How much of an age gap is correct in a relationship?
Is being 15 years older than your woman a recipe for disaster?
Well, it depends…
I’m 37 years old and I recently got engaged to my sexy, 22 year old girlfriend that I met in a nightclub (Update: We are now married and I’m 40 and she’s now 25).
Many people would assume that there’s no way on Earth a relationship with a 15 year age gap could last a lifetime.
Yet, I’m not afraid of the age gap because I know how to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction in a relationship…and I’m doing it.
I know it might sound corny, but my relationship with her gets better every single day.
The love, respect and attraction that my fiance and I felt for each other at the start was amazing, but it’s even more amazing now.
That’s how it supposed to be, regardless of whether you are the same age or if there’s an age gap.
Common Problems in an Age Gap Relationship
Age gaps in relationships can become a problem if the couple doesn’t share the same core values about life, or if they lack the necessary skills and experience to maintain a relationship.
However, that doesn’t mean you should avoid dating women who are younger (or older) than you are.
The near 50% divorce rate in many developed countries isn’t happening because of age gaps.
Instead, divorces usually happen because people accept whatever they can get, rather than honestly choosing the right person for them, or they don’t have the relationship skills to deepen the love, respect and attraction that they feel for each other over time.
As a result, the love fades and one or both of them no longer feels the need to be committed, loyal or faithful.
Watch this video for more info…
In today’s world, no matter what age difference there is between the man and woman, if the man doesn’t know how to deepen the woman’s love, respect and attraction for him, she will eventually get bored or feel unsatisfied and want to leave.
This doesn’t mean that a man has to do all the work though.
Instead, it means that a man has to know how to bring out the best in a woman, so she is good woman to him and wants to make the relationship work, while he also treats her well and puts in some effort into the relationship as well.
If that kind of natural balance doesn’t happen, the relationship will fall apart regardless of what age each person is.
Older Men Have Always Married Younger Women
For most of human history, older men married younger brides because they were usually able to support her and provide food and shelter better than a younger man could.
The younger woman would usually stick by the man for life because she couldn’t earn any money and would spend most of her time cooking, cleaning and raising their children.
In America in 1870 for example, the divorce rate was 3.3% so basically everyone that got married stayed married.
It was basically, “Till death to us part” for real back then.
In 1900, the divorce rate was 8.1%.
It then shot up to around 50% in 1975 (because it suddenly became easier to divorce, due to a change in the laws) and it has hovered around that rate ever since in most Western countries.
This is why, in today’s world, you need to choose your bride or your lifetime girlfriend carefully because women don’t stick by men no matter what anymore.
These days, most women can survive fine on their own thanks to support from government, or from taking on a new man who is willing to help raise her children and not feel embarrassed about it.
In the past, it was embarrassing and shameful for a man to take on a woman who had children from a previous marriage, but most people don’t really worry about it anymore because it has become so widespread and common.
Of course, just because lots of people are breaking up after having children, it doesn’t mean that the same thing is going to happen to you.
Most families still do stay together and you can achieve that outcome as well.
However, be warned…
If you start a family with a girl who isn’t fully compatible with you and doesn’t share the same core values as you, the relationship will have a higher chance of ending in disaster.
So, choose your woman wisely.
Don’t just accept whatever you can get.
Celebrity Couples With Huge Age Differences
The media loves to put the spotlight on celebrity couples with a big age difference between them, such as Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones who have more than the average age gap of three years between them.
In fact, the age difference between Michael and Catherine is a whopping 25 years, but they have been married for more than a decade and have two children together.
They are living proof that a big age difference doesn’t always spell disaster in a relationship.
If a couple is able to deepen their love and commitment over time, then they won’t want to break up.
Problems usually only emerge when either the man, woman or both of them are inexperienced with relationships, or don’t have the necessary skills to build on feelings when in a relationship.
So, a relationship with a big age difference can work.
Yet, according to some statistics, age gaps of more than 10 years are likely to result in the younger person becoming unhappy in the long term.
The success of a relationship with a huge age gap depends heavily on the mentality of the two people in it.
For example: Catherine Zeta Zones has said the she finds divorces “repulsive” and personally speaking, if I was ever going to get married, the woman would have to have the same type of feelings of disgust towards divorce that Zeta Jones does.
Update: My wife thinks exactly like that.
I hate the idea of a divorce and the breaking up of a family.
It just doesn’t sit well with me at all, which is why I have rejected all the marriage proposals I’ve received from girlfriends over the past 7 years.
I’m just not ready to settle down like that yet.
If and when I am ready, I will want to do it for real.
Update: Got married. Loving it. Lol…
Another celebrity couple with a huge age gap was Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, who had a 16 year age gap when they married, with Kutcher being 33 and Moore 49.
After six years of marriage, the younger Kutcher couldn’t keep his promise to be faithful and ended up having an affair with a 22-year old.
I’m sure both of them hoped they’d be married for life when they said their vows.
Yet, when the initial lust wore off and he realized that he was with an older woman, Kutcher likely didn’t feel satisfied to stay with her for life.
Being young and in demand by a lot of women, he eventually gave into his urges and hooked up with a previous, younger girlfriend, Mila Kunis.
The same can happen if you marry a younger woman and don’t know how to deepen the love, attraction and respect she feels for you.
If you just let the relationship run its course and slack off on deepening her feelings for you, there’s a high chance she’ll get cold feet and want to experience life with other people.
Younger Women Make You Live Longer
Interestingly, the results of a study published in Science Daily suggest that the negative impact of a big age difference is much more significant for women.
Men with younger wives statistically live longer, but women with younger husbands have a shorter life expectancy, which goes against the normal trend of wives outliving their husbands.
The mortality rate for men who are seven to nine years older than their wives is reduced by 11 per cent compared to couples who are the same age, but women who are seven to nine years older than their husbands have an increased mortality risk of up to 20 per cent.
Differences That May Cause Problems
If you don’t maintain the relationship correctly and deepen any woman’s love, attraction and respect for you, it has a high chance of ending or continuing on with both of you feeling unhappy and unfulfilled.
However, when there is a big age gap, the following differences may cause problems:
1. Interests and hobbies: When you’re in your 20s, your interests and hobbies can often change as frequently as the weather.
You’re also more likely to be more influenced by how people you’re own age live their life, the fashions they follow and the trends they are interested in.
By the time you reach your late 30s, you tend to be a little more established and are less likely to be influenced by the latest trends or by peer pressure.
Although it may seem superficial, this change in attitude can drive a wedge between you and your woman.
For example: For a lot of people, experimenting with new interests and making new discoveries is what being young is all about.
So, when a woman is in a relationship with an older guy, she may feel as though she is being forced into being “more mature” and is missing out on the fun of youth as a consequence.
Yet, if the guy is still “young at heart” and is just as keen to explore life and try new things as much as she is, there shouldn’t be a problem.
2. Priorities in life: This is where core values are so important. I
f you’re 35 and your girlfriend is 20, but you want to start a family and she doesn’t, this core difference between you is bound to lead to disaster.
A friend of mine married his girlfriend when he was 32 and she was 21 and by the time she got to 30, she was absolutely miserable.
She has told me on several occasions, “Dan, do not settle down and start a family until you are absolutely ready. I love my kids, but I wish I lived my 20s for myself, rather than him and the kids. I’ve missed out on so much.”
Likewise, if your girlfriend is 20 and you are 35 and she wants to go out partying all the time, but you just want to sit at home and watch TV, this difference in priorities will eventually drive you apart if one of you doesn’t change.
Of course, these are differences that can drive a wedge between any couple regardless of age.
It’s not just an age gap thing.
The key in any relationship is to address issues head on with great communication, rather than avoiding the problem and letting it ruin the relationship as resentment and frustration builds up.
Find Out How She Really Perceives Her Future With You
When a relationship starts to get serious, you should talk to each other about what you really want in the long term and find out if your core values actually match, or if the relationship is just going to be a 1-2 year thing and then you go your separate ways.
It’s much better to find out up front, rather than be shocked with a break up later on.
Talk about what you both really think and what you both really want.
Personally speaking, I was once in a relationship and asked my 23-year-old girlfriend (when she was a little tipsy after having a couple of drinks), “How long do you think our relationship will really last?” and she replied, “I don’t know…maybe about 7 years.”
Within a week, I ended the relationship because I realized that she wanted to be just like her mother and become a single mother.
She was perfectly fine with the idea of getting pregnant to me, staying together for a few years and then going our separate ways.
Just like her mother did with her father.
Personally speaking, I absolutely hate the idea of having a baby with a woman and then breaking up the family.
It goes against my core values, but for her it was perfectly fine and normal to do so.
When I fully understood that about her, I could no longer be with her.
I even stopped having sex with her without a condom because I was worried about her getting pregnant.
It was weird to switch back to using condoms after having natural sex for so long, but I did it for the couple of extra times we had sex before I fully broke it off.
Had I not had the courage to ask such a direct question about how she really perceived her future with me, I probably would have been writing this article as a single dad right now.
Sometimes, it’s important to just ask and then make a big decision based on what you find out.
She desperately tried to keep the relationship going and called me and Facebooked me for months, but I stuck to my decision and moved on.
We were in love and it was a great relationship, but that’s not enough.
You and her need to have the same core values and long term outlook.
If you’re in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t share your core values, then you’re asking for trouble in the long run.
Modern Men Usually Marry Women Their Own Age
Statistics tell us that over the last 100 years, the average age difference between married couples has been about three years.
So, most people aren’t in a relationship with a huge age gap.
However, just because most people are in relationships with people about the same age as them, it doesn’t mean that everyone else has to do it.
Relationships with no age gap and a huge age gap can work.
The secret is to set up and maintain a relationship dynamic that deepens and strengthens your feelings for each other over time.
If you want to learn more about that, I recommend you watch Make Her Love You For Life.
My Relationship
In this video, I explain why I decided to get engaged (I’m now married) even though my wife is 15 years younger than me.
Poll
Loading ...Until I met my fiance, I was happy to continue on enjoying being with many women at once and not seeking to get into a long-term relationship or marriage.
I was having way too much fun being a bachelor and wasn’t ready to settle down with one woman for life.
My last long-term girlfriend before my fiance was 18 years old (I was 32 at the time) and the reason I ended our relationship was due to her wanting to marry me and start a family.
Deep down, I knew she wouldn’t be someone who I couldn’t count on for life.
Why?
Throughout our relationship, I discovered that not only did she lie about things quite frequently, but she actually ENJOYED lying.
She would lie to people about little things and sometimes lie to me about big things just for fun.
I realized that I had to get out of the relationship before I made the mistake of getting her pregnant.
So, I did.
I broke up with her, had sex with about 30 more women and then met my fiance.
When I look back now, I’m so glad that I had the courage to break up with the 18 year old.
If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have met my fiance and I would never have understood what true love with the perfect girl is really like.
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Dan this article sort of freaked me out. See I’m 40 but everyone in my family looks younger than their age. I mean most folks would guess I’m 30. My current girlfriend is 23. Three of the women I used the flow on who really responded from the very first interaction ended up being 23 and in or at the end of long term relationships with thier childhood/ high school sweetheart. The first girl was married. The second was living with her boyfriend. So I didn’t escalate things. I didn’t take things beyond connecting with them. And these two were REALLY open. My girlfriend was stringing her ex along. Still doing couple things and sleeping with him occasionally but as soon as I turned up and used he flow. He was finished. I didn’t know she was even partially attached until we started having sex. But the whole thing had me curious.
I mean all I know about this stuff I learned from the modern man lol. It seems these girls met these guys when they were kids. The guys were bad boys except my girls ex (god knows how he lucked into getting her. And she’d ditched him for a bad boy mid way through thier relationship before taking him back after her toxic dalliance with an older bad boy). Yet these bad boys (and my girlfriend’s ex nice boy) were BOYS. These guys spent their free time playing video games. They spent their money on toys and tennis shoes. The two bad boys never held jobs. My exs nice boy had a job but handed over his check dutifully and she paid the bills. I was shocked to find out that until I had sex with her and she cut her ex off completely he still gave her money to pay his bills because he didn’t know how or where the money was supposed to go lol.
Two of these girls including my gf have children the third is pregnant. All three off these girls would say the same things. That their boys made them feel like they were their man’s mother and they longed for a “real man”. All three of these women are certified thoroughbred dime pieces. That is to say gorgeous, gorgeous women. Like I said I don’t look forty and I used to not tell women my real age because even though I didn’t look it I thought It might matter. But to these particular young extremely hot girls, being older was a bit of an advantage. They seemed to be open to an older man, hoping he was a man. Remembering the proper dynamic of always being a MAN clinched it. I learned that from better than a bad boy. I mean just being older wasnt enough by a long shot. One had to BE masculine so they could be the feminine women they naturally wanted to be.
It seemed that these girls knew at a glance that I was older and maybe a little more open to my advances even before I went thought the steps of the flow with them. When I did use the flow they didn’t care HOW old I was. I used to worry that the age difference might be a problem with my current relationship. I mean I AM 17 years older than my girlfriend. But I got better than a bad boy and have been slogging through the videos and am now confident that my relationship will last as long as I want it to. Most people just don KNOW this stuff. Its exciting to know when i wake up i could have my choice of very hot women twenty years younger than me. All i have to do is walk up to one and start talking basically. Thanks again Dan.
I do have a question though and it concerns children. Like I said, my girlfriend has a kid. He’s three. He likes me and I like him. I read an article where u said not to try to be he kids friend because u’ll end up actin like a kid yourself and the woman will loose attraction. How exactly should you treat kids? What pitfalls do kids pose to the dating dynamic. If there’s a modern man product that covers this could you point me at it? If not and you can’t answer in such a short space would you consider writing an article. Dan your the only one I trust! Lol thanks again for all your help.
Hi Jason
Man, I wish EVERY guy who came to the site would read your comment first.
Most guys simply do not understand the power you now have. It’s outside of their reach because they rely on getting lucky (Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html) and try to learn how to be successful with women by watching Hollywood movies and TV shows (entertainment, not education).
About your question: Lol, I think I’ll need to edit that to be more specific. I meant if the children were in their early or late teens! Basically, if you want the relationship to be successful, you need to be a father figure for them and be a man for her. Find out HOW MUCH of a father figure she wants you to be, listen to her and then make your own judgement on what the right course of action would be. Either way, don’t overstep your role and don’t be too distant from it.
BTW: Great to hear about you having a young girlfriend. I’m 35 and my girlfriend is 20. Before her, I was 32 and my girlfriend was 18. I broke off the previous relationship because she wanted to start a family, but she was too young to begin a lifetime relationship and didn’t know it. My current girl isn’t pestering me about having children or settling down, so all is well.
Cheers
Dan
i am 32 and she is 21. she just told me her friend told her she behaviour is more like any adult and she is dying because of that comment and blaming me because of my age
Hey Yopi
Thanks for your comment.
What you need to do is show your maturity by telling her that she is allowed to behave any way she likes. Her behavior is her choice and if she wants to behave more maturely than other 21 year olds, then that is her choice and she should be embarrassed about it.
Cheers
Dan