes her feel disappointed in you as a man. She feels that you can’t be the type of man she needs you to be if she doesn’t teach you how to do it.
Most women don’t want to play the role of being a guy’s teacher or mother in life, because taking on that role doesn’t make them feel like they want to feel, (i.e. feminine, girly and like a real woman).
Your wife wants to feel like you’re leading in the relationship and that she can respect you and look up to you. She wants to feel feminine in your presence, not like she has to “wear the pants” and lead you.
2. Don’t put yourself into a position where you’re apologizing and promising her anything just to please her.
It might feel like the right thing to do to constantly apologize to your wife and tell her that you’re sorry for everything you’ve done to make her feel like she doesn’t want to be married to you anymore, but believe it or not that’s not what she wants to hear from you right now.
In fact, chances are you’ve already apologized many times before and you’ve probably even promised her you’ll change every time she threatened to leave you. Yet, once the initial shock wore off and things went “back to normal” you forgot your promises.
The truth is, a rushed apology won’t work, because her decision to stop being married is not based on superficial problems, but rather on deeper, more complex issues.
For example: She might need you to become more proactive in pursuing your goals and rising through the levels of life. Or, maybe she needs you to stop being so jealous and insecure. Or perhaps she feels that she’s been taken for granted for too long.
Whatever the case, by apologizing without actually knowing what is causing her to want out, you’re simply making her feel that, if she changes her mind, all she’ll have to look forward to is a lot of the same old problems.
3. Don’t cry, plead, beg or whine for another chance, even though you haven’t yet changed.
Even when a break up is just between a boyfriend and his girlfriend of a few months, many guys become very emotional. So how much more justified is a guy to cry, beg, plead or whine when his wife tells him she doesn’t want to be married anymore.
Sadly, this is the worst type of behavior he could be displaying at this time.
Although right now you might be in shock and feeling justified in your emotions, you must understand that women are extremely turned off by emotional weakness in a man. Whenever a guy gets emotional in that manner, it’s a major turn off for most women.
Besides, this is not what your wife wants.
She wants to know that you’ve understood what is causing her to feel the way she’s feeling and for you to focus on fixing your issues and improving yourself. Then, and ONLY then, will she feel comfortable with the idea of giving you another chance; NOT because you’ve begged or cried.
Love Doesn’t Die
Right now it doesn’t feel like you can make your wife change how she feels about you, and about being married to you.
Yet, if there ever was love between you and her, it is something that she can and almost certainly will reconnect with if you switch your focus to making her feel the type of respect and attraction that she wants to feel for you.
The key to that is you believing in yourself and believing that you can make her feel differently about you, and that you can get another chance with her.
Some men get their wife back immediately, while for others it takes a couple of days, weeks of months. Maybe it won’t happen overnight for you, but if you believe in yourself it will happen. Just having that belief in yourself, and being a mentally and emotionally strong man who is dealing with his issues head on, will make you more attractive to your wife.
Why sit around saying, “My wife doesn’t want to be married anymore,” and feeling like all hope is lost, when you can see by what you’ve read here that you CAN make her change how she feels. Not only that, but you really can make her fall even more in love with you than ever before.
To accomplish that, you need to switch your focus away from trying to be even nicer to her and instead focus on being attractive to her. Let her see that you know where you’ve been going wrong and have already begun to change.
When she sees that, she will feel a renewed sense of respect for you as a man. Then, as long as you are also focussing on getting the spark back between you and her, she will naturally begin to reconnect with her feelings of love and will then begin to reconsider her decision about leaving the marriage.