Growing up, the first bit of “dating advice” that a guy will often get is from his well-meaning mother.
She will tell him that the best way to get a girl to like him is to first know how to be a gentleman to a lady.
Treat her nicely, buy her flowers, pull out her chair for her and push it in, open the car door for her.
Yet, if you’re a typical nice guy (like I used to be), you will have already tried being a gentleman to women and would’ve been rejected because of it.
Why does being too nice to a modern woman often result in her rejecting you?
Essentially, there is nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, or treating her to some gentlemanly behavior.
Yet, if that is your main approach to try and win her over, to get to a sexual, loving relationship with her, then you’re almost certainly going to be rejected.
A woman wants to get into a sexual, loving relationship with a guy that she feels sexually attracted to, not a nice guy who she only feels nice, friendly emotions for.
This is why, if you don’t initially focus on making her feel sexually attracted to you, then she won’t really care how much of a good guy you are.
Only after you have triggered a woman’s feelings of sexual desire, does she then really appreciate the fact that you’re also a gentleman (in addition to being sexy to her) and have good intentions with her.
Manners Are Great, But They Are Not What Gets You Laid or Gets You a Girlfriend
The myth of a gentleman getting the girl is reinforced by TV drama shows, woman’s magazines and romantic Hollywood movies, where the nice man always gets the girl in the end.
It makes for a good story to watch (e.g. because the nice guy usually gets picked up, becomes stronger/smarter and then beats the villain).
Yet, real life just doesn’t work that way.
In fact, when a guy believes that the real world works in the same way that he has seen it work on TV or in the movies, he will usually then try it and get rejected by most of the women (including the very lady-like women, who seem to really want a nice guy) that he tries it on.
When that happens, he might begin to think that women no longer like men who know how to be a gentleman.
Yet, that just isn’t true.
Watch this video to understand the missing piece of puzzle that nice guys almost never understand…
The reality is that women are still as attracted to gentlemen as they have ever been.
However, if a gentleman is unable to create attraction between himself and a lady (e.g. by flirting), then his good manners are nice, but won’t make the woman want him sexually and romantically.
She might appreciate the fact that he’s a good guy and has would have good intentions with her, but she won’t feel much or any sexual desire in response to politeness.
The truth is that most relationships start with kissing and sex, not long, drawn out courtships that go on for months and years.
In the past, a woman had to save virginity for marriage and she also had to find herself a man who could support her.
She couldn’t earn her own money and the society around her didn’t allow her to have sex before marriage.
When she got married, she was stuck with that man for life, so she had to take her time and find a real gentleman who could support her.
Women can now earn their own money and have sex with whomever they want before settling down, if at all.
If a woman isn’t happy with the man she has chosen (regardless of whether she is a lady, a party girl or a girl next door type), she is allowed to leave him and find another guy.
To save all the hassle of going through a lengthy dating process, most modern women now start off with kissing and sex and see where it goes from there.
For example: A recent study found that 55% of couples had sex on their first date and 70% of women admitted to having experienced a one night stand before.
In other words, you don’t need to be a gentleman and court a woman for months or years before you get a chance with her.
Start with sexual attraction, kiss her, have sex with and then begin a relationship if you want to.
If you want to be a gentleman to her while you are going through that process, that will simply be seen as a bonus to her.
She will feel lucky to have met a good guy like yourself who not only knows how to make her feel attracted, but has the classy manners of gentleman. It will be like winning the dating jackpot for her.
Being a Modern Gentleman
In today’s world, the right way to be a gentleman to a woman is to simply show her by way of your manners, conversation, body language, vibe and attitude that you are a man of class.
Be considerate, loving, caring, compassionate, attentive and present when you interact with her.
However, make sure that you ALSO focus on making her feel sexually attracted to you.
While a woman might be impressed by gentlemanly behavior when she first meets a guy, she won’t remain impressed for long if he isn’t triggering feelings of sexual attraction inside of her.
After a while, she will begin to feel suspicious and wonder why he is being so nice to her, even though she isn’t sexually interested in him.
She may then begin to treat him badly, show a lack of interest or lead him on and pretend to be interested (so she can continue getting all the nice treatment) while she focuses on finding a guy who actually knows how to turn her on.
3 Mistakes That Guys Make When Trying to Be a Gentleman to a Lady
There’s nothing wrong with being a gentleman, especially when you’re interacting with a woman who sees herself as a lady or high class woman.
However, be sure to avoid making the following mistakes that other guys make…
1. Acting like he just wants to be friends
A guy like that will be seriously interested in having a sexual relationship with a woman, but he will only behave like an innocent friend.
He assumes that it would be disrespectful to be forward about his sexual interest in her, so he acts like he just wants to be a nice friend to her.
A woman may be impressed by his manners, but because she doesn’t know that he is sexually interested in her, she will keep her options option and look for a guy who is.
What many guys don’t realize is that most women are insecurity about their looks and sex appeal.
According to the international survey conducted by Dove cosmetics, 96% of women do not consider themselves to be beautiful.
If a guy just acts like a friend and doesn’t make it clear that he finds her sexually attractive, a woman’s insecurity will often get in the way and she will act the same way around him.
She will be worried about getting rejected by him if she shows sexual interest, so she will act like a friend and then hook up with another guy who is confident enough to say, “Wow, you’re looking sexy today” or “Hey, I thought I’d come over and say hi…you’re easily the most beautiful woman in the bar.”
2. Thinking that good manners will be enough to woo her
Although a woman will be impressed by a guy’s good manners, if he doesn’t display the personality traits and behaviors that naturally attract women (e.g. confidence, charisma, masculine vibe, ability to make her laugh, etc), she won’t really care about his good manners.
Manners are great, but without sexual attraction, a well mannered guy is just a friend.
3. Being a fake gentleman, when he’s really just a normal, good guy with good intentions
Some guys pretend to be a very nice guy or classy gentleman, when they are really just a normal good guy.
At home, he will masturbate to hardcore porn with women being double penetrated, choked, etc, but around women, he will pretend to be an innocent gentleman who would never think of anything erotic or naughty when it comes to women.
One a date, he will open the passenger side car door for her to get in, pull out her chair, bring her flowers and try to impress her with an expensive dinner.
Most women won’t be able to spot that a guy is a fake gentleman initially, but if the date goes on for long enough, the woman will eventually begin to pick up on subtle cues that he is simply putting on an act, as a way of hopefully impressing her.
When a woman gets the sense that a guy is being a fraud, she will raise up her guard and make it extremely difficult for him to escalate to the next level (i.e. kissing, sex, relationship).
How to be a Gentleman and Still Get the Girl
If you want to be a gentleman who can attract high class ladies, you need to first focus on mastering your ability to instantly trigger feelings of sexual attraction inside of a woman.
You are most-likely already a really good guy, so you probably don’t need to become any more gentlemanly than you already are.
You have the manners, you have good intentions and you want to find yourself a lady.
However, what modern women (including ladies) are looking for first and foremost, is a man who can make them feel sexually attracted and turned on.
You have to start with sexual attraction and then everything else will flow on smoothly after that.
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