Yes, it’s very possible that your ex is only texting you because she is bored.
However, it really doesn’t matter.
What matters is how you are making her feel when she interacts with you and the approach you are using to get her back.
For example: Imagine that your ex sends you a text saying something along the lines of, “Hey, how are you? How is your day so far?”
When a text like that comes through, many guys will make the classic mistake of responding with something like, “Oh, I’m fine. Nothing much is happening with me. What about you…what are you up to?” and then carry on texting back and forth in a friendly, neutral kind of way.
Eventually, the woman will feel satisfied that he still misses her and is still there for her and will say something like, “Okay, I’ve got to get back to work now. Bye.”
He will then wait until the next time she sends another text and repeat the whole thing over again.
Yet, that type of interaction is not going to attract her back into a sexual, romantic relationship.
Instead, it will usually just help her pass the time if she’s feeling bored, but in most cases, it’s not going to make her think, “Wow, I really miss my ex. It’s so exciting chatting with him again! I wonder if we should get together again and see how things go?”
So, what should you do instead?
Use your ex’s texts as an opportunity to spark some of her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you.
If you do that, the idea of talking to you on the phone and meeting up with you in person becomes something she actually starts to long for.
Here’s an example of how to respond to your ex when she sends you a text like the one mentioned above (e.g. “Hey, how are you? How is your day so far?”).
You can reply with something like, “I’m great! I’m having an awesome day, but don’t know if I should tell you why. Lol…”
She might then reply with, “What’s going on? Tell me,” and you can then say, “I don’t want to make you jealous, but I’ve skipped work/university today and am sitting in the park right now eating a pizza and working on my tan. Haha! How about you?”
She might then reply with, “Damn, I’ve been stuck in boring meetings all day! You bastard! How can you do that to me? Lol…”
You can then reply with, “I told you that I didn’t want to say anything. This pizza is good. Anyway, I don’t want to torture you while I sit here enjoying the afternoon, so I’m going to say bye to you now. Have a great day. Don’t work too hard!”
At this point, she is probably going to be smiling and feeling more open to meeting up with you in person because it feels good to be interacting with you again.
Here’s the thing…
This type of interaction will at least spark her interest, get her smiling and she might even have a bit of a laugh.
As she focuses on your positive qualities (e.g. you’re confident, funny, charming, interesting), she then starts to experience feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
Then, when you ask her to meet up with you, she’ll be more than willing to say “Yes,” because you’ve been making her feel attracted while texting her.
On the other hand, if all you do is respond to what she says without sparking her feelings for you, she will likely continue to say things like, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Let’s leave things the way they are for now” if you suggest a meet up.
Where Guys Go Wrong
Here are some mistakes to avoid making when interacting with your ex via text:
1. Texting her like a friend instead of creating a spark
Sometimes a guy might feel unsure about how to respond to his ex via text that he decides to act like a neutral friend and hope for the best.
He remains on his best behavior (e.g. is nice, polite, friendly, sweet, generous, complimentary), pretends that he’s not interested in getting back together again and avoids flirting with her.
Secretly, he’s hoping that his behavior will make her feel comfortable and not pressured to get back with him, so she will begin to open up and want it.
It seems like a good plan, but if she isn’t feeling attracted to him after dumping him (most women), then she’s just going to be texting him because she is bored.
He might be getting the impression that she’s interested, but she’s not.
It’s very easy for a woman to add in a smiley emoticon ☺ or type “LOL!!!” when she’s not actually smiling or laughing.
Instead, she rolls her eyes or feels completely indifferent towards him and is just texting him for something to do.
She knows very well that he still wants her and she also knows that he has no idea how to re-attract her back, before she moves on.
Of course, most guys don’t know that.
So, they keep texting and texting in a friendly, neutral kind of way and add in some humor every now and then.
Yet, the woman can see through it.
She can see that he is trying hard to impress her and it’s just not working.
He doesn’t know that though.
He is secretly hoping that if he can just keep texting her, she will eventually open up.
Then, when she feels fully relaxed and at ease with him, she will realize what an honorable man he’s been towards her and she will fall head over heels in love with him again.
Yet, that’s just not how it works in almost all ex back cases.
In the majority of ex back cases and situations, a woman isn’t going to think, “WOW! This is amazing! I can’t believe how sweet and sensitive my ex is being about my feelings. He’s just letting me dictate the pace without putting pressure on me to give him another chance. That’s so attractive to me. I just love being in control of the ex back process. Maybe we should get back together again. I will lead the way! Yes! That’s it! I will be the strong one and tell him that it’s time we met up and got back together.”
Instead, she won’t be feeling attracted and will simply text him when she feels bored.
At the same time, she will likely be focusing the rest of her attention on moving on with her life and hooking up with a guy who actually sparks her feelings of desire for him.
So, don’t do that to yourself.
If you want to be more than your ex’s text buddy every time she feels bored, then don’t act like her little text buddy.
In other words, don’t act like a good friend who isn’t interested in her.
By all means, be her friend, but just don’t be an innocent, reliable, neutral friend.
Instead, make sure that when she sends you a text, your responses can cause her to her laugh, smile and hope for more (i.e. that you will call her and ask her out for a meet up).
For example: If she texts you and asks, “Hey, how are you today?” you can reply with, “I’ll get back to you on that! Busy at the moment.”
She will then be left thinking, “What is he doing? Why can’t he tell me now?” and you can reply in a few hours with, “I’m good. Just got home. How are you?”
She will then be curious and ask you what you were up to.
If you were at the movies or a restaurant with some friends, you can say, “I was about to watch a movie. Wasn’t quite sure about it, but I can now confirm that it’s pretty cool” and recommend that she goes and sees it.
Alternatively, you can say, “I was in the middle of eating something at XYZ restaurant. Awesome food. How about you? How was your day?”
She is then left thinking, “Who was he eating with? Why couldn’t he text me back?”
Women LOVE having those kinds of questions in their mind about a guy.
Women LOVE to be the one who is constantly thinking about the other in a relationship.
It allows a woman to become consumed by the relationship and live, breath and eat it on a daily basis.
If you can give her that gift, she will want to be around you and with you as much as possible.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Sticking to just text rather than getting to a phone call and an in person meet up
Sometimes when a guy is unclear about his ex’s intentions for texting him (e.g. is she texting him because she’s interested, or is she simply bored?), he might decide to just stick to text and see where things go.
He’s hoping that his ex will eventually make her intentions clear, either by texting something along the lines of, “Hey, why don’t you call me sometime?” or “Why don’t we meet up for coffee later this week?” or, if she’s not interested, she will stop texting him altogether.
So, rather than pick up the phone and make the first move, he sticks to texting back and forth and hope that it leads to something.
Deep down, he knows that he is afraid to call her and face rejection and knows that he should have more balls than that, but he just can’t do it.
So, rather than take the risk, he plays the waiting game instead.
Here’s the thing though…
Even if a woman’s is texting her ex because she wants him back, if she realizes that he’s not taking the bait and calling her to arrange a meet up, she will eventually give up and move on without him.
Additionally, if a woman is only texting her ex because she’s bored, she will be secretly trying to move on by dating new guys.
Eventually, her texts will stop or she will let her ex know that she’s no longer available.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want to get your ex back for real, make sure you don’t get caught up in an endless cycle of texting back and forth with her.
Instead, you’ve got to get her on a phone call with you as quickly as possible, so that you can re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
When on a phone call, it’s a lot easier for you to show her that you’ve changed and are now a new and improved version of the man she broke up with.
How can you do that?
By maintaining your confidence with her, especially when she is being cold and distant towards you and is trying to make you feel nervous while talking to her.
The more you break down her protective walls during a phone call, the more open she becomes to meeting up with you in person.
On the other hand, if all she ever gets are texts, she’s usually just going to continue thinking of you as the guy she broke up with (i.e. in a negative way) and her feelings of respect and attraction for you will remain dormant.
By the way…
Getting her on a phone call is only the next step in the ex back process.
The next step is to get her to meet up with you in person, where you can fully re-attract her (e.g. by displaying some of the qualities that are attractive to woman such as confidence, emotional strength, emotional masculinity) and get her back for real.
Important: Don’t go to a meet up if you haven’t improved your ability to attract her.
That doesn’t work.
So many guys quickly read some of my articles and rush to meet up with their ex woman.
Don’t do that.
If you are going to meet up with her, make sure that you have improved your ability to make her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you during interactions.
If you use the same old approach to attraction that got you dumped, then she almost certainly not going to be interested in giving you another chance.
So, make sure that you level up before the meet up.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Waiting for a clear signal from her that she wants a relationship before he tries to get her back for real
Sometimes, a guy will waste a lot of time (e.g. weeks, months and even years) waiting for his ex to give him an obvious sign that she’s open to giving him another chance with her.
He is hoping that she will eventually text something like, “I know you might be surprised to hear this, but I truly regret breaking up with you. I really miss you and I want us to get back together again? Do you think you’d like that too?”
He can then say, “Are you kidding? That’s what I’ve been hoping for all along! Of course I want us to get back together again!”
Then everything will be perfect and they will live happily ever after.
…but hold on!
Real life usually isn’t like a Hollywood movie or a romance novel.
In the real world, even if a woman is secretly still in love with her ex and wants him back, she will rarely spell things out for him in that way.
Firstly, the majority of women want to know that a guy has the confidence required to actively get her back, without her having to make it easy for him.
Secondly, a woman doesn’t want to come across as desperate.
So, rather than give him a clear signal that she wants a relationship, she will wait and see what he does.
If he has the courage to call her up and make her feel attracted again, she will feel respect for him again.
When she respects and feels attracted to him, she will then open herself up to loving him again.
On the other hand, if he just waits for her to give him a sign, she might begin to doubt his interest in her.
She may then say to herself, “Well, maybe he isn’t really interested after all. I should focus on fully getting over him and finding myself a replacement man. I don’t want him to eventually text me and say that he’s got a new girl, so I’d better get a new guy first.”
Yet, all that could have been avoided if he only had the confidence to make a move right away, rather than waiting for a sign from her.
So, remember: It doesn’t matter if your ex is only texting you because she’s bored, or because she’s interested in getting back together again.
What matters is the approach you are using to get her back (i.e. are you making her feel attracted to you again and following through to get her back, or are you being a typical modern guy who hides behind texts and is too afraid to make a move?).
What you need to do is meet up with her, fully re-attract her, hook up with her sexually and get her back.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
4. Feeling obligated to reply to everything she texts
Just because your ex is texting you, it doesn’t mean that you have to respond every time.
If you respond to everything, rather than making her feel special, she will usually be thinking, “This is so weird. It’s like he has no life is waiting around for me to text him. That’s actually kinda creepy. Doesn’t he have anything else to do? Is he really that desperate?”
So, don’t give her that impression of you.
Instead, understand that it’s not rude for you to have a life and respond to her at a suitable time, rather than responding right away or quickly every time she texts you.
In some cases, a text from her might even be so trivial or irrelevant that it doesn’t even need a response (e.g. “Sitting in traffic. So bored right now.”)
If you’re busy (e.g. at work, out with friends, involved in something important), it’s perfectly okay not to respond right away.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should intentionally ignore her for days for no reason.
That would be rude and she will likely get annoyed with you for playing mind games with her.
Instead, reply when you feel like it’s relevant to do so (e.g. she’s asking you a question, she’s telling you about something important that’s happened to her).
However, don’t entertain her if her only reason for texting is because she’s bored and she has nothing better to do with her time.
You do have better things to do with your time than to reply to nonsense texts all day and night.
You are a man who is getting on with his life and being happy and productive, despite the fact that you and her have broken up.
The more you convey this message to her (i.e. by not being available to her whenever she wants), the more curious she will feel about you.
Then, when you call her on the phone and suggest a meet up, she will be open to the idea.
She will want to find out for herself what you’re up to and how much you’ve changed since she broke up with you.
That’s what you want.
You want her feeling curious, interested and open to exploring her new feelings for you.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
5. Over analyzing what she is sending via text
For example: A woman might send her ex a text saying something along the lines of, “Hey you, what are you up to tonight? I hate Sunday nights. They’re my loneliest night of the week,” or “Went to a great party last night. I got so drunk.”
He might then wonder, “Why is she saying that she’s lonely? Does that mean she misses me, or is she only texting me because she’s bored?” or “Why is she telling me about her party? Is she trying to make me jealous?” or “If she got drunk, is it also possible that she had sex with another guy and just isn’t telling me about it?”
He over analyzes her every text and drives himself crazy in the process.
Here’s what you need to know…
What your ex’s intentions are for texting you is completely irrelevant.
Do not follow the direction of a woman when it comes to dating and romance.
If you do, they will lead you around and around in circles and confuse the crap out of you.
As a man, all you need to focus on is what you are doing to make a woman feel sexually and romantically attracted to you (e.g. being confident, emotionally masculine, charismatic, funny, charming).
If you are making her feel that way, she is going to be feeling attracted to you, even if she tries to mess with your confidence by saying that she isn’t quite sure about you yet.
So, don’t focus on what she is doing or why.
All that matters is that you use the interactions as an opportunity to spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
- Do your text responses usually make her feel attracted, or does she feel bored or indifferent towards you?
- Are you sparking her curiosity about the new you (e.g. by being very confident and self-assured when you reply to her), or does she assume that you’re at the same level you were at when she broke up with you (e.g. insecure, self-doubting, unsure of yourself)?
- Is she feeling more respect and attraction for you (based on your interactions with her), or is she a bit turned off?
That’s what really counts when texting.
The more you build on her feelings, the more she will want to talk to you on the phone and meet up with you in person.
In person, you can then get her back for real.