Women don't always make it completely obvious that they want to have sex with you. Sometimes, when a woman says, "No" to sex, what she really means is, "Not yet." The main reasons why a woman will say "No" when she really means "Yes" or "Not yet" or include:
- She doesn't want to look "too easy" in your eyes: If you meet a woman and she immediately says, "Let's have sex" or makes it too easy to have sex with her, you may then find it difficult to fully trust her when in a serious relationship. If she goes out to a bar or nightclub with her girlfriends without you by her side, you might think, "I had sex with her very easily, so if she has a few drinks and is feeling horny, who knows what she might do?!"
- She wants to test your confidence: Women are are attracted to the strength in men (i.e. confidence, masculinity) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. being nervous around women, shy around women, clingy in a relationship and insecure about his value to her). The more confident you are, the more that a woman will feel sexually turned on by you. However, if she tests your confidence by playing hard to get when leading up to sex and sees that you become nervous and begin to doubt yourself, then she will know that you're not a confident alpha male. You're likely just another wimpy guy who is hoping to get lucky with a girl who "gives you a chance."
- She is fighting with her self-image: Many women go through life trying to confirm to the standards that society expects of them. In the past, that meant a woman would have to wait until marriage before having sex. Even though millions of men and women had a one night stand last night, society still expects women to be quiet about it and not go around saying that they enjoy sex so much. Even though a woman might want to have sex with you immediately, she will often say "No" because she's trying to conform to the superficial identity she has to live with, day in and day out, to be seen as an "acceptable" or classy woman in society.
- She likes to build the tension that way: Some women enjoy playing with a guy and making him "work for it" for a while. They get turned on by the tension and anticipation of what is potentially going to happen. She can go home and masturbate herself and fantasize about how the sex might be when it happens. She'll fall asleep daydreaming of the first time you will have sex and will imagine herself doing all sorts of naughty things. When the sex finally happens, it will be a beautiful release of tension for her and if you can make her orgasm, that will be a welcome bonus.
When "No" Really Does Mean "No"
There are times when women say "No" to sex and they really mean it. If a woman firmly pushes you away, raises her voice when saying "No!" or is clearly serious about not having sex, then she usually isn't messing you around. If that's the case, then obviously you shouldn't proceed any further. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you're getting sexual with a woman and she then starts being weird about it, don't beg or plead for her to have sex with you, don't whine and don't try to convince her that she really does want to have sex with you. In the situations where a woman really doesn’t want to have sex, just stop trying at all – it’s not worth the hassle. Most of the time when a woman says "No" to sex, but doesn’t forcefully push you away, she just wants you to give her a little more time; whether that be two more minutes, two more hours, two days or two weeks.
A woman once refused sex with Stu (from The Modern Man team) after he pulled her back for sex from a nightclub. They had been kissing at the club and gone back to her place for sex. While kissing on her bed, Stu began to take off her bra and she stop, "Stop" so he did. A few minutes later, they started kissing and groping each other again and he tried to take off her bra. She said, "No...I'm not taking off my bra." What did Stu do? He got up, put on his clothes and began to walk out. She began begging him to stay, but he said that her behavior was out of line and that he was leaving. She then tried to call him and get him to come back and have sex with her, but he just went and pulled another girl for a one night stand instead. He, like me, doesn't put up with that sort of crap from women. I understand that some women play hard to get when you're escalating to sex on a first date, but when you pull her back from a nightclub and she behaves like that, it usually means she's a bit crazy and wouldn't be good girlfriend material.
When "No" Means "Yes"
You and a beautiful woman are hugging and kissing each other passionately and you decide that you want to take things up a notch. Slowly, you work your way up to her breasts and start to caress them from the outside. You may even get as far as unbuckling her bra and slipping your hand under her top. Up until now, she's right there along with you. She's responding to your kisses and strokes and is maybe even stroking you back, but as your hand touches her naked skin under her top, she says, "No...we shouldn’t" or "Stop" or gives you another obvious signal that she doesn't want you to go further, such as forcefully moving your hand away.
Does she really mean for you to stop completely? For the moment let's assume that, yes, she really does want you to stop and to respect her wish. If that's the case, just kick back and relax with her on the bed, couch or wherever you are. On the other hand, if she didn’t push you away forcefully, then she is most-likely just trying to look innocent in your eyes. Simply relax for a few minutes and then begin kissing and cuddling again. When she gets into it and you can hear her moaning, proceed to begin unzipping her jeans/lifting up her skirt, etc. If she doesn't stop you, then sex is only a few moments away.
Some women are just teases who love the feeling of the chase. They enjoy the start and stop action and how it affects a man, often turning him into her willing slave – ready to do anything or say anything that pleases her, in the hope that she will finally give in and submit to sex. This can get very tiring for and frustrating for a guy and depending on how much you like her, you need to decide whether she is worth the hassle.
The best strategy with women like this is to reverse the situation on her. Get her turned on with some passionate kissing and when she grabs your penis, tell her "Wait...not yet..." and then slow things down to a hug. Wait a minute or two, then get started again and turn her on with some slow kissing (not passionate, strong kissing like before). When she tries to grab your lower-regions again, say, "Okay, just for a bit, but we are stopping after a minute..." Good luck trying to stop!
The Start to Finish Process From Approach to Sex
If you'd like to learn the start to finish process from approach to sex with a woman of your choosing, then watch our amazing, 8 hour video program called Dating Power. Here is a free sample: