If you believe that you’re doing everything right in your relationship, it only makes sense that you’d be wondering why she is being distant.
After all, if you’re a good guy, you love her and you’re doing your best, then what is her problem?
So, why do women act distant, when to a guy, everything seems to be going perfectly on track?
Here are 4 common reasons why…
1. She’s testing your confidence
Women always test a guy’s confidence because they have an instinctive need to ensure that they are coupled up with a confident guy who will remain emotionally strong with or without her reassurance.
If she becomes distant to test how you will react and you then become emotionally sensitive and insecure, she will instinctively lose respect and attraction for you.
Even though she might not be able to explain it herself, instinctively she will know that something just isn’t right.
A woman will happily stick with a man if he is able to remain confident in his attractiveness and value to her no matter how she tests him.
However, if he can’t handle her confidence tests, she will instinctively begin to lose interest in being with him.
Each women uses confidence tests in a different way and with different timing.
For example: Some women are easy to pick up and get into a relationship, but about 2-3 months in, she will completely change and play hard to get.
Likewise, some women test a guy’s confidence a lot when they first meet him by playing hard to get, but once they are in a relationship, they soften up and fall madly in love.
Each women is slightly different, so to be successful at picking up women and keeping a relationship together, you’ve got to be emotionally strong enough to handle the confidence tests of women.
2. Her feelings for you aren’t strong enough yet
Another reason why your woman might be acting distant is that she’s just not fully in love with you yet.
The beginning of a relationship is always the easy part because of the excitement of being with someone new, kissing, having sex and enjoying the feelings of lust and new love.
However, after a while (how long depends on the woman), it’s not unusual for a woman to ask herself:
- Is this the guy that I see myself being with in the long term?
- Is he really the best that I can do?
- Can he deepen my respect, attraction and love for him over time, or is this as good as it’s going to get?
- Can I love him, faults and all, or is he only good enough for now, until someone better comes along?
Naturally, while all of this is going on in her head, she will act distant and pull away from her man, causing him to feel shut out, and possibly even worried about losing her.
He might then begin to think, behave, talk and act in insecure ways, which will turn her off and start making her think about breaking up with him.
What a guy needs to do is to simply relax, maintain his belief in his attractiveness to her and let the relationship unfold naturally.
As long as he is able to deepen her feelings of respect, attraction and love over time, she won’t want to break up with him.
However, one of the reasons why some women won’t fall madly in love quickly is that she doesn’t want to go through the process of giving her complete love and trust to a guy, only to find out a short while later that he has no idea how to guide her into deeper feelings of respect, attraction and love in the long term.
For example: Some guys think that once they get a girlfriend to fall in love with them initially, she’s going to stick around and put up with him for a long time or for life.
A guy like this might then relax and assume that hanging out together, watching TV, going out to eat once in a while and kissing and having sex is enough for her to want to stay with him for life.
Yet, that’s not how it works.
If you want your relationship with your woman to grow and flourish over time, you have to be the one leading both her, and yourself, to deeper levels of respect, attraction and love.
If you can’t do that, then why should she stay interested?
Look at it this way: When you plant a seed, you have to then continue watering and nurturing it for the rest of your life, if you want it to grow into a big, strong healthy plant.
The same applies to a relationship.
The initial feelings of attraction are not enough to last for a lifetime, unless you can nurture them into something bigger and more meaningful.
The more attraction, love and respect you can make her feel for you, the quicker she will decide that you’re a catch worth keeping, and then she will draw closer to you and open up, because she won’t want to lose you.
3. She’s feeling turned off by your excessive need for her
There’s nothing wrong with really wanting your woman and enjoying spending time with her, but when it gets to the point where you need her for your emotional security and stability, that’s when problems begin to occur.
It’s a woman’s natural instinct to be attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity, drive and determination, high self esteem) and be turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, self-doubt, clinginess, neediness).
If a woman is a little preoccupied and distracted in her relationship (e.g. she’s having a hard time at work, she’s in the middle of big exams) and her guy reacts by becoming clingy and needy towards her, she will instinctively pull away and start acting distant.
If he then keeps asking, “Why are you being so distant? What’s wrong? What’s changed between us; don’t you love me anymore?” or “You know that you are everything to me. You’re the only thing that I care about? Can’t you see that when you act distant and keep me shut out I feel like I’m dying inside? What do I need to do make things go back to the way they were at the beginning? Just tell me and I’ll do anything for you. Anything!” she will feel turned off by what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
She might then start thinking, “Why is he so insecure in our relationship? What is he hiding from? Have I hooked up with a guy that other women wouldn’t want? Is he needy for me because he knows how difficult it would be to find another woman? What kind of man do I have here? Is he needy for me because he lacks purpose in life? Is he afraid of spending time rising through the levels of life to reach for his true potential as a man? Do I have a failure of a man here? Am I going to be safe staying with him in the long run?”
If she senses that he is using her and the relationship as an excuse to hide from his true potential as a man in life, she will naturally distance herself from him even more.
A woman definitely wants a man who loves and respects her and is there for her, but she doesn’t want get stuck with a guy who hides from the challenges of life behind a relationship with her.
When a guy is needy, clingy and insecure in his relationship, it makes a woman feel as though she has to mother him and take care of him emotionally, which is a huge turn off for her.
4. She’s trying to tell you that something is wrong
Every couple goes through some ups and downs in a relationship. It’s completely normal, expected and natural.
However, if a woman suddenly realizes that her instinctive desire to distant herself isn’t because of little things (e.g. he doesn’t take out the garbage when she asks him to, he forgets to call her when he said he would), but because of major issues, she will begin to distance herself from her guy.
For example: A woman might realize that, even though at the beginning of their relationship, her guy attracted her with certain personality traits and behaviors (e.g. confidence, masculinity, charisma, charm), it was all an act to get her into a relationship.
Now, after she has fallen for him a little, his true colors are coming through (e.g. he’s insecure, jealous, doesn’t have much purpose or direction in life, prefers to watch TV rather than face his problems head on, can’t handle her confidence tests, argues with her over unimportant things, needs her emotional support to feel strong).
She might then start dropping hints to let him know what’s bothering her (e.g. she might say, “Why are you always watching TV? Why don’t you do something with your life?” or “You’re smothering me. I need some space.”)
If he then doesn’t get the message, she will begin pulling away from him, and she will start to distance herself emotionally until she is ready to break up with him.
However, most guys don’t notice what’s going on until it’s almost too late.
They often ask, “But, why doesn’t she just tell me what’s bothering her? How am I supposed to guess what’s going on?”
Yet, here’s something that you need to understand and accept about women…
Most women won’t come out and tell a guy what’s bothering them and give him a nice list of things to fix. A woman will hint and then she’ll distance herself and wait for her man to figure things out by himself.
She doesn’t want to have to mother him or teach him how to be the kind of man she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
If she has to take on the role, she will feel more dominant than him and that will kill her feelings of sexual attraction.
So, if your woman is acting distant, it may be her way of trying to get your attention focused on the fact that there is a deep problem with how you are approaching the relationship dynamic (e.g. you’re giving her too much power, you’re insecurity is ruining her attraction for you).
The sooner you understand what is causing her to pull away from you, the sooner you can fix any issues and re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction.
Making Your Relationship Better Than it Was Before
Right now, if you’re asking, “Why do women act distant in a relationship?” it’s quite obvious that your relationship is not the way you want it to be.
The good news is that this can change and you can actually make your relationship even better than it was before.
Start by figuring out the real reason your woman is acting distant.
- Have I been turning her off by acting jealous, needy or insecure?
- Have I been making her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with a man (i.e. making her feel feminine and girly in comparison to how masculine I think, talk, feel, behave and act)?
- Am I rising through the levels of life like a man, or am I using her and the relationship as an excuse to hide from my fears of failure?
- Have I been deepening her feelings of respect, attraction and love, or have I been sitting back hoping that it will happen all by itself?
Regardless of what your answers are, when you start fixing your issues and show your woman that she’s been heard, she will naturally start to feel respect for you again.
Then, you simply need to continue deepening her feelings of attraction for you and her love for you will become stronger every day.
She will open up to you and feel lucky to have found a man that is so emotionally strong and mature compared to other guys.
Instinctively, she will know that her best chance at a happy, fulfilling life is to hold on to you and never let you go, rather than risking being a guy who isn’t able to make her feel what you do.