Here are 5 things you can do to ensure that the talk goes well:
1. Don’t focus on talking about your romantic feelings before you fully reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings
A woman only cares about a man’s romantic feelings for her, if she has sexual and romantic feelings for him.
This fundamental rule applies to picking up a woman, being on a date with her, being in a relationship with her and getting her back if you break up.
It’s always a case of attraction first and everything else after that.
Unfortunately, some guys aren’t aware of that fact and make the mistake of discussing how much they feel about her and want a relationship before they’ve fully reawakened her feelings.
So, if you want your ex to care how you feel about her, you need to make sure that you reactivate her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you first.
It’s all about her feelings for you, rather than the other way around.
Your feelings do matter to you, but not to her.
She already knows how you feel.
That’s not the point and it’s not the reason why a woman will get back with a guy.
It’s all about how she feels now and whether or not she feels enough to give you another chance, because you’re the one who wants her back.
If you don’t properly reactivate her feelings for you first, hearing you talk about your romantic feelings for her may cause her say things like, “Look, what we had before it over. Just because I agreed to talk, it doesn’t mean I’m going to take you back. I don’t feel the same way about you anymore and nothing you say will change that. So, you’re going to need to accept that and let me get on with my life.”
She then feels as though she made the wrong decision by agreeing to talk.
She walks away thinking that she originally hoped there would be a spark, but there wasn’t.
All you did was confirm for her that you feel more for her than she does for you, so she feels right about her decision to break up with you.
She then tries to move on as quickly as she can (i.e. by hooking up with a new guy), so she doesn’t begin to miss you and open back up to being with you.
So, just focus on making her feel rushes of respect, attraction and love for you when you talk in person and she will naturally begin to want to get back together.
You can then seal the deal with a kiss and sex if that happens too.
Once you and her have had sex again and are laying in bed hugging and feeling good, the topic of getting back together will naturally begin to come up.
Yet, I still recommend that you let her be the one who brings it up.
Don’t chase a relationship with her.
Make her fall back in love with you and have sex with you, but don’t chase her commitment to you.
Let her be the one who wants to make things official again.
The next thing you can do when talking to your ex girlfriend is…
2. Apologize sincerely and briefly
When you talk to her in person, it’s important that you sincerely apologize about what happened.
Important: This doesn’t mean that you should go on and on about all the mistakes you made or try to seek pity from her by apologizing over and over.
A sincere, direct apology is all that is needed to make your point without coming across as desperate, or making your ex feel like she has a lot of power over you, which she doesn’t want.
For example: You might say something along the lines of, “Before you say anything, I just want to apologize to you for what happened. I know that I stuffed up, which caused you a lot of pain and would have been very disappointing for you. For that, I am truly sorry. Of course, I don’t expect you to forget about it or forgive me just because I’m apologizing to you. However, I do want you to know that I’m not that guy anymore. It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but I have learned from my mistakes and I’ve become a better man as a result. I’m not saying that you have to be with this better version of me. I’m just saying that life events like this happen for a reason. Sometimes, you learn things and want to change to become a better version of yourself. Anyway, I’m sorry for what I put you through.”
The cool thing about asking an ex to forgive you like this is that she suddenly stops looking at you in such a negative way.
She stops focusing on your past mistakes and she starts feeling impressed by what she perceives as your new level of emotional maturity.
As a result, she drops her guard a bit and begins to feel comfortable about interacting with you again.
Then, when she continues to experience the new you every time she talks to you on the phone, or meets up with you in person, it becomes that much more difficult for her to keep stopping herself from feeling attracted to you, or feeling respectful towards you.
You and her then naturally begin to hug, kiss, have sex and fall in love with each other again.
The next thing you can do when talking to your ex girlfriend is…
3. Don’t let her make the problems between you and her out to be bigger than they are
Some women love to create drama after a break up.
For example: A woman might shout or begin to cry when talking to her ex to make the situation become more emotional than it is.
She might cry, sob and say things like, “I can’t believe I’m even talking to you after the way you treated me. I hope you don’t think you’re going to talk me into giving you another chance because our issues are just too big to be able to work out. It’s totally impossible for me to be able to overlook everything that happened. I simply don’t trust you to anymore. You have ruined my life! I hate you!”
Naturally, when a guy is on the receiving end of that kind of behavior, his first reaction might be to try and calm his ex down by apologizing to her even more and maybe even accepting the blame for everything that happened between them.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Allowing your ex girlfriend to blow what happened between you and her out of proportion is the worst thing you can do.
Not only are you allowing her to create fake drama (by exaggerating what went wrong between you and her), but she will lose respect for you for not being able to stand up to her (in a loving, but assertive way) when you know she’s acting like a drama queen.
So, rather than letting it get to you when your ex girlfriend starts making a big deal out of what happened, just use it as an opportunity to spark some of her feelings for you instead.
By maintaining your confidence around her and using humor to break through her defenses and make her laugh and smile.
For example: You might say in a joking, teasing way, “I agree with you. Our problems are huge, enormous and unlike any other relationship out there. There’s no way we could ever work things out between us, so why even bother? You’re right! The best course of action is to just give up and hate each other instead. We can walk away saying, I hate you and you hate me. There, that sounds like a good solution, right?” and have a laugh with her about that.
Initially, she might be shocked that you’re not taking her fake drama seriously and might say something like, “Hey, I’m being serious! If you’re going to make fun of me like that I’m not going to talk to you anymore,” to see if you’ll panic and try to calm her down by agreeing with her.
Yet, deep down, she will be feeling rushes of respect for you for not buying into the fake drama that she’s creating.
She will realize that you have manned up and are now the sort of man who can handle a woman like her.
If she has struggled to find a guy who can handle her level of confidence, then she will naturally feel attracted to you and worried about losing you.
She will know that other women struggle to find a guy who doesn’t buckle under their fake pressure and if one of those women meets you, she will naturally feel attracted to you.
If that woman happens to be prettier than her, you might just decide to get with her instead, which will leave your ex feeling rejected and left behind.
As a result, she wants to hold onto what is hers, so she opens up to keeping the relationship going and seeing what happens.
The next thing you can do when talking to your ex girlfriend is…
4. Create a fun, easy-going vibe between you and her
After a break up, a couple that used to be in love and treat each other well can suddenly begin to feel like total strangers around each other.
In the past, you and her would laugh, hug, kiss and spend as much time as possible around each other.
You were lovers, but you also felt like best friends at times, or maybe all of the time.
You were so great together.
Yet, now, she treats you like someone she used to know.
There’s a distance between you.
You feel disconnected now.
So, what should you do?
It’s absolutely essential that don’t get sucked into feeling like a stranger around her, just because she is acting that way towards you.
As a man, you always have to be more emotionally strong than the woman and create a dynamic based on what you want to have happen, rather than following her lead.
In the case of talking to your ex girlfriend again, this means creating a fun, easy-going vibe between you and her, rather than suddenly being very polite, reserved, uptight and unsure of yourself around her.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Making her laugh, smile and feel good to be in interacting with you again over the phone and face-to-face.
- Flirting with her to create some sexual tension between you, rather than pretending you’re over her now and just want to be her neutral friend.
- Showing her your confidence and emotional strength, especially if she’s trying to make you feel nervous or insecure about yourself by saying that she’s not interested in you anymore.
- Being more emotionally masculine in the way you think, talk, behave and react when interacting with her, rather than giving her too much power over you (e.g. by being too nice, doing everything she tells you to do).
The more relaxed and happy she feels around you, the more respect and attraction she will feel for you.
She will then realize that you really are a new and improved man now and that she actually does feel differently about you now.
When that happens, she will then become curious and intrigued about her new feelings for you and want to explore them, rather than cutting you off and then potentially regretting it later on (i.e. seeing you with a new woman who she might see as being prettier than her, or her getting with a guy who turns out to be boring and never makes her feel the way you did).
From there, you need to…
5. Get to a kiss and then sex if possible
If you’ve successfully built up your ex’s sexual and romantic feelings for you during the interaction, getting her to give you a hug really shouldn’t be too difficult.
So, don’t avoid it out of fear of her rejecting you.
As long as you maintain your confidence and say something along the lines of, “Anyway, it’s good to see that after everything we’ve been through together, we can still hang out as friends. I’m proud of us for being so mature about it and not behaving like those exes you hear about who can’t be in the same room with each other without getting into a huge fight. Don’t you think we deserve a hug for being so cool with each other? I do. Come here. Come here and give me a hug.”
Then, move towards her with your arms out and initiate the hug.
Note: Even though you say something like, “Come here and give me a hug” to a woman, it doesn’t mean that you sit there waiting for her to come over.
That works on women who are really attracted to you and excited to be around you, but on an ex who is feeling attracted again, but doesn’t want to seem too easy, it won’t work.
This is why you have to move in about 80-90% of the way to initiate the hug and then let her move in for the rest of the distance.
If you’ve been reactivating her feelings for you throughout the interaction, she will almost certainly be more than happy to give you a hug.
Then, just go ahead and confidently take her in your arms and give her a gentle, but firm squeeze for about 5-10 seconds.
If she seems open to continuing the hug (e.g. she remains in your arms longer than necessary, she nuzzles into your neck, she looks up at you and smiles), then just lean back a little while continuing to hold her and give her a kiss on the lips.
If she doesn’t pull away, go ahead and deepen the kiss and make it a passionate one that lasts 10-15 seconds or so (i.e. if you’re at her home or your home, or if you and her are fine about kissing in public).
From there, if you’re out in public, you can suggest going to your place or hers to “hang out” and then hook up with her sexually.
By the way…
If she pulls away from you when you try to kiss her, or she doesn’t want to go to your place or hers, don’t let it bother you.
Instead, just maintain your confidence and don’t worry about it or try to push for it.
Continue showing her that you’ve transformed yourself into the kind of man that she can now look up to, respect and feel attracted to in every interaction you have with you.
The more you do that, the more doubts she will begin to have about breaking up with you and will naturally want to kiss you and have sex with you to see how she feels afterwards.
Where Guys Go Wrong With an Ex Girlfriend Who Has Agreed to Talk After a Break Up
So, your ex girlfriend agreed to talk.
That’s the good news.
Congrats and well done.
The bad news however, is that if you don’t approach the interaction in the right way, you may end up turning her off further and ruining your efforts to get her back.
This is why you need to avoid making any of these mistakes…
1. Turning it into an exhausting, deep and meaningful conversation
The time will definitely come when you and your ex girlfriend will get into a deep, meaningful conversation about the relationship.
However, the first time you meet up with her to talk usually isn’t that time.
It can be, if you approach it in a light-hearted, easy-going way after she has become sexually and romantically attracted to you again, but you have to be careful with how much time you spend on the topic and how draining it feels for her to be talking about.
So, if you don’t want your ex girlfriend to feel too pressured to the point where the conversation becomes draining and exhausting, don’t be too serious about everything.
Instead, focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good to be around you again.
The better she feels when she’s around you, the less negative her perception of you becomes.
She then begins to relax and open back up to you and the possibility of being a relationship again.
If the topic of the relationship comes up, be totally fine to talk about it, but light-hearted and easy-going about it.
Don’t make it feel like a huge problem, or make her feel drained by going on and on about your feelings for her, or your journey to become a better man and all things you’ve learned.
Just be attractive to her by making her smile, laugh and feel good and relaxed to be around you again.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Coming across as needing her way more than she needs you
Although it’s probably a relief to you that your ex girlfriend has agreed to talk, giving her the impression that you’ve been lost, lonely and unable to move forward with your life without her is a big no, no.
Here’s the thing…
Even though a woman does want to be with a guy who is loving, caring and committed to her, she also needs him to be his own man (i.e. emotionally independent, making progress towards his biggest goals in life regardless of whether she is with him or not).
So, if a woman gets a sense that her ex guy needs her back to feel happy and fulfilled in life again, rather than feeling flattered that he’s so emotionally dependent on her, she feels more turned off by him.
She doesn’t want to be responsible for supporting him emotionally and making him feel worthy, confident and happy in his life.
She wants him to have those things on his own and to do them for his own reasons, rather than needing her support and encouragement to be able to feel that way.
This is why, you need to show your ex girlfriend that even though you truly care for her and want her back, you are perfectly happy without her.
Basically, you want her back, but you don’t need her back.
Don’t rub that in her face though.
Just let her sense that you don’t need her back, but that you do love her and are open to getting back with her.
Of course, only let her get that sense after you have made her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
Remember what I said earlier: Attraction first and everything else after that.
It’s a simple, easy-to-remember and always applicable and effective rule when it comes to relationships with women.
Always focus on making the woman feel attracted to you first, before you get to anything else in the interaction.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Playing too hard to get, which then makes her feel insecure and close up around you
Sometimes, a woman will agree to talk to her ex to see if it’s possible for them to work things out before she decides to fully move on without him.
Yet, the guy then decides to play hard to get by acting like he doesn’t care about her at all, which then causes her to feel insecure and close up around him.
He wants to hurt her a little bit for breaking up with him in the way she did.
Alternatively, he wants to make himself appear valuable in her eyes so she will give him another chance.
Alternatively, he is hurting bad and wants to put on an act of bravado around her to show that he doesn’t care, when he really does.
Unfortunately, playing too hard to get with an ex woman almost always backfires.
The woman usually walks away, blocks his number and unfriends him on social media so he can’t easily get in touch with her again.
She doesn’t want him rubbing her face in the mud and making her feel bad about the break up anymore, so she focuses on hooking up with a new guy as quickly as possible to get over her ex and move on.
So, if you truly want to talk with your ex so that you can work things out and get back together again, don’t mess her around by playing unnecessary mind games.
Instead, just focus on reawakening her feelings of respect and attraction, so you can bring down her defenses and get her back.
It’s a simple, straightforward process and it works.