Unfortunately, an increasing number of men have been contacting us here at The Modern Man, trying to seek answers to the questions, “Why did my wife have an affair? Why did she cheat on me? What causes women to have affairs? What did I do so wrong to deserve it? ” So, I'm going to share my advice here in a dedicated article on why women have affairs.
The Rules of the Game Have Changed
Relationships are not like how they used to be in the early 1900s or even a few decades ago, for that matter. Today's women are constantly being bombarded with TV sitcoms and Hollywood movies telling them that if they are unhappy, they should get a divorce or have an affair. Unlike in the past, a woman isn't surrounded by a society that is telling her, or even forcing her to remain married no matter what. A woman in 1900 for example, would feel like the “scum of the Earth” for committing such a disloyal act as having an affair. However, when it comes to women of today's generation, unless her man is able to create and maintain the right relationship dynamic, she will often act on what she believes to be valid reasons for an affair and she will feel fairly comfortable doing it.
At The Modern Man, we believe that if you get married, you should stay married. Marriage isn't something you “try,” it's something you do for real. It's for keeps. If there are problems in your relationship, you should work to fix them rather than giving up. In our opinion, affairs are never justifiable. If a relationship is unrecoverable and you absolutely have to break up, both people should, out of common decency, maturity and respect for each other, wait until that is done before they find someone new. However, to avoid an affair or break up even happening in the first place, here at The Modern Man we teach men how to create and maintain the right relationship dynamic, so affairs never become “necessary” for a woman. It is much easier to avoid an affair occurring in the first place, than to try and save a devastated relationship after one has happened.
Here are some of the reasons why a woman will want to have an affair behind her husband's back.
Reason One: Arguments That Don't Lead to Change
When arguments become on-going between you and rarely a day passes without some degree of emotional upset in your relationship, a woman is going to start thinking of why she puts up with it. Women of past generations had to put up with it and try to work through it, even if the husband responded badly and his behavior got worse as a result. These days, if a man isn't being the perfect man like the ones depicted in TV sitcoms and movies, it has unfortunately become socially acceptable for a woman to leave, or worse, have an affair behind his back.
Men who are successful in their relationships with women do not throw their hands up in the air in the face of an argument or blame the woman for all the arguing. When faced with a problem in life, a real man faces it head on and figures out how to fix it. Things are not always going to run smoothly in a relationship every hour and every day, but couples in successful relationships get through rough patches by facing problems and looking for ways to fix them, not running away and hiding from them. As a man, it's your job to take the lead on fixing the problem. If you don't know how to fix it, learn.
Why do the arguments happen in the first place? Read this article, “Why Am I Always Arguing With My Girlfriend?” to understand what leads a woman to start arguments with you and how to turn them into an opportunity to deepen your love, attraction and respect for each other, rather than pushing you further apart.
Reason Two: She Doesn't Feel Sexy Around You Anymore
There are some very sneaky men out there who prey on married women and women in long term relationships. They live by the old old saying, “Show me a beautiful woman in a long-term relationship and I'll show you a man who is bored of having sex with her.” To protect your relationship against these opportunistic men, you need to ensure that your woman feels increasingly sexy around you. Most men are able to make their woman feel sexy during the initial part of the relationship, where there is plenty of romance and natural lust. However, as they progress through the stages of a relationship, they are clueless as to how to retain that or build on it.
In The Modern Relationship, I explain the secrets to not only maintaining the degree to which your woman feels sexy around you, but how to increase it. When your woman feels sexy around you, she is going to be more open to sex and to doing “sexual favors” for you, if you know what I mean. Making her feel sexy and sexually confident around you, also means that she will continually make an effort to look good for you. You'll find that she wears sexier clothes, makes more of an effort to stay in shape and is generally much more fun to have sex with.
Reason Three: Bad Sex or Lack of Sex
Once again, most guys are able to please their woman fairly well during the initial stages of a relationship. However, once familiarity has set in and they fail to increase the degree to which a woman feels sexy around them, the sex can become boring and predictable. The secret to avoiding this is to make your woman see you as her “sex god,” so to speak. To her, no other man is necessary because to be sexed by you touches her and satisfies her on the deepest levels of her being.
Now, don't get me wrong here. I'm not talking about spending loads of hours on tantric sex, or any other “Sensitive New Age Guy” rubbish like that. I'm talking about deeply penetrating your woman's body and mind as you have sex with her, without needing to spend time on foreplay or doing unnecessary things like dressing up and role playing. You don't need any of that when you know how to deeply penetrate her body and mind during sex. It doesn't matter if you do it for 5 minutes or 30 minutes; when you sex a woman right, she will be the best girl you've ever had in your life. You tell her to make you a coffee and she will jump at the opportunity to please you. Tell her to give you oral sex while you watch TV and she will feel LUCKY to be doing it.
However, if the sex is boring or if there is a lack of pleasurable sex, modern women (especially those who watch TV sitcoms that glamorize affairs and divorce, rather than condemning it) will often start thinking that maybe an “exciting affair” will liven up their life again. Unfortunately, when a woman consults with her friends, they will often encourage it and even help make it happen. The best strategy to protect your relationship in the modern world, is to become the type of man that women desperately want to be with. You can no longer just be an “okay option” or maintain a boring, sexless relationship. If the woman isn't feeling fulfilled, she is more likely to have affair or just up and leave you.
So, how do you create the right relationship dynamic and how do you penetrate a woman's body AND mind during sex? It's about being a masculine man, being present and making her feel like a feminine woman. Watch Better Than a Bad Boy to learn how. When you have sex with women in the way I suggest, you will be amazed at how much good treatment you've been missing out on from women. The truth is, a woman WANTS to be in a position in the relationship where she feels lucky to be having sex with you. If you don't give her that gift and make her feel lucky like that, you're leaving her wide open to being preyed on by men who seek out unhappy women for easy sex.
Reason Four: Lack of Excitement
One of the traits that women find most attractive in men is unpredictability. I'm not referring to wild unpredictability where you do crazy or dangerous things, I'm talking about interesting unpredictability where you are not boring! I teach guys how to be unpredictable when talking to women for the first time, on the phone and on dates in The Flow and I explain how to do it in a relationship in The Modern Relationship.
All relationships go through stages and there can be no doubt that the early stages of infatuation with one another make everything about the relationship feel extremely exciting. It can feel fun and exciting to be even sitting together on the couch, cuddled up and watching TV...but, after a while it will stop feeling fun if you don't maintain and grow the love and attraction you feel for each other. As the relationship grows, the “love rush” of the early days is replaced with a different kind of emotional connection and this is when some women can slip into thinking that something is missing in the relationship. An affair is then used as a way of finding out if the something that’s missing can be found in someone else.
Reason Five: You're Not Being a Man For Her
Let’s face it; if a woman is extremely happy in her relationship with her man, she's not going to be interested in having an affair. Generally speaking, a woman will seek to have an affair when she isn't happy and thinks that another man will provide the happiness she is lacking. As you may know, we are each responsible for our own feelings of happiness and shouldn't solely rely on another person (or people) to make us happy. Much of it has to come from within, from our purpose in life, the love we share with others and our perception of the world around us. However, you can't rely on a woman to know that and live by it. Your woman may think that happiness is found in a man, in buying shoes and in eating cake, who knows!
As a man, you need to take personal responsibility for the relationship you have with your woman. You can literally guide her into happiness, love and total surrender to you by being a man for her. The more of a man you are and the more you guide her into being a true, feminine woman, the happier both of you will be. These days, a lot of men unknowingly guide their women into depression, unhappiness and lack of desire because they simply don't understand how to “be the man” in a relationship.
Men and Women Have Changed, But Are Still the Same
Although modern women have become more confident, independent and in a way, more masculine in their behavior and thinking due to entering the workforce and taking on bigger roles, changing attitudes in society and the after effects of the feminist movement - women still want you to be a man. Women are not the new men, they just have more voice, choice and freedom. Deep down, under the superficial layer of masculinity they have to put on to survive in the modern world, they are still just girls...and want to be treated that way behind closed doors.
These days, most men are unsure how to behave around the confident, new aged women and unfortunately, they end up looking to TV for the answers. However, when a modern man watches TV, he'll often see TV commercials where husbands are depicted as clumsy, sex-starved idiots who are trying to do whatever they can to please their wife, who always seems to be on the verge of hitting him across the head with something. Why do they show this stuff on advertisements? Well, they can't have men treating women that way, can they?
Companies advertising their products cannot depict women as wanting to be bent over the couch by their husband, as a reward for her doing the housework or cooking a good meal. Yet, the truth is, women do want to be in a position where they are rewarded for their good behavior. The better they behave and the more they please you, the more of your attention, love and sex they will get. That's what women want. Yet, if you believe what you see on TV commercials, you'll end up thinking that you will get more sex, love and respect from your woman if you do the housework and stay out of her way...or else she'll get mad!
If you want to get a real education on how to be a man, watch Better Than a Bad Boy. Trying to learn how to be a man by watching TV sitcoms, Hollywood movies and the odd TV commercial is only going to cause you more confusion, frustration and problems now and in the long run. If you don't want to invest years of your life and loads of your time and money into a relationship, only to have a woman turn around one day and say, “I need to tell you something. I've been having an affair. I am in love with another man” then get educated and enjoy a relationship the way it should be enjoyed. That being, where the love, respect and attraction you feel for each other GROWS rather than fades away into arguments, infidelity and divorce.