How to Break Up With Your Girlfriend

Break ups can be painful, but that shouldn't make you avoid it. Sometimes a break up needs to happen and will be of benefit to you both in the long run.

Ending a relationship with your girlfriend is often a difficult decision especially if you shared mutual love and many great times together.

How you end it is going to wholly affect how you will be seen by her, her family and her friends from then on, so you want to do it in the best possible manner with the least amount of damage to her ego and your reputation.

Breaking Up a ‘Casual Dating’ Relationship
If you’ve only dated the girl a few times, haven’t engaged in a mutual monogamous relationship with her, haven’t met her family or friends or otherwise are involved in what would be considered casual dating, then you can simply tell her by saying, “I think you’re great, but I just don’t think this is going to work out. I wish you well and I’m sure you’re going to find a great guy who’s right for you.” Keep it short and sweet. Trying to ignore her calls will only work for certain types of women, but some will take that as an invite to come knocking on your door to find out where you are and if you’re okay.

Breaking Up a Long-Term Relationship
If you’ve been seeing a woman exclusively for a period of time, whether it’s weeks, months or years, if you’ve met her family and friends and would be considered by even the most casual of observers to be a “couple,” then how you terminate the relationship is going to take a bit more tact, care and consideration.

“We Can Stay Friends” Approach
Some guys try to use the, “Let’s just be friends” approach thinking that it will soften the blow. This virtually never works. In fact, it just leaves the door open for her to think, especially if she doesn’t want the breakup, that there is a chance of reconciliation. She may think that you just “need a break” and that you’ll soon want her back. If you want the relationship to be over, then you need to make a clean break and be firm that you want out of the relationship with no strings attached. If she doesn’t want the break up, she will be upset about that because she’ll want to keep seeing you and talking to you in the hope that it will make you change your mind. You have to be clear and tell her, “I don’t want this to become a messy break up for us both. I care about your feelings and mine and don’t want to keep talking and seeing each other and giving you the impression that I will change my mind.”

Yes, you might miss her friendship possibly more than your dating/sexual relationship, but that’s part of the price of the breakup. It’s simply not fair to her to make her think that you might be able to get back together. When it’s over, the entire relationship is over and she needs time to lick her own wounds and doesn’t need you hovering as her “friend” to remind her on a regular basis of the relationship you no longer have. Doing so will also confuse you and may lead you back into the relationship if you ever start to feel lonely.

I know of a guy who broke up with his girlfriend only to get back with her for “make-up sex” and she got pregnant and now they are still together in an unhappy relationship.

Don’t Make Her Hate You
Many guys suddenly start to behave badly in the hopes that their girlfriend will break up with them so that they don’t have to do the breaking up. This is an approach that is not only cowardly but it can go terribly wrong. You don’t want to suddenly be thought of as a total jerk that no other woman would want to go out with. Nor do you want your angry ex to post nasty things about you on Facebook or badmouth you at parties and functions of mutual friends.

Be Honest, Not Brutal
When you’re breaking up with your girlfriend, you never want to say something like, “There’s this hot chick that I’m really attracted to and I don’t want to cheat on you, so I’m ending it with you so I can start banging her.” It might be honest but it’s also brutal.

It’s better to tell her that you no longer believe the relationship is working and that it would be better for the both of you to be free to meet people who you would be more compatible with. You might be asked to give some specific reasons about why things aren’t working out. Don’t use the old, “It’s not you, it’s me,” excuse. Women don’t like that answer anymore than us men do. Therefore, it would be helpful if you can point out a few relatively “painless” reasons why you’re not compatible. For example, you want different things out of life, your schedules don’t mesh, you have different expectations of what you expect a relationship to be and so forth.

Timing Is Important
Unless you want to come off as a total jerk and have the woman hate you or resent you for the rest of your life, don’t break up with her right before the anniversary of when you started dating, her birthday or the holidays (Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc.). You will only add to her depression. Remember this is someone you greatly cared about or possibly loved and you don’t want to make matters worse by having her associate what should be happy dates of the year with a bad breakup.

Pick the Place
If you think she is going to behave badly (scream, cry, throw things, etc.), then you should likely pick a place that’s at least semi-public (restaurant, park, or anyplace where there are others around) so she’s less likely to go ballistic and make a scene. On the other hand, if she is normally composed, then choose a more private space to end it, but preferably not in your apartment because if she doesn’t want the break up it will take hours to get her out. If she has her own apartment, go there and do it so you can make a fairly easy exit after all is said and done.

Let Her Vent
You’re breaking up with her and chances are she’s gong to have a few “choice” things to say to you. As long as she isn’t getting violent or super loud, let her get what she wants to say off her chest and hear her out. You owe her that much. She’ll probably tell you that you’re selfish, that she now hates you and all those kind of things. That’s okay; she needs to vent. Just don’t take what she is saying seriously and to heart because she will be in a highly-emotional state when you break up with her and will likely say many bad things in the moment. Some women will intentionally say nasty things as a way to get you to change your mind and get back with her, because she hopes you might care so much about her retaining a loving perception of you that you’ll feel badly about the things she says and will change your mind. Don’t fall for it.

If You Share Living Quarters
Breaking up is much more involved if you’re living together, however, there are ways to make the transition easier.

Whoever has contributed most of the ‘stuff’ (furniture, knick knacks, etc) should be the one who stays in the home after the breakup. If you’ve both contributed equally, try to get her to move out and give her half of what she contributed. If she needs to stay there for a good reason, or simply refuses to leave no matter what, be prepared to move yourself. It’s not always so easy which is why you should think carefully before moving in with a random girlfriend especially if she isn’t really your perfect girlfriend and you’re just doing it to share rent and avoid having to go out and meet other women for a while.

“Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” was Neil Sedaka’s signature ’60s hit song, but breaking up doesn’t have to be as hard to do if you follow this tested advice. Last but not least, the best way to avoid painful and annoying breakups is to only get seriously involved with women who are truly compatible with you. That way you both probably won’t ever want to break up. If you need help finding compatible women, you might want to check out 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend.