Online Friends: How Many Friends Do You Really Have?

How many of the people you're connected to online truly care about you? Who are your true friends and are you spending enough time with them?

If you look at the number of Facebook ‘friends’ you have, Twitter ‘followers,’ Linkedin contacts or buddies from other social networking sites, you might start to think that you’ve become quite popular and have dozens, hundreds or possibly thousands of friends. Yet, you still feel lonely and isolated.

So, let’s take a look what it takes to make real friendships stand the test of time, compared to working on your relationships with people you barely know.

True Friends
Unlike the ‘run of the mill’ chit-chat you might have with an acquaintance, conversations with true friends are often about things that really matter to each of you.

Some true friends you may have known since childhood or from different stages of your adult life, but even though your paths may change along the way, you still manage to share the same great connection with each other.

You can share your happiness, disappointments, tragedies and triumphs with your true friends. They’ll tell you the truth when they think you need to hear it, even if they know you won’t like their message. They’ll stand by you when life throws its worst at you and cheer for you when great things come your way.

True friends are loyal and trustworthy. You can share your most intimate secrets with them and know they’ll never reveal anything that you’ve told them in confidence.

Acquaintances
There are people in most of our lives that aren’t exactly good friends but are more like friendly acquaintances. They can be friends of friends, folks you see at work, clubs or organizations you belong to or even your neighbors.

You may have drinks with them, occasionally share a meal with them or do favors for each other such as taking care of pets when someone’s away, help out with a minor problem or be there for them in an emergency.

Yet, because they’re not true friends your association with them is casual and your conversations are mostly just superficial chats. You wouldn’t discuss deep feelings or ask for their advice on aspects of your life that were of major importance to you. For them to become a true friend, you’d both have to want to commit by sharing more about yourselves with each other.

Online ‘Friends’
The Internet has brought loads of online friends into our lives that we most likely wouldn’t have met in the real world. People we chat with on forums, on Facebook and through other interactive sites.

Until you have real world contact with an online friend, you might not have any idea about who they really are at all. You could pass by them on the street and think they’re just another stranger, or they could be posting under a fake identity.

Online friends also can be someone you’ve reconnected with from your past, or a ‘mutual friend’ of someone who asks to be connected with you on some social networking site.

It is Not a True Friendship
While you can have fun connecting with people online, commenting about your day, having some quick laughs about something they’ve posted, this isn’t to be confused with a real conversation or a true friendship. You’re not really connecting with these people in a meaningful way.

A buddy of a friend of mine is one of those online jokesters who always has something funny to say and gets lots of posts to his page from his hundreds of Facebook ‘friends.’ One day he wrote, “I’m having the worse day of my life.” About twenty people posted things like “Hang in there,” “Things will get better,” “Sorry to hear that.” and even “Quit your bitchin’. You’ve got a good job and a hot chick.” Since it was odd for his friend to say something so negative, he picked up the phone to find out what was really going on.

During the conversation he discovered that his friend had just heard that his company was going out of business, he and his girlfriend were fighting and a close family member was seriously ill.

They chatted for a while, made plans to meet a couple of days later for dinner, and when the conversation ended, his friend said to him, “Do you know that you’re the only person who took the time to call me and ask what was wrong? I really appreciate it. I guess I know who my true friends are.”

Up Close and Personal
While the online comments and chats can be fun, they’re not going to do you any good if your aim to is to have an active social network in the real world. Too many guys get into the habit of spending so much time on Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites that they forget about spending time with pals and putting in some effort into their true friendships.

Despite their ‘popularity’ online, most modern men still don’t spend much time with friends in person, so they end up feeling isolated and lonely. These same men may then complain that they don’t have any time for friends because their life is so busy. The sad part is if they added up the time they waste online, they could be out with their friends enjoying themselves and meeting other people and possibly even finding a date or a getting a girlfriend.

For friendships to thrive you have to take the time to personally connect with your pals.

The Secret to Making More True Friends
To make more true friends, you need to turn acquaintances into friendships by taking the time to get to know the other person. Both of you need to have a mutual desire to share more about yourselves with each other. If it is only you who wants to share, then it is a clear signal that the person doesn’t want to become a true friend.

From there, both of you need to add value to each other’s lives. For instance, maybe both of you were looking for someone to hang out with on Friday nights. That’s added value. Or, maybe you both want to start learning a martial art, other sport or hobby, but have been putting it off but by encouraging each other to do it will add value to both of your lives and form a great new friendship.