Here are 5 ways you can make it happen:
1. Don’t aim to get a relationship right away
A lot can happen when a couple is apart for a long period of time.
For example: Your ex might have…
- Dated other guys for casual sex, or even had another relationship where she fell in love and got her heart broken.
- Become more emotionally mature than she was before the separation and is now not interested in the same things as before (e.g. she used to like to party and live a carefree life and now she is more serious and focused on her studies or career).
- Disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you and now only sees you as a friend at best.
- Realized that the relationship you and her had was better than anything else she could find out there.
- Discovered that she no longer wants to be with a guy like you.
- Learned that you are the right kind of guy for her.
- Decided that she no longer wants to be in a relationship and just wants to be free to focus on herself and enjoy being single.
This is why saying something like, “Okay, now that we’re back in the same location, so let’s pick up where we left off and be a couple again” probably isn’t going to work with her.
If she doesn’t yet feel ready to commit to the idea of being in a relationship, suggesting getting back together will likely just scare her away.
She may begin to think, “He’s asking me out to pick up where we left off, but I can’t do that. We’re not the same people anymore and I’m not sure if he’s still the right guy for me. Besides, I disconnected from my feelings for him so I could cope with being apart and now I’m not sure if they can be switched back on again. I just don’t know how I feel about him anymore. I’m confused. Maybe I need to be on my own here for a while. Maybe I need to date some other guys first, to make sure that I’m not getting back with him just because it’s familiar.”
So, don’t put any pressure on her to commit to a relationship.
Instead, just agree to catch up as friends and then see how you both feel from there.
Don’t act like a friend though.
Make sure that you behave in a way that naturally sparks her sexual and romantic feelings for you, without you ever pushing for a relationship.
That will make her want you again.
So, from now on, use every interaction that you have with her to reawaken her feelings (e.g. by making her laugh, smile and feel happy to have you back in her life, showing her that you’ve grown and matured emotionally since you split up, making her feel feminine and girly in your presence, creating and building up the sexual tension between you and her).
The more she enjoys being around you, the more her defenses will start to slip down.
She will then open up to getting back with you, or at least sleeping with you again to see how she feels afterwards.
2. Get ready to give her an upgraded attraction experience
Your ex has likely grown up a lot since you and her parted ways (especially if she’s the one who went abroad to study), so she will need a more mature, masculine approach from you this time around.
This is why you shouldn’t try to get her back by using the same old approach to attraction and relationships that you used on the less mature version of her.
For example: A guy and a woman might start dating each other in school or at university.
Initially, they enjoy hanging out together with friends and going to parties, ball games and being carefree and irresponsible.
Eventually, she decides to go abroad to continue with her studies, leaving her guy behind.
When she comes back, he’s ready to get back together with her right away, so he starts inviting her out to parties and ball games.
He thinks, “This is what she used to like doing before, so if I invite her to do those things again, we’ll be able to pick up where we left off. She will connect with who she used to be and will want to go back to that.”
Yet, rather than make her think, “This is so great! It’s almost like I never left at all. I love that we slotted back into the same lifestyle we had before,” she may be thinking something along the lines of, “I can’t believe that after all this time, nothing about him has changed. He’s still stuck at the same level he was at when we broke up, while I’m a totally different person now. Yes, I enjoyed doing those things before, but I’ve grown up now. I want different things. We’ve grown apart while we have lived apart. I guess we’re not meant to be together anymore, so it’s best if we just stay broken up. In this way, I will be free to find another guy who is at the same level as me to fall in love with.”
She will then either slot him into the friend zone, or cut herself off from him completely (e.g. ignore his texts, social media messages or calls) as a way of letting him know that she’s not interested in getting back into a relationship with him.
So, if you want to get back together with your ex after studying abroad, make sure that when you interact with her from now on, you give her a new and improved attraction experience.
- If you were carefree and irresponsible before, show her that you’re now so much more focused on your goals in life and are working towards achieving them, while at the same time still being able to have fun and relax.
- If you were insecure and self-doubting before, show her that you’re now so much more confident and self-assured as a man.
- If you were too nice and easily controlled by her before, show her that you’re now so much more emotionally stronger and can stand up to her in a dominant, but loving way.
When she can see that you’re an upgraded version of the man you were before, the idea of getting back together again will start to seem appealing to her.
On the other hand, if she notices that she has changed and you haven’t, she will likely just prefer to stay broken up and focus instead on finding herself a guy who is more similar to her and a better match for who she has become.
3. Be emotionally independent of her, so you don’t feel insecure when she talks about what she did while abroad (or what she did while you were abroad)
There’s nothing worse than reconnecting with an ex who is talking about how great her life has been since you and her broke up and you have nothing to say (i.e. because you’ve secretly been sitting around and waiting to get back).
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want to get her back after studying abroad, show her that even though you did miss her and want her back, you were still able to move forward in life and be happy without her.
By the way…
If you’ve been stuck in a rut since you and her broke up, don’t try to get her back into a relationship with you before you become more emotionally independent.
For example: Some of the ways you can quickly become more emotionally independent (i.e. not be needy) is by…
- Taking some real steps towards achieving your big goals and dreams in life.
- Taking up a new active hobby that involves interacting with other people (e.g. take up a sport such as basketball, badminton, tennis or martial arts, join a meet up group in your area, take cooking classes or dancing classes, join a group exercise class that meets up on the weekends).
- Hang out with old friends again, or make new ones.
- Start looking at her as a woman you want back, but don’t need back.
When you focus on becoming genuinely happy without her, not only will it bother you less when your ex talks about all the fun things she’s been up to since you and her parted, but you will also become more attractive to her (and to women in general).
Women, including ex’s, are attracted to good men who are confident, happy and forward moving in life, regardless of what the woman they love says or does.
In other words, women feel attracted to emotionally independent men who treat them well, but don’t need them.
4. Don’t be afraid to make a move
When a guy is in a situation like yours, he might make the mistake of thinking, “What if I move too fast to hug her or kiss her and end up scaring her off? Maybe I just need to take it slowly, hang out with her as friends for a while and let her feelings for me grow over time.”
He then hangs around her for weeks, or even months, being a nice, supportive friend to her, while waiting for her to give him a sign that she wants him back sexually and romantically.
In the meantime, she’s thinking, “Well I guess what we had before is over. There clearly isn’t a spark between us anymore and it’s just a friendship now. Oh well, I guess I need to forget about us getting back together again and focus on moving on.”
She then closes herself off and looks to find herself another guy who will attract her and move in for a kiss and then get to sex with her.
So, by the time her ex realizes that he has made a mistake by being too nice and friendly, it’s often too late because his ex has moved on and is now in love with someone else.
If you don’t want that to happen to you, then don’t waste time ‘playing it safe’ or ‘playing it cool’ by acting like an innocent, non-sexual friend.
Make her feel sexually attracted to you and then get to a hug, kiss and sex.
5. Start casual and progress to a more serious relationship when ready
If she wants to get back into a serious relationship right away and you want that too, then great – go ahead and commit to each other again.
However, if she isn’t pushing for a committed relationship, then just focus on having fun and getting to know each other in a whole new way.
This allows her to relax and enjoy being around you again, without the added pressure of having to decide whether or not she is going to be exclusive with you again.
4 Mistakes to Avoid if You Want Her Back
When attempting to get back together with your ex after studying abroad, try to avoid making these classic mistakes that other guys make when in your situation:
1. Still being at the same level you were at when she broke up with you
If your ex hasn’t improved herself and is still at the same level she was at when you and her broke up, then there won’t be much of a problem if you have done the same.
Yet, if she has really changed, improved and grown up, but you’re still stuck at the same level you were at when you and her split, then she won’t be attracted to that anymore.
One of the benefits of a relationship and a thing that makes it so appealing to people, is that you get to grow and become better people together as a couple.
So, if your ex catches up with you and senses that she couldn’t grow with you and would have to take a step back or many steps back, then she will feel repelled and won’t be interested in being a couple again.
Another mistake is…
2. Being less emotionally strong than her now
When a woman has been apart from a guy for a while, she can get used to being on her own and having to take care of herself emotionally.
Taking care of herself emotionally gives her a sense of confidence and independence that she likely didn’t have when in a relationship.
She doesn’t feel like she needs a guy to lift her up and make her feel good about herself anymore, which will come across in her body language, behavior and conversation style.
So, when she meets up with her ex guy, she will be looking to see if he is the sort of man who can handle being with a woman who doesn’t need to be reassured all the time.
If he feels intimidated by that, then she will lose interest in him and won’t want to step down a few levels to be the insecure, self-doubting woman she used to be.
Another mistake is…
3. Acting neutral and friendly, but hoping that she feels a spark
If you act friendly or neutral around your ex, she will probably only ever have friendly, neutral, non-sexual feelings for you.
She might even end up seeing your new relationship as like a brother-sister relationship, where you love each other in a friendly way, but there is no sexual spark between you.
So, to get her back, make sure that you actively spark her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you, rather than pretending that you just want to be her friend.
Of course, it’s totally fine to be friendly with her, but just make sure you’re that not pretending to be an innocent friend who isn’t interested in her in a sexual or romantic way.
Make her want you again sexually and romantically and when you do, the relationship will naturally get back together right away, or very quickly.
Finally, another mistake to avoid is…
4. Discussing the possibility of having a relationship before you’ve even gotten to a kiss or had sex with her again
A relationship is what usually happens after a couple gets to kissing and sex.
Prior to that, a couple might be friends or be dating, but they won’t officially be boyfriend and girlfriend.
So, if you start discussing getting back into a relationship before you’ve fully reactivated your ex’s with kissing and sex, she’s probably not going to be open to the idea.
Instead, she may feel as though you are pressuring into giving you another chance just because you and her used to be together.
Yet, she will want to base her decision on how she feels now, not on how she used to feel when things were good between you and her.