Why Don’t Women Like Me?

• Marcus

  This is so true Dan! 🙂
  I’ve been working all summer, but now when I finally have some free time I’m going to do something.
  I’m going to start a dancing course next sunday, the man who holds it was very happy I’m a guy, so it seems there’s a lot of girls my age there! 🙂
  I’ll keep you tuned in. . .

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Marcus

    Cool – Get some action and let us know!

    I look forward to hearing about your success.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Johnathan

      Hi Dan.

      I have been learning a lot of the techniques from the modern man and I would like to say a big thank you for all the things that you and the boys have put out there for men struggling with women. I’m sure you get a lot of thank you’s from many guys around the world, but I can’t emphasise enough, the impact you have had in my life.
      Unfortunately, I haven’t been putting your teachings into action until recently, due to my own stupidity. I should have been doing them since day one.I’m talking more and more to women and to people in general, as opposed to being too shy and afraid.

      I kind of have a funny appearence and I notice people scoff from time to time, which can sometimes knock the confidence out of me, but the modern man is quick to pick me back up. Thank you!
      I wanted to ask you about a situation I was in recently. I was at a stag party, when I was chatting to a nice girl for some time. Suddenly another guy came over, put his arm around her and says this is my girlfriend, but I know for sure it wasn’t his girlfriend, I think he was merely trying to undermine me in someway. I didn’t say, or do anything. I simply walked away feeling a little frustrated, as I didn’t want to cause any trouble. A lack of sleep wasn’t much of a help either, for me to react in some way. I was wondering, if it’s not too much of an inconvenience, what you may have done in that situation?
      Thanks again from everything Dan! And hope to hear from you soon.
      Jonathan.

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Johnathan

      Thanks for your positive feedback.

      Yes, the advice works WHEN you use it! It’s like learning how to play basketball from an expert, but then never stepping on the court to use the advice. Knowledge is power WHEN used.

      About the situation you encountered: The advice in Alpha Male Power would have saved you there, but I’ll help you out here for now. Basically, you should have not cared and just smiled and laughed WITH the situation in a non-desperate, non-challenged way. Nothing another man does can make you drop your alpha male position UNLESS you allow it to. When the woman would have seen that behavior and reaction from you, she would have instinctively pushed the guys arm off of her and his snake-like attempt to undermine you would have been foiled.

      Cheers
      Dan

    • Johnathan

      Hi Dan

      Thanks for your reply.

      I will certainly be buying more products, as soon as I start back working next week. They are absolutely priceless!

      I appreciate all the advice you guys are giving out to help others and hats off to you, for having the courage to do what you have done in the past to acquire the skills you have today. REMARKABLE!
      To be honest, I don’t think anyone could have done it better. You seem to have great empathy towards guys akin to myself, I couldn’t help but to laugh out loud to some of the things you’ve said from the modern man, felt like you you were literally living my life in the past. A night out wih you guys is going on the bucket list. LOL!

      Thanks again for everything Dan! You have opened my eyes in ways I could never have imagined. You truly are a modern day genius!

      Cheers
      Jonathan

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Johnathan

      Awesome mate, awesome.

      Yes, I have that sincere empathy because I know what it’s like to be in the same position and I am committed to this cause. I plan to keep going, keep discovering and keep teaching all the new things I learn about being successful with women in the modern world. I have embraced this role as teacher and guide and as you would know from our programs, we take it seriously – it’s not a “hobby” or just a “business” to us. This is what we do and we really do want the guys that we help to enjoy amazing success with women and reach their true potential as men.

      Cheers
      Dan

      P.S. While I was replying, my girlfriend called out from the lounge room, “Honey, you want a massage?” Ahhhh, life is sweet when beautiful women love you!

    • Johnathan

      Hi Dan,

      You could never say no to good massage from a beautiful woman. Delighted for you.

      I’m gradually becoming more confident as the days go by. Thanks to you! Two steps forward and one step back is the pace i’m moving at at the moment, but still moving regardless.

      Out of curiosity Dan, I wanted to ask you if you do a lot of reading? I know this has absolutely nothing to do with the modern man and i’m sure you have a lot on your hands, But the reason I ask is because ive noticed you use some inspiring quotes in some of your newsletters, from some famous people (freud, gandhi, etc.) You come across as a very knowledgeable man. My curiosity gets the better of me sometimes.
      Anyways Dan, my best wishes for you and your woman for the future, you deserve only the best.

      Regards
      Jonathan

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Johnathan

      Yes, that’s the way progress goes in life. A lot of people assume that it is one step after another with no steps back for reflection/introspection or to account for mistakes/errors in judgement. However, if you can accept in advance that the path to success is mostly two steps forward, one step back you will cruise to success and won’t be beating yourself up when you make a mistake. Sure, sometimes it is one step after another, but not always and that needs to be accepted in order to feel confident and ride the wave of momentum.

      As for reading a lot of books: Yes, sometimes. However, these days I really don’t have much time for it because I have a lot on my plate. Last month for example, I probably spent around 90 hours writing articles for The Modern Man, while also maintaining an active social life, staying fit, partying with my girlfriend, chilling out with my girlfriend and setting aside some time for relaxing.

      Anyway, I’m off to do some exercise now. I’ve been really slack with staying fit over the past 6 months and am trying to get everything back in balance. My girlfriend is coming along and when she goes to the gym she wears tight, little shorts and a small top showing her flat stomach…sexy! If there’s nothing on the TV at the gym, I just watch her on the treadmill, lol…

      Cheers
      Dan

      P.S. If you want to speed up your progress and become successful with women faster, never forget this: https://twitter.com/Dan_Modern_Man/status/262269846182588416

  • done so wrong

    I have tried to be confident and women see right through it, im not a ugly guy and believe that I am a good catch, but im not compitable with a lot of women as well, my shattered self-esteem comes from a terrible childhood that still affects me to this day, my false confidence, I hate where I can’t be myself in my life but putting on a act is all I know how to do,help me someone, anyone.

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi “Done So Wrong”

      Your past does not equal your future. Guys on this site are doing what you are not: CHANGING, TRANSFORMING and getting on with their lives. Don’t sit around wallowing in self-pity about your childhood or anything else. Decide what you want, then go after it, one step at a time. If something feels like it will be very challenging for you, take one step towards it, then take another. Don’t sit around thinking about how bad the PAST has been. Create the future you want, one step at a time.

      Read this: Success Isn’t a Straight Line

      Cheers
      Dan

• Joe

  Dan Bacon is a king!

  • Dan Bacon

    Thanks mate!

• jonhy

  hey my name is jonhy and i been in a relatioship for 7 month but im feeling like its not the same i feel like my gf is playing hard to get sometimes and i still havent had sex with her yet beacuse shes kind of the girl that takes time so i didnt want to rush her any help

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Johny

    Before I answer, I need to ask you: How old are you and how old is your GF? Also, have you kissed her or done anything sexual yet?

    Cheers
    Dan

• Rahul

  Hi Dan,
  My name is Rahul and I am 25 year old working & average looking guy, I want a cute GF or a cute girl in my life but the problem is as I am a working guy I don’t have enough time to take my GF for shopping movies etc and I am not in touch with any girl write now..so Dan do you have any suggestion from which I can get a GF for me..plz help me on other hand I would like to tell you that I talk with some girls in chatting and they all girls likes me very much like my nature, my talking style they enjoy conversation with me..but I feel shy when I talk with any girl face to face! 🙁 what should I do?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Rahul

    Thanks for your question.

    Spending some time with a girlfriend is always possible, no matter how busy your lifestyle is. How much time do you spend watching TV or hanging around on Facebook? Use that time to spend with a girl instead. When I was working 50 hours a week in the corporate world, I had 2 girlfriends and allowed them to see me once a week each. During that time, I was also writing The Flow, catching up with friends, etc. Not having time for a girl is a BS excuse from you. Your real problem is your lack of skills of women and your fear of them as a result.

    About being shy to speak to girls face to face: What do you mean, “What should I do?”? Of course the answer is that you need to build your confidence with women. That’s what the advice in our programs will do. Guys have posted up loads of success stories here, commenting on their success and tremendous new confidence with women since reading The Flow. Read The Flow, fix your issues and get on with enjoying your life. If you’re not confident with women and you don’t actively fix it, it’s not going to fix itself. In fact, it’s more likely to get worse over the years if left untreated.

    By the way: You mention that girls like chatting to you, but you are shy when you talk to them face to face. Does that mean you have been wasting loads of time hiding behind online dating sites because of your fear of women? If so, watch this video.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Tomas

  Hello Dan!

  I have a HUGE crush on this very hot chick in my school. She seems to be really popular and I really think there is a LOT of guys who have crush on her too, but anyway…I haven’t talk to her in reality(even though I,ve had chances, but have been anxious and nervous), but we have facebook-messenging now and then, and she doesn’t seem to be intrested at all and answers to me in a quite rude way.
  Now my question is: How can you stop thinking about her All the time and place so MUCH value in her?

  Please a response would really make my day, I am looking very forward to a response thanks.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Tomas

    Lol…you don’t understand women at all. Don’t ask me to write The Flow for you in a comment reply (that’s what I’d need to do to help someone like you because you need a lot of work). Read it and learn.

    Cheers
    Dan

  • stef

    Its all very well saying do this and do that but if a guy doesnt get a chance to learn how is he going to improve his chances of succeeding if women wont give him a chance to learn,vicous circle aint it? Im 36 and only had one on/off semi serious relationship with a girl in my 20s,Ive never taken a girl on a date,as I got used to the fact that Id be refused,so I felt what was the point in asking?. I’ve had a troubled life,whys that such a big deal,same with not knowing how to flirt or body language? thats what Im saying if you dont get taught how are you expected to learn?

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Stef

      Thanks for your comment.

      Mate, I feel the pain and frustration that you’re going through. I understand it completely because I’ve been there. However, at the moment, the reason you’re so frustrated at your lack of success with women and at how difficult it seems to be successful with women, is that you just don’t understand what you need to understand to be successful.

      For instance, this part of your comment reveals a lot, “Ive never taken a girl on a date,as I got used to the fact that Id be refused,so I felt what was the point in asking?” What you may not realize is that you don’t need to ASK a woman to go on a date. Real life is not like a “romantic comedy” movie and the modern dating scene is not like it was in 1905. How do you get on a date these days? What do you say? How do you get women throwing themselves at you like you’ve seen them to do other guys? That’s what I teach. If you don’t know it, you don’t know it. It’s as simple as that. Guys who know what I know have their CHOICE with women.

      The other part of your comment is a little bit weird mate! 🙂 You said, “…thats what Im saying if you dont get taught how are you expected to learn?” Stef, if you want to learn, then learn! This is YOUR life and you need to take control of it. If you haven’t been taught what is required to be successful with women in the modern world, go ahead and learn. Guys like you are no longer on your own with this. I am here to help out and show you the way. I’ve taught 1000s of guys to be successful with women. If you want to learn and enjoy easy success with women, don’t sit around complaining about not having ever been taught! 🙂 Take action and learn from guys like me. I’m here to help mate.

      Cheers
      Dan

• ngassam

  i am a black but anytime i try to chat whites online most insult me why cant i have a serious relationship with whites

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Ngassam

    Thanks for your question.

    You see interracial couples all the time, so you can have a relationship with a woman of another race. Watch this video to understand why you are experiencing racism with online dating.

    Cheers
    Dan

  • stef

    O yeah I wanted to ask as well whats wrong with being tense or nervous if you are naturally like that to begin with and you have low self esteem due to not being succesful with girls to begin with too and being an alpha male? cant say Ive ever been one of them so Im sure you are saying to people to put up a front to be something they arent. when I was younger if so called friends knew i liked a girl theyd come and take her after she refused me or before I even got around to asking I just told myself I wouldnt have succeeded anyway because its mostly down to looks so if you arent an attractive guy you got no chance or very little as you are judged on that before you do anything. I also dont know any women to ask out and I just dont know what to do or where to begin im told get out there but wheres there? Im a guy that needs solutions not advice. back when I was a teenager i was the only one who didnt have a gf.so what can I do to improve my chances? and why is never having had a long term gf a so called red flag as i been hearing. I cant help it if girls would judge me on my looks im average looking with a bit of fat like medium build but not morbidly fat so whats the problem?.

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Stef

      Mate, you have a LOT to learn. Your comment is a jumbled mess of insecurities and confusion. You’re also making a load of incorrect assumptions.

      Listen to this and you will begin to understand where you’ve been going wrong: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html

      Cheers
      Dan

  • stef

    Hey Dan just want to ask where I’d go to meet women as I dont know any as there arent any in my circle of friends I dont see any at work as dont have a job. just wondering where to start to meet women. well the ones I do know arent interested. so where are good places to go to? cheers.

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Stef

      Thanks for your question.

      Here is the program for you: http://store.themodernman.com/products/21_great_ways_to_get_a_girlfriend.html

      You can find 100s of lists online of “places” to meet women, but where 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend differs is that we actually explain what to say and do in each environment so the woman eagerly wants to give you her phone number and see you again. We’ve tested out all the great places to meet women and we’ve actually gone and picked up women in those environments. So, we teach from our real world experience.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Jesse

  Hey Dan!

  How important is fashion and stuff when talking to women? For example I’m really into heavy metal and if anyone saw me they’d know straight away I’m into that scene I have long hair, biker jacket, I wear band t-shirts etc and I do like girls in that scene rock chick types, tattoos etc I do like that but I’m not only attracted to girls in my scene so how do you dress if you want to branch out and attract other women? I mean basically if the girl is attractive I’m interested no matter what scene shes in.

  Should I just tone down the rock thing when talking to club type girls or sporty women because I don’t really wanna be a fashion chameleon choping and changing every 5 seconds depending on who I’m talking to, or does it really not matter? if you’re the man most women want will they just accept you as you are as long as you’re not dressed like a total misfit?

  Cheers
  Jesse

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Jesse

    Thanks for your question.

    It’s a really good question this one. The thing is – you should dress for your scene and develop your style around the type of women you’re into. However, when it comes to looking like a heavy metal dude – many women will make instant judgements about you because of it. For example: Many heavy metal people are anti-social, insecure, nervous, hang around with “weird” people, smoke pot, etc. So, if you want a classy woman, she’s going to be put off by that assumption initially. You’ll only be able to get her if you have true, mastery level skills. However, if she gets the sense that you’re one of the less desirable metal heads (i.e. you have the aforementioned traits), then her guard will be up because most people don’t find that to be compatible with how they want to live their life.

    My advice to you is to go for a more universal style that you really enjoy wearing, but that is also attractive to most women. Here are some pics of me wearing different stuff that I like. Heck, I even picked up a hottie recently while wearing pretty unfashionable tartan shorts (see the photo of me with the two chicks and we’re out in the rain with umbrellas). For many years, I just wore black jeans, black leather jacket, black shoes and a black shirt. You’ll see some pics of that. Now, I have a more casual style because I can wear that and still pick up hotties.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jesse

  Hey Dan!

  Yeah I’ve noticed that people do have negative stereotypes around people who are into that scene even I do and I love it 🙂 I think people who don’t fit in gravitate towards that scene.

  Its interesting because like I notice that most people dress with the trends especially dudes most guys just wear whatever is out in the stores so there like more compatible with the majority of women because most people are into that but then if you start dressing a little more ‘out there’ or against the grain you start to screen out certain people is that a fair analysis?

  Infact I’ll reverse it have you ever picked up a ‘rock chick type’ or an arty type women dressed the way you do? I know you’re at the mastery level so its a bit different but maybe in the early days?

  Cheers
  Jesse

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jesse

    Your comment of “I think people who don’t fit in gravitate towards that scene” is one of the main reasons why women are turned off by it. Women naturally gravitate towards men who will be assisted/backed up by friends in times of struggle. It’s a human survival instinct. Women are naturally turned off by men who, in the face of challenges, would not have a support network there to help him out. Of course, in the modern world, people can get support in all sorts of ways, but it doesn’t change a woman’s instinctive feelings of attraction or repulsion to a man.

    Yes, I can pick up any type of woman now even when I’m wearing shorts, flip-flops/thongs and a t-shirt. They don’t even notice that because they are so attracted to my confidence and masculinity. I’ve been with all types of women since working this stuff out. Virgins, slutty girls, girl next door types, conservative girls, rock chicks, models, women in high-level corporate jobs (e.g. lawyer, banker, etc), dental nurses, etc, etc. It doesn’t matter who the girl is and what she does for a living or what clothes she wears – she feels intense attraction and I know how to act on that attraction and escalate to kissing, sex and a relationship.

    When I first starting out though, I didn’t have much confidence or masculinity to offer women, so I needed to dress a bit “cooler” to give them another reason to give me a chance. So, initially, I would suggest you dress for your scene and for the types of women you want to attract. Then, as you rise through the levels to mastery, you’ll find that you can pretty much wear whatever you want and you’ll get pretty much any woman you want.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jesse

  Hey Dan,

  Ok cool I’ll rock it out for now and then dress more universal if I wanna change.

  Thanks for the advice.

  Cheers
  Jesse

• Jason

  Dan I was just thinking about giving u an update. If you don’t remember I’m the guy who bought the flow because of a miserable relationship I had with this hot chick. Well as u know I got the flow and turned things around then kept suffering from my old mindsets when girls (The Four I was dating) used to try to make me jealous by flirting with other guys and mentioning all the men. Well I bought Better Than A Bad BOY and realized that the girls were JUST TESTING ME lol. I passed them and things went CRAZY after that. Well I don’t want to give your whole program away but this one hot chick I was dating went LOVE MAD. she basically put me in a headlock and demanded to be my girlfriend. She’s beautiful and this is the one I vibe with the most so I’m going to try the relationship thing for a bit. Another girl I was dating found out about this and is pretty miserable. She’s a saavy girl who is one big bundle of tests. Passing them and choosing another REALLY set her in a tailspin. I have to avoid her all together because she’s wide open with her very obvious attempts to get me now. The other two I just stopped calling.

  Dan I can honestly say girls in the past DID like me. But I never picked up on it or believed it. Girls were interested in me. I was naturally funny and even flirtatious but never really understood how to escalate things. Have read the flow and watched Better than a bad boy I feel more in control of my dating. Just this morning I woke up beside a beautiful wan WHO IS MY GIRLFRIEND lol. Everyday is like one of those “moments” you spoke of. For anybody who is even thinking about buying ANY of these programs don’t hesitate. Dan I can’t thank you enough.

  Well I DO have a bit of a problem. See now that I recognize the flow of human mating I can see just how interested girls can be. How interested they become. Sometimes I think I need to “turn it off” because I’m in a committed relationship. I don’t want to get rusty so I keep using the flow. I just stop short of escalating like u advised to do in the workplace. Anyhow I’m going to get The Modern Relationship. Currently me and my new girl are looking for a puppy and she keeps hinting that we should move in together. When I use your products sometimes I feel like I’m getting ahead of myself lol thank again and all the best to you Dan

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Jason

    Well, this has to be one of the most legendary success stories so far.

    This part is a classic, “She’s a saavy girl who is one big bundle of tests. Passing them and choosing another REALLY set her in a tailspin.” Oh, the power you will now have my friend. Now that you can do that, you will have women wrapped around your finger for life. They will rarely come across a guy who can pass their challenging tests before they drop their guard and when they discover that you are, in fact, one of those prized “real men” they’ve been searching for, they’ll lock on with both hands and won’t let go. That girl will be waiting on the sidelines for you, hoping that you end your relationship. Since there is a lack of real men available, even if she gets into a relationship, she’ll still be keeping an eye on you via Facebook and hoping to see that you become single again. Recently, when I decided that one of my girls was going to be my girlfriend, three different women (who I’d been sleeping with) all told me (via Facebook or text) that the news had them in tears. Now, to guys who are new to this and haven’t learned what you know, that will sound impossible/unbelievable, but I know that you’ll be able to understand. Two of the women said that they don’t care if I have a girlfriend because they will not forget me and will wait.

    About this part, “Sometimes I think I need to “turn it off” because I’m in a committed relationship. I don’t want to get rusty so I keep using the flow. I just stop short of escalating like u advised to do in the workplace.” Nice, yes that’s what happened to this guy (and he talks about it during the interview). However, unlike you, women DIDN’T like him before he found The Modern Man. As we always say though, “Use the advice and you will get the results.” Plain, simple and true.

    Thanks so much for sharing your success. It sounds like you’ve been having a great time and I’m proud to have played a small part in you getting there.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jason

  Dan I can’t say it enough. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Dan I have been having fun. I mean like a month ago I walked into a sports bar on a Monday night with these two hot chicks. One of them I’d been sleeping with. The other one was her friend I’d met that night for he first time. When I walked in with those two. The bars collective mouth dropped lol. These guys stopped watching the game and focused on the three of us.

  Now Mind you I’d slept with one of these girls before and was just meeting her friend. I took it to be some kind of test. Like will I pass The Friend Test. I laughed it off and used the flow on both of them. Soon bothe girls were competing for my attention and even the clueless guys in the bar picked up on the sexual tension and sparks flying at our table.

  I realized that most guys don’t know HALF of what you teach. Some guys are naturals like you say but they are the exception. None of he guys in that bar was living like that. The shock all around that bar that night proved that. They couldn’t dream that chicks as hot as that would be on what amounts to a date with an ordinary guy like me and be competing for my attention.

  That’s what I can’t thank you enough for. Just the sheer excitement and adventure my life has become since I came to understand some of this stuff. Because you see not so very long ago I was one of the clueless. And you had a very large part in my success. Thanks again and again Dan!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jason

    Ahh, this is music to my ears mate!

    There is nothing better than hearing back from a guy who is actually putting the advice into action. As I always say, “Knowledge is power WHEN used” and you are clearly using the knowledge and enjoying the power.

    Yes, you’re right by the way about most guys not knowing this stuff. It really was a surprise to me when I became good with women – it became blatantly obvious all of a sudden and I thought, “Wow, I am one of the rare guys now who actually understand women and what it takes to make them fall madly in love.” Jason, the more you apply what you’ve learnt and the more of those experiences with women you have, the more you will notice that approximately 80-90% of guys really do need help with women and simply fumble their way into relationships. I wrote about it recently in this article, Is Getting Lucky the Answer to Easy Success With Women?

    Enjoy the great times ahead my friend! It really does become quite an adventure as you say. So much better than sitting home alone on the couch, or clicking “refresh” on Facebook and seeing other people enjoying love and relationships while all you have is work (or study), TV and a sick feeling of loneliness at the pit of your stomach. Life is so much sweeter when beautiful women love you. Enjoy!!

    Cheers
    Dan

• M

  To The modern man:

  I study in a class and I found my self that i can now approach women without being afraid of anything. Now I’m the one who choose which women deserve to spend my time with.

  You advice changed my life dramatically. Guys stop googling and wasting time waiting something to happen, the things that you waiting to happen are already here. My advice is you should work with the advices The modern man teaches in real life!! Not just listen.

  Which you luck guys.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi M

    Thanks for sharing your success.

    Great to hear that you’ve been putting the advice into practice in real life. Enjoy the great times ahead.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Paul

  hi dan u are doing a great job,but i need an answer urgently to the question bothering me in my heart i met a lady online & she sent me her phone number & i plan how will could meet one on one but she said i should sent her transport fare so as to come where i am which i did but after the girl collect money from me she has one or two complain to say on wat delaying her to come by but she introduce me to her mum & i spoke with her on phone,so i need your advice bcos i am fed up & think she is cheating on me

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Paul

    This is another example of why guys who aren’t very good with women should not be using online dating. Unless you are following expert advice (i.e. supplied in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend), you will usually fail or waste a lot of time chasing women who are just messing with you online, or stringing you along (to boost their self-confidence) until something comes along in the real world. Our studies have shown that when a guy like you (i.e. not very good with women) tries online dating on his own and makes all the mistakes that a rookie makes or a guy who isn’t good with women makes, he will fail 96% of the time. See this video and article for more info: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/meeting-women-online.html

    I have no other advice for you about this situation than this: You need to learn how to make women show you respect. You won’t get a woman’s respect if you chase her and are willing to pay for her transport to come and see you. If a girl asked me to do that for her, I would literally laugh at her. What a joke. Girls want to feel like they are lucky to be seeing YOU, not the other way around. You need to learn and then change your approach to women if you want to experience consistent, positive results. It won’t happen if you keep approaching things the way you are now.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Michael

  Dan,

  How can you stop feeling embarassed about seeing women you’ve approached or attempted to hit on and it hasn’t worked out? Either because you messed it up, the conversation wasn’t great and you wern’t compatible, you contacted at her at a later date when you got her number but nothing happened with it.

  I’ve heard you guys say that in most cases you will never see the woman/women again that you approach are talking about when you live in a city?

  There is a certain supermarket I have approached at least 4 women in and I have seen them on a frequent basis and its just embarassing especially since I don’t have any other women on the go it makes me feel like a weirdo for trying to aproach women in the first place and kills my confidence. I have stopped going to that particular supermarket now.

  Its embarassing hitting on women on facebook and it doesn’t happen and everyone can see you died on your ass, or you hit on women in your extended social circle and the next time you go out with your friends their there extremely cringeworthy.

  Any advice?

  Michael

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Michael

    Thanks for your questions.

    The answers to all of your questions are: Follow our advice and you won’t experience those problems. End of story.

    1. Your question about being embarrassed about a pick up attempt not working out: The mindsets to fix that weakness (and many other common problem areas and weaknesses) are provided in Mastery Methods and Mindsets: http://store.themodernman.com/products/mastery_methods_and_mindsets.php Additionally, what you learn from that program will ensure the approach DOES work and the girl DOES like you.

    2. Your question about hitting on women on Facebook: We don’t ever tell guys to hit on girls on Facebook in any of our products. Until you are skilled with women, trying to sneak your way into a girl’s life by “getting to know her on Facebook” will backfire because you will make basic, yet critical mistakes that turn the women off. In our programs, we explain where to approach women, what to say and what to do so you SUCCEED. If you aren’t good with women AND you don’t use our expert advice, what do you expect will happen? You’ll get rejected like you always have, until you get lucky. However, getting lucky isn’t the answer, as explained here: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html

    BTW: I’ve noticed you’ve asked a few questions where you are completely stuffing things up with women and wondering why. You can either continue down that path and keep getting rejected for the next few years, or you can get all the answers you need by investing in my programs and start enjoying success with women now. Your choice.

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. One more thing I need to say for you is this: Confidence is required to attract women. If you’re not confident and you try to pick up women, they will reject you in every case unless you “get lucky.” If you’re not confident, learn how to be. That is what we are here for. Do this properly or you will naturally suffer the consequences, some of which are explained in this new article: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-consequences-of-not-being-an-alpha-male.html

    • Michael

      Hi Dan

      So basically what your saying is women aren’t guna be interested by the fact you’ve come over and tried to start something you’ve gotta be all these other things as well as having balls? I honestly am exhausted with the whole thing.

      I will need to invest in some of yours products make it my new years resolution.

      Thanks
      Michael

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Michael

      Lol…yes, it sounds difficult UNTIL you actually develop true confidence and then it all becomes so damn easy. The thing is, if you walk up to women to start a conversation, they will (in about 80% of cases. We get that statistic from years of approaching and coaching guys on weekends in bars, shopping malls, etc) completely open themselves up to the opportunity IF the guy is confident, masculine, etc. However, if the guy is nervous, they will close themselves OFF because they do NOT want wimpy men.

      When you invest in our advice and become confident, you will finally see how easy it is. When you walk up to women, they will open up to the situation and you’ll have the confidence, masculinity, conversation skills and “know how” to easily go from a conversation, to a kiss, to sex and into a relationship. It really is very simple. However, BEFORE you begin, it all seems so difficult because you just don’t understand yet. It’s like when you first learn to drive a car – it seems so difficult at the start because there is so much you need to focus on all at once, but with a little practice you can then do it without having to think about it.

      Cheers
      Dan

      P.S. Since you mentioned New Years, here’s a great article with practical tips for you to get a kiss on new years eve.

• Suhaib

  Hi Dan,
  I would like to share a story with you that I got from the ” 21 great ways to get a girlfriend”
  I went to the mall the other day. Because I wanted to buy some jeans. When I walked in, the girl who was working there offered to help me out and after she did I paid the money and it was all good.
  When I walked off the store I saw this amazing redhead who was walking towards me. I looked at her straight in her eyes and at first she wasn’t looking and then she looked at me and took off her eyes off of my eyes and ignored me. When we got close to each other, I said hi with a big smile and said I know this is a little bit unusual, but I saw you walking and I was really interested in meeting you. My name is Suhaib what’s your name? She had a big smile on her face and she said Amy. After that I Invited her to get a cup of coffee and after we went there I paid for the coffee because I’m the one who offered her the coffee and then got her number. Two days later, I called her and we met at a restaurant and we had a great meal. After we finished our meal, we talked a little bit on the street and the next thing I know we were kissing. And now I have a girlfriend.

  To be honest with you, if I haven’t read the book and listened to your program I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did that day. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart that you made my life more exciting.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Suhaib

    Thanks for sharing your success!

    Yes, that is how easy it is when you simply follow our advice and use the techniques in real life. The first time I approached outside of a bar environment was in a bookstore and it was (as you say) “exciting” …I felt alive and like I was finally taking charge in life. I felt a freedom that I never knew existed because prior to that, I lived in a state of mind where I thought women didn’t want to be approached during the day or outside of social environments. Like you, I also took her for a coffee right then. I remember after we’d first had sex and I went out to the kitchen to get a drink of orange juice and thought, “Man, I’m doing it…I’m really doing it…this is happening for me now!” It was an awesome feeling and I’ve never looked back since.

    BTW: For the guys reading along with the comments, advice on how to approach women in bookstores is provided in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend)

    Thanks again for sharing your success Suhaib! Enjoy the great times ahead with your girlfriend!

    Cheers
    Dan

• ross

  Hi Dan
  I have a question to this͵ its worrying me
  I don’t have many friends only a small number does that mean women won’t be attracted to me and will women judge me because I have no value
  This question is important need your feed on this
  Cheers
  Ross

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Ross

    Your value is decided by you and accepted by others. Think about it.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Sam

  Hey Dan, I saw some of your videos, and while some of your advice was spot on, there’s a few bones I would like to pick.

  My biggest one is the issue with confidence. You say its attractive to women, but what do you say to a man who got rejected after being full of confidence?

  The reason I’m saying this is, I have been to a bar, dressed all nice, asked some women to dance, and got all nos.

  Another time, I was trying to date this female, and thought everything would work out, and the nanosecond before she rejected me, I thought she was going to say yes, but she said she only liked me as a friend.

  With me, confidence comes from prior experience. The reason I’m not confident that I can get a girlfriend is because I have been rejected so many times, or friendzoned, or worse, ignored.

  I wouldn’t say I’m the shy type either. I have flirted with women, and said some risque things to help spark their interests, but I got shit on. In fact, I feel that I don’t do different from what I see alphas do.

  I’m just wondering what I maybe doing wrong.

  Thanks.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Sam

    Thanks for your question.

    I have to say, the question about confidence was a funny one though. It’s the first time I’ve ever been asked it because EVERYBODY knows confidence is attractive to women. Questioning whether confidence is attractive to women is like asking me, “Dan, are you sure that the sun is hot? Couldn’t it in fact be a ball of ice, but we see it as a ball of fire?” No, the sun is hot and women are attracted to confidence. Both are two very obvious things in life. So, I won’t even try to explain what everyone already knows. Instead, I’ll help you based on the information you’ve provided:

    1. You ask women to dance: Wrong. This isn’t 1940 and you’re not in a black and white movie. I used the e-mail address you provided to check out your Facebook profile and can see that you’re a guy in his 20s. Dude, a guy in his 20s doesn’t ask a woman to dance – He just goes and dances with her! A man in his 50s or 60s could get away with that, but at your age it is NOT seen as confident, but is instead seen as you being out of touch.

    2. You are trying to date a woman: No, no, no. Think about it: If you try to pick a woman up and try to get her on a date, who has the power to decide yes or no? When you use that approach with a woman, most will put their guard up and play hard to get. If you want real success with women (i.e. you mentioned that you see other alpha males picking up women and think you’re doing the same thing as them), you need to get women chasing you and wanting to be with YOU, not the other way around. If you want to learn how to do that, watch Dating Power.

    You have been hoping for a girl to say “yes” to you, but the guys who are good with women switch things around so women are hoping that the GUY says “yes” to her. You can do it the hard way if you want, but if you want easy success with women then you need to learn how to get them chasing you and hoping to be with you.

    3. You have been rejected so many times before: Yes, that is because you would be going against the flow of a natural, sexual courtship. I don’t even have to ask you anything more to know that this is what you’re doing – I’ve been coaching guys in this area for the last 7 years, so it’s all very simple to me. You can either keep doing the same thing you’ve been doing, or you can learn the right way to do it. If you’re new to all of this, I recommend you read my ebook The Flow. If you’ve already learnt a bunch of stuff on how to approach and pick up women naturally, I recommend you watch Dating Power.

    4. True confidence: Okay, I’ll expand a little more on the topic of confidence. You say that you have approached these women while “full of confidence.” However, you would have also been trying to pick the woman up. If you are making such a fundamental mistake such as that (and I assume many other mistakes at the same time), your confidence doesn’t matter to her. She will be turned off by the many other social errors you are making as you “try” to talk to her. Alpha males who are good with women don’t “try” to talk with women, they just talk with them.

    Feel free to ask me more if you’ve got some questions after reading that.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Sam

  Okay, may you have a point there. But keep in mind, I have done some really flirtatious things that I saw alphas do(even to the same women), and still got treated like I’m a creep.

  For example, with one of my female co-workers I came behind her and grabbed her pigtails and she told me not to do that. HOWEVER I saw one of my other workers do the same thing, and she saw it as cute.

  Isn’t it possible that a women’s reaction to a guy(at least in some cases) is pre-determined?

  The problem with me is, I can make friends with women as long as I don’t steer things in a sexual direction, no matter how comfortable and “full of confidence” I might be.

  I guess the best thing to do is see me in action since its alot harder to explain over the internet.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Sam

    Thanks for your questions.

    Let me tell you upfront: You are not a “special case” that can’t be fixed. The problems that you are experiencing are extremely common and easily fixable. Women are responding negatively to you because your approach to them is fundamentally flawed. For example:

    1. You are not truly confident, but pretend you are. Women can see that, just like you can see when a person is nervous when talking to you, but is trying to look confident and relaxed. Women are naturally attracted to confidence and are turned off by nervousness, insecurity and fear in a guy. Unless you become truly confident (we will teach you how if you invest in our programs. Our Confidence Building System is explained in Dating Power and Coaching Call Breakthroughs), you cannot expect women to feel proper attraction for you.

    2. You are ashamed of your sexual attraction to women and suddenly try to show it by copying what confident guys do. Women are creeped out by that. As I explain in Better Than a Bad Boy, a woman will label a guy as creepy if he hides his sexual interest in a woman by guarded during conversation, using very plain body language, keeping conversations away from sex, etc. Then, when he suddenly tries to show sexual interest, he will do it awkwardly (because he is ashamed of it and thinks women don’t want to see that coming from him) and it will weird the woman out.

    You cannot simply copy what alpha males do and expect the same results. A true alpha male that is good with women has fundamentally different mindsets than you do about showing his sexual interest in a woman, about how sexually attracted women are to him and about what is appropriate and inappropriate. Due to his real masculinity and confidence that women find irresistibly attractive, his displays of sexual interest are met with open arms by women because they are already sexually attracted to him. You, on the other hand, are trying to sneak your way into a relationship with a woman by being her friend and hoping that she eventually likes you. That is NOT how it’s done. If you want to know the correct process of a natural, sexual courtship, read The Flow.

    BTW: Listen to the interview we did with this customer. He experienced a very similar thing when he tried to hit on a female coworker. Then, listen to how he turned it around so that women are now AUTOMATICALLY attracted to him. In fact, he now has to tone down his attractiveness to women because he has a hot girlfriend and doesn’t want to give other women the wrong idea. As you will notice from the clip, the guy has a lisp when he speaks. He also wears VERY thick glasses, but both Ben and I have seen pictures of his girlfriend and she is HOT.

    Cheers
    Dan

• James

  Hi Dan,

  Got a bit of a problem which I hope you can help me out with.

  I know we’ve talked about this in the past but it’s still not something I’ve fully grasped. Recently when I’ve been in bars/clubs when I approach/talk to girls at the bar area a lot of them ignore me completely, they know I’m trying to talk to them but they just won’t even look at me sometimes. Other times they will talk but it’s very small talk and they know (and I know) that it just won’t go anywhere. I think a HUGE problem for me is in loud environments I have a real problem talking to people (I have a very soft voice and really have to close in and shout) and in a way it kind of puts me off wanting to approach. Is it more about body language you display and the confidence which emanates from you?

  Secondly, was out at a bar last night with a group of friends and one of which is very good looking and attractive although he’s in a serious relationship so cannot do anything. Girls are just showing him interest all the time. Now, I know I asked a similar question and you saw a picture of me and said I’ve nothing wrong with looks and I agree as people have said I’m above average. Guess what I’m trying to ask is, why don’t I get the same attention? Again, is it the confidence which needs to be emanating from me?

  Look forward to your response.

  Cheers

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi James

    Thanks for your questions.

    Yes, it’s all about your lack of confidence. Women are looking for a guy who is stronger than them (mentally and emotionally) or at least just as strong. Women can see by your body language that you feel weaker than most people in the room and when you walk up to talk to a woman, she will see it all over your body language and hear it in your tonality. For more info, watch the video on this page…and then watch the program.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Saurabh

  Hi Dan

  I’m Saurabh and i like a girl but the problem is that i feel i’m too unsmart for her. She is pretty and i don’t look good. The main problem is that i don’t know how to initiate talking to her..like what should i say. Once i sent her a Hi on facebook but she didn’t even reply. So what do i do now?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Saurabh

    Thanks for your question.

    You need to ATTRACT her. She will only be interested in talking to you if she is attracted to you. If you are behaving in a way that is unattractive to her, she is not going to be very interesting in replying to any message you send her. You need to read The Flow and learn how to properly attract a woman and then escalate to kissing, sex and a relationship.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Hanako

  Hi Dan
  I was reading your article when I could not help but notice something. One of the first things you mentioned is a guy who points out the negatives in themselves is usually an indicator. Well my good sir. I am the opposite. I am witty, smart, degree in teaching, decent car and the like, but the one thing women do not like is I play video games. You say not to change yourself but when the world is filled with women who are about “me” (don’t kid yourself, a good 80% of them are especially when your whole article is telling you to make them feel like a woman, seriously?) Should I change the one hobby I enjoy to fit the wants and needs of women? I eagerly await your reply on this because I would like to see if you give some actual insight or regurgitated self-help psychobabble ^^ Tally-ho!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Hanako

    Thanks for your question/psychobabble. Lol!

    There’s nothing wrong with playing computer games. I play Xbox fairly regularly and my beautiful girlfriend doesn’t complain at all. Why? Because I also work very hard on my purpose (I probably do about 60 hours a week for The Modern Man and spend another 5 hours reading about and researching the developments in artificial intelligence, nanotechnology, genetics, etc because that’s what I want to focus on next). I have purpose in life and am not afraid of my true potential as a man. Instead of hiding from my purpose, I step right into it with confidence, determination and passion. I also have a balanced lifestyle that includes friends, relaxation time (e.g. going to the beach for a sunset), hard work, learning, etc.

    A woman will get annoyed by a guy who play video games if he hides away from life behind them, doesn’t give her enough time and presence because of them or if he thinks that he is achieving something amazing by playing them. It’s just a game. Sure, I get excited sometimes when playing Xbox and say, “Whoah! Check this out!” to my girlfriend and she smiles for a moment and gets involved in the moment for a bit, but then the moment passes. She knows that I have much bigger, more important things in my life and when I’m playing a game, I will enjoy it and really live the experience. Likewise, when I have sex with her, I will really get into it and she loves that. She knows that I’m not wasting my time – I’m relaxing and rewarding myself with some time away from working on my purpose.

    However, let me point out: Video games is not a conversation topic when you’re out there approaching and meeting women. Only AFTER you’ve had sex with a woman will she be open to hearing about your love for video games (or any other hobby) in ADDITION to what you are achieving or planning to achieve in life. If you want to learn how to talk to women properly, I recommend that you listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation

    Cheers
    Dan

• C

  I’m a female, for most of my life, most or many of my friends have been male. Quite a few tried going further than :just friends”. Though I’m a friends-first kind of a girl, I usually rejected. Which is confusing to some people. These guys often thought they failed bad somehow. They thought, “If I didn’t like them, and the last girl didn’t, what are they doing wrong?!” Sometimes why wasn’t easy to answer. Attraction is weird and even scientific. This has happened with guys I found physically attractive, too. Sometimes no one is to blame unless you have a bad attitude or poor hygiene. In my mind now, how I would give those with things in common honest advice: It echos something above–If you act confident and aren’t, it will show. Some guys have gaping holes of insecurity, various crippling problems. Those more charming guys with such flaws hurt relationships later. Who wants a guy who can’t lift you up if he can’t sometimes lift himself up? So before you go after someone, try to get rid of baggage. Recognize, admit, treat. See a counselor (totally more manly than having baggage in my opinion), work out at least a little (not just to get in shape, but endorphins make you feel good). Do something that helps you work on your positives so you can throw away the negatives. Next, a lot of guys who had really bad luck or fleeting luck tried to be funny and charming. Don’t TRY. Don’t use pick up lines, don’t try to be funny to impress. If you think girls find you very socially awkward especially. Don’t try things you’ve seen other guys do if it doesn’t suit you. A guy said he couldn’t get away with pulling a girl’s pigtail. So don’t. Don’t be overly polite, much more than you would be with your boss. It can come off as a fake mating dance. Make friends with girls. There are some out there you can actually have good conversations with. Even I have a hard time, but it’s quite possible. They can help introduce you to other girls, too. Some of the most “lucky” guys I know have a lot of female friends and no big problem with finding a date. It helps them become more comfortable with girls, too. It sounds like a lot. But in summary, be yourself, BE your better self for real. That is attractive. Honesty is an amazingly difficult thing to act out for some, I guess.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi C

    Thanks for your contribution. We’re getting a lot of women commenting these days, which is good to see.

    More and more women are beginning to understand the reasons why they reject guys, which is leading to women like you who would likely tell your male friends what to do and what not to do.

    It’s good to see.

    Cheers
    Dan

  • Billy Lephraun

    Alright i need some help I consider myself very attractIve (maybe a little chunky) but I am athletic and play golf. I am about 5 foot 7 160lbs and fairly attractive. I am very confident and very funny but for some reason girls just don’t like me. I often talk to girls but I never click with them. Any suggestions?

    Thanks,
    Billy

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Billy

      Thanks for your question.

      Yes, you’re not flirting with them. You’d be talking to women in a friendly, polite manner (which is fine) and would be leaving out flirting and a sexual vibe (which is not fine). Someone like you need to listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation. After you use the advice in that program, you’ll be back here saying, “Dan, how do I tell girls that I’ve already got two girlfriends without making them feel bad?”

      BTW: The stats and details you gave about yourself are irrelevant. What matters to a woman is whether you are confident, masculine and can make her feel like a woman. You might be a “good looking guy” but as you’ve experienced, it means nothing if you can’t make women feel attraction for what really matters. Read: How Do Average-Looking (or Ugly) Guys Pick Up Beautiful Women?

      Cheers
      Dan

• Too nice

  Hi Dan
  I was wondering if you could help I’m just a normal guy
  With average looks and I have trouble getting woman to
  Notice me in a bad way I try talking and making them laugh
  But nothing has worked for me my last gf was about 2 years
  Ago and ever since then it’s like women don’t find me attractive
  Or don’t see me in that way got any tips to help me find a woman

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi “Too nice”

    Thanks for your comment.

    Well, the name you chose partially answers the question. While there is nothing wrong with being nice, there is a problem with being TOO nice. Why? When a woman is choosing a guy to have sex with or to have as a boyfriend, she wants to feel SEXUAL attraction for him, not just nice, pleasant feelings that come with a polite, courteous interaction. If you’re too nice, then you’re not going to be displaying the behaviors and traits that will cause a woman to feel sexual attraction, to respect you as a man and to want to be with you in a relationship. Sure, it might happen in the movies, but not in real life. Some really nice guys get lucky, but this is what usually happens to them: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html

    The Modern Man approach to success with women is about being a good guy, but ALSO having the type of personality and demeanour that is attractive to women. For instance, being confident, masculine, funny, etc. Now, some guys might read that and say, “Hey, I’m funny, but women don’t like me. Why is that?” It’s simple. You’re funny, but you’re not confident or you’re funny, but you’re obviously trying too hard to impress people. Women are attracted to men who are confident WITHOUT having to get positive feedback from other people in a social setting.

    Basically “Too nice” you need to learn how to be attractive with your personality and everything will then happen naturally for you. At The Modern Man, we teach guys how to be attractive with their personality and we also teach guys the exact, step-by-step process to follow to go from a conversation to a kiss to sex and into a relationship. If you want to begin learning some of our best techniques, read The Flow: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c

    Cheers
    Dan

• Tomas

  Hi

  I’ve read a lot of the times about you saying to me and to guys who comment on the site: “Use the Confidence Building System in Dating Power.”
  Now I’m curious, how did you discover it?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Tomas

    Thanks for your question.

    How did Thomas Edison discover and invent the light bulb? He tried many ways to make a light bulb until he eventually worked it out. We did the same thing with confidence. We then tested our working system for 3 years on ourselves, seminar attendees and weekend bootcamp clients. Only after we continued to receive amazing, positive feedback about it from clients and continued to get awesome success stories about it did we decide to include it in Dating Power. Listen to this to hear what we went through to create what we teach in Dating Power: http://www.themodernman.com/the_truth_about_dating_power.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Brent

  Hey Dan,
  I wanted to let you know that I am 19 and in college and just bought your biggest deal ever package, and last night I used your techniques and took home the most attractive girl at our fraternity swap last night. This stuff works. I instantly felt her attraction to me and she kept wanting more and more as the night went on, and I took the lead and took her back to my place. She even texted me when she woke up this morning how she had a great time.

  I also had a quick question about a different girl. We were friends last semester because she had a boyfriend back at home, but they broke up and thanks to your techniques she seems to be very attractive to me. Because of the alpha male power program the other guys that try to hit on her cannot compare to me and after they leave she usually even laughs and says how boring and annoying they are. I’m getting all of these positive signals and she is always very flirtatious around me, but I’m pretty sure she is a virgin, she takes things really slow, and she doesn’t drink at all (which is not a problem but just to give you an idea about her values). I am trying to move things forward physically and emotionally while also respecting her beliefs and am having a tough time finding that middle ground. She is very pretty and is very cool about most things and I’m sparking sexual interest in conversation but it’s just creating sexual tension but I’m not sure that she would have sex with any guy outside of a very committed relationship. How would you go about trying to advance things without overstepping her traditional values? Thanks so much for your knowledge and advice! Have a good one.

  Brent

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Brent

    Thanks for sharing your success story so far and congratulations!

    About the virgin: You don’t go from a conversation or “hanging out” to suddenly having sex. You have to kiss her first and then the door to sex will begin to open. So, use the first kiss techniques from Dating Power and see where it leads you with her.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Gab

  Hi Dan

  I have a question, i have been seeing a girl for about one month now. We have gone on dates and ended up kiseed a couple of times (pretty much while partying) but she told me it is too soon to be a couple, and we should get to know each other better. She ended a relationship 3 mothns ago. How could I make her my girlfriend?
  Thank you for your answer

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Gab

    Thanks for your question.

    It sounds like you’re trying to get her to commit to a relationship before you’ve even had sex. In the modern world, it’s sex first and then a relationship for MOST people. Sure, there is still a minority of people who don’t want to have sex before marriage and that is fine. However, today’s dating scene does not play out like a sexual courtship from a black and white movie in the 1950s. You’ve got to escalate to sex first and THEN the discussions of a relationship will naturally begin.

    I looked you up on Facebook using the e-mail address you provided when you made a comment and I can see that you’re aged 30+. However, your approach to a sexual courtship sounds like something that would be applicable in early high school. If you want this woman to want to be your girlfriend, you have to stop trying to get her to commit to being your girlfriend. Instead, you’ve got to REVERSE the situation so she is trying to make YOU her boyfriend. If you don’t know how to do that, read The Flow: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c

    Cheers
    Dan

• dave

  Hey Dan

  As mush I detest the fact that reasonable, good, grown men are required to go through this, you really take this seriously and try to help guys out.You deserve your “props”.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Dave

    Thanks for the vote of appreciation.

    However, you should not detest that women want you to be confident, masculine and (mentally and emotionally) strong. Imagine the world if women felt attraction for nervousness and anxiety in men and wanted men who bowed down to women. Dave, you were born a man. You have a penis that is designed to be inserted into a vagina. Women want you to PENETRATE them with your penis. They want to submit to YOU. Until you learn how to be a man that women submit to during conversations, on dates, during sex and in a relationship, women simply won’t be that interested in you.

    Accept your masculinity. Don’t expect women to suddenly want you to be feminine, to fear them and to bow down and hope to be chosen. Women want to look UP to you, to respect you as a man. Become that man and they will be yours for the taking.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Andrew

      Why would the world, life, society, become a negative, a bad place is women started being attracted to and accepting men who are shy, quiet, socially-awkward, timidness, anxiety, were followers instead of leaders? men would still have penises. is it because those are negative mental traits?

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Andrew

      Thanks for your question.

      Yes, of course. Women are attracted to the strength in men because we live in a world that requires mental and emotional strength to survive.

      Think about it…

      After 1,000s of years of war and fighting, we’ve come to this. A connected world. All races of humanity interacting and growing together. From shipless oceans, we did all this to survive and gain more control over our lives and the reality we live in. Yet, despite all our achievements as a species, there is SO MUCH MORE to the story of humanity. We’re on a planet, floating in infinite space and no-one knows why. Fear, nervousness, awkwardness, timidness isn’t going to make us become masters of the universe.

      Yes, I’ve gone way ABOVE what most people would think or talk about, but hey – you need a reality check.

      Cheers
      Dan

• bill weavers

  Women expect too much of men. Men can’t find women because there are too many of them that are a bunch feminist!

  (proof: look at the amount of children Western women have each year!)
  If women were serious, they’d love men no matter what instead of looking for faults!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Bill

    Thanks for your comment.

    Well, it seems someone is a bit upset! 🙂 Look mate, just like you probably aren’t interested in obese women because you prefer women with a nice body, women aren’t interested in nervous, wimpy men because they prefer confident, alpha males. Either become what women want, or continue feeling the way you do.

    I recommend you read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-consequences-of-not-being-an-alpha-male.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Leon

  That list of unattractive traits struck a nerve so bad I actually felt like throwing this netbook at the wall. It was so dead on.

  The thing is, I have core self-esteem issues caused by years of bullying, abuse and neglect, so it doesn’t matter how much I’d like to be more socially confident, I’ll always be my loathsome self at the end of the day.

  I don’t want to feel as I do, but core trauma wounds causes ‘toxic shame’ – the perpetual feeling of being flawed and inferior.

  The only way to get rid of core self esteem problems is to see a trained therapist on a regular basis, not to mention doing your own inner work. Even then it will take years to recover.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Leon

    Thanks for your comment.

    However, let me tell you that your analysis of the situation is wrong. You say that the only way out of your issues is to see a therapist for years (potentially costing $5,000+). Obviously, you made that comment before you dug deeper into this site. If you looked around first, you would have seen that guys like you (me included) have transformed themselves into truly confident guys who are happy with their life, passionate about where they are going in life and who are successful with women. See: http://www.themodernman.com/success/modern-man-success-stories.html

    Listen to how this guy turned his life around: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html Before he came across our site, women rejected him, ignored him and even called him “STUPID” for asking them out. Months later, he had women trying to pick HIM up. As for his confidence issues and getting rid of the issues from childhood, all of that was fixed by what he learnt from Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd In Dating Power, we teach our exclusive Confidence Building System that we tested for YEARS on ourselves, before beginning to teach it to clients. Unlike myself, who had to go through many years of research and personal development to find the cure for my anxiety, nervousness, issues with women and lack of confident, clients and customers who learn and use our Confidence Building System are able to completely transform themselves into a confident guy within weeks to months. While all that is happening, the positive attention that they are getting from women speeds up the process for them. Listen to this customer for a classic example of how it works: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html

    Additionally, I had a client a couple of years ago who had been seeing a female psychologist for 5 years to treat his fear of women, anxiety in social situations, etc. He took a course with me (see: http://www.themodernman.com/courses_seminars/weekend-bootcamps.html) for one weekend and was cured. The psychologist then paid to have me fly up and meet her to explain how I’d done it. All that time, she had been telling him to go out and get rejected by as many women as possible so he could become desensitized to it.

    I told her straight up, “In my opinion, that is the worst approach you could ever use to treat a fear of women. Why on Earth would you tell a person to go out and fail 100s of times to become confident?” She said, “That’s what we learnt at university. They’ve done a lot of studies on using desensitization to treat patients for various issues” and I told her, “This is different. A guy is never going to feel good about getting rejected by women over and over. Confidence is the result of having belief in yourself and your abilities (that’s the dictionary definition) and he’s not going to become confident by continuing to fail. I showed him how to get women to feel attraction for him, to open up and talk to him…and that is why he’s now fixed. He now knows that women DO like him. He was just doing it wrong all this time…” I’m no psychologist, but I am an expert at helping men become successful with women. That woman learnt about psychology at university and is obviously a smart woman, but she’s no expert when it comes to this topic.

    BTW: You don’t have to take a live course with me to learn what that client did. All of what teach on our weekend courses is included in Dating Power.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jaxson

  How do you keep pushing through fear to get what you want when its painful? I want the rewards in life but its all the mistakes, pain, cringeworthy moments, f**k ups in between that prevent me from getting what I want. Yes learning from TMM is going to reduce mistakes and not cause as many bad experiences but just because I learn doesn’t mean its plain sailing I’ve got to go through all that stress to get there especially for me I’m no where near being confident I have panic attacks if I know I’m going to be facing stressfull social situations. I understand you have to try and keep at it to get there but unlike in trying to obtain other skills in life with social interaction theres so much pain associated with it, women can see your mistakes you end up looking like a fool.

  -Jax

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Jax

    Thanks for your question.

    There is always a stage of awkwardness when you learn a complex new skill. For instance, when you learn to drive a car, it’s not “smooth sailing” (to use your way of speaking) as soon as you sit in the driver’s seat. There is so much to concentrate on all at once. Yet, after a few tries with a great teacher guiding you along, you eventually get the hang of it. Months later, you are driving and not even thinking about it – it’s all so easy and natural for you.

    Same applies with improving your social skills and skills with women. Sure, you may make some mistakes, but if you go through life being afraid to improve yourself because you might make a mistake, you’ll end up a very sad old man who hid from his potential his entire life.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Rudy

  Hi Dan,
  I just read the last comment from Jax and your response. It has been very helpful. Things seemed to have been going really well for me. I have been socializing more and able to attract women in a variety of different settings. I went speed dating and was able to attract women and get a number. The Flow seemed so simple and easy.

  Tonight I went out to the bars by myself and just simply froze! I couldn’t talk myself out of the frozen state, I just felt awkward and unconfident throughout the night. I tried to talk to a group of girls but my awkwardness made the conversation last only about a minute. Even a group of girls literally gave me all the signals to come talk to them, looks and giggles and all, and I just froze!

  I really felt like I was starting from step one again. Bar scenes are incredibly difficult for me, I seem to do better in quieter settings like classes, dance classes, cafes, etc. I seem to withdraw in overstimulating club scenes. I noticed that I became more withdrawn and awkward at the comedy club prior to going out to the night clubs.

  Is this a common stage of awkwardness? Where the flow seems natural in many places but in bar scenes (loud, groups of women, lots of men) I feel overwhelmed as if my voice can’t be heard and my confidence feels hard to grasp again.

  Thanks Dan!
  Rudy

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Rudy

    Thanks for your positive feedback and question.

    Yes, that is a common stage of awkwardness. It really depends on the guy though. Some guys who learn from The Flow start off being more confident and having more experience with women than other guys. I created this program for guys like you: http://store.themodernman.com/in/d2e92f What you will learn will get rid of your approach anxiety in those environments. Approaching in bars will feel just as easy as The Flow feels for you now, in environments that you’re currently comfortable in.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Faisal

  Hello Dan,

  Great article.

  Here’s what I don’t understand, why do women care if a guy has many interests and friends? Then complain about their men spending his time on Xbox or hanging out with his buddies.

  Why can’t they just like the man for who he is not what he should be?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Faisal

    Thanks for your question.

    You want to hear something funny? It’s not meant to pick on you, it’s meant to educate you. With the comment you made, you sound like a fat woman saying, “Why can’t men like me for being fat?”

    BTW: Women don’t hate men who have many interests and friends. Not sure where you got that from.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Christoffer

  man I have tried to become more confident socially and around girls, but no matter how hard I try I almost always feel nervous mate. I have tried to think more positvely and a good attitude and it works sometimes and when/after exercise I feel good. But when I speak to some of the confident guys and girls I really like, it is difficult to be confident. How do you feel confident in any situation mate?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Christoffer

    Thanks for your question.

    If being confident was as simple as “trying to be confident” like you’ve been doing, then everyone would be confident. Everyone wants to be confident, but most don’t know how. Trying isn’t the answer. There is a confidence-building PROCESS that you need to go through and we teach it in Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd

    Cheers
    Dan

• Bill

  i am a straight good looking man that is having a very hard time meeting a good woman that can accept me for who i am, and i would have never thought that this was going to be a problem for me especially when i see so many very lucky men and women that were able to connect with one another and have a family like i would have wanted too. when i approach a woman that i would really like to meet, she is very nasty to me and tell me to leave her alone which i will never understand for her to be that mean to me. i certainly thought that my approach was very good, but i guess it wasn’t good enough. any advice, i will appreciate it.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Bill

    Listen to this: http://www.themodernman.com/street_talk_with_women.html

    Women are NOT nasty when you approach and they WANT you to approach. You are simply doing it WRONG. Read this and you will know how to do it right: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. Why did you mention that you are a “straight” man? The fact that you even mention that (you’re the first guy in the history of this site to post anything like that) raises alarm bells about you. OF COURSE you are straight. Having to mention it means you are probably coming across as a bit suspect.

• etimbuk

  Dan, Thks alot for your wonderful techniques … bt I have a problem. And d problem is dat. “I wanna date a girl dat is older than me n also,her education state is higher dan mine. She always hate me before … bt nw she began to like me .. bt I dnt knw how to go about it… she is a university graduate … and am seeking for admission into the university .. so please how will I go about it?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Etimbuk

    Thanks for your question.

    Essentially, you need to learn how to make her feel sexual attraction for you. Liking you isn’t enough. If she just likes you, she will only see you as a friend. If you make her feel sexual attraction for you AND she likes you, then she will see you as a potential boyfriend or lover. From there, you just need to move things forward to a date, kiss and sex. If you want to learn how to do that, read this: http://store.themodernman.com/in/58e9e6c

    Cheers
    Dan

• George

  how old is too old for a guy to still be living with his parents? is 25, 26 too old? if he still lives with his parents, will getting a girlfriend be impossible? I often hear of success stories of men being able to get attractive women eventhough they do not make much money, I just work a regular job at a grocery store, I do have a car so I can still take a woman out on dates, but what about the living situation?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey George

    Thanks for your question.

    We get 100s of variations of this type of question and the answer is always the same: It only matters if you make it matter.

    When we first started holding seminars, guys saw that Ben (from The Modern Man) wore glasses and asked him, “Do women like men with glasses?” and “Is it okay to wear glasses?”

    It only matters if you make it matter. If you’re living with your parents, it can actually be seen as a good thing if you are saving money and working towards a more secure future. Not all women will see the positive in what you’re doing by themselves, but if you focus on the positives of why you’re doing it, they will be completely fine about it and often even impressed because you’re a man with a plan.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • George

      Thanks, i’m very glad to hear that, yeah because to be honest I would not be comfortable having to put my dating life and sex life on hold while working on my purpose, getting my life together, because apparently there is a stigma in life, society against men way more than women when people still live at home past a certain age, but do you know of any men that are older than 26, later 20’s and even 30’s who still live at home and yet they were still able to get a girlfriend, have a sex life?

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey George

      You’re welcome.

      As for your question: Yes, but who cares? Don’t base your confidence on what OTHER people are saying is okay to do. YOU decide what is okay and you base your confidence upon that. If you go through life trying to appease everyone all the time, you’ll end up a nervous wreck.

      Cheers
      Dan

    • George

      awesome, because if other guys out there that are over age 25, even in their 30’s and still live with their parents and are able to get a girlfriend, get laid, it serves as inspiration for me, it tells me if they can do it than I can do it too

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey George

      Of course you can. Read this (and check out the photo!): http://www.themodernman.com/dating/do-women-like-fat-men-the-truth.html

      Cheers
      Dan

• Liam

  Hello Dan,

  I’m new to this site but was recommended here by a friend and client of yours. We had a good talk about dating and why we are struggling so much with it. I have similar social anxieties as my mate and have concluded that there’s just no point in trying to get a girl interested in you if you don’t know how to get others to be interested in your life also. I find it hard and exhausting socializing with people and will be seeing a psychologist about it as no social confidence programme online has worked for me so far. Do you offer similar programmes that might be of use? My friend says your products are mostly and strictly focussed on women but I’m worried it’s not going to be of any use if the confidence just isn’t there.

  Thank you.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Liam

    Thanks for your question.

    Sorry for the delay in replying – I’m just getting around to replying to a big backlog of comments now.

    Essentially, your social anxieties are created by YOU due to ineffective mindsets that you have operating in your mind when socializing. For example: Thinking, “I will get rejected by those women if I approach them” or “I always stuff up and get nervous when talking to attractive women” are MINDSETS that you are choosing to have. I used to have loads of ineffective mindsets running through my head, so I too was socially anxious and would blush, get dry mouthed, etc when in social interactions with attractive women or “cool” people.

    Our advice is about achieve success with women, but to do that you need to fix yourself first. The program that you will fix everything for you is Dating Power (especially the Confidence Building System in the program) and if you still need more after going through that, then you will need to watch Alpha Male Power, which includes high-level, confident, alpha mindsets that crush and eliminate social anxiety and anxiety around women.

    Cheers
    Dan

• simon

  Hi Dan

  This website and yourself look like the genuine article. Excuse my scepticism but as you know there is so much stuff out there and sometimes it just sounds too good to be true.
  I know there is the age old debate of do looks matter? this is where i foind it difficult to wrap my head around it. I am an average looking male and in the past actually have had a few hot girlfriends including an ex model. But I was in a situation where I could demonstrate talent, being at an acting college. But then outside that I have just had many years of nothing. I am 41 now, and work in the hospitality industry. I am surrounded by gorgeous girls all the time and yet it seems I just can’t get any attraction. Sometimes I may get it but I probably miss the signs or maybe I think I get the signs but I am just wishful thinking. I then spend ages going over and analysing every little micro interaction with women. But mpoint is this – am I not getting hot women because i am just average to ok looking. (i look 31 by the way). i read on some forum that hot people tend to go with hot people and that average people should not aim so high and just stick to their looks level. Whenever I see hot girls they do seem to be with good looking guys or guys who are kind of quirky or different. I rarely see them with an average guy next door. These men do seem to have women who are just average to. It makes me despair and lose hope because I have low self esteem and to think i have to go through this world just with an average looking or not great looking girl because i am not good looking enough makes me want to give up….not to say that an average looking girl can’t be attractive – there are sexy women who are not stunning super models ( not that i want a supermodel either), but i hate the fact that i see my good looking friend getting eyes up by girls all the time with no effort and i feel like i am just a guy in their eyes who is funny and likeable.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Simon

    Thanks for your question.

    I have just made a huge post about the topic here: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/do-women-judge-men-on-looks.html

    You should also look at: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/do-women-like-fat-men-the-truth.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• simon

  Hi Dan

  Thanks for the reply to my post and to the link to the article. Here is my dilemma….I actually don’t see many average to ugly guys with hot girls. Generally i see good looking guys with hot girls or guys who are quirky good looking, but always good looking nonetheless. I have a few friends who are good looking guys and i can see girls all the time checking them out, flirting with them, being in the near vicinity to them but I don’t see that with average guys including myself.
  What also stops me from going for it is these 3 things.
  1. I am going to pay money for products/bootcamps and it will be wasted money
  2. I am going to invest time and energy which will be wasted…and
  3. the worst of all – i will have to go through the suffering of constant rejection from hot women and at the end of it never be able to get anyone better than my level of looks except maybe once in a blue moon and then that will be a rare occurence. The thought of being inadequate for hot girls is pretty unbearable at times and is crushing to self esteem. To then go out and have it confirmed and go through unecessary suffering seems like torture.

  And here is my final point – you hear SO many things about looks not being important, from looks having no relevance, to making the best of what you have and with game you will be ok, to posts that say looks do matter and thats how it is evolutionarily. I have read pua message boads, forums, seemingly from experienced guys who have said looks do make all the difference and its very hard to succeed with hot women if you are average/ugly…..sorry to sound whiny but there is so much positive stuff about looks not being important but then you go and read stuff which completely negates it…it is difficult to know what to believe. I just don’t want to spend money, time, and most importantly having my self esteem crushed even more by not being good enough for hot women. saying that i consider myself about a 6, but ironically i did date a model in the past but it was in an acting college and i saw her everyday, i also dated a hot girl who came to see me in a show….but these are very rare occurences and now i have been single 2 years.

  Thanks for your time

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Simon

    I feel sorry for you mate. It is guys like you who make me get up early in the morning to work on new articles for the site. You are so brainwashed by the media and so confused by your self-created insecurities that you can’t even see reality for what it is. You DO see average looking and below-average looking guys with hot women all the time, but you just don’t want to admit it. If you don’t, then the “guys” you are referring to are people in advertisements or TV shows. Newsflash: Advertisers usually use models to represent their products/services.

    Have you seen the customers who’ve posted up VIDEO success stories on my site? http://www.themodernman.com/success/modern-man-success-stories.html If you think those guys are good looking then you are delusional. Most of us guys (including me) are average to below average looking. It is NOT about looks, so stop wasting your time looking for excuses.

    About the rest of your comment: Lol, dude – you are one negative son of a gun. Learn from us and let us show you how you think positively and confidently like an alpha male. If you keep thinking like you have been, then you’re always going to feel crap about yourself. Read: The Consequences of Not Being an Alpha Male

    Cheers
    Dan

• J

  I agree that confidence goes a long way (for sexual reasons), but most women won’t find a guy who is short attractive. I’m only 5’3.” Realistically speaking, my options are very limited or I feel like I hardly have any options. I do get noticed because I have a good looking face but since I’m short, it’s a turnoff for most women. One of my friends said I should just date fat women since I’m considered undesirable. My friend isn’t very good looking facially, but he is tall and has confidence. I noticed people who are tall have more confidence. There have been many many times women wanted to flirt with me, but they were either taken (already have boyfriends), mean women (chick who uses men), or they were grossly overweight. Also the fact that I’m asian doesn’t help things at all, I’m thinking of moving back to Japan, I’m not sure, women (even asian women) are super picky here in the States.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi J

    Thanks for your positive feedback and for adding your thoughts.

    The solution for you is not to move back to Japan with your tail between your legs. The solution is to become an alpha male and be so confident that women overlook the fact that you’re short and Asian. Read: http://www.themodernman.com/how_to_become_an_alpha_male.html

    You should also keep your eyes open to see the countless examples of Asian guys who have beautiful girlfriends in the states. In most cases, they will simply be more alpha and confident than you.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Charles

  Hey Dan,

  Just one question. To make a girl to have sex without asking her to be her girlfriend, does a question have to be like “Hey you think you could come over and have sex with me?” or some other quesiton? like what type of question does it have to be that isn’t an awkward question when wanting to have sex with any woman without her feeling awkward?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Charles

    Thanks for your question.

    You don’t have to ask women to have sex with you and discuss whether or not you will begin a relationship. Simply make a woman feel attraction for you, kiss her, have sex and then AFTER THAT, there will be an opportunity for both of you to discuss whether or not you will be having a relationship.

    In the past, a man would court a woman for weeks, months and sometimes YEARS before eventually getting to marry her and then both of them would lose their virginity on the wedding night. In today’s world, you date and have sex first and then decide if you want to get serious. Some people might not agree with that and wish the dating scene was like it was in 1850, but it isn’t and it probably won’t be changing back.

    If you don’t know how to approach women and go from a conversation to a kiss, sex and then a relationship, read The Flow and follow the instructions: https://store.themodernman.com/products/the_flow.html It’s very simple.

    Cheers
    Dan

• george

  im the lost cause. im overweight, unnattractive, oafy, odd sense of humor, bad social skills and have a small penis. no women would like that even if i had your confidence.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey George

    I just looked you up on Facebook using the e-mail address you provided when you made the comment.

    About your physical appearance: You actually look like a tough, alpha male. I’ve seen guys like you who are celebrities, gangsters and players. I’ve seen guys like you who are confident, happy and successful in life.

    The difference between you and them?

    Your thinking.

    You think like a lower ranking male.

    Read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-consequences-of-not-being-an-alpha-male.html
    Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/alpha-male-power.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Michelle

  How about being a good woman and men not liking ME?

  It makes no sense. I’m wealthy. I spend money on THEM. I’m young, but a former model. I’m non-materialistic. I’m good to men. I have self esteem. I’m not a feminist. I cook, I clean, I give love unconditionally. What do I get in return?

  Alphas and jocks who chase me, and I am not physically into. As for the rest, especially the short guys I have such a fetish for — I think short guys are so hot — this is how short guys and nerd guys respond to me:

  They mistreat me until I cry, then run to the fat chicks, the controlling chicks, the clingy chicks, mean chicks, crazy chicks, unintelligent chicks, gold digger chicks.

  AND THEN THEY MARRY THEM.

  I’ve figured it out, men are easy to solve: Men want what they can’t have, and crave the woman who’s going to hurt, take from and be bad for them. To put it bluntly, guys watch too much porn and believe it, and are therefore into Crazy P—y.

  Any woman who seems healthy, giving and sane? — Men treat like dogs–t, then make skidmarks out the door to Lil Miss Crazy’s House. Well dudes, I’m over it.

  I don’t date any more.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Michelle

    Usually I would delete comments from women because this site is for men. However, I’ve decided to reply to you here because it will be helpful to men.

    You mentioned being a “former model” so I searched you online using the e-mail address you provided when making the comment. You’re cute, I’ll give you that, but you ain’t no model. Your problem is this: You are aging, your overweight and you’re sleeping with men who can attract younger, hotter women. I watched one of your videos on Vimeo and you seem like a nice, intelligent woman, but you don’t have that “wow factor” in terms of your energy and appearance.

    Your biggest problem: You come across as a strong minded woman who needs a really confident guy to make her feel girly, but also respect you and appreciate your confidence and achievements in life. Why is that a problem? Men who are confident enough to handle a woman like you are also able to handle younger women who are in shape, so they will only use women like you for one night stands.

    What you need to do: Lose weight and then try to secure a relationship with a more confident man. If you don’t do that, you will end up having to accept a man who is submissive around you and let’s you “wear the pants” in the relationship. Many confident, intelligent, independent women like you have to settle for submissive men because you are unable to attract confident, alpha males who have their choice of women.

    The benefit for men reading this comment: This lady has been sleeping with jerks and bad boys (and enjoying it), but then feeling rejected and used when they just don’t want to get into a relationship with her. As for the short guys she is referring to, who knows how many short guys made her form that opinion. Maybe it was just one or two guys, but what this lady thinks is that all short guys are going to treat her that way, when in fact, it was probably just a couple of bad boy short guys who were using her for sex.

    This lady also thinks that we men crave women that will be bad for us. She also thinks that men want “crazy pussy” because they watch too much porn.

    The reality?

    From what I’ve seen by watching a video of her on Vimeo, she is a nice, intelligent woman who was once a lot cuter and sexier, but is now getting old, is overweight and is wondering why guys don’t find her very appealing anymore.

    As men, we become more attractive to women with age because we become more masculine and established in life (e.g. career, finances). Women, on the other hand, lose value on the mating market as they age. Then, they end up feeling confused like this lady is now. She needs to accept that she has lost value on the mating market and lose weight and make herself look more appealing to the real men she dreams of being with, or stay at her current weight and accept a man who will accept pretty much any woman who shows him interest.

    Cheers
    Dan

    • Andrew

      Specifically, how do men become more masculine as they age, get older? Also in regards to what you said to this woman, as she needs to accept that she has lost value on the mating market and lose weight to make herself more appealing, will losing weight really make herself more appealing to men despite the fact she has aged, gotten older? like will she get her mating market value back?

    • Dan Bacon

      Hey Andrew

      It’s too complex of a question to answer in a general way. Some women don’t lose their value as they age because they are so pretty, feminine and radiant in their feminine energy. However, if two women are 50 years old and one is overweight and the other has a sexy, in-shape body, most guys are going to be attracted to the sexier woman.

      Becoming more masculine is a complex thing: It’s too difficult to explain in a comment. If you want to learn, I have a 10 hour video programs that explains masculinity and how to be a man, called Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/better_than_a_bad_boy.html Understanding how to be a man is not a simple as saying, “Be strong” …masculinity is a complex thing that a guy either understands or doesn’t.

      Cheers
      Dan

• Brandon

  First, I would like to say great article. Everything here is spot on. However, This doesn’t really work if you’re an African-American, such as myself, residing in the south. It’s been proven that white males are dominant in the dating arena. I know I sound a bit out there, but I’ve put myself out there on many occasions, only to be told, “Sorry I don’t date outside my race”, or my favorite, “You’re cute, butI only date white men”. With nothing but failed attempts at meeting women, I’ve so much as turned to online dating, but as it turns out, black men, and women, get no love. If we do happen to meet someone, it’s a women with an arbitrary amount of kids to care for. I’m not saying that dating a women with kids is a bad thing, but can we get a few single women with no baggage every once in a while? Even prostitutes prefer white males ( not that I’ve tried). In brief, there is no denying it, white males, have a greater advantage over any other race.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Brandon

    Thanks for your comment.

    Reading into your comment, it’s pretty clear that you aren’t even approaching women and are simply using online dating. The rejection rate with online dating is x100 times more frequent. Why? Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/meeting-women-online.html

    As for black men having a harder time than white men: Guess what? Every guy on here who doesn’t understand how to attract women says that he can’t pick up women for the reasons that he thinks are important. I’ve even had white guys say that black guys are stealing all the women, so now they can’t get a girlfriend because of that. Here are just SOME of the excuses that guys come up with because they don’t understand how to actually attract women:

    http://www.themodernman.com/dating/why-do-women-like-guys-with-muscles.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/dating/why-do-women-like-bad-boys.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/dating/why-are-women-so-stuck-up.html

    You’ve got to stop making excuses and start doing what it takes to be successful with women. You can make up as many excuses as you like, but that’s not what black guys who get laid do. They understand what is required (i.e. confidence, masculinity, approaching and talking to women in the right way, etc) and they do it. You sound like you’ve just been sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and then using the most rejection prone way of meeting women (online dating) to back up your views about women.

    If you want to be successful with women, stop making excuses. Learn from guys like me who are successful with women, rather than sitting around thinking that you have women all figured out. You don’t. Making a comment like yours and thinking that you might teach me something is naive. I’ve been teaching guys how to be successful with women since way back in 2005, so I know a few things, to say the least. I know all the excuses that guys make when they just don’t understand women and how attraction really works.

    I hope my comment has helped you wake up, even just a little.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dan

  I have had women trouble all my life.I am 34 years old & have never had a single women ever like me.I have tried money,gifts,talking to them,& nothing has ever worked.I really am out of ideas & all my friends have tried all the friends they know to try to set me up with. My friends & I truly think that I am cursed.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Dan

    Start with this and you will realize where you’ve been going wrong and what you need to do instead:
    http://www.themodernman.com/dating/the-real-reason-why-a-lot-of-good-men-fail-with-women.html
    http://www.themodernman.com/blog/why-does-being-too-nice-to-a-woman-often-lead-to-rejection.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dean

  Hi Dan,
  Just saw this website while doing a random search on this stuff.
  What you say above section is me –
  I am confident and outgoing, i naturally like to flirt in a conversation and tease girl. I’m fun and don’t worry about the convo not working – i’ll just move to the next girl in the club or enjoy the music etc.

  I know there are a lot of pickup sites now but when i started going out at 17/18 i went for the music and at times i went on my own cause didnt have friends into same music. I didnt think i need to be this or do this… i’d just chat a girl and dance with her or we’d kiss and i’d get the number and keep chatting her.

  So i’m a naturally an outgoing guy who dresses well and i like who i am and my personality and i dress trendy (own style) i’m sociable and cool etc.

  I remember one night going out with friends, saw a random hot blonde, we got chatting… she was welsh! I just said you know what they say about welsh girls… (paused) and smiled. She was like what do they?! What do they say about welsh girls?! Before her mate interrupted and the blonde girls attenttion was on her friend. So then i said – Tara, you’re screwing up your chances with me! (teasing) She looked back right away and was like – I’m screwing up my chances with you?! I was walking backwards as she kept coming towards me – she said – why are you confident?! Why are you so full of yourself?! As she then reached for my hands….and i said – i only like open girls….she said – i’m open like a book! I said no, you seem like you have barriers up? She said, i don’t…i said…yeah you’re right the only barrier you have is on your chest… And i carried on with the teasing and normal getting to know you convo and i pulled this girl in the end. And she was really hot.

  But that was one of them times where a girl was into me and was flirting Back a lot and was open to me.

  But most times, when i go out, i’ll be exactly the same – being me. I like myself and have fun and self amuse and bring her into the party.
  I was chatting one girl she was scottish – i said do you like english men? She said yeah! I said ive never kissed a scottish girl before?…she just gave me a peck on lips. Said no to a proper kiss. I got to know her and tried moving her…hey come over here, it’s quieter…i’ll bring you right back! But she said no. But also said – i am very persuasive and i’m confident. I continued with randomness and flirting and just having fun….and said – whats ur number..and we’re hanging out and will grab some food later. But she said no and persisted but nothing.

  So most of the girls i chat, i’ll go over and sometimes no words, just smile and shake their hand and ask their name and where thier from? Just being chill and lookin in their eyes and letting them invest and ill try moving them too.
  So i’ll have fun and be sexual – and say whatever something like – nice red lipstick you got on, you should of painted ur nails red too…or you’re cute!
  You look innocent but maybe have a naughty side.
  Or i think we’d get on…………but i’d be to much of a challenge for you.

  But even though im naturally outgoing and confident with women and like to tease and challenge them and be chill, cool, fun etc….

  I’m not getting results?
  It is very frustrating when you like yourself and who you are and like to share the fun and bring girls into your fun!

  But they aren’t interested?
  Help me with this one.

  Cheers.
  Dean

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Dean

    Thanks for your question.

    It’s pretty clear that you’ve done some learning about how to approach and pick up girls. You sound like a confident guy and it seems like you’ve gotten yourself to a point where you understand a lot of what needs to be done to successfully pick up women.

    The problem?

    You’re trying a bit too hard to attract the women you meet, which will be coming across in a very subtle way via your body language, vibe, conversation style, etc.

    “I’m fun and don’t worry about the convo not working – i’ll just move to the next girl in the club or enjoy the music etc.”

    This suggests to me that you may be moving on from interactions too quickly. Often, you need to stay in an interaction like that because the woman is just testing to see if you will lose confidence in yourself and leave.

    On the other hand….

    “But even though im naturally outgoing and confident with women and like to tease and challenge them and be chill, cool, fun etc… I’m not getting results?”

    This suggests to me that you’re half expecting to be compatible with pretty much every woman you meet, which isn’t how nature works. No woman is compatible with every man she meets and no man is compatible with every woman he meets. Guys who can pick up more women than the average guy are those who adapt their style of pick up to attract and connect with a higher number of women.

    If you have any more questions let me know.

    Cheers
    Dan

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