How to Pick Up a Female Bartender

Discover how to pick up a bartender and you'll get more than a drink and a smile...

Fact: Many female bartenders are SINGLE. That's right. These hot, single women 'meet' 100's of guys over the bar each weekend...and they still can't get a date! Why does this happen?

From my experience working in the hospitality industry for 6 years, I found that it was usually due to these 2 factors:

  1. Most female bartenders don't have much of a social life outside the bar they work in.
  2. Most guys hit on female bartenders in the wrong way.

This provides you with a BIG opportunity to find a cool girlfriend, or at least enjoy a quick, sexual relationship. So, how can you stand out from the crowd and get the attention and interest of these hot (and often single) women?

How can you tell if a female bartender likes you for real and is not just being friendly? How can you get a bartender's number, no matter how many other guys are around competing for her attention? If you want to learn how to pick up a bartender, read on...


" lady I met a couple days ago, which also works at this bar. She was leaving and gave another employee her number. I noticed the door open and I said something funny about the number. Well this lady was coming to me all Friday night, putting her hand on me, etc.

Now I have been talking with the chick bartender for a while now (she's very hot), and getting some good responses and even her phone number, but I have noticed that she is really pulling back to see who is the strongest in confidence. I was able to see this Friday that two other guys are doing similar things and she is playing with each one the same way.

My gut says I may have tried too hard. My question is how do you know if you have said too much, or may of looked like you were trying to impressing her?

I really don't think I did any impressing, but did talk about some of the things I do. Thanks so much.

Rob, Portland"

Response From Dan

This is interesting. I hear from guys like you quite often and I once made the very same mistake that you've made with this woman. Let's summarize your situation to clearly point out the mistake:

  1. You've improved your ability to attract & interest women.
  2. You've managed to get the phone number of a hot, female bartender.
  3. You now doubt whether or not she likes you more than the other guys who are trying to get her attention.

Here are the facts...

When a woman has more than one guy trying to get her attention and interest at the same time, she will often 'milk it for all it's worth'. Doing so is not only good for her ego, but as you have discovered - it also allows her to find out who the most confident guy is amongst the group.

You asked, " do you know if you had said to much, or may of looked like you were trying to impressing her?" One of the most important ingredients for success with women is to stop worrying about what women think about you and just MOVE THINGS FORWARD.

You've been worried that you may have have said too much to her, or looked like you were trying to impress her. If that's your gut feeling, then you probably HAVE said too much or DID look like you were trying to impress her. It sounds like you are currently operating from the position of, "I hope she chooses me" which tells me you've missed one of the main messages we teach at The Modern Man. That is...

Don't try to pick up women like other guys do. Instead, create so much attraction & interest inside of women that she will begin trying to pick YOU up. Then, simply move it forward. You will encounter much less resistance that way. Plus, you will have more power and control over the relationship should one develop.

Success Story

"Hey Dan I've been learning from you guys for the last month and really putting things into practice. I'm making great progress talking with women and wanted to share this story for your enjoyment.

A couple weeks ago, I wanted to pick up the bartender at my local bar, so I decided to conduct a social experiment and see what would happen. I live in a small town, so everybody knows this woman and thinks she's sexy and drools over her, etc. I hadn't spoken to her much, but on this night, while sitting at the bar with a friend, I decided to try something new.

I learnt a lot from the section you guys did on picking up female bartenders, especially listening to how Stu uses confident, but quite bold humor to get their attention. As she walked behind the bar, I looked to my friend and said out loud, so she could hear, "this girl has been trying to get my phone number for weeks."

She immediately gave me a snoody look, and said: "No I haven't. What are you talking about?" I pressed on, saying: "It's ok sweetheart, I'll give you my number soon enough, but you're going to have to work for it. Just keep working at it and you'll get it, maybe." She loved it. Following this encounter she was literally following me around the bar, and by the end of the night she was sitting on my lap, while I was flirting with another girl, mind you.

She's not a very smart woman, and although she's very sexy and I wanted to conduct the social experiment based what I had learned in from 21 Ways. Well, the experiment worked better than I had imagined because she gave me her phone number at the end of the night. Thanks! Peter, CA, USA"

Response From Dan

Nice work Peter! The reality is that female bartenders get hit on ALL THE TIME (multiply that by 10 if they are beautiful). To get their attention and interest and to also stand out from all the other guys she meets in a night, you often need to be a little more bold and daring than usual.

I'm impressed to see how quickly you've made your own variations on what we recommend to say to female bartenders in those situations. You've also gotten some first-hand EVIDENCE that women DO love guys who are a challenge.

Of course, the 'bold and daring' approach to women does NOT apply in every environment that you meet women. A lot of guys don't realize that, in order to be successful at meeting women in different environments, you need to adjust:

  1. What you say to start the conversation.
  2. What you talk about to continue the conversation and keep it interesting.
  3. The volume of your voice.
  4. How long you talk to the woman.
  5. Your body language.
  6. Your energy level and 'vibe'.
  7. The amount of flirting and humor you use.
  8. The amount of eye contact you make.
  9. What you say to get the woman's phone number.

Sometimes you need to lower your voice and be relaxed (e.g. in a bookstore), while other times you need to be fun and energetic (e.g. at a busy house party). Get these factors wrong and women will feel awkward or uncomfortable around you, or simply reject you and walk away.

Only when you get the APPROACH right by adjusting these and other important factors, will you be able to successfully spark & maintain the interest of women in any environment. By the way...

By the way...

If you're reading now and would like to know the start to finish process for picking a woman in any environment (including how to pick up a bartender), click below to continue...

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Dan Bacon Article by Dan Bacon. Founder and lead dating coach for
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“I said what you recommended I say to the female bartender at my local bar on Sat night, then she gave me her number. She came over to my place for dinner on Wednesday and stayed the night! Thanks guys - your stuff really does work and I'll be checking out more of your products now for sure"
Andrew, Melbourne, Australia
“...Hi Dan, I bought 'the flow' a few weeks ago and it rationalized for me the now obvious things I was getting wrong. Particularly chatting the right way at a first meet in different situations. Anyway, I was in a crowded bar with some pals, trying to get served. I was next to a really hot girl, who was also out with her pals. I started chatting to her about how its great fun bumping into people while getting served. She chatted and joked and by the time we both got served I had moved the conversation on to all sorts of more flirty stuff. She was too.

We both went back to our pals but I could see her glancing at me across the bar. When she went to the bar again I made a point of standing next to her and the conversation got real fun and flirty and lots of laughs.

She put her no. in my phone and I said she was cool but I was with my pals, so I'd be in touch. The next day I texted her and she quickly texted me back. We exchanged texts for a few days then I arranged dinner. The date went well, lots of fun and things have moved on well, so we see one another regularly. She is 26 and I'm 56.

I'm so grateful to the 'Flow' as it prevented me from chickening out after the first chance encounter and helped with the correct approach for a 'bar' situation. "
Grahame, CA, USA
“I listened to your program on Thursday day, then went out with a friend to a bar on Friday night and ended up kissing a girl within 30 minutes. I am still amazed at how much I've changed. Later than night, I got 2 other phone numbers, so I am going to date those girls as well..."
Richard, New York