You walk into a café or restaurant and are happily greeted by a beautiful waitress. As she smiles at you in a friendly way and, as she talks you about your order, her beauty, warmth and upbeat personality begins to win you over.
You really like her and you begin to wonder whether you might have a chance with her. You think, “Is she this nice to every guy that comes is? Do her and I have a special connection here? Should I make a move?” After placing your order and seeing her walk away, you begin to think about how you could stand out from all the other guys she meets every day.
She comes back with the order…
What are you going to do? Are you going to just say, “Thank you” or are you going to make her feel sexually attracted to you by flirting with her? Are you going to be another boring, forgettable customer or are you going to make sure that she definitely remembers you?
As she approaches your table, she makes eye contact with you and smiles, “Here’s your dinner. Enjoy your meal.” You know that this is your moment to make a move, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it.
Instead, you just say “Thanks” and then hope that you behave differently when it comes time to get the check/bill.
Yet, you don’t. All you can manage to do is spark up some polite, friendly conversation like, “So, how long have you been working here?” because you have no idea what else you should be saying to her.
As you walk outside, you feel an instant wave of disappointment wash over you. A great opportunity to get the phone number from a beautiful woman has just slipped through your fingers. So, what should you have done instead?
1. Don’t Talk to Her in Customer Mode
Most guys only talk to waitresses as a CUSTOMER would, which means that the waitress doesn’t feel much or anything around them. She forgets about guys like that as soon as they leave. Here’s an example:
- Standard guy: Can I have a coffee please?
- Waitress: Yes, what kind would you like?
- Standard guy: Flat white thanks.
This is a standard TRANSACTION between a customer and a waitress. It does not inspire desirable emotions inside of the waitress. If you want to spark her interest, you need to stand out from all the other customers she meets each day by having an INTERACTION with her, not just a TRANSACTION.
Instead of treating her like a robotic, customer service employee, flirt with her and talk to her like a real person. Talk about your day (i.e. what you’re up to that day) and in the case of a coffee shop – ask her if she’s the best coffee maker in the place.
Ask it with a smile, so she knows you are joking around with her. Then, tell her you’re going to rate her coffee out of 10 when you try it. Then, give her a 3. If you ask how her day is going and she replies with, “Busy!” smile and playfully tease her about not working hard enough and tell her to work harder.
See how it works?
When done correctly, this type of conversation style breaks a waitress out of customer service mode and into personal mode with you. Once she is in personal mode, it then becomes very easy to flirt, chat and move things towards a phone number.
2. Get Her Phone Number When the Time is Right
While each situation that you meet women in requires some adjustments to what you say and do, getting a woman’s phone number is often the easiest part of any pick up. Two common mistakes that guys make when attempting to get a woman’s phone number are:
- Asking for the phone number too quickly.
- Asking for the phone number in the wrong way.
For example: When ordering his food in a restaurant, a guy might say, “I’ll get a steak and chips…and I’ll get your phone number while you’re at it” thinking that she will find it funny and charming and then hand over her phone number.
What he doesn’t realize is that the waitress hears those types of cheesy lines ALL the time. It’s not original, it’s not funny and it doesn’t follow the basic flow of a male female courtship.
To be successful at getting a waitress’s phone number, you need to:
1. Spend at least 1-5 minutes talking to her.
2. Spark her attraction and interest for you, by being confident, flirting with her and using humor.
3. Break her out of customer service mode and into personal mode with you.
4. Connect with her in a fun and interesting way.
5. Find some common ground between you, without coming across as though you’re trying too hard to get to know her.
6. After all that, you can say something like, “Hey, it’s been good chatting to you. Do you want to chat again sometime?” and wait for her to say “Yes.” Then say, “Okay cool, put your number in here” (and hand her your phone) or say “write your number down.”
If she says that she’s not allowed to give out her number to customers (some bosses enforce those types of rules for employees), say, “Okay cool…let’s add each other to Facebook. How do I find you on Facebook?” and then add her right there and then.
By making her feel attracted to you and then developing a bit of a connection, the waitress will have a REASON to give you her number, “Wow, this guy is interesting…and we have ______ in common…I’d like to see him again.”
However, if you ask for her number without connecting with her or without sparking her attraction & interest for you, she will reject you almost every time. Why? That sort of approach (i.e. trying to get her phone number without first establishing attraction and a connection) just doesn’t feel right to a woman; it feels to forced and rushed.
3. Don’t Be 100% Sold on Her Just Because She Looks Good
If a waitress is attractive, most of the male customers she encounters will feel enough attraction for her to instantly be interested in having sex with her. Many of the men will also instantly be open to having her as a girlfriend.
Attractive women get very bored of that, which is why they end up liking guys who are a bit more of a challenge. Watch this video to learn more…
By the way…
Just because a woman is pretty and works as a waitress, it doesn’t automatically mean that she is an expert at talking to men or is completely confident in herself.
At The Modern Man, we have found that many women are insecure (e.g. a study on beauty by Dove cosmetics found that 96% of women don’t consider themselves to be beautiful) and will often be lost for words when talking to a guy they like.
For example: You will often (I repeat, OFTEN) come across women who like you, but don’t know what to say to you or are unsure of how to handle themselves in the situation. When the conversation goes silent, they will ask you boring, interview-style questions like, “Umm…so, what do you do?” or “Sooo….where are you from?” because they don’t know what else to say.
So, the next time you approach a waitress, just keep that in mind – she might like you, but she might just feel nervous and shy about making that too obvious.
4. Make Sure That You Include Flirting
When it comes to picking up waitresses, I often get asked, “How can I get her to take an interest in me, other than just being another customer that she has to serve?”
Here’s the deal…
Unless you flirt with her, she will usually only see you as a customer. A lot of guys want to learn how to be more successful with women, but are often unwilling to use flirting because they don’t want to be seen as “sleazy.” Flirting is not sleazy.
Flirting is a discreet and classy for men and women to show their sexual interest in each other, without actually having to say the words “I’m interested in having sex with you…are you interested in having sex with me?”
5. Read Her Signals of Interest and Then Make a Move
Instead of saying, “I like you, please ask me for my phone number” a woman will provide signals to show that she is interested in you.
Why don’t women just come out and say that they like you?
Women are attracted to confident guys, so instead of leading wimpy guys all the way through a courtship, they provide signals of interest and then it is up to the guy to be confident enough to make a move.
Here are some of the signals of interest to look out for when interacting with a waitress:
- She gives you a flirting look (e.g. dips her head down, looks up at you in a shy way and gently bites her bottom lip).
- She’s tries to keep the conversation going with you for more than a minute, even though you’ve already ordered and she doesn’t actually need to be talking to you anymore.
- She plays with her necklace in a shy way or twirls her hair with her finger while being all girly with her body language.
- She asks you lots of questions about your personal life.
If you are serious about getting the results that you really want with women, then I am ready to help you right now.
I will teach you quick and simple ways to instantly begin experiencing more success with women. Ready to begin?
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Hi Dan. Great article once again. No doubt, picking up waitresses at work is a common question every guy asks themselves. Most of my friends have been attracted to several waitresses loads of times, and one has sleazily tried to get one’s number in front of us. I slowly slid down my chair in embarassment lol. One thing I am probably too cautious about with waitresses is that they are regularly busy and at worst times, under stress. Do they really have time to deal with your interaction approach? Do they even want to when under a heavy workload? Cheers.
Thanks for your question.
When you say that he “sleazily” tried to get her number, what do you mean?
About the waitress having time to “deal” with your approach: If a woman is looking for love and is hoping to meet a boyfriend or new lover, she will be happy to encounter an opportunity with a guy who knows how to hit on her properly. As long as you do it right, she will be happy to put aside 10-15 seconds to have a quick interaction and see how it feels.
Just noticed your response on here. Basically what happened with my mate was that as soon as the waitress asked if we wanted anything else after making our drink order, he said to her to give him her phone number, and with a wink. I admire the guy’s guts, but the waitress’s response was priceless (“Um, I’ll pass but thanks”). Though I think my mate was pretty full on well too early, she was running around throughout the night and not as open as I’m used to. Hence my question on the matter. Thanks for your response by the way. Look forward to hearing from you soon Dan, feels like you’ve gone off the radar with so much work I’m betting.
Yeah, that’s the wrong way to do it. Guys who don’t understand how to flirt with women or create a spark of attraction in other ways, hope to go “straight for the kill” and get a result like that. Often, they fear approaching women in general and will try to instantly capitalise on any opportunity they get with a woman by going straight for the end result. Being a waitress, she would get that a few times a night and reject the guy each time.
BTW: Yes, I’m taking a break from answering comments to focus on making posts and videos for the site. Stopped to reply to yours though mate. There’s a new post and video coming out about flirting in 1-2 days. Putting finishing touches on it now. I provide two examples of flirting in it and explain what flirting is all about.
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