Recently a guy wrote in to The Modern Man asking, “My fiancé wants space. Does it mean she wants to break up with me for real, or are we probably just going to have some time apart and then get back together?”
After all, she’s only asking for space and isn’t saying that she’s breaking up with him.
So, it could just be a bit of time apart, right?
Yes, in some cases, but not in most.
Sorry to Break it To You, But Here’s What it Really Means
When a woman says something like, “I need space,” “I need some time by myself,” “I need to think about us,” “I need to find out if we’re really compatible,” or any similar kind of pre-break up line, she’s not telling you the whole truth.
The whole truth is that your fiancé is seriously considering breaking up with you and will go ahead with it, unless you can re-attract her and make her want you back.
Rather than directly saying, “It’s over. I don’t want to be with you anymore. We’re breaking up and I will try to find a new man instead,” an engaged woman will often give an excuse that softens the blow for her fiancé, who is almost certainly still in love with her and wanting to be with her.
Women do that as a way of protecting themselves from a potentially difficult break up (e.g. the man begs, pleads, doesn’t let her leave and forces her to have deep, emotional, ongoing discussions), or even a violent situation. (i.e. the man thinks, “If I can’t have her, then no one can” and he then hurts his fiancé, or some cases, even kills her and then kills himself).
So, by saying, “I need some space,” she’s letting her fiancé believe that if he gives her space or some time alone, she will figure things out, come back and everything will go back to the way it was.
Although that is what he wants to have happen, it’s almost certainly not what she wants because she’s no longer feels enough respect, attraction and love to continue the relationship.
If she did, a woman would rarely initiate a break up, or ask for space and would instead be in love and happy in the relationship.
The reality is that when a woman says she wants space, what she’s really saying is, “I’m getting ready to break up with you, unless you do something right NOW to make me feel the way I want to feel in a relationship, so I actually want to stay with you.”
So, if you want to save your relationship and end up marrying your fiancé, then you’re going to have to stop thinking, “My fiancé wants space. Should I give it to her and just sit back and wait?” and start asking yourself, “What is the REAL reason why she wants space and what can I do to make her want to become my wife?”
Get Past the Pain and Focus on the Solution
When your fiancé said something like, “I need some space,” it would have felt as though all of your wonderful daydreams and plans about getting married, settling down and living happily ever were falling apart.
The pain of being broken up with someone who you truly love, is so horrible that it can make you feel sick to the stomach, unable to sleep or eat properly and also cause you to struggle to focus on your work or studies.
It’s a horrible feeling.
Yet, you need to get past the painful feelings that you’ve been experiencing and start focusing on the solution: Re-attract her and get her back, while you still can.
Take this as an opportunity to become an even stronger man (emotionally) and level up your ability to make her feel so attracted and in love that she never wants to leave you.
Understand How to Re-Attract Her and Then Do it
You only have a certain amount of time before she begins to feel comfortable with ending the engagement and then starts to feel excited about enjoying her newfound freedom as a single woman.
Initially, she might feel a bit sad about the break up, but if she meets another man who makes her feel the kind of way that she hasn’t been getting with you, then she will naturally feel like opening up to him.
She might be scared about committing to a new man right away, but she will feel compelled to try to open herself up to new men.
Unlike men, women have a time limit before they start becoming infertile.
That will change with future medicinal breakthroughs, but it is the case for now.
Even if it does change in future, women are still hard-wired to want to find a man quickly, so they are still able to have children.
So, even though she might feel sad about the break up and scared to commit, her biology will compel her to move on.
This is why you shouldn’t just assume that she will wait around for a while and remain single, just because she’s ending her engagement with you.
She’s a woman and women behave very differently to men.
4 Mistakes Men Make That Push a Fiancé Away
1. He stops being the man in the relationship and lets her ‘wear the pants’
Some men mistakenly assume that the best way to keep a woman happy is to let her be the boss of the relationship.
What he fails to realize is that to maintain a woman’s respect and attraction in a relationship, he has to be the one to take the lead, especially when times get tough or when there’s a challenging situation that they’re faced with as a couple.
She has to be able to rely on him to be the more emotionally stronger one at all times, rather than feeling like he needs her to mother him and keep him safe from the big, bad world out there.
As a man, he has to be the one that she can look up to, respect and follow because he is a real man all day, every day.
In that kind of relationship, a woman doesn’t need to take on the role of the man because he’s completely comfortable being in that position. See: A Man’s Role in a Relationship.
2. He stops being the guy she fell in love with
Some guys put on an act of being a really nice, considerate guy when they are trying to get a girlfriend, but then eventually turn into a selfish, emotional asshole later on in the relationship.
Alternatively, a guy will pretend to be more confident, more motivated or happier than he really is and then become an insecure, time-wasting, negative guy and expect her to just put up with it.
If a guy does that, a woman will naturally lose respect for him and will seriously question whether she wants to be stuck with him for the rest of her life, regardless of how nice or expensive the engagement ring he got her was.
At the end of the day, she’s not getting into a relationship with a ring.
She has to be happy with him, which is based on how his attitude, behavior and approach to her and his life makes her feel.
If he can’t make her want him based on that, then she will naturally feel compelled to find another guy who can, before she gets too old.
3. He uses the relationship to hide from his true potential in life
Guys who haven’t had a lot of experience with relationships (or who continue to make the same relationship mistakes for life), will often become clingy and possessive in a relationship by making the woman their purpose in life.
He will stop hanging out with his friends, give up his biggest ambitions in life and generally only live for his woman.
He will feel as though, without her, he is nothing and he might even say that to her, or to people he knows.
That is a huge mistake.
Women do not want a clingy guy who hides from achieving his true potential as a man, behind a relationship with her.
When a guy does that, it makes her feel like his mother and look at him as a scared little boy.
That is not sexually attractive to a woman.
A woman wants to be able to look at her man as being fearlessly confident as he strives to achieve his biggest dreams, goals and ambitions in life, regardless of whether or not she cheers him on from the sidelines.
Of course, when a man approaches his life in that way and also treats his woman well, she will naturally become his biggest cheerleader and will be continually proud to be his wife.
4. He no longer puts in the effort to be emotionally attractive to her
Another major reason why a woman asks for space in a relationship is because her man is no longer making her feel the way she wants to feel in the relationship.
This can be for a number of reasons, but it usually comes down to a guy just assuming that she will put up with him, or forgetting how to actually make a woman feel attracted and thinking that she won’t care because they love each other.
Yet, a woman needs to be able to feel attracted in order to want to stick with a man.
She doesn’t want to stick with a man out of pity, or because things used to be good.
She wants things to be good now, tomorrow and for the rest of their life together.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys think that means putting in loads of effort to impress their woman, which sounds like a whole lot of work.
Thankfully, they are wrong.
Making a woman feel attracted to you for life, isn’t about putting in loads of effort into the relationship, buying her lots of things and sucking up to her.
It’s about interacting with her in ways that naturally cause feelings of respect, attraction and love to flow between you and her.
That is a simple, easy thing to do once you know how it works.
The thing is, many guys initially know how to attract women and are able to get themselves a girlfriend and sometimes, even get to the point of being engaged.
Yet, many of those guys then end up getting dumped because they forget to remain emotionally attractive, or just assume she will put up with not feeling much attraction because of everything they’ve been through, or how much they used to love each other.
It’s just not how women work anymore.
In the past, a woman put up with a marriage that lacked love and attraction because it was shameful to break up or get divorced.
Yet, these days a woman are free to break up with, or divorce a man who is unable her feel how she wants to feel when in a relationship.
The woman simply moves on, hooks up with a new guy and starts all over again.
So, in today’s world, if a man wants to keep a relationship with a woman together for life, he has to focus on deepening her love, respect and attraction over time, rather than taking it for granted.
Thankfully, that is an easy and natural thing to do and does not require you to put even more effort into the relationship.
Instead, you simply have to understand how to naturally and automatically cause her to feel respect, attraction and love during interactions with you.
When you do that, a woman literally falls more and more in love with you over time and never wants to leave you.
The Easy Way to Get Her to Love You Again
Getting her to love you, respect you, touch you and want you the way she did in the beginning, isn't difficult at all.
In fact, it's one of the easiest things you'll ever do.
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