![The Modern Man [EXPERT]](http://www.themodernman.com/wp-content/uploads/tmm_logo_183_011.png){kind=logo}
Why Very Intelligent Men Fail With Women
Having a high level of academic intelligence doesn't mean you will automatically have a high level of social and emotional intelligence.
If you are an intelligent guy who is usually smarter than most people you meet, it can be frustrating to realise that other guys with far less brain power than you seem to be fighting women off with a stick. So, what gives? Why isn't your intelligence giving you a clear advantage when it comes to hooking up with women?
Mr. Right?
Throughout your life, your above average intelligence has allowed you to stand out from the crowd when it comes to passing tests or knowing the “right” answer, whatever the question is. You've gotten used to being Mr. Right, because you usually ARE right. So, why can’t you accurately answer the question of why you aren’t getting the girls?
Well, it's not for a lack of trying or for a lack of academic intelligence. The reason you can't answer the question is that you're looking at it with clouded vision. Since you're so accustomed to being right and being able to use your intelligence to come up with a smart and effective solution, you assume that the way you've been approaching your dating life is CORRECT and everyone else must be CRAZY for not seeing things the way you do. Then, years of life waste away as you wait and hope that people eventually “wake up” and see things the way you do. Except, when it comes to women and dating that just ain't going to happen. Why? Well, I'll let you come up with the answer to that one. If you don't know the answer right now, keep reading and it will come to you.
Social Intelligence Vs. Academic Intelligence
As you may know, there are different types of intelligence. Just because someone is good at mathematics and therefore “academically intelligent” it doesn't mean they will be good at socializing and therefore “socially intelligent.”
In the table below, I've provided some general examples of the different types of intelligence to give you more of an idea of what I'm referring to here. I could have also included “Love intelligence” and “Relationship intelligence,” which are two areas that I have become very “smart” at over the years and now teach in the programs Better Than a Bad Boy and The Modern Relationship.
| Social Intelligence | Emotional Intelligence | Academic Intelligence |
|---|---|---|
| Great at talking with people. | Great at being positive and happy. | Great at maths. |
| Able to adapt to varied social environments and instantly get along with all types of people. | Able to feel confident and self-assured in any situation. | Able to analyze and solve complex academic problems. |
| Makes friends easily and maintains great relationships. | Experiences life with healthy emotions that lead to enjoyable and fulfilling experiences. | Gets top grades in school or university. |
Unfortunately, for the guys with a lot of “book smarts,” having high academic intelligence doesn't necessarily mean they'll be automatically proficient in the other key areas of intelligence that are critical for success with women. Namely, social and emotional intelligence of which you will see dramatic improvements in when you learn from any of our programs. Love and relationship intelligence is necessary once you've gotten yourself a girl, whereas social and emotional intelligence are required to get one in the first place.
You Only Know What You Know
One of the most interesting things about life is that there is a LOT to learn and a lot to know. No one human being knows everything and when it comes to the topic of women and dating, a lot of guys are fairly “uneducated” because they either haven't had the chance to learn yet, have been given the wrong information as they've grown up or don't know who or where to turn to for the answers. Lost and confused about the subject of women and dating, these guys only know what they know. Unless they learn the things they don't know, they simply won't know them. Make sense?
The diagram below shows a hypothetical example of a cliché “intelligent guy” who knows a LOT about mathematics, but doesn't know much about what it takes to be successful with women, how to attract women and how to maintain a great relationship. Just because he is academically smart on the subject of mathematics (and maybe a host of other subjects), it doesn't automatically mean he will be socially smart or emotionally smart or know what it takes to be successful with women. Those areas of human intelligence are completely separate and if you're not a proverbial “whizz kid” at them, you actually need to learn and improve or you will face going through life being less smarter (or dare I say it, dumber) than the average man.
Note: I am not saying that all intelligent men are "academically" intelligent and that is the only definition of intelligence. This is simply an example of one type of guy and in this case, it's the cliche "Maths Genius" who is good with numbers, but not good with girls. Additionally, some guys who are considered a "Maths Genius" are also good with women, good at sport, etc. This is just an example to highlight that while someone may know a LOT about one particular area of life, it does not mean they will know everything about every area of life...and that is not their fault either! They simply need to get educated on the areas they need to improve on, in order to succeed in that area of life also.
This is a hypothetical example of a cliché “intelligent guy” who knows a LOT about mathematics, so is therefore academically intelligent. However, he lacks intelligence or "know how" in the areas of women and dating, attraction and relationships.
Another classic example is the remaining tribal communities who live in jungles like the Amazon. I recently saw a documentary where the researchers visited a tribe who doesn't understand “time” like we do. They don't have hours, days, months or years, but they do notice the changes in the seasons. Likewise, these people don't know about all latest breakthroughs our society is making in medicine, how we're using the internet to help each other or how societies across the world are becoming more and more interconnected. They don't know what they don't know. They only know what they know.
When it comes to women and dating, there is a MASSIVE amount of knowledge that most guys (even the most intelligent of men) are missing out on. Not because they are stupid or doomed for life when it comes to women, but simply because they haven't yet been educated.
The Hollywood Effect
If you watch enough Hollywood movies and TV sitcoms or even listen to the lyrics of enough pop songs, you might start to believe that an “intelligent” approach to your dating life would be to copy what the male actors do in the movies when they “get the girl” or obey what women are asking for in their pop songs.
For instance, in many pop songs you'll hear a woman singing heartfelt songs about how a man doesn't call her enough, hasn't fully given her his heart yet, etc and she will say that she wants him to be really nice to her, get down on one knee and profess his love, treat her like a princess and so on. Yet, here's the thing: She isn't telling the WHOLE truth.
A truly intelligent guy will KNOW that she is only yearning for that type of attention from the guy because he hasn't fully given it to her yet...and she REALLY LIKES that about him. If she didn't like that about him, she wouldn't be singing about him or crying over him in private moments of enjoyable despair (yes, women love the drama). To give this some more perspective, I will ask you: How often do you hear female pop stars singing about guys who shower them with gifts, take them out on romantic dates and then do everything they can to impress them in the hope of being chosen?
Not very often, if at ALL!
Why? That isn't what women want. Women WANT the thrill of the chase and if you don't give it to them, then you are making a silly mistake (i.e. not approaching your dating life intelligently). Now, don't worry – I know what a lot of guys are thinking here, “Why do I have to play that game? I just want her to like me for me! Why all the stupid games?”
“It is not enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well” Rene Descartes, French philosopher, mathematician and writer
"It is not enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well” Rene Descartes, French philosopher, mathematician and writer
Learning From Hollywood is Not an Intelligent Idea
Intelligent men who fail miserably with women have usually garnered much of their “education” on the human mating dance from Hollywood movies, TV sitcoms, comments from friends or people they've simply overheard talking about the opposite sex. These men then assume (because they are used to being right most of the time) that they have the “smarts” to put all the pieces together and come up with the ideal solution to the problem of women and dating.
However, they fail to realize a couple of critical factors:
- Hollywood movies and TV sitcoms are primarily created for entertainment, not educational purposes.Sure, there are some well-meaning messages built into the script, but the primary purpose of Hollywood movies and TV sitcoms is to entertain the audience, which is why you will often witness scenes where men are slapped in the face or have a drink tipped over their head for simply approaching a woman and asking her out. That DOES NOT happen in the real world, but on TV or the silver screen, it is entertaining for people to watch. If every guy who approached a woman in a movie or TV sitcom had everything go perfectly for him, people would not be entertained. People LIKE to see others fail, make mistakes or be humiliated. Hence why shows like Candid Camera, Big Brother and The Biggest Loser have been so popular over the years.
Many Hollywood movies and TV shows are in the category of “Drama” for a REASON. The scriptwriters put as much drama in as possible. They WANT men to watch with their eyes wide open and hearts pumping in fear of women. They WANT women watching with tears flowing down their face and their heart yearning to experience drama like that in their own life. Why? That kind of emotion-enducing drama keeps people WATCHING. In most cases, the scriptwriters are NOT concerned with educating you at all; they just want you to watch their damned TV show or movie.
- Most people fumble their way into relationships and are NOT attraction and relationship experts, so their “theories” are usually based on very limited sample data, loads of blind assumptions and then twisted by their insecurities.Think about it this way: If you try to learn how to speak French from someone who only knows a few words or sentences in French and is basically guessing the rest, you will NOT be able to speak French properly! If you want to speak the language properly, you need to learn from a teacher who speaks the language fluently and will be able to teach you everything you need to know. Likewise, if you try to learn about success with women from Hollywood movies or from people who are not experts on the topic, you are asking for trouble and should expect failure and problems as a result. A truly intelligent man aims to be successful and he knows that learning from those who are more successful than him (in any area of life) is the smart thing to do. All the most successful people in the world do that and it is no accident or coincidence.
The Human Mating Dance
A lot of guys who fail with women complain and get frustrated at how difficult it all seems. "Why don't women just like me for me?" they plead. However, these guys simply aren't aware that there is a particular “mating dance” (of which I call The Flow) that needs to be completed before a woman will want to have sex or a relationship with them. It's not a pointless game or an unnecessary game that only exists because of modern culture; it is the human mating dance and unless you go through the flow of a natural sexual courtship properly, women just won't be interested in you. Plain and simple. End of story.
Many intelligent men assume that the "smart" way to show a girl he likes her is to be really nice, buy her flowers, take her on sweet, romantic dates and then express his feelings for her. He looks on at other guys (who women lust after) and notices that they aren't doing that for women, but seem to be having to fight women off with a stick. He notices that these other guys are getting the women to chase THEM and try to impress THEM. The intelligent guy then labels these guys as “bad boys” or “jerks” for not being a nice and sweet and caring as he is being. He wonders why women are so crazy and why they cannot see how genuine he is being in his expression of interest, compared to what he sees as “careless, selfish jerks” who don't know how to treat a lady. As the years go by and women continue to reject him and ignore him, he begins to mistakenly believe that women WANT to be treated badly and are only interested in looks, money and social status. He concludes that the whole “dating game” is a farce and he should just give up and become a monk!
This is a classic example of an intelligent guy being stubborn and allowing his tendency to be right about most things to get in his way when he is actually WRONG. He thinks, “Hey, I'm a nice guy and I enjoy being nice. Being really nice to girls and hoping that they see how much of a good man I am is proper manners and it's the right thing to do. I'm going to continue doing it my way until one of these stupid women is smart enough to see that I am the guy she's been looking for.”
Yet, here's the thing...
There is NOTHING wrong with being nice, but there IS something wrong with being too nice, being too keen and chasing a woman and hoping that SHE chooses YOU for being such a nice little boy. At The Modern Man, we RECOMMEND that you be nice, be decent and be the good guy that you are. Heck, in Better Than a Bad Boy, I explain how to be the good guy that women are looking for, but I also spend HOURS explaining the OTHER things that women want and which are necessary for success.
If you want to be successful with women, you need to use your intelligence and understand what women REALLY want. They want the thrill of the chase. They want to feel like THEY are lucky to be getting with you, NOT the other way around. If you fail to allow a woman to experience the exciting, pleasurable and highly-desirable emotions that come with chasing a guy and eventually catching him, you will ALWAYS struggle to get anywhere with women.
Get Educated and Then Get on with Enjoying Your Life
As an intelligent man, you have a choice. You can either continue approaching your life with stubborn ignorance and assume that everyone else is wrong about women and dating and you are right (as usual), or you can quietly admit that you might actually need to learn a thing or two about this topic.
There's nothing to be ashamed of. Needing to learn about one of the many "topics of life" doesn't mean you are stupid. You simply haven't had the education you need to be able to use your intelligence to your advantage. Believe me, when you understand what the “dumb guys” know about women, attraction and dating, your intelligence will give you a HUGE advantage over those guys. You won't be getting the same results as them, your results will be better because, let's be honest here, you are smarter than most guys, right? If you've read this far into the article, I'm happy to make that assumption about you.
If you want to begin your education and learn all the fundamentals you need to know to approach women, get them interested in you immediately, keep a conversation going and keep it interesting and then escalate to a phone number, kiss, date, sex and a relationship – I recommend you read The Flow. Then, when you are ready to learn even more about this topic and get a more advanced education, I recommend you watch Dating Power.
Start with The Flow first though. No matter how intelligent a man is, he still needs to learn the fundamentals before he can master the higher levels of knowledge. For instance, students don't start out at university and then go back down to to high school. There is a process you need to go through to get to a mastery level in something. I recommend that you start with The Flow and then work your way up to the mastery level by learning from our other programs. Use your intelligence to get there fast and then get on with enjoying your life with women. You deserve it! The women are waiting...
By the way...
If you want to know what you'll be able to achieve at the mastery level of success with women, watch this video. Thanks for reading - I hope you enjoyed the article and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me below in a comment.
Next Page >>
By Dan Bacon, Founder of The Modern Man. Dan Bacon on Google+
(Personal photos with women)
Holy cow, I relate to this article so much, perhaps one of the best articles I have EVER read, and I agree 100.1% with you Dan. Thank you very much for everything!!!!!
Hi Kevin
You’re welcome mate. Thanks for your comment and positive feedback.
I’m glad this article was able to help you.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
This theory of yours is very true. I have been blessed with the superior academic intelligence, but I always assumed that as punishment of sorts I had been equally cursed with my lack of ability to woo women like other guys can so easily.
Now I realize that I am not cursed for life and can change my predicament. I have been reading your articles and newsletters over the last two months and I have noticed a lot of positive changes already. Now I think it is about time I took the next step and read your book so I get in on the secrets.
Best regards
Peter
Hey Peter
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Yes, as I say in the article, “You only know what you know.” If you don’t learn what you don’t know, then, well, you won’t know. The area of women and dating is a complex area for guys who don’t understand it. Yet, for those who have already read my book or watched some of my programs, they KNOW how simple and easy it is. Knowledge is power when used and when you use my knowledge of women in your life, you will have what we call “dating power.” It will no longer be about trying to get girls to like you, it will be about choosing from the many girls who like you.
I hope to hear of your success sometime soon.
Cheers
Dan
hey Dan,after reading this article-i don’t think i want to be that nerd anymore.Come to think of it I’ve let beautiful women pass me by for so long thinking success is more important.Now that I’m here its only right i share it with someone…it gets lonely at the top and not as much fun!
You the man!
Hi Basil
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Yes, success in a career just isn’t enough, is it? There’s no escaping the fact that as men, we want and (let’s admit it), need the companionship and intimacy that a woman brings to our lives to feel healthy and balanced. If you don’t have women in your life, no amount of working or studying or trying to keep yourself busy with hobbies can fully mask the pain you feel inside.
In life, you should aim to have a balance between all areas of importance: Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and social. If most of your time and energy is spent on the “mental” side of life (i.e. study, work, etc), you will feel unwell both physically and mentally. Balance is essential and I find that when I’ve got everything as perfectly balanced as I can, life feels amazing and great things happen all the time.
BTW: I’m working on some Modern Man stuff at the moment and my girlfriend is in the lounge room. I just sent her a Facebook message saying, “Coffee baby” and it’s now being made. She laughed and knocked on the door of the room I’m working in and laughed, saying “My darling, I love you.” That makes me happy. It makes me want to work even harder to help guys achieve success with women and be able to experience love, happiness, intimacy and fulfilling companionship with a woman of their choosing. Last night, my girl and I went out to party for Halloween and had a great time with friends, laughing, joking around, getting dressed up in costume (just a bit, we didn’t go over the top) and just enjoying life.
Make it happen Basil. This is your life. Don’t let it pass you by all alone. Don’t wake up 20 years from now and feel sick with regret that you missed out on love, relationships and good times because you were too focussed on one area of life or you were too afraid to learn what it takes to be confident and approach women properly.
I hope to hear about your success sometime soon in a comment.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
Thanks for being there. M afraid; can’t put all your tutorials into use, else, I’ll become so flirty and sure, multitudes of women will flock around me like bee(s). I have a good lady and decided to be loyal and faithful. But I want more of your tutorials and experiences because I gave my lady upper hand from the genesis of our courtship. I appeared too weak and insecure but that was then. Now, I want to be the man she’s scared of losing, m achieving this gradually, gimme more clue. I do not have access to credit card; else I’d have bought many of your write ups, but the little tips I receive in my mails have been of salute-able use. Thanks, Dan
Hi Tolson
Thanks for your comment and positive feedback.
I’ve never heard of my articles being referred to as “salute-able” before, so thanks! I salute you too!
Now, I know you’ve said that you don’t have access to a credit card, but the truth of the matter is: The answers you seek are in Better Than a Bad Boy. Unless you are doing what I advise in that program, she will continue to lose respect for you. When a woman loses respect for you, she then loses attraction and when she loses attraction, she then begins to fall out of love with you. It’s a downward spiral. You must get her respect and then BUILD on it, so she respects you more and more. If you can’t do that, you’re relationship will begin to fizzle out.
I’m going to continue writing up helpful articles, but I will never give away the secrets in Better Than a Bad Boy for free in my posts. I have to reserve that power for my customers. It took me 7 years to work this stuff out and as you would agree, I deserve to be rewarded for my hard work and discoveries in this area. No one else online is teaching what I teach in Better Than a Bad Boy. There are guys out there who are naturally good with women who would already be doing what I teach in Better Than a Bad Boy, but they probably aren’t going to sit you down for 10 hours and 50 minutes (the duration of video in Better Than a Bad Boy) and explain it all to you.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. We also offer another payment method (Direct Bank Transfer) that you can use. See “Question 9″ on this page: http://store.themodernman.com/faq.php
Hi Dan,
Got a cool story to tell in relation to that(about a friend).
A friend of mine, a very intelligent (I always looked up to him) and bragging guy. He always qualifies to woman and people in general he talks to, and from what I have seen he only hooks up with gold digger women type, and ironically he once told me that he felt that his girl only liked him for he got, not for what he is deeply … and yeah, I recommended him to check The Modern Man site, was 1 month ago.
So, last week he phoned me telling me that he got Dating Power, and that he now knows what he has been doing wrong and that he has hooked up with a new girl he met, and feels like they really click, and also, sent me a picture of his new girl best friend, asking me if I would like to go on a double date with him, as thanks for the eye opening.
So now, I even got a date next Wednesday, with no effort at all. Sweet! Thought I would share that..
Cheers
Hey Art
Awesome! That’s a DOUBLE success story!
About your friend: Yes, if a guy approaches women and offers things OTHER THAN HIMSELF in return for love, sex and affection, he is essentially buying himself a woman. Women will be bought if the guy offers that type of relationship, but they will never respect him and in most cases they will only behave nicely if he does nice things for them, buys them things or takes them on expensive dates. That is the opposite of what he will achieve by using the Dating Power techniques! Women will do nice things for HIM in the hope that they get to spend more time with him, be chosen as his girlfriend and continue to be his girlfriend. I think he’s going to be grateful to you for life for tipping him off about The Modern Man…!
Enjoy your double date and the great times ahead with women!
Cheers
Dan
Hey dan I feel im a smart guy but I find myself to be a loner as in not so much emotional, I try not go get attached and on more so im a serious person, but im very kind hearted and nice on the inside. But anyway I tend to care about girls that I don’t get so how should I approach that do I look at them all as expendable and not think about the ones I don’t get?
Hi Dave
Thanks for your question.
The reason you would be reacting that way is that you’ve spent your life “getting lucky,” rather than having choice with women. Read this and you will discover the answer you’re looking for: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html
Cheers
Dan
While not wanting to appear to be critical–the article was great as far as it went–there is another point o be emphasized.
Women are not attracted to academic intelligence. You touched on the reasoning, the rationale for why I said that, which is that women are into drama, and there is simply nothing dramatic about seeing how a math or science problem plays out. The only exception is, of course, that very intelligent, and usually mature, women will recognize intelligence as a sign of wealth, power and status, which women of course are wildly attracted to. But, make no mistake, it is the latter that they are attracted to.
Thanks for the opportunity to chime in.
Hi Serginho
Thanks for your contribution.
Yes, you are correct – women aren’t attracted to academic intelligence. However, there are certain categories of compatibility that come into play AFTER a woman has felt attraction for a man’s confidence, masculinity, etc. One of those categories of compatibility is intellectual compatibility. So, for instance if a guy is confidence, but DUMB then he might get an intelligent woman interested initially because of his confidence, but she will often then lose interest because she can’t have an intellectually stimulating conversation with him. I talk about compatibility and its importance in terms of a successful relationship in more detail in The Modern Relationship if you’re interested.
Cheers
Dan
I wish I had a good male model like Ash or Mark..my father is a LOSER! I HATE him, I just hate to see him every morning. He fakes confidence and behaves strange and I hate him.
Hi Tomas
Most of us have grown up with ineffective male role models. How much of a man you are will be decided on how you play the cards that life has dealt you. Like with the game of poker, you don’t choose your cards. You make the best of what you’ve got and keep making small (and big) wins until you eventually win.
Additionally, our generation has had the luxury of the internet. We modern men can learn about whatever we want very easily. However, our fathers had very little access to proper information on how to be a man, how to raise children and how to be an effective role model for their boys. Don’t blame your father or anything else. Be a man by taking charge of your life. Improve yourself and become a better man and then get on with enjoying your life like everyone else.
Cheers
Dan
Thanks for response.
About my father’s situation: He and my mother have been toghether for more than 20 years. These days they just “put up with each other” and my mother has talked about divorcing him MANY times, but she stays in the relationship because of me and my 15 year old brother. I want to show him The Modern Realtionship program but I feel to embaressed to do that, I mean: Whose father’s son makes the father watch a program about create the ideal relationship dynamic and keeping the relationship toghether?
Cheers
Hi Tomas
That’s interesting mate.
I think that if you love your father, you should be brave enough to say, “Hey Dad, is it okay if I show you a video I watched about relationships? I’d like you to tell me what you think of it.” That way your father doesn’t feel threatened or embarrassed as though you are teaching him.
Cheers
Dan
Hi,Dan.
Would you please explain how the direct bank transfer for buying your products works?
what must I do to get your products using this method because I don’t have a credit card just like tolson.
Please help!I really need to get the flow cause I don’t like the way my dating life’s been so far.I mean,am only 20 yet I’ve been lonely for like 22 years of my life.am the academically intelligent,good looking and nice kind of guy so am guessing you already the approach I take towards relationships and dating.please help.
GibBz
Hey GibBz
Thanks for your question.
If you don’t have a credit card, you can use a direct bank transfer payment method or use your bank account to pay via Pay Pal. Please see “Question 9″ here: http://store.themodernman.com/faq.html
I hope you can access The Flow soon. I look forward to hearing about your success with women.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan: That is a brilliant, well written, and extremely insightful piece of writing. Curiously, I recently asked a very good female friend of mine for her thoughts on what women look for when choosing a partner and her reply was essentially exactly what you have said here.
Hi Anthony
Thanks for your positive feedback mate. Much appreciated.
Cheers
Dan