The most common mistake that guys make when they’re trying to pick up women to get laid or get a girlfriend, is what I call The Friends First Approach.
A guy will meet a woman that he finds attractive and rather than making her feel sexually attracted and turned on by him as he starts to interact with her, he’ll try to get to know her first and show her that he’s just a friendly, non-threatening guy.
All he wants to do is talk to her and be friendly.
He wants to show her that he’s not after anything sexual and he just wants to get to know her. He finds her interesting.
He might say things like, “Wow, you work there? Oh, really? That’s interesting. Oh, you’re studying that? Oh, wow” so she can show her that he’s interested in her and what she’s about as a person.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that the friends first approach that he’s using leads to rejection in most cases.
Some guys can transition from having a friendship with a woman to eventually getting to have sex with her and getting to have a relationship with her, but you don’t need to waste all that time.
Sexual attraction and a woman’s sexual interest in you can happen immediately.
Some guys might say, “Well, it’s not all about sex. I want to have her as a girlfriend, too. I want to love her. I want to have intimacy and I want to have experiences together.”
Yes, that’s great, but all of those things happen after sexual attraction.
If a guy is using a friends first approach with a woman and he’s trying to get to know her, he might be talking to her for two weeks, three weeks, two months, three months and they might get along really well.
He might go home at night thinking, “Ohh, I want this girl to be my girlfriend. I can’t wait to get to have sex with her. I love her so much. My feelings for her are so strong. She must be the one.”
As he’s falling asleep at night, he might imagine him and her being in an amazing relationship and remember all the times when she said something nice to him, or that day when she touched his leg.
He hopes that is might mean that she has strong feelings for him too.
Then two days later, another guy comes along and doesn’t use the friends first approach. Instead, he uses what I call The Attraction First Approach.
He starts out by actively making that woman feel sexually attracted and turned on by him.
Sparks start to fly between them and there’s obviously an attraction there.
Then they start to get to know each other and go out on a date, hook up, have sex and get into a relationship.
Meanwhile, the friends first approach guy is looking on thinking, “What happened there? How could she betray me like that? I thought she really liked me. That time I did all those errands for her and I helped her out with her work,” or “I helped her with her studies,” or “I helped her paint her house,” or whatever he helped her do as the good friend that he was.
What he doesn’t realize is that all along, he was feeling sexually attracted to her, but she wasn’t sexually attracted to him.
She was emotionally attracted as a friend, but he wasn’t doing anything to turn her on.
He wasn’t doing anything to trigger feelings of sexual attraction inside of her.
He is expecting her to want a relationship because he is a good friend, but that’s just not how it works unless she somehow feels attracted to him on her own.
In almost all cases, a man needs to actively CREATE a spark of sexual attraction inside of the woman to make her feel that way about him. If he doesn’t do that, most women will just see him as a friend or a random guy that they have no sexual interest in.
The same principle applies to picking up women when you first meet them.
If a guy goes out to pick up women at a bar, for example and walks over and tries to get to know the woman in a friendly way, but doesn’t do anything to turn her on or trigger her feelings of sexual attraction, then he’s just another guy to her.
For us men, we can look at a woman, and simply based on her physical appearance, we can say yes or no whether we’d have sex with her.
So, we look at a woman and we’re like, “Yep, I’d bang that. I’d tap that. That’s sexy, I’d do her. Look at her tits, look at her legs, look at that butt, look at her face, I’d do it.”
Yet, a woman’s attraction works in a different way. (If it didn’t guys would have to learn how to attract women).
Women can feel attracted to a man’s physical appearance, but they don’t make instant decisions to have sex simply based on a guy’s looks.
Some women do make an instant decision and say, “Well, that guy is really good looking. I want to have sex with him,” but the majority of women need to interact with a guy and experience his personality to feel turned on.
This is why you will see guys that you may say are average or below average looking with a beautiful woman.
You might see guys who are overweight, who have a beautiful woman, or a slim woman that you find attractive.
You might see a guy with big ears with a beautiful woman.
You might see a guy with a funny looking nose with a beautiful woman.
You might see guys who are from a race that other’s say can’t pick up women from a particular race, yet they have a beautiful woman from that particular race.
You might see guys who don’t look very cool and might look a bit nerdy, but they’ve got a beautiful girlfriend.
To some guys, it doesn’t seem like it matches, so he wonders, “Why is she with him? Why isn’t she with a tall, good looking guy? Why has she chosen to be with him?”
The answer is simple: A guy can make a woman feel sexually attracted and turned on as he talks to her.
It’s not just about looks.
Guys who are good looking, rich and super-powerful in society can attract women based on those traits. We all know that.
It is true that women can find looks and money and status in society attractive, but it’s also true that normal, everyday guys can start talking to a woman and begin to make her feel sexually attracted and turned on.
Most guys either don’t know that, or they think that the best way to try to get a girlfriend or get laid is to use the friends first approach.
“I know what I’ll do! I’m going to get to know her. I’m going to show her that I’m a good guy. I’m going to show her that I’m trustworthy. I’m going to show her how intelligent I am. I’m going to talk about my dreams with my career and my ambitions. I’m going to talk about my achievements. Hopefully, I’ll impress her and hopefully, over time I’ll start to grow on her…and then she’ll like me and want to be with me.”
Yes, that approach can work in some cases and some guys can eventually transition a friendship into a relationship.
However, in most cases, it usually results in rejection because she just doesn’t feel the same way he does.
Alternatively, a friends first guy will waste a lot of time trying to grow on a girl and then one day, another guy will come along and start with sexual attraction by using the attraction first approach.
The new guy will pick her up, they’ll have sex and then begin a relationship and the friends first guy will be standing there going, “What just happened?”
What just happened is that she needs to feel sexual attraction.
…and in most cases, a guy needs to actively CREATE that attraction by interacting with the woman and displaying attractive personality traits (e.g. confidence, charisma, humor, charm).
So, always remember this: If you want to be successful with women, you need to start with sexual attraction and everything else flows on naturally after that.
By the way, if you don’t know how to make women feel sexually attracted and turned on by you when you begin interacting with them, I recommend that you read by eBook, The Flow, or listen to the brand new audio version,The Flow on Audio.
You’ll learn exactly what to say and do to make women feel sexually attracted to you and want to be with you sexually and romantically.
The Flow is the easiest way to get laid or get a girlfriend.
It’s the quick way.
It’s about getting it done now rather than trying to grow on a woman over time.
You can walk up and talk to a woman and immediately use The Flow on her.
You can use The Flow on a woman that you’ve made a bad impression on, or you can use The Flow on a woman that you’re friends with.
It doesn’t matter where you meet her (e.g. at a bar, nightclub, at work, through friends, while ordering food from her as she serves your table at a cafe or restaurant) or how long you’ve known her.
All you need to do is guide women through The Flow and you will quickly begin having sex and then begin a relationship (if you want that too).
It’s very easy to do, so if you’re not getting the results that you want with women, try The Flow today and see for yourself how easy it really is to attract and pick up women for sex and relationships.