Trying to understand why women are attracted to abusive men is a very perplexing thing; especially if you’re the guy watching this happen to a friend, a relative or a woman that you like.
We’ve all encountered a beautiful woman (or women), who meets an attractive guy, they start to date, things go great for a while and then a few weeks or months later, the abuse starts.
The abuse can take many different forms; she may be abused physically where he beats her, slaps her or pushes her around physically, or he may abuse her mentally by calling her fat, ugly, useless, or tell her that no-one likes her, etc.
This pattern continues for a little while until she figures out what’s going on, realizes that she wants out and dumps him. She decides to take a break from men for a little while, but soon after she meets another bad boy and the same cycle starts again; which begs the question: Why are women attracted to abusive men?
Psychologists have been perplexed by this phenomenon for a long time and there are many theories to explain why this happens.
The most common one is that women who are attracted to abusive men come from homes with abusive men (father’s, step-fathers or their mothers’ boyfriends) and, when they get older, they get into these relationships to resolve the outstanding emotional issues from their past relationships.
Fortunately, not all women are attracted to abusive men and the above scenario only applies to a very small percentage of women; although it can be heartbreaking when it is happening to a beautiful woman that you are attracted to, or to someone you care about.
The Other Guy
Usually when a woman is in a relationship with an abusive man there is always another guy, the Other Guy, who she confides in and complains to about her abusive man, or about how she always ends up in relationships with abusive men.
This is usually the same nice, good hearted guy who is asking the question, “Why are women attracted to abusive men?” The Other Guy waits in the wings, pining for her and hoping that she will open her eyes and see that she’s with the wrong guy.
He might even get to take her out to dinner when she is feeling down and he’ll try to show her how much he cares, but he just isn’t what she is looking for.
If she is one of the small percentage of women who are attracted to abusive men, she isn’t going to feel right with a very nice guy until she gets to a point in her life where she is no longer attractive to most men (i.e. she gets old).
Women who attract abusive men are actually lacking in confidence and have low self esteem, even if you think they are beautiful, intelligent and worthy of the best treatment. They will allow themselves to be abused by a guy because they just don’t think that they deserve any better. It might not make sense to you, but that’s how she thinks.
Bad Boy vs. Abuser
It is very easy to confuse the bad boy qualities that women find irresistible in men and the qualities of abusive men.
Abusers tend to be charming, attentive and they are able to find a woman’s weak areas to use against her. Their outer image is only a façade. which is easy to mistake for the real thing if a woman is insecure enough and feels like she doesn’t deserve positive attention from men.
Bad Boy qualities on the other hand, are what women adore, because they are usually more genuine and have no intention of abusing her.
Bad boys are naughty, flirtatious and playful and they have an edge of danger about them, so it’s not always easy for a woman to differentiate between an abuser and a bad boy when she first meets a guy.
Sometimes, she simply has an attraction to bad boys and by the luck of the draw, she gets a few abusers in a row. From the outside, it will look like she is attracted to abusive men, but she’s really just looking for a guy who is a bit of a bad boy.
Some guys might think women are crazy for feeling attracted to a bad boy, but it’s just the same as a nice guy feeling attracted to a stripper or pornstar. You can’t help feeling attracted to those women, even though you know that some of them won’t be good for you.
Why Are Some Guys Attracted to Women Who Like Abusive Men?
There are a number of reasons why some guys feel attracted to women who like abusive men or who need to be saved.
Being attracted to a woman who doesn’t feel the same way about them, and probably never will, speaks volumes about the way he sees himself.
He feels like he isn’t good enough for women and hopes that if he can just show a woman how much of a good guy he is, she will eventually realize her mistake for feeling attracted to bad boys or abusive men and come running into his arms…just like a Hollywood movie.
A guy like that also often feels like he needs to save women from bad men because he has a belief that all men (except him) are bad, crazy, evil and selfish. He sees himself as the knight in shining armor, the intelligent nice guy who wants to treat a woman like a princess.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that the majority of women in the world do want to find themselves a good guy. However, simply being a good guy to a woman is not enough reason to begin a sexual, romantic relationship.
If you want sex and romantic love, you also have to make her feel attracted to you. Why?
Watch this video to understand why the nice guy approach even gets guys rejected by women who are actually looking for a good guy…
As you will discover in the video above, there is NOTHING wrong with being nice to a woman. The problem is when guys think that women will reward them with sex, love and devotion for being nice.
That’s not how it works.
If you want women to appreciate the fact that you are a good guy, you have to start by making her feel sexually attracted to you. For example: Attract her with your confidence, charism, charm, ability to make her laugh, etc.
When a woman feels attracted to you, she will then appreciate the fact that you are a good guy. She will feel like she’s hit the dating jackpot.
So, if you are one of the guys who wants to save women who are attracted to abusive men, stop wasting your time. You don’t need to try to fix a broken woman because there are millions of normal, healthy women who are looking for a good guy.
Don’t Waste Your Life Waiting
Being the guy waiting in the wings for an abused woman to wake up and realize that you are the one for her is a waste of time. There are many beautiful and emotionally healthy women out there who are single and desperately looking for a good guy like you.
If you could get a date with one, or even two, three or more of these women would you still be hanging around waiting for an abused woman to give you the time of day? Probably not; so why waste your life waiting to be recognised by women who don’t want to be saved by you?