How to pick up a female bartender

Picking up female bartenders is actually quite easy because most guys do it wrong. When you’re the rare guy who talks to her in the way that gets her out of customer service mode and into personal and flirting mode with you, all you need to do then is get her number.

A Weird Fact About Female Bartenders

Fact: Many female bartenders are SINGLE. That’s right. These hot, single women “meet” 100’s of guys over the bar each weekend…and they still can’t get a date! Why does this happen?

From my experience working in the hospitality industry for 6 years, I found that it was often due to these two factors:

  • Most female bartenders don’t have much of a social life outside the bar they work in.
  • Most guys hit on female bartenders in the wrong way.

This provides you with a BIG opportunity to find a cool girlfriend, or at least enjoy a quick, sexual relationship. So, how can you stand out from the crowd and get the attention and interest of these hot (and often single) women? How can you tell if a female bartender likes you for real and is not just being friendly? How can you get a bartender’s number, no matter how many other guys are around competing for her attention? You simply have to focus on allowing her to experience your confidence, social skills and ability to make her feel turned on. Women are most attracted to men who can make them feel turned on via their personality. Good-looking guys might get a bit more initial interest from women, but it’s the guys who can get women turned on by way of their confidence, social skills and overall vibe who get the girl.

Question From a Reader

“…one lady I met a couple days ago, which also works at this bar. She was leaving and gave another employee her number. I noticed the door open and I said something funny about the number. Well this lady was coming to me all Friday night, putting her hand on me, etc.

Now I have been talking with the chick bartender for a while now (she’s very hot), and getting some good responses and even her phone number, but I have noticed that she is really pulling back to see who is the strongest in confidence. I was able to see this Friday that two other guys are doing similar things and she is playing with each one the same way.

My gut says I may have tried too hard. My question is how do you know if you have said too much, or may of looked like you were trying to impressing her? I really don’t think I did any impressing, but did talk about some of the things I do. Thanks so much.

Rob, Portland”

Response From Dan

This is interesting. I hear from guys like you quite often and I once made the very same mistake that you’ve made with this woman. Let’s summarize your situation to clearly point out the mistake:

  • You’ve improved your ability to attract and interest women.
  • You’ve managed to get the phone number of a hot, female bartender.
  • You now doubt whether or not she likes you more than the other guys who are trying to get her attention.

Here are the facts…

When a woman has more than one guy trying to get her attention and interest at the same time, she will often ‘milk it for all it’s worth’. Doing so is not only good for her ego, but as you have discovered – it also allows her to find out who the most confident guy is amongst the group.

You asked, “…how do you know if you had said to much, or may of looked like you were trying to impressing her?” One of the most important ingredients for success with women is to stop worrying about what women think about you and just MOVE THINGS FORWARD.

You’ve been worried that you may have have said too much to her, or looked like you were trying to impress her. If that’s your gut feeling, then you probably HAVE said too much or DID look like you were trying to impress her. It sounds like you are currently operating from the position of, “I hope she chooses me” which tells me you’ve missed one of the main messages we teach at The Modern Man. That is: Don’t try to pick up women like other guys do. Instead, create so much attraction & interest inside of women that she will begin trying to pick YOU up. Then, simply move it forward. You will encounter much less resistance that way. Plus, you will have more power and control over the relationship should one develop.

Success Story

“Hey Dan I’ve been learning from you guys for the last month and really putting things into practice. I’m making great progress talking with women and wanted to share this story for your enjoyment.

A couple weeks ago, I wanted to pick up the bartender at my local bar, so I decided to conduct a social experiment and see what would happen. I live in a small town, so everybody knows this woman and thinks she’s sexy and drools over her, etc. I hadn’t spoken to her much, but on this night, while sitting at the bar with a friend, I decided to try something new. I learnt a lot from the section you guys did on picking up female bartenders, especially listening to how Stu uses confident, but quite bold humor to get their attention. As she walked behind the bar, I looked to my friend and said out loud, so she could hear, “this girl has been trying to get my phone number for weeks.”

She immediately gave me a snoody look, and said: “No I haven’t. What are you talking about?” I pressed on, saying: “It’s ok sweetheart, I’ll give you my number soon enough, but you’re going to have to work for it. Just keep working at it and you’ll get it, maybe.” She loved it. Following this encounter she was literally following me around the bar, and by the end of the night she was sitting on my lap, while I was flirting with another girl, mind you.
She’s not a very smart woman, and although she’s very sexy and I wanted to conduct the social experiment based what I had learned in from 21 Ways. Well, the experiment worked better than I had imagined because she gave me her phone number at the end of the night. Thanks! Peter, CA, USA”

Response From Dan

Nice work Peter! The reality is that female bartenders get hit on ALL THE TIME (multiply that by 10 if they are beautiful). To get their attention and interest and to also stand out from all the other guys she meets in a night, you often need to be a little more bold and daring than usual.

I’m impressed to see how quickly you’ve made your own variations on what we recommend to say to female bartenders in those situations. You’ve also gotten some first-hand EVIDENCE that women DO love guys who are a challenge. Of course, the ‘bold and daring’ approach to women does NOT apply in every environment that you meet women. A lot of guys don’t realize that, in order to be successful at meeting women in different environments, you need to adjust:

  • What you say to start the conversation.
  • What you talk about to continue the conversation and keep it interesting.
  • The volume of your voice.
  • How long you talk to the woman.
  • Your body language.
  • Your energy level and ‘vibe’.
  • The amount of flirting and humor you use.
  • The amount of eye contact you make.
  • What you say to get the woman’s phone number.

Sometimes you need to lower your voice and be relaxed (e.g. in a bookstore), while other times you need to be fun and energetic (e.g. at a busy house party). Get these factors wrong and women will feel awkward or uncomfortable around you, or simply reject you and walk away. Only when you get the APPROACH right by adjusting these and other important factors, will you be able to successfully spark and maintain the interest of women in any environment.

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The Secret to Success With Women

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  • ken  

    Had a situation where I spoke with a busy bartender for like 10 minutes , didn’t think I got anywhere, but then I ran into her at another bar later on she was working at, she didn’t show any interest. Then later on I revisited this bar and started talking with another bartender, out of nowhere she cuts in and starts talking with me. Tells me she has to go but will be at another station in the bar. I ask for number , so I can send her a text later,she says yes,, but she never returns to give it to me. I have a few more drinks and end up leaving. Maybe she wanted more convo or wanted to go home that night, who knows. Then I am walking down the street a couple of months later going to this other bar then I hear this “Hi” it’s the same bartender . , I say hi back . I find out later she is filling in at this bar that I was going to watch a game at. Later on I see her siting next to another guy who I think is trying to pick her up buying her drinks, doing selfies with her. He leaves momentarily, but she is not talkative when I approach. Looking back I should have just taken her by the hand and see if she would leave with me. Few days later I see her at my favorite coffee shop on a date, and then see her at the other bar later on and she comes in with another guy that works there and another bartender is hugging her , so I figure she is with one of these guys now. So it’s like a woman throw me these pebbles and I end up becoming a chaser or I don’t attempt a close when I have a chance.

    From your experience, what went wrong ? why would she come on to me but then blow me off?

    • Hi Ken

      Thanks for your question.

      It’s sounds like a simple case of her testing to see if you will continue pursuing her in a confident way when she makes it a little difficult. Think about her position in life: Guys are always trying to get the “quick close” with her and get her number after a bit of friendly conversation. To stand out from that, you need to make her feel sexually attracted to you and then pursue her with confidence. Get to the point where you kiss her and sex with her – everything else is just customer-to-bartender talk.



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