Discover The Secret to Success with Women
Discover The Secret to Success with Women

10 Common Reasons Why Men Fail With Women

Guys make all sort of mistakes that lead to failure with women, dating and relationships.

Could one of the following mistakes be the reason why you haven’t been succeeding with women lately? As you read through each of the common reasons why men fail with women, you’ll see that most of them are completely FIXABLE or avoidable.

How many of these mistakes have you made with women?

10. Showing too much interest too soon

The best way to show interest in a woman is to allow your interest to rise and fall depending on how she treats you, what she’s like as a person and on any other criteria you decide that you like or don’t like in a woman.

Many guys make the mistake of showing 100% attraction and interest in a woman right away. It is fine to be 100% attracted to her, but it is not fine to be 100% interested in her unless she really earns it.

Showing 100% interest in a woman will usually make her feel as though she doesn’t to do anything else to impress you or maintain your interest. In many cases, the woman will assume that you might be desperate or that she is out of your league.

So, make sure that you only allow your interest to rise if she behaves in the ways you like. In other words, be a bit of a challenge…

If she is being mean and bitchy towards you, or not contributing much to a conversation, you should pull back your interest in her. Believe me, she will respect you so much more for doing that and in most cases, she will then try to impress you to get your approval.

9. Being too nice

I'll be 100 times nicer than all the other guys...THEN women will like me!

When asked what she is looking for a in a guy, most women will say something like, “Well, he has to be nice…has to listen and actually care about me.” Many guys misinterpret that as being the keys to success with women and assume that the nicer they are to girls, the more that girls will like them.

Yet, that’s just not how it works. When a woman says “I just want a nice guy,” she isn’t referring to a nervous, extra polite nice guy who feels like he needs to pay for everything, buy her gifts all the time, do everything that she wants to do, always give in to her demands and try really hard to impress her. Instead, she is referring to a nice guy who:

  • Is confident around her, other women, alpha males and people in general.
  • Flirts with her and creates a sexual vibe.
  • Makes her feel girly in response to his masculinity.
  • Uses humor in an attractive way.
  • Is respected by other men.

There’s nothing wrong with being nice to a woman, but it’s not what makes her feel sexually attracted to you. The approach that I teach here at The Modern Man is about being a good guy, but also being sexually attractive to women.

A lot of guys fail with women because they assume that being nice to a woman will make her “like” him and want to be with him. However, liking you as a person is completely different to feeling sexual attraction for you.

"But, I'm a nice guy...can't you see that?"

8. Not creating sexual tension

Creating sexual tension between you and a woman is a MUST. Being a woman’s friend is NOT the step before having sex with her. You have to use flirting to create sexual tension and then release that sexual tension via kissing and sex.

Many guys feel as though creating sexual tension will be seen as “too forward” or “sleazy.” Over the years, guys have said to me, “The girl I like isn’t like other girls. She’s nice. She’s conservative” and all that sort of stuff. What a guy like that doesn’t realize is that women choose their boyfriends based on sexual desire, regardless of how conservative they behave.

Just like he masturbates at home every week, women also masturbate almost as often. See: Are Modern Men Masturbating Too Much?

7. Not approaching attractive women

If you only talk to women that you’re not attracted to or can’t hook up with (e.g. women who have a boyfriend or husband, coworkers, etc), then you’re not going to ger what you want with women anytime soon.

For example: Have you ever been in a bar and noticed a beautiful woman that you’d love to meet? Even though she might have been your perfect woman, you didn’t approach her. You just looked at her and daydreamed about what it would be like to be with her.

Why don’t you approach women that you find attractive? It may be that you:

  • Think that women don’t want to be approached.
  • Are unsure what to say when you approach.
  • Are worried that you will run out of things to say and the conversation will get awkward.
  • Don’t how to get a woman interested in you when you approach.
  • Are afraid of being rejected.

If any of the above apply to you, then you can either keep going through life living on the sidelines or you can learn how to get in on the action. The fact is that women are open to being approached in social environments. Women know that it’s the man’s role to approach and they hope to be approached by a confident guy who will be able to lead them through a sexual courtship and into a relationship.

6. Ignoring opportunities to meet single women

Why can't I find a nice girl?
There are millions of beautiful, single women who would love to be in a relationship with you right now. It really is true. Millions of single women wish they could find a guy just like you right now. If that is the case, why haven’t you met each other yet? I’m not sure how you currently try to meet women, but most guys who fail with women tend to rely on:

  • Maybe getting lucky one day. How long have you been waiting so far?
  • Chance encounters (e.g. you happen to get introduced through friends and then hit it off). When was the last time that happened? Would you be confident enough to handle being introduced to a beautiful woman or would you feel intimidated by her, get nervous and ruin the opportunity?

As you may have experienced, using only a couple of ways to find a girlfriend often leads to being single and alone for long periods of time. If you want to speed the process up of getting a girlfriend, I highly-recommend that you listen to 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. You will learn what to say and do to approach women and get yourself a girlfriend in 21 different environments (e.g. shopping mall, speed dating, mixed sports team, etc).

5. Giving up too easily

It's too difficult...I'll just stay at home
At the first sign of a woman losing interest, most guys give up thinking that they’ve blown it and quickly leave the interaction. When it comes to approaching women, one of the most important things you will ever learn is to STAY IN THERE. After coaching guys on weekend courses in bars and clubs for many years, I’ve seen guys (who had previously never approached women in their life) hook up with beautiful women on their second night of practice.

One of the main reasons for their success was simply staying in there and not giving up. The guys who are the most successful with women STAY IN THERE and keep the conversation going, keep flirting and keep moving things forward all the way to a phone number, kiss or sex. Staying in there demonstrates one of the most attractive traits that women look for in a guy: Confidence.

Of course, if a woman is telling you to “Go away!” then it’s probably not going to be a good idea to stay in there. However, if it’s just a case of the conversation stalling and getting a bit quiet at times, make sure you stay in there. In most cases, the woman will not know what to say to keep the conversation going and will hope that you have the confidence to stay in there and keep building a connection with her.

4. Lacking confidence

Shyness meeting people
The #1 thing that women are attracted to in men is confidence. However, most men have a hard time feeling confident around the women they like. If you tend to doubt yourself around women that you find attractive, you simply need to change the way you think. For example: Ben from The Modern Man once worked as a personal trainer in a gym. A lot of the customers were beautiful women; many of which he wanted to date.

So, he decided to conduct an experiment. Instead of thinking like he always had, “Does this woman like me?” or “Would I have a chance with her?” he changed his thinking to, “She wants me” and assumed that he was correct.

Not only did Ben feel an immediate boost in his own confidence, but he also noticed an immediate change in how women spoke to him. Suddenly, women were smiling and giggling when they talked to him. Why? The women sensed his confidence by noticing his body language, the way his spoke and how he looked at them. Ben then began to have sexual relationships with a number of women at the gym over the following months. Pretty remarkable for such a small change in mindset. If you want to learn some more amazing mindsets that radically improve your results with women, listen to Mastery Methods and Mindsets.

3. Thinking that it is impossible to get better results with women

Failing with women, but embarrassed to do anything about it

Many guys go through life thinking that if they haven’t been able to succeed with women so far, they are doomed for life. They develop all sorts of insecurities and come up with excuses about their looks, height, money, job, etc as being the reason for their lack of success with women.

Little do those men know that being successful with women requires a certain skill set. Just like you can learn to drive a car or play a guitar, you can also learn the skill set required for success with women. There is a skill set involved in approaching women, talking to women, escalating to kissing and sex, relationships and love. These are all things that a guy can learn and master.

Yet, instead of seeking a solution (i.e. learning from us here The Modern Man), many modern men distract themselves with work, study, sport, TV, porn and wasting time online (e.g browsing Facebook, reading the latest news, etc). The longer these men ignore their problems with women, the longer they have to put up with being single, lonely and frustrated.

If you’ve read this far, then you’re obviously different to most guys. You know that it’s possible to improve your skills with women. Yet, will you actually get started? Are you going to keep dulling your sexual desire each week by jerking off to porn (Read: Are Modern Men Masturbating Too Much?), or are you going to grow up and be a man who gets laid and gets a girlfriend in real life?

2. Fearing rejection

Fear of being rejected

If meeting and dating women was as simple as saying “Hi” and then living happily ever after, we’d all be living in a completely different world right now. In the real world, no guy is compatible with every woman he meets. The guys who are the most successful with women don’t see incompatibility as “rejection” like other guys do. If they meet a woman and it doesn’t work out, they see it as NORMAL and NATURAL.

In fact, the guys who are most successful with women see it as normal to meet 10 women and only properly “click” with three or four of them. They also understand that is completely normal to then only choose one or two of those women to begin dating and having sex.

1. Living in the past

Living in the past
It doesn’t matter if you have failed with women in the past. It also doesn’t matter if you’ve loved 100 women, only to be told the “I just want to be friends” line each time. All of that can change. EVERY GUY who has learned my techniques for success with women has failed with women (in some form or another) in the past. I did too. What separates me from all the other guys who continue to fail with women is that I have discovered the techniques for success with women and I now USE THEM.

Are you willing to learn my techniques? Do you want success with women or not? Check out what other guys are saying about how using my techniques has changed their life with women beyond recognition – success stories.

Discover The Secret to Success with Women
Discover The Secret to Success with Women

Free video reveals how ordinary guys get laid or get a girlfriend by using a simple approach that works instantly on all kinds of women...

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  • gurpreet  

    About the giving up part ‘:: should we keep trying with the girl that doesnt show interest in us

    And I don’t know if you’ve read my comment but am a good looking alpha male I flirt talk to girls but unfortunately it never works out they either get terminated from my office or leave the city or their long lost bf or current flame becomes their soulmate and am not a guy who lwoul break a relaion d

    I am a believer in god but i would get frustrated why he would do this ‘:: no*s of gilrs who called me (old friends who gt hot) are switched off

    Basically bcaus of these unconventional weird mysterious reaons it doesnt work out but i have taken these as lessons now i havelearned a lot but sometimes i get frustrated when i see beta maales get frmale attention and getting to feel a females body even with the slightest touch when i cd b spanking them without them even minding ( have done it)

    Also i tend to grt ignorant and arrogant from the getgo cz women at my office and ones i see are pro fmeininsts do u think i shd be friendly and then aggresssive ?? DO REPKY THIS TIME BROs

  • Tim  

    Finding many women are extremely cold and very unfriendly and many do look at a man’s account, clothes, and height, I am 5’7 in descent shape. I divorced after 23 years and seem rusty. I had better luck when I was in my early 20’s. Ideas? Thanks.Tim

  • Tony  

    Hey Dan, it’s Tony. I’ve been using advice and techniques from the modern man for about 6 years now and it’s changed my life over. I now enjoy routine sex with hot woman. I recently just got out of a 10 month relationship with a perfect 10 hottie… because it was ME who was not happy. Awesome right? Anyways, I’m back in the game again and for the most part things are great. I am currently talking to so many women that I often forget about some of them at times lol. Recently though, 2 women i’ve been on dates with, have blown me off. Sorta flaked out. One girl I had over at my place and things went GREAT to the point where she’d touch me to show she wanted me to make a move. So i did, but when i went to take it to sex, she said she didn’t want too because she just met me. Fair enough, so i played it cool. We scheduled to hang out tomorrow night. She texted me the entire next day, but than hours before we were supposed to hang out… she didn’t even show up. And what is even more weird, she’ll snap chat me and like my facebook statuses… but hasn’t told me why she blew me off. Same thing happened with another girl after. We hung out twice, and each time we hung out, she’s late by a considerable hour or too. And makes up excuses like “i got lost, i got held up in traffic” just very stupid stuff that you’re just kinda like… yeah bs. I called her out on it last night when we were going to hang out for our 3rd date and she said she was VERY sorry and hopes i’ll still talk to her. I said no worries, just tell me when you’ll be here. She said at 10pm she was on her way home from downtown (which is an hour from my house). 2pm rolls around and she says traffic is bad and she had to stop home. I said forget it. I’m done with my time being wasted like this. So my question is WHY are girls doing this? They are obviously interested in me, I’ve been in the game and followed the flow long enough to where i can tell they like me. WHY are they doing this though?


    • Hey Tony

      Great to hear about your success man. Well done.

      About the issue you are currently facing. That happens when you:

      a) Begin to attract and date higher quality women who will test to see how you react when they play hard to get. Do you become needy, angry, lose confidence in yourself, etc or do you remain calm, keep moving forward with your life and see them whenever it happens? If you’re stepping up in the quality of women you’re approaching and attracting, your game needs to be tight to deal with the challenges they will dish out to test you.

      b) When you approach and attract women who are not good enough for you. They know that you can have a higher quality woman and they worry about being heartbroken if they have sex with you and then fall in love with you, only to get dumped by you a few weeks or months down the track.


  • Todd Collins  

    Hey Dan, I read your articles all the time & follow the examples you give, & I thank you greatly. I hadn’t dated or had sex for 11 YEARS (YES, it’s true!!!), mainly because I had an addiction problem; & the last woman I was with in 2003, who I was living with, left me because of this problem. Through a lot of hard times, I finally kicked that problem. And after a few years of getting my life on track again, I finally felt that it was WAY past due to start dating again. But, being out of the game for more than 11 years, I found the ‘game’ had ‘changed’ dramatically. Being 48 years old doesn’t help much either, even though I am, & have been told by everyone that I look like I’m in my late 20’s / early 30’s. So, being that I noticed some problems in finding a date at 1st, I stared to look for advice, & found your website; & man, I’m glad I did! After reading, watching, & following your advice, I ended up attracting a LOT of women…& the majority of them were a LOT younger than me. I even had a totally smoking hot 19 year old college chick literally physically ‘falling’ into my arms 1 nite at the coffee shop I frequent! And, after numerous dates with different women, I have been with the 1 I’m with as of this writing for a month now. The question I have though is, she has on several occasions been blatantly ‘flirting’ with other guys while with me out in public ( clubs, social gatherings, out with friends, etc.). I literally had to take us home one nite at a show my friend had at a bar, because she started flirting with him right after I introduced her to him. Is this a problem, or just something that women like doing harmlessly? And if it is something ‘serious’, what should I do about it? I know getting angry with her is the absolute WRONG thing to do, but it has started to really get on my nerves. Please, any advice would be much appreciated. Thanx again!

    • Hey Todd

      Great to hear of your success so far. I’m glad to have you around here at The Modern Man and honored to be helping you.

      About your situation: You definitely need to address it head on in an easy-going, matter of fact way. Ignoring it and pretending that you don’t care won’t solve anything, unless you actually don’t care. If the relationship between you and her is not going to be serious, then at least mention to her that you’ve noticed her flirting with other guys. Smile, laugh and tell her that you’re okay about it and she can do whatever she wants. However, if the relationship between you and her is serious, let her know that you no longer want to have a serious relationship with her because of the way she flirts with other guys. Tell her that you and her can be FWB (Friends With Benefits) and she is free to do whatever she wants.

      In the past when I was sleeping with 4-5 women at once, some of my girls would behave like that. Since I wasn’t in a serious relationship with them and absolutely did not want to be, I let it happen and even encouraged it at times. Ironically, when I encouraged it, the woman would then worry that I was pushing her away and would stop it. She would then show extra affection to me.

      It sounds like your woman may either not be fully into you and is just having sex with you for a while, or she is insecure and needs to get a lot of flirting attention from men to feel good about herself. Either way, she’s not marriage material. You should just enjoy yourself with her and keep your options open.


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Discover The Secret to Success with Women Discover The Secret to Success with Women

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Dan Bacon - Dating & Relationship Expert

Welcome to The Modern Man!

My name is Dan Bacon and I used to be hopeless with women. I lacked confidence in myself and couldn't get women to like me. Despite being a good, honest guy, women just weren't interested.

When I created the controversial attraction techniques that I now teach here at The Modern Man, beautiful women began flooding into my life and I've enjoyed my choice of women ever since.

I've already helped 1,000s of guys to get instant results with women (100s of success stories here) and I would love to help you too.

If you are sick and tired of not getting results with women and would like to try something that is absolutely guaranteed to work for you, then get started here