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Why Don’t Women Like Me?
What makes a woman dislike a guy? Can any man change his success rate with women?
Hold on a second! Before you dive in with your carefully crafted list of reasons why you think women't don't like you, take a moment to consider whether your ability to instantly come up with a list of negatives about yourself is perhaps the reason in itself! When a guy asks me, “Dan, why don't women like me?” one of my first responses is to let him know that if he focuses on what he doesn’t have (or what he thinks he doesn’t have) to offer women, it will then result in him lacking the type of confidence that women find most attractive in men. Guys who focus on what they do have to offer women that is valuable and who focus on who they are, what they’re about and where they are going in life are the ones who have all the social confidence and all the girls. Which guy are you? Do you focus on why women don't like you or why they should like you?
If you are the type of guy who can come up with many reasons why women don't like you or wouldn't like you, then you need to stop doing that to yourself right away. It's harmful to your confidence and self-esteem. From today onwards, you need to start looking at all the reasons why women WOULD like you and you also need to start giving women MORE REASONS to like you.
Do I Have to Become Something I'm Not to Get Women to Like Me?
No.
One of the things that women find most attractive in a man is authenticity. In other words, that you are real and are able to be yourself around her and other people. It sounds like a simple thing to do, “Be yourself” but most guys have a hard time being real and authentic when they interact with women they find attractive. Why? They are afraid that the true version of themselves is not good enough for women, so they put on an act.
As you may have seen, the alpha males who have that raw, easy-going confidence are the ones who always seem to have women lusting after them. Guys who put on an act of confidence may be able to get a bit of initial attraction and interest, but women are always able to see through it after a minute or so of conversation. So, the solution is not to pretend to confident and alpha, but to actually be confident and alpha for real. If you want women to like you, you actually need to be confident for real – it can't be an act. You need to be able to flirt and have great conversations with them for real. You will never succeed with women by trying to learn a quick pick up line or a few witty things to say. It will be your ability to keep a conversation going and keep it interesting anytime and on any topic that will really impress a woman.
What Do I Need to Improve?
Essentially, if you've noticed that women really don't tend to like you much more than a friend, you need to focus on becoming more sexually and emotionally attractive to women. If women don't find you attractive, they just won't be interested – that part of it is pretty simple to explain. Here's a quick comparison table to help you understand what counts when it comes to your attractiveness.
| Attractive to women | Unattractive to women |
| Confident behavior. | Nervous behavior. |
| High self-esteem. | Low self-esteem. |
| Good conversationalist. | Has trouble keeping a conversation going and keeping it interesting when talking to a woman. |
| Flirts during conversation. | Sticks to polite conversation. Often doesn't even know how to flirt. |
| Turns a woman on with his body language. | Makes a woman feel uncomfortable, tense or turned off by his body language. |
| Chooses the women he likes. | Hopes to be chosen with women. |
| Alpha male behavior. | Lower ranking male behavior. |
| Mentally and emotionally strong/secure. | Mentally and emotionally weak/insecure. |
| Has many friends. | Doesn't have many good friends. |
| His confidence and high self-esteem shows good potential for him to succeed in life. | His fear of women and self-doubt indicate a potentially bad future, troubled life and possible lack of success. |
| Makes her feel like a woman | Places women above him in terms of dominance, therefore making a woman feel like "the man" in the interaction. |
Of course, that is not the entire list. There are literally 100s of characteristics that we teach in our programs that all work to make you more sexually and emotionally attractive to women. It is a deep topic of knowledge. The more you learn, the more attractive you become.
By becoming more attractive to women in many ways, you become a more well-rounded guy and it is literally impossible for women not to like you. Let's have a look at the dictionary definition for well-rounded.
Well-rounded (adjective): Having a mature personality and desirably varied interests, abilities, or attainments.
Some of the traits of a well-rounded personality:
- Self-confidence: Being confident and having high self-confidence does not mean being arrogant. Being self-confident is about having belief in yourself and your abilities. If you don't know how to build self-confidence, watch Dating Power and use our proven Confidence Building System.
- Sociability: Having a wide range of interests and associated friends indicates your all-round likeability, and having real relationships with real people – not just Facebook friends – says much more about the guy you are than the car you drive or any other material possession you may have. A diverse social circle demonstrates sociability, but having many long-standing friendships also says a lot about your genuine character.
- Approach to life: A lot of guys wonder why women don't like them, without stopping to think about how boring their approach to life is. They rarely take any risks (e.g. like speaking to a girl they find attractive) and if a great opportunity is in front of them, they will usually allow their fear and self-doubt to convince them to give up or walk away with their tail between their legs. Guys like this hide from their true potential as men and then wonder why women don't think much of them.
- Forward thinker: You don’t need to have a mortgage and savings in the bank to be planning for your future, but you do need to have goals in life. Knowing your own mind, knowing what you want out of life, and not being afraid to go after it makes you a real catch…and one she doesn’t want to let get away. Women want a man who is thinking about his future and working towards it, rather than just thinking about her and hoping to make her happy. She will be happy when you behave like a real man.
The Best Years of Your Life...Wasting Away
If most of your free time (outside of work or study) is spent sitting alone at home and letting days and nights run away from you, week after week, month after month – then what do you expect will happen? Guys who struggle to get women interested in them are usually the type who avoid socializing and meeting women. Before they know it, they've wasted another year of their life and are still asking the question, “Why don't women like me? What am I doing wrong?”
Often, a guy will avoid meeting new women because he doesn't know what to say or simply lacks the confidence to take a chance and make an approach. The questions these guys need to ask themselves is not, “Why don’t I have a date?” or “Why don't women like me?” but, “Why am I not improving my confidence, conversation skills and attractiveness to women?” and “What am I going to achieve by staying at home and avoiding women out of fear?”
When it comes to finding a girlfriend or wife, getting laid or even just getting a phone number to call and set up a date - Nothing happens until you do something. You have to take a chance and do something. If you don't be a man and take a chance when you see a great opportunity, most, if not all of your life will be spent on the sidelines. Take action. Do what you need to do to succeed.
The Type of Guy That All Women Like
Most guys dream of being the type of man that all women like, but they usually have the wrong idea of what it involves. If you feel like you need to improve your attractiveness to women, then I recommend that you start learning from our programs right away. Before you know it, you'll be one of the guys posting up a success story comment on the site. Or, maybe you're the type of guy who is too afraid to take a chance? Maybe you don't believe that you can do it, even though everyone else is. Which type of guy are you? Are you one to hide from your true potential, or are you willing to take a chance when you see a great opportunity in front of you?
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By Dan Bacon, Founder of The Modern Man. Dan Bacon on Google+
(Personal photos with women)
This is so true Dan!
I’ve been working all summer, but now when I finally have some free time I’m going to do something.
I’m going to start a dancing course next sunday, the man who holds it was very happy I’m a guy, so it seems there’s a lot of girls my age there!
I’ll keep you tuned in. . .
Hi Marcus
Cool – Get some action and let us know!
I look forward to hearing about your success.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan.
I have been learning a lot of the techniques from the modern man and I would like to say a big thank you for all the things that you and the boys have put out there for men struggling with women. I’m sure you get a lot of thank you’s from many guys around the world, but I can’t emphasise enough, the impact you have had in my life.
Unfortunately, I haven’t been putting your teachings into action until recently, due to my own stupidity. I should have been doing them since day one.I’m talking more and more to women and to people in general, as opposed to being too shy and afraid.
I kind of have a funny appearence and I notice people scoff from time to time, which can sometimes knock the confidence out of me, but the modern man is quick to pick me back up. Thank you!
I wanted to ask you about a situation I was in recently. I was at a stag party, when I was chatting to a nice girl for some time. Suddenly another guy came over, put his arm around her and says this is my girlfriend, but I know for sure it wasn’t his girlfriend, I think he was merely trying to undermine me in someway. I didn’t say, or do anything. I simply walked away feeling a little frustrated, as I didn’t want to cause any trouble. A lack of sleep wasn’t much of a help either, for me to react in some way. I was wondering, if it’s not too much of an inconvenience, what you may have done in that situation?
Thanks again from everything Dan! And hope to hear from you soon.
Jonathan.
Hi Johnathan
Thanks for your positive feedback.
Yes, the advice works WHEN you use it! It’s like learning how to play basketball from an expert, but then never stepping on the court to use the advice. Knowledge is power WHEN used.
About the situation you encountered: The advice in Alpha Male Power would have saved you there, but I’ll help you out here for now. Basically, you should have not cared and just smiled and laughed WITH the situation in a non-desperate, non-challenged way. Nothing another man does can make you drop your alpha male position UNLESS you allow it to. When the woman would have seen that behavior and reaction from you, she would have instinctively pushed the guys arm off of her and his snake-like attempt to undermine you would have been foiled.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
Thanks for your reply.
I will certainly be buying more products, as soon as I start back working next week. They are absolutely priceless!
I appreciate all the advice you guys are giving out to help others and hats off to you, for having the courage to do what you have done in the past to acquire the skills you have today. REMARKABLE!
To be honest, I don’t think anyone could have done it better. You seem to have great empathy towards guys akin to myself, I couldn’t help but to laugh out loud to some of the things you’ve said from the modern man, felt like you you were literally living my life in the past. A night out wih you guys is going on the bucket list. LOL!
Thanks again for everything Dan! You have opened my eyes in ways I could never have imagined. You truly are a modern day genius!
Cheers
Jonathan
Hi Johnathan
Awesome mate, awesome.
Yes, I have that sincere empathy because I know what it’s like to be in the same position and I am committed to this cause. I plan to keep going, keep discovering and keep teaching all the new things I learn about being successful with women in the modern world. I have embraced this role as teacher and guide and as you would know from our programs, we take it seriously – it’s not a “hobby” or just a “business” to us. This is what we do and we really do want the guys that we help to enjoy amazing success with women and reach their true potential as men.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. While I was replying, my girlfriend called out from the lounge room, “Honey, you want a massage?” Ahhhh, life is sweet when beautiful women love you!
Hi Dan,
You could never say no to good massage from a beautiful woman. Delighted for you.
I’m gradually becoming more confident as the days go by. Thanks to you! Two steps forward and one step back is the pace i’m moving at at the moment, but still moving regardless.
Out of curiosity Dan, I wanted to ask you if you do a lot of reading? I know this has absolutely nothing to do with the modern man and i’m sure you have a lot on your hands, But the reason I ask is because ive noticed you use some inspiring quotes in some of your newsletters, from some famous people (freud, gandhi, etc.) You come across as a very knowledgeable man. My curiosity gets the better of me sometimes.
Anyways Dan, my best wishes for you and your woman for the future, you deserve only the best.
Regards
Jonathan
Hi Johnathan
Yes, that’s the way progress goes in life. A lot of people assume that it is one step after another with no steps back for reflection/introspection or to account for mistakes/errors in judgement. However, if you can accept in advance that the path to success is mostly two steps forward, one step back you will cruise to success and won’t be beating yourself up when you make a mistake. Sure, sometimes it is one step after another, but not always and that needs to be accepted in order to feel confident and ride the wave of momentum.
As for reading a lot of books: Yes, sometimes. However, these days I really don’t have much time for it because I have a lot on my plate. Last month for example, I probably spent around 90 hours writing articles for The Modern Man, while also maintaining an active social life, staying fit, partying with my girlfriend, chilling out with my girlfriend and setting aside some time for relaxing.
Anyway, I’m off to do some exercise now. I’ve been really slack with staying fit over the past 6 months and am trying to get everything back in balance. My girlfriend is coming along and when she goes to the gym she wears tight, little shorts and a small top showing her flat stomach…sexy! If there’s nothing on the TV at the gym, I just watch her on the treadmill, lol…
Cheers
Dan
P.S. If you want to speed up your progress and become successful with women faster, never forget this: https://twitter.com/Dan_Modern_Man/status/262269846182588416
I have tried to be confident and women see right through it, im not a ugly guy and believe that I am a good catch, but im not compitable with a lot of women as well, my shattered self-esteem comes from a terrible childhood that still affects me to this day, my false confidence, I hate where I can’t be myself in my life but putting on a act is all I know how to do,help me someone, anyone.
Hi “Done So Wrong”
Your past does not equal your future. Guys on this site are doing what you are not: CHANGING, TRANSFORMING and getting on with their lives. Don’t sit around wallowing in self-pity about your childhood or anything else. Decide what you want, then go after it, one step at a time. If something feels like it will be very challenging for you, take one step towards it, then take another. Don’t sit around thinking about how bad the PAST has been. Create the future you want, one step at a time.
Read this: Success Isn’t a Straight Line
Cheers
Dan
Dan Bacon is a king!
Thanks mate!
hey my name is jonhy and i been in a relatioship for 7 month but im feeling like its not the same i feel like my gf is playing hard to get sometimes and i still havent had sex with her yet beacuse shes kind of the girl that takes time so i didnt want to rush her any help
Hi Johny
Before I answer, I need to ask you: How old are you and how old is your GF? Also, have you kissed her or done anything sexual yet?
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
what should I do?
My name is Rahul and I am 25 year old working & average looking guy, I want a cute GF or a cute girl in my life but the problem is as I am a working guy I don’t have enough time to take my GF for shopping movies etc and I am not in touch with any girl write now..so Dan do you have any suggestion from which I can get a GF for me..plz help me on other hand I would like to tell you that I talk with some girls in chatting and they all girls likes me very much like my nature, my talking style they enjoy conversation with me..but I feel shy when I talk with any girl face to face!
Hi Rahul
Thanks for your question.
Spending some time with a girlfriend is always possible, no matter how busy your lifestyle is. How much time do you spend watching TV or hanging around on Facebook? Use that time to spend with a girl instead. When I was working 50 hours a week in the corporate world, I had 2 girlfriends and allowed them to see me once a week each. During that time, I was also writing The Flow, catching up with friends, etc. Not having time for a girl is a BS excuse from you. Your real problem is your lack of skills of women and your fear of them as a result.
About being shy to speak to girls face to face: What do you mean, “What should I do?”? Of course the answer is that you need to build your confidence with women. That’s what the advice in our programs will do. Guys have posted up loads of success stories here, commenting on their success and tremendous new confidence with women since reading The Flow. Read The Flow, fix your issues and get on with enjoying your life. If you’re not confident with women and you don’t actively fix it, it’s not going to fix itself. In fact, it’s more likely to get worse over the years if left untreated.
By the way: You mention that girls like chatting to you, but you are shy when you talk to them face to face. Does that mean you have been wasting loads of time hiding behind online dating sites because of your fear of women? If so, watch this video.
Cheers
Dan
Hello Dan!
I have a HUGE crush on this very hot chick in my school. She seems to be really popular and I really think there is a LOT of guys who have crush on her too, but anyway…I haven’t talk to her in reality(even though I,ve had chances, but have been anxious and nervous), but we have facebook-messenging now and then, and she doesn’t seem to be intrested at all and answers to me in a quite rude way.
Now my question is: How can you stop thinking about her All the time and place so MUCH value in her?
Please a response would really make my day, I am looking very forward to a response thanks.
Hi Tomas
Lol…you don’t understand women at all. Don’t ask me to write The Flow for you in a comment reply (that’s what I’d need to do to help someone like you because you need a lot of work). Read it and learn.
Cheers
Dan
i am a black but anytime i try to chat whites online most insult me why cant i have a serious relationship with whites
Hi Ngassam
Thanks for your question.
You see interracial couples all the time, so you can have a relationship with a woman of another race. Watch this video to understand why you are experiencing racism with online dating.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan!
How important is fashion and stuff when talking to women? For example I’m really into heavy metal and if anyone saw me they’d know straight away I’m into that scene I have long hair, biker jacket, I wear band t-shirts etc and I do like girls in that scene rock chick types, tattoos etc I do like that but I’m not only attracted to girls in my scene so how do you dress if you want to branch out and attract other women? I mean basically if the girl is attractive I’m interested no matter what scene shes in.
Should I just tone down the rock thing when talking to club type girls or sporty women because I don’t really wanna be a fashion chameleon choping and changing every 5 seconds depending on who I’m talking to, or does it really not matter? if you’re the man most women want will they just accept you as you are as long as you’re not dressed like a total misfit?
Cheers
Jesse
Hey Jesse
Thanks for your question.
It’s a really good question this one. The thing is – you should dress for your scene and develop your style around the type of women you’re into. However, when it comes to looking like a heavy metal dude – many women will make instant judgements about you because of it. For example: Many heavy metal people are anti-social, insecure, nervous, hang around with “weird” people, smoke pot, etc. So, if you want a classy woman, she’s going to be put off by that assumption initially. You’ll only be able to get her if you have true, mastery level skills. However, if she gets the sense that you’re one of the less desirable metal heads (i.e. you have the aforementioned traits), then her guard will be up because most people don’t find that to be compatible with how they want to live their life.
My advice to you is to go for a more universal style that you really enjoy wearing, but that is also attractive to most women. Here are some pics of me wearing different stuff that I like. Heck, I even picked up a hottie recently while wearing pretty unfashionable tartan shorts (see the photo of me with the two chicks and we’re out in the rain with umbrellas). For many years, I just wore black jeans, black leather jacket, black shoes and a black shirt. You’ll see some pics of that. Now, I have a more casual style because I can wear that and still pick up hotties.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan!
Yeah I’ve noticed that people do have negative stereotypes around people who are into that scene even I do and I love it
I think people who don’t fit in gravitate towards that scene.
Its interesting because like I notice that most people dress with the trends especially dudes most guys just wear whatever is out in the stores so there like more compatible with the majority of women because most people are into that but then if you start dressing a little more ‘out there’ or against the grain you start to screen out certain people is that a fair analysis?
Infact I’ll reverse it have you ever picked up a ‘rock chick type’ or an arty type women dressed the way you do? I know you’re at the mastery level so its a bit different but maybe in the early days?
Cheers
Jesse
Hi Jesse
Your comment of “I think people who don’t fit in gravitate towards that scene” is one of the main reasons why women are turned off by it. Women naturally gravitate towards men who will be assisted/backed up by friends in times of struggle. It’s a human survival instinct. Women are naturally turned off by men who, in the face of challenges, would not have a support network there to help him out. Of course, in the modern world, people can get support in all sorts of ways, but it doesn’t change a woman’s instinctive feelings of attraction or repulsion to a man.
Yes, I can pick up any type of woman now even when I’m wearing shorts, flip-flops/thongs and a t-shirt. They don’t even notice that because they are so attracted to my confidence and masculinity. I’ve been with all types of women since working this stuff out. Virgins, slutty girls, girl next door types, conservative girls, rock chicks, models, women in high-level corporate jobs (e.g. lawyer, banker, etc), dental nurses, etc, etc. It doesn’t matter who the girl is and what she does for a living or what clothes she wears – she feels intense attraction and I know how to act on that attraction and escalate to kissing, sex and a relationship.
When I first starting out though, I didn’t have much confidence or masculinity to offer women, so I needed to dress a bit “cooler” to give them another reason to give me a chance. So, initially, I would suggest you dress for your scene and for the types of women you want to attract. Then, as you rise through the levels to mastery, you’ll find that you can pretty much wear whatever you want and you’ll get pretty much any woman you want.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan,
Ok cool I’ll rock it out for now and then dress more universal if I wanna change.
Thanks for the advice.
Cheers
Jesse
Dan I was just thinking about giving u an update. If you don’t remember I’m the guy who bought the flow because of a miserable relationship I had with this hot chick. Well as u know I got the flow and turned things around then kept suffering from my old mindsets when girls (The Four I was dating) used to try to make me jealous by flirting with other guys and mentioning all the men. Well I bought Better Than A Bad BOY and realized that the girls were JUST TESTING ME lol. I passed them and things went CRAZY after that. Well I don’t want to give your whole program away but this one hot chick I was dating went LOVE MAD. she basically put me in a headlock and demanded to be my girlfriend. She’s beautiful and this is the one I vibe with the most so I’m going to try the relationship thing for a bit. Another girl I was dating found out about this and is pretty miserable. She’s a saavy girl who is one big bundle of tests. Passing them and choosing another REALLY set her in a tailspin. I have to avoid her all together because she’s wide open with her very obvious attempts to get me now. The other two I just stopped calling.
Dan I can honestly say girls in the past DID like me. But I never picked up on it or believed it. Girls were interested in me. I was naturally funny and even flirtatious but never really understood how to escalate things. Have read the flow and watched Better than a bad boy I feel more in control of my dating. Just this morning I woke up beside a beautiful wan WHO IS MY GIRLFRIEND lol. Everyday is like one of those “moments” you spoke of. For anybody who is even thinking about buying ANY of these programs don’t hesitate. Dan I can’t thank you enough.
Well I DO have a bit of a problem. See now that I recognize the flow of human mating I can see just how interested girls can be. How interested they become. Sometimes I think I need to “turn it off” because I’m in a committed relationship. I don’t want to get rusty so I keep using the flow. I just stop short of escalating like u advised to do in the workplace. Anyhow I’m going to get The Modern Relationship. Currently me and my new girl are looking for a puppy and she keeps hinting that we should move in together. When I use your products sometimes I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself lol thank again and all the best to you Dan
Hey Jason
Well, this has to be one of the most legendary success stories so far.
This part is a classic, “She’s a saavy girl who is one big bundle of tests. Passing them and choosing another REALLY set her in a tailspin.” Oh, the power you will now have my friend. Now that you can do that, you will have women wrapped around your finger for life. They will rarely come across a guy who can pass their challenging tests before they drop their guard and when they discover that you are, in fact, one of those prized “real men” they’ve been searching for, they’ll lock on with both hands and won’t let go. That girl will be waiting on the sidelines for you, hoping that you end your relationship. Since there is a lack of real men available, even if she gets into a relationship, she’ll still be keeping an eye on you via Facebook and hoping to see that you become single again. Recently, when I decided that one of my girls was going to be my girlfriend, three different women (who I’d been sleeping with) all told me (via Facebook or text) that the news had them in tears. Now, to guys who are new to this and haven’t learned what you know, that will sound impossible/unbelievable, but I know that you’ll be able to understand. Two of the women said that they don’t care if I have a girlfriend because they will not forget me and will wait.
About this part, “Sometimes I think I need to “turn it off” because I’m in a committed relationship. I don’t want to get rusty so I keep using the flow. I just stop short of escalating like u advised to do in the workplace.” Nice, yes that’s what happened to this guy (and he talks about it during the interview). However, unlike you, women DIDN’T like him before he found The Modern Man. As we always say though, “Use the advice and you will get the results.” Plain, simple and true.
Thanks so much for sharing your success. It sounds like you’ve been having a great time and I’m proud to have played a small part in you getting there.
Cheers
Dan
Dan I can’t say it enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Dan I have been having fun. I mean like a month ago I walked into a sports bar on a Monday night with these two hot chicks. One of them I’d been sleeping with. The other one was her friend I’d met that night for he first time. When I walked in with those two. The bars collective mouth dropped lol. These guys stopped watching the game and focused on the three of us.
Now Mind you I’d slept with one of these girls before and was just meeting her friend. I took it to be some kind of test. Like will I pass The Friend Test. I laughed it off and used the flow on both of them. Soon bothe girls were competing for my attention and even the clueless guys in the bar picked up on the sexual tension and sparks flying at our table.
I realized that most guys don’t know HALF of what you teach. Some guys are naturals like you say but they are the exception. None of he guys in that bar was living like that. The shock all around that bar that night proved that. They couldn’t dream that chicks as hot as that would be on what amounts to a date with an ordinary guy like me and be competing for my attention.
That’s what I can’t thank you enough for. Just the sheer excitement and adventure my life has become since I came to understand some of this stuff. Because you see not so very long ago I was one of the clueless. And you had a very large part in my success. Thanks again and again Dan!
Hi Jason
Ahh, this is music to my ears mate!
There is nothing better than hearing back from a guy who is actually putting the advice into action. As I always say, “Knowledge is power WHEN used” and you are clearly using the knowledge and enjoying the power.
Yes, you’re right by the way about most guys not knowing this stuff. It really was a surprise to me when I became good with women – it became blatantly obvious all of a sudden and I thought, “Wow, I am one of the rare guys now who actually understand women and what it takes to make them fall madly in love.” Jason, the more you apply what you’ve learnt and the more of those experiences with women you have, the more you will notice that approximately 80-90% of guys really do need help with women and simply fumble their way into relationships. I wrote about it recently in this article, Is Getting Lucky the Answer to Easy Success With Women?
Enjoy the great times ahead my friend! It really does become quite an adventure as you say. So much better than sitting home alone on the couch, or clicking “refresh” on Facebook and seeing other people enjoying love and relationships while all you have is work (or study), TV and a sick feeling of loneliness at the pit of your stomach. Life is so much sweeter when beautiful women love you. Enjoy!!
Cheers
Dan
To The modern man:
I study in a class and I found my self that i can now approach women without being afraid of anything. Now I’m the one who choose which women deserve to spend my time with.
You advice changed my life dramatically. Guys stop googling and wasting time waiting something to happen, the things that you waiting to happen are already here. My advice is you should work with the advices The modern man teaches in real life!! Not just listen.
Which you luck guys.
Hi Mohammed
Thanks for sharing your success.
Great to hear that you’ve been putting the advice into practice in real life. Enjoy the great times ahead.
Cheers
Dan
hi dan u are doing a great job,but i need an answer urgently to the question bothering me in my heart i met a lady online & she sent me her phone number & i plan how will could meet one on one but she said i should sent her transport fare so as to come where i am which i did but after the girl collect money from me she has one or two complain to say on wat delaying her to come by but she introduce me to her mum & i spoke with her on phone,so i need your advice bcos i am fed up & think she is cheating on me
Hi Paul
This is another example of why guys who aren’t very good with women should not be using online dating. Unless you are following expert advice (i.e. supplied in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend), you will usually fail or waste a lot of time chasing women who are just messing with you online, or stringing you along (to boost their self-confidence) until something comes along in the real world. Our studies have shown that when a guy like you (i.e. not very good with women) tries online dating on his own and makes all the mistakes that a rookie makes or a guy who isn’t good with women makes, he will fail 96% of the time. See this video and article for more info: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/meeting-women-online.html
I have no other advice for you about this situation than this: You need to learn how to make women show you respect. You won’t get a woman’s respect if you chase her and are willing to pay for her transport to come and see you. If a girl asked me to do that for her, I would literally laugh at her. What a joke. Girls want to feel like they are lucky to be seeing YOU, not the other way around. You need to learn and then change your approach to women if you want to experience consistent, positive results. It won’t happen if you keep approaching things the way you are now.
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
How can you stop feeling embarassed about seeing women you’ve approached or attempted to hit on and it hasn’t worked out? Either because you messed it up, the conversation wasn’t great and you wern’t compatible, you contacted at her at a later date when you got her number but nothing happened with it.
I’ve heard you guys say that in most cases you will never see the woman/women again that you approach are talking about when you live in a city?
There is a certain supermarket I have approached at least 4 women in and I have seen them on a frequent basis and its just embarassing especially since I don’t have any other women on the go it makes me feel like a weirdo for trying to aproach women in the first place and kills my confidence. I have stopped going to that particular supermarket now.
Its embarassing hitting on women on facebook and it doesn’t happen and everyone can see you died on your ass, or you hit on women in your extended social circle and the next time you go out with your friends their there extremely cringeworthy.
Any advice?
Michael
Hi Michael
Thanks for your questions.
The answers to all of your questions are: Follow our advice and you won’t experience those problems. End of story.
1. Your question about being embarrassed about a pick up attempt not working out: The mindsets to fix that weakness (and many other common problem areas and weaknesses) are provided in Mastery Methods and Mindsets: http://store.themodernman.com/products/mastery_methods_and_mindsets.php Additionally, what you learn from that program will ensure the approach DOES work and the girl DOES like you.
2. Your question about hitting on women on Facebook: We don’t ever tell guys to hit on girls on Facebook in any of our products. Until you are skilled with women, trying to sneak your way into a girl’s life by “getting to know her on Facebook” will backfire because you will make basic, yet critical mistakes that turn the women off. In our programs, we explain where to approach women, what to say and what to do so you SUCCEED. If you aren’t good with women AND you don’t use our expert advice, what do you expect will happen? You’ll get rejected like you always have, until you get lucky. However, getting lucky isn’t the answer, as explained here: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html
BTW: I’ve noticed you’ve asked a few questions where you are completely stuffing things up with women and wondering why. You can either continue down that path and keep getting rejected for the next few years, or you can get all the answers you need by investing in my programs and start enjoying success with women now. Your choice.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. One more thing I need to say for you is this: Confidence is required to attract women. If you’re not confident and you try to pick up women, they will reject you in every case unless you “get lucky.” If you’re not confident, learn how to be. That is what we are here for. Do this properly or you will naturally suffer the consequences, some of which are explained in this new article: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-consequences-of-not-being-an-alpha-male.html
Hi Dan
So basically what your saying is women aren’t guna be interested by the fact you’ve come over and tried to start something you’ve gotta be all these other things as well as having balls? I honestly am exhausted with the whole thing.
I will need to invest in some of yours products make it my new years resolution.
Thanks
Michael
Hi Michael
Lol…yes, it sounds difficult UNTIL you actually develop true confidence and then it all becomes so damn easy. The thing is, if you walk up to women to start a conversation, they will (in about 80% of cases. We get that statistic from years of approaching and coaching guys on weekends in bars, shopping malls, etc) completely open themselves up to the opportunity IF the guy is confident, masculine, etc. However, if the guy is nervous, they will close themselves OFF because they do NOT want wimpy men.
When you invest in our advice and become confident, you will finally see how easy it is. When you walk up to women, they will open up to the situation and you’ll have the confidence, masculinity, conversation skills and “know how” to easily go from a conversation, to a kiss, to sex and into a relationship. It really is very simple. However, BEFORE you begin, it all seems so difficult because you just don’t understand yet. It’s like when you first learn to drive a car – it seems so difficult at the start because there is so much you need to focus on all at once, but with a little practice you can then do it without having to think about it.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. Since you mentioned New Years, here’s a great article with practical tips for you to get a kiss on new years eve.
Hi Dan,
I would like to share a story with you that I got from the ” 21 great ways to get a girlfriend”
I went to the mall the other day. Because I wanted to buy some jeans. When I walked in, the girl who was working there offered to help me out and after she did I paid the money and it was all good.
When I walked off the store I saw this amazing redhead who was walking towards me. I looked at her straight in her eyes and at first she wasn’t looking and then she looked at me and took off her eyes off of my eyes and ignored me. When we got close to each other, I said hi with a big smile and said I know this is a little bit unusual, but I saw you walking and I was really interested in meeting you. My name is Suhaib what’s your name? She had a big smile on her face and she said Amy. After that I Invited her to get a cup of coffee and after we went there I paid for the coffee because I’m the one who offered her the coffee and then got her number. Two days later, I called her and we met at a restaurant and we had a great meal. After we finished our meal, we talked a little bit on the street and the next thing I know we were kissing. And now I have a girlfriend.
To be honest with you, if I haven’t read the book and listened to your program I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did that day. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart that you made my life more exciting.
Hi Suhaib
Thanks for sharing your success!
Yes, that is how easy it is when you simply follow our advice and use the techniques in real life. The first time I approached outside of a bar environment was in a bookstore and it was (as you say) “exciting” …I felt alive and like I was finally taking charge in life. I felt a freedom that I never knew existed because prior to that, I lived in a state of mind where I thought women didn’t want to be approached during the day or outside of social environments. Like you, I also took her for a coffee right then. I remember after we’d first had sex and I went out to the kitchen to get a drink of orange juice and thought, “Man, I’m doing it…I’m really doing it…this is happening for me now!” It was an awesome feeling and I’ve never looked back since.
BTW: For the guys reading along with the comments, advice on how to approach women in bookstores is provided in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend)
Thanks again for sharing your success Suhaib! Enjoy the great times ahead with your girlfriend!
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
I have a question to this͵ its worrying me
I don’t have many friends only a small number does that mean women won’t be attracted to me and will women judge me because I have no value
This question is important need your feed on this
Cheers
Ross
Hi Ross
Your value is decided by you and accepted by others. Think about it.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan, I saw some of your videos, and while some of your advice was spot on, there’s a few bones I would like to pick.
My biggest one is the issue with confidence. You say its attractive to women, but what do you say to a man who got rejected after being full of confidence?
The reason I’m saying this is, I have been to a bar, dressed all nice, asked some women to dance, and got all nos.
Another time, I was trying to date this female, and thought everything would work out, and the nanosecond before she rejected me, I thought she was going to say yes, but she said she only liked me as a friend.
With me, confidence comes from prior experience. The reason I’m not confident that I can get a girlfriend is because I have been rejected so many times, or friendzoned, or worse, ignored.
I wouldn’t say I’m the shy type either. I have flirted with women, and said some risque things to help spark their interests, but I got shit on. In fact, I feel that I don’t do different from what I see alphas do.
I’m just wondering what I maybe doing wrong.
Thanks.
Hi Sam
Thanks for your question.
I have to say, the question about confidence was a funny one though. It’s the first time I’ve ever been asked it because EVERYBODY knows confidence is attractive to women. Questioning whether confidence is attractive to women is like asking me, “Dan, are you sure that the sun is hot? Couldn’t it in fact be a ball of ice, but we see it as a ball of fire?” No, the sun is hot and women are attracted to confidence. Both are two very obvious things in life. So, I won’t even try to explain what everyone already knows. Instead, I’ll help you based on the information you’ve provided:
1. You ask women to dance: Wrong. This isn’t 1940 and you’re not in a black and white movie. I used the e-mail address you provided to check out your Facebook profile and can see that you’re a guy in his 20s. Dude, a guy in his 20s doesn’t ask a woman to dance – He just goes and dances with her! A man in his 50s or 60s could get away with that, but at your age it is NOT seen as confident, but is instead seen as you being out of touch.
2. You are trying to date a woman: No, no, no. Think about it: If you try to pick a woman up and try to get her on a date, who has the power to decide yes or no? When you use that approach with a woman, most will put their guard up and play hard to get. If you want real success with women (i.e. you mentioned that you see other alpha males picking up women and think you’re doing the same thing as them), you need to get women chasing you and wanting to be with YOU, not the other way around. If you want to learn how to do that, watch Dating Power.
You have been hoping for a girl to say “yes” to you, but the guys who are good with women switch things around so women are hoping that the GUY says “yes” to her. You can do it the hard way if you want, but if you want easy success with women then you need to learn how to get them chasing you and hoping to be with you.
3. You have been rejected so many times before: Yes, that is because you would be going against the flow of a natural, sexual courtship. I don’t even have to ask you anything more to know that this is what you’re doing – I’ve been coaching guys in this area for the last 7 years, so it’s all very simple to me. You can either keep doing the same thing you’ve been doing, or you can learn the right way to do it. If you’re new to all of this, I recommend you read my ebook The Flow. If you’ve already learnt a bunch of stuff on how to approach and pick up women naturally, I recommend you watch Dating Power.
4. True confidence: Okay, I’ll expand a little more on the topic of confidence. You say that you have approached these women while “full of confidence.” However, you would have also been trying to pick the woman up. If you are making such a fundamental mistake such as that (and I assume many other mistakes at the same time), your confidence doesn’t matter to her. She will be turned off by the many other social errors you are making as you “try” to talk to her. Alpha males who are good with women don’t “try” to talk with women, they just talk with them.
Feel free to ask me more if you’ve got some questions after reading that.
Cheers
Dan
Okay, may you have a point there. But keep in mind, I have done some really flirtatious things that I saw alphas do(even to the same women), and still got treated like I’m a creep.
For example, with one of my female co-workers I came behind her and grabbed her pigtails and she told me not to do that. HOWEVER I saw one of my other workers do the same thing, and she saw it as cute.
Isn’t it possible that a women’s reaction to a guy(at least in some cases) is pre-determined?
The problem with me is, I can make friends with women as long as I don’t steer things in a sexual direction, no matter how comfortable and “full of confidence” I might be.
I guess the best thing to do is see me in action since its alot harder to explain over the internet.
Hi Sam
Thanks for your questions.
Let me tell you upfront: You are not a “special case” that can’t be fixed. The problems that you are experiencing are extremely common and easily fixable. Women are responding negatively to you because your approach to them is fundamentally flawed. For example:
1. You are not truly confident, but pretend you are. Women can see that, just like you can see when a person is nervous when talking to you, but is trying to look confident and relaxed. Women are naturally attracted to confidence and are turned off by nervousness, insecurity and fear in a guy. Unless you become truly confident (we will teach you how if you invest in our programs. Our Confidence Building System is explained in Dating Power and Coaching Call Breakthroughs), you cannot expect women to feel proper attraction for you.
2. You are ashamed of your sexual attraction to women and suddenly try to show it by copying what confident guys do. Women are creeped out by that. As I explain in Better Than a Bad Boy, a woman will label a guy as creepy if he hides his sexual interest in a woman by guarded during conversation, using very plain body language, keeping conversations away from sex, etc. Then, when he suddenly tries to show sexual interest, he will do it awkwardly (because he is ashamed of it and thinks women don’t want to see that coming from him) and it will weird the woman out.
You cannot simply copy what alpha males do and expect the same results. A true alpha male that is good with women has fundamentally different mindsets than you do about showing his sexual interest in a woman, about how sexually attracted women are to him and about what is appropriate and inappropriate. Due to his real masculinity and confidence that women find irresistibly attractive, his displays of sexual interest are met with open arms by women because they are already sexually attracted to him. You, on the other hand, are trying to sneak your way into a relationship with a woman by being her friend and hoping that she eventually likes you. That is NOT how it’s done. If you want to know the correct process of a natural, sexual courtship, read The Flow.
BTW: Listen to the interview we did with this customer. He experienced a very similar thing when he tried to hit on a female coworker. Then, listen to how he turned it around so that women are now AUTOMATICALLY attracted to him. In fact, he now has to tone down his attractiveness to women because he has a hot girlfriend and doesn’t want to give other women the wrong idea. As you will notice from the clip, the guy has a lisp when he speaks. He also wears VERY thick glasses, but both Ben and I have seen pictures of his girlfriend and she is HOT.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
Got a bit of a problem which I hope you can help me out with.
I know we’ve talked about this in the past but it’s still not something I’ve fully grasped. Recently when I’ve been in bars/clubs when I approach/talk to girls at the bar area a lot of them ignore me completely, they know I’m trying to talk to them but they just won’t even look at me sometimes. Other times they will talk but it’s very small talk and they know (and I know) that it just won’t go anywhere. I think a HUGE problem for me is in loud environments I have a real problem talking to people (I have a very soft voice and really have to close in and shout) and in a way it kind of puts me off wanting to approach. Is it more about body language you display and the confidence which emanates from you?
Secondly, was out at a bar last night with a group of friends and one of which is very good looking and attractive although he’s in a serious relationship so cannot do anything. Girls are just showing him interest all the time. Now, I know I asked a similar question and you saw a picture of me and said I’ve nothing wrong with looks and I agree as people have said I’m above average. Guess what I’m trying to ask is, why don’t I get the same attention? Again, is it the confidence which needs to be emanating from me?
Look forward to your response.
Cheers
Hi James
Thanks for your questions.
Yes, it’s all about your lack of confidence. Women are looking for a guy who is stronger than them (mentally and emotionally) or at least just as strong. Women can see by your body language that you feel weaker than most people in the room and when you walk up to talk to a woman, she will see it all over your body language and hear it in your tonality. For more info, watch the video on this page…and then watch the program.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
I’m Saurabh and i like a girl but the problem is that i feel i’m too unsmart for her. She is pretty and i don’t look good. The main problem is that i don’t know how to initiate talking to her..like what should i say. Once i sent her a Hi on facebook but she didn’t even reply. So what do i do now?
Hi Saurabh
Thanks for your question.
You need to ATTRACT her. She will only be interested in talking to you if she is attracted to you. If you are behaving in a way that is unattractive to her, she is not going to be very interesting in replying to any message you send her. You need to read The Flow and learn how to properly attract a woman and then escalate to kissing, sex and a relationship.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
I was reading your article when I could not help but notice something. One of the first things you mentioned is a guy who points out the negatives in themselves is usually an indicator. Well my good sir. I am the opposite. I am witty, smart, degree in teaching, decent car and the like, but the one thing women do not like is I play video games. You say not to change yourself but when the world is filled with women who are about “me” (don’t kid yourself, a good 80% of them are especially when your whole article is telling you to make them feel like a woman, seriously?) Should I change the one hobby I enjoy to fit the wants and needs of women? I eagerly await your reply on this because I would like to see if you give some actual insight or regurgitated self-help psychobabble ^^ Tally-ho!
Hi Hanako
Thanks for your question/psychobabble. Lol!
There’s nothing wrong with playing computer games. I play Xbox fairly regularly and my beautiful girlfriend doesn’t complain at all. Why? Because I also work very hard on my purpose (I probably do about 60 hours a week for The Modern Man and spend another 5 hours reading about and researching the developments in artificial intelligence, nanotechnology, genetics, etc because that’s what I want to focus on next). I have purpose in life and am not afraid of my true potential as a man. Instead of hiding from my purpose, I step right into it with confidence, determination and passion. I also have a balanced lifestyle that includes friends, relaxation time (e.g. going to the beach for a sunset), hard work, learning, etc.
A woman will get annoyed by a guy who play video games if he hides away from life behind them, doesn’t give her enough time and presence because of them or if he thinks that he is achieving something amazing by playing them. It’s just a game. Sure, I get excited sometimes when playing Xbox and say, “Whoah! Check this out!” to my girlfriend and she smiles for a moment and gets involved in the moment for a bit, but then the moment passes. She knows that I have much bigger, more important things in my life and when I’m playing a game, I will enjoy it and really live the experience. Likewise, when I have sex with her, I will really get into it and she loves that. She knows that I’m not wasting my time – I’m relaxing and rewarding myself with some time away from working on my purpose.
However, let me point out: Video games is not a conversation topic when you’re out there approaching and meeting women. Only AFTER you’ve had sex with a woman will she be open to hearing about your love for video games (or any other hobby) in ADDITION to what you are achieving or planning to achieve in life. If you want to learn how to talk to women properly, I recommend that you listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation
Cheers
Dan
I’m a female, for most of my life, most or many of my friends have been male. Quite a few tried going further than :just friends”. Though I’m a friends-first kind of a girl, I usually rejected. Which is confusing to some people. These guys often thought they failed bad somehow. They thought, “If I didn’t like them, and the last girl didn’t, what are they doing wrong?!” Sometimes why wasn’t easy to answer. Attraction is weird and even scientific. This has happened with guys I found physically attractive, too. Sometimes no one is to blame unless you have a bad attitude or poor hygiene. In my mind now, how I would give those with things in common honest advice: It echos something above–If you act confident and aren’t, it will show. Some guys have gaping holes of insecurity, various crippling problems. Those more charming guys with such flaws hurt relationships later. Who wants a guy who can’t lift you up if he can’t sometimes lift himself up? So before you go after someone, try to get rid of baggage. Recognize, admit, treat. See a counselor (totally more manly than having baggage in my opinion), work out at least a little (not just to get in shape, but endorphins make you feel good). Do something that helps you work on your positives so you can throw away the negatives. Next, a lot of guys who had really bad luck or fleeting luck tried to be funny and charming. Don’t TRY. Don’t use pick up lines, don’t try to be funny to impress. If you think girls find you very socially awkward especially. Don’t try things you’ve seen other guys do if it doesn’t suit you. A guy said he couldn’t get away with pulling a girl’s pigtail. So don’t. Don’t be overly polite, much more than you would be with your boss. It can come off as a fake mating dance. Make friends with girls. There are some out there you can actually have good conversations with. Even I have a hard time, but it’s quite possible. They can help introduce you to other girls, too. Some of the most “lucky” guys I know have a lot of female friends and no big problem with finding a date. It helps them become more comfortable with girls, too. It sounds like a lot. But in summary, be yourself, BE your better self for real. That is attractive. Honesty is an amazingly difficult thing to act out for some, I guess.
Hi C
Thanks for your contribution. We’re getting a lot of women commenting these days, which is good to see.
More and more women are beginning to understand the reasons why they reject guys, which is leading to women like you who would likely tell your male friends what to do and what not to do.
It’s good to see.
Cheers
Dan
Alright i need some help I consider myself very attractIve (maybe a little chunky) but I am athletic and play golf. I am about 5 foot 7 160lbs and fairly attractive. I am very confident and very funny but for some reason girls just don’t like me. I often talk to girls but I never click with them. Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Billy
Hi Billy
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you’re not flirting with them. You’d be talking to women in a friendly, polite manner (which is fine) and would be leaving out flirting and a sexual vibe (which is not fine). Someone like you need to listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation. After you use the advice in that program, you’ll be back here saying, “Dan, how do I tell girls that I’ve already got two girlfriends without making them feel bad?”
BTW: The stats and details you gave about yourself are irrelevant. What matters to a woman is whether you are confident, masculine and can make her feel like a woman. You might be a “good looking guy” but as you’ve experienced, it means nothing if you can’t make women feel attraction for what really matters. Read: How Do Average-Looking (or Ugly) Guys Pick Up Beautiful Women?
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
I was wondering if you could help I’m just a normal guy
With average looks and I have trouble getting woman to
Notice me in a bad way I try talking and making them laugh
But nothing has worked for me my last gf was about 2 years
Ago and ever since then it’s like women don’t find me attractive
Or don’t see me in that way got any tips to help me find a woman
Hi “Too nice”
Thanks for your comment.
Well, the name you chose partially answers the question. While there is nothing wrong with being nice, there is a problem with being TOO nice. Why? When a woman is choosing a guy to have sex with or to have as a boyfriend, she wants to feel SEXUAL attraction for him, not just nice, pleasant feelings that come with a polite, courteous interaction. If you’re too nice, then you’re not going to be displaying the behaviors and traits that will cause a woman to feel sexual attraction, to respect you as a man and to want to be with you in a relationship. Sure, it might happen in the movies, but not in real life. Some really nice guys get lucky, but this is what usually happens to them: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html
The Modern Man approach to success with women is about being a good guy, but ALSO having the type of personality and demeanour that is attractive to women. For instance, being confident, masculine, funny, etc. Now, some guys might read that and say, “Hey, I’m funny, but women don’t like me. Why is that?” It’s simple. You’re funny, but you’re not confident or you’re funny, but you’re obviously trying too hard to impress people. Women are attracted to men who are confident WITHOUT having to get positive feedback from other people in a social setting.
Basically “Too nice” you need to learn how to be attractive with your personality and everything will then happen naturally for you. At The Modern Man, we teach guys how to be attractive with their personality and we also teach guys the exact, step-by-step process to follow to go from a conversation to a kiss to sex and into a relationship. If you want to begin learning some of our best techniques, read The Flow: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c
Cheers
Dan
Hi
I’ve read a lot of the times about you saying to me and to guys who comment on the site: “Use the Confidence Building System in Dating Power.”
Now I’m curious, how did you discover it?
Hi Tomas
Thanks for your question.
How did Thomas Edison discover and invent the light bulb? He tried many ways to make a light bulb until he eventually worked it out. We did the same thing with confidence. We then tested our working system for 3 years on ourselves, seminar attendees and weekend bootcamp clients. Only after we continued to receive amazing, positive feedback about it from clients and continued to get awesome success stories about it did we decide to include it in Dating Power. Listen to this to hear what we went through to create what we teach in Dating Power: http://www.themodernman.com/the_truth_about_dating_power.html
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan,
I wanted to let you know that I am 19 and in college and just bought your biggest deal ever package, and last night I used your techniques and took home the most attractive girl at our fraternity swap last night. This stuff works. I instantly felt her attraction to me and she kept wanting more and more as the night went on, and I took the lead and took her back to my place. She even texted me when she woke up this morning how she had a great time.
I also had a quick question about a different girl. We were friends last semester because she had a boyfriend back at home, but they broke up and thanks to your techniques she seems to be very attractive to me. Because of the alpha male power program the other guys that try to hit on her cannot compare to me and after they leave she usually even laughs and says how boring and annoying they are. I’m getting all of these positive signals and she is always very flirtatious around me, but I’m pretty sure she is a virgin, she takes things really slow, and she doesn’t drink at all (which is not a problem but just to give you an idea about her values). I am trying to move things forward physically and emotionally while also respecting her beliefs and am having a tough time finding that middle ground. She is very pretty and is very cool about most things and I’m sparking sexual interest in conversation but it’s just creating sexual tension but I’m not sure that she would have sex with any guy outside of a very committed relationship. How would you go about trying to advance things without overstepping her traditional values? Thanks so much for your knowledge and advice! Have a good one.
Brent
Hey Brent
Thanks for sharing your success story so far and congratulations!
About the virgin: You don’t go from a conversation or “hanging out” to suddenly having sex. You have to kiss her first and then the door to sex will begin to open. So, use the first kiss techniques from Dating Power and see where it leads you with her.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
I have a question, i have been seeing a girl for about one month now. We have gone on dates and ended up kiseed a couple of times (pretty much while partying) but she told me it is too soon to be a couple, and we should get to know each other better. She ended a relationship 3 mothns ago. How could I make her my girlfriend?
Thank you for your answer
Hi Gab
Thanks for your question.
It sounds like you’re trying to get her to commit to a relationship before you’ve even had sex. In the modern world, it’s sex first and then a relationship for MOST people. Sure, there is still a minority of people who don’t want to have sex before marriage and that is fine. However, today’s dating scene does not play out like a sexual courtship from a black and white movie in the 1950s. You’ve got to escalate to sex first and THEN the discussions of a relationship will naturally begin.
I looked you up on Facebook using the e-mail address you provided when you made a comment and I can see that you’re aged 30+. However, your approach to a sexual courtship sounds like something that would be applicable in early high school. If you want this woman to want to be your girlfriend, you have to stop trying to get her to commit to being your girlfriend. Instead, you’ve got to REVERSE the situation so she is trying to make YOU her boyfriend. If you don’t know how to do that, read The Flow: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan
As mush I detest the fact that reasonable, good, grown men are required to go through this, you really take this seriously and try to help guys out.You deserve your “props”.
Hey Dave
Thanks for the vote of appreciation.
However, you should not detest that women want you to be confident, masculine and (mentally and emotionally) strong. Imagine the world if women felt attraction for nervousness and anxiety in men and wanted men who bowed down to women. Dave, you were born a man. You have a penis that is designed to be inserted into a vagina. Women want you to PENETRATE them with your penis. They want to submit to YOU. Until you learn how to be a man that women submit to during conversations, on dates, during sex and in a relationship, women simply won’t be that interested in you.
Accept your masculinity. Don’t expect women to suddenly want you to be feminine, to fear them and to bow down and hope to be chosen. Women want to look UP to you, to respect you as a man. Become that man and they will be yours for the taking.
Cheers
Dan
Women expect too much of men. Men can’t find women because there are too many of them that are a bunch feminist!
(proof: look at the amount of children Western women have each year!)
If women were serious, they’d love men no matter what instead of looking for faults!
Hi Bill
Thanks for your comment.
Well, it seems someone is a bit upset!
Look mate, just like you probably aren’t interested in obese women because you prefer women with a nice body, women aren’t interested in nervous, wimpy men because they prefer confident, alpha males. Either become what women want, or continue feeling the way you do.
I recommend you read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-consequences-of-not-being-an-alpha-male.html
Cheers
Dan
That list of unattractive traits struck a nerve so bad I actually felt like throwing this netbook at the wall. It was so dead on.
The thing is, I have core self-esteem issues caused by years of bullying, abuse and neglect, so it doesn’t matter how much I’d like to be more socially confident, I’ll always be my loathsome self at the end of the day.
I don’t want to feel as I do, but core trauma wounds causes ‘toxic shame’ – the perpetual feeling of being flawed and inferior.
The only way to get rid of core self esteem problems is to see a trained therapist on a regular basis, not to mention doing your own inner work. Even then it will take years to recover.
Hey Leon
Thanks for your comment.
However, let me tell you that your analysis of the situation is wrong. You say that the only way out of your issues is to see a therapist for years (potentially costing $5,000+). Obviously, you made that comment before you dug deeper into this site. If you looked around first, you would have seen that guys like you (me included) have transformed themselves into truly confident guys who are happy with their life, passionate about where they are going in life and who are successful with women. See: http://www.themodernman.com/success/modern-man-success-stories.html
Listen to how this guy turned his life around: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html Before he came across our site, women rejected him, ignored him and even called him “STUPID” for asking them out. Months later, he had women trying to pick HIM up. As for his confidence issues and getting rid of the issues from childhood, all of that was fixed by what he learnt from Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd In Dating Power, we teach our exclusive Confidence Building System that we tested for YEARS on ourselves, before beginning to teach it to clients. Unlike myself, who had to go through many years of research and personal development to find the cure for my anxiety, nervousness, issues with women and lack of confident, clients and customers who learn and use our Confidence Building System are able to completely transform themselves into a confident guy within weeks to months. While all that is happening, the positive attention that they are getting from women speeds up the process for them. Listen to this customer for a classic example of how it works: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html
Additionally, I had a client a couple of years ago who had been seeing a female psychologist for 5 years to treat his fear of women, anxiety in social situations, etc. He took a course with me (see: http://www.themodernman.com/courses_seminars/weekend-bootcamps.html) for one weekend and was cured. The psychologist then paid to have me fly up and meet her to explain how I’d done it. All that time, she had been telling him to go out and get rejected by as many women as possible so he could become desensitized to it.
I told her straight up, “In my opinion, that is the worst approach you could ever use to treat a fear of women. Why on Earth would you tell a person to go out and fail 100s of times to become confident?” She said, “That’s what we learnt at university. They’ve done a lot of studies on using desensitization to treat patients for various issues” and I told her, “This is different. A guy is never going to feel good about getting rejected by women over and over. Confidence is the result of having belief in yourself and your abilities (that’s the dictionary definition) and he’s not going to become confident by continuing to fail. I showed him how to get women to feel attraction for him, to open up and talk to him…and that is why he’s now fixed. He now knows that women DO like him. He was just doing it wrong all this time…” I’m no psychologist, but I am an expert at helping men become successful with women. That woman learnt about psychology at university and is obviously a smart woman, but she’s no expert when it comes to this topic.
BTW: You don’t have to take a live course with me to learn what that client did. All of what teach on our weekend courses is included in Dating Power.
Cheers
Dan
How do you keep pushing through fear to get what you want when its painful? I want the rewards in life but its all the mistakes, pain, cringeworthy moments, f**k ups in between that prevent me from getting what I want. Yes learning from TMM is going to reduce mistakes and not cause as many bad experiences but just because I learn doesn’t mean its plain sailing I’ve got to go through all that stress to get there especially for me I’m no where near being confident I have panic attacks if I know I’m going to be facing stressfull social situations. I understand you have to try and keep at it to get there but unlike in trying to obtain other skills in life with social interaction theres so much pain associated with it, women can see your mistakes you end up looking like a fool.
-Jax
Hey Jax
Thanks for your question.
There is always a stage of awkwardness when you learn a complex new skill. For instance, when you learn to drive a car, it’s not “smooth sailing” (to use your way of speaking) as soon as you sit in the driver’s seat. There is so much to concentrate on all at once. Yet, after a few tries with a great teacher guiding you along, you eventually get the hang of it. Months later, you are driving and not even thinking about it – it’s all so easy and natural for you.
Same applies with improving your social skills and skills with women. Sure, you may make some mistakes, but if you go through life being afraid to improve yourself because you might make a mistake, you’ll end up a very sad old man who hid from his potential his entire life.
Cheers
Dan