How to become an alpha male

Women are more attracted to alpha males than any other type of male (i.e. beta male, omega male). If you're currently not an alpha male, then you are limiting your attractiveness to women. You may be a nice guy with good intentions, but if you don't have alpha male traits, you will always find it difficult to attract and maintain the interest of women.

Being an alpha male is not about being a bad boy or a jerk. It's not about bossing people around or being an asshole either. Being an alpha male about being confident and going after what you want with women and in life. It's about thinking, behaving and taking action in a masculine way (examples of that below). If you don't display the traits of an alpha male and instead display the traits of a lower-ranking male (e.g. nervousness around women, fear and self-doubt in social situations, shyness, etc), then you will always have a difficult time attracting women or maintaining the interest of a woman in a relationship.

5 Ways to Be More Alpha

There are many ways to become more of an alpha male and we teach all of them in our advanced training programs. For now, here are 5 ways to become more alpha:

1. Be More Masculine

Masculine (adj.): Having the qualities distinctive or appropriate for a male.

Many guys confuse masculinity with only meaning "muscles" and "height" or physical strength. However, while those things are typically considered to be masculine traits, the most important type of masculinity is how you think, behave and take action. When you think, behave and take action in a masculine way, you are considered to be an alpha male.

Here are some examples of how to be more masculine:

Omega Male: Lowest ranking male. Feminine psychology and behavior. Alpha Male: Highest ranking male. Masculine psychology and behavior.
Knows what he wants from women, but avoids going after it due to fear, nervousness and anxiety. Knows what he wants from women and goes after it without fear or hesitation due to his confidence, self-belief and alpha male way of thinking.
Feels uncomfortable taking the lead in social situations. Women notice this and they lose interest in him. Confidently takes the lead when appropriate. Women notice this and feel attracted to his ability to take charge.
Is unsure what social persona to show to the world. He fears being judged, ridiculed or picked on if he expresses his true personality or if he behaves in the way he really wants to. Knows who he is and is not afraid to express his true personality around people. Doesn't fear being judged, ridiculed or picked on for being himself.
Feels intimidated by beautiful women. Is calm, confident and in control around any woman.
Feels the desire to approach women, talk to them and move towards sex, but fears being rejected or messing it up. Doesn't believe in himself and feels unworthy. Women sense his emotional weakness and are turned off at a deep, instinctive level. Feels the desire to approach women, talk to them and move towards sex and does so without fear or hesitation. Believes in himself and feels worthy of any woman. Women are turned on by his alpha male approach, emotional strength and self-belief.

2. Always Assume That You are the Alpha Male

Assuming that you're the alpha male doesn't mean that you need to aggressively boss people around. The best, most respect alpha males are those who operate with relaxed confidence, respect other people and simply lead the way to whatever is trying to be achieved. Assuming that you're the alpha male also doesn't mean that you need to be arrogant and think that you're better than everyone else. Instead, simply take on the role of the alpha and believe that you can handle it.

When a man walks into a room of people, he will either:

  1. Look around for a leader to follow or;
  2. Assume the role of the alpha male (or at least one of the leaders) and naturally expect others to follow him and show him respect.

Which are you more like at the moment? If you're like the first guy, you probably don't experience much success with women and dating, right? You probably get rejected by most women you talk to, feel nervous or shy in social situations and wish that you could just be more confident. If you're more like the second guy (the alpha male), women probably hit on you all the time and you find it easy to pick up women, pull one night stands and enjoy happy, passionate relationships with women of your choosing.

3. Take the Lead

Imagine that you’re at a bar with women/friends and it feels like time to change venues and so something different. An alpha male would say something like: “Okay, let’s finish our drinks and go somewhere else. You guys want to go to xyz bar instead?”

A lower-ranking male will usually lean more towards a question or statement that suggests someone else should take the lead. For example, he might say, "I'm bored of this place, how about you guys?" and then hope that someone else takes the lead and suggests the next action.

4. Be More Confident

  • Do you lack confidence around women you find attractive?
  • Do you feel less confident when interacting with alpha males?
  • Do you feel confident in specific areas of your life (e.g your work or study), but lack confidence around women and in social situations?
  • Do you wish you could be confident like a true alpha male is?

Confidence the #1 alpha male trait that women look for in a guy. Your confidence is what turns a woman on, makes her feel safe and allows her to relax into the feminine role around you. However, a guy who lacks confidence makes a woman feel as though she has to look after him, pat him on the head and tell him that everything is okay. Nothing is more of a turn off for women than that.

5. Be Real at All Times

True alpha males don't need to hide who they really are from anyone. Out of fear, lower-ranking males with keep switching from one social persona to the other to hopefully please everyone at all times. A good guy alpha male simply believes in who is and presents his real self at all times. If he makes mistakes, he accepts that and doesn't need to hide it. He knows that no-one is perfect and that as long as he believes in himself and keeps pushing forward to his dreams in life, he will achieve what he wants, get what he wants and be an inspiration to those around him.

The Alpha Male Effect

Have you ever noticed that women always seem to find the more confident men the most attractive, especially in group situations? You may have seen beautiful women hooking up with, being in relationships with and even marrying ugly or fat men who also happen to be confident and alpha. This is not a coincidence. Women are less interested in looks, money and other superficial things (e.g. muscles, clothes, etc) than most guys realize. The number one thing women respond to is how much of an alpha male a guy is around her and people in general. If he displays the traits of an alpha male, most of the work is done and she is ready to be his. All he has to do is talk to her and guide her through The Flow of a sexual courtship.

Regardless of the culture or country, men who don't display alpha male traits always find it difficult to attract and maintain the interest of women. They also find that other alpha males don't show them much respect in social situations. If you are currently not an alpha male, you CAN learn how to become an alpha male very quickly and easily. By learning how to be an alpha male, you will notice immediate changes in the way that women respond to you in terms of attraction and sexual desire. You will also notice that other alpha males instantly begin showing you more respect, more people want to be your friend and that your prior insecurities and social fears suddenly disappear.


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12 Comments

  • Tony  

    awesome information, grade A stuff right here. Obviously apart from reading the flow and listening to the other modern man products, when can we expect more on this topic on being the higher status alpha?

    Reply
    • Hi Tony

      Thanks for your positive feedback.

      Everything we teach adds to your understanding of how to be the high status alpha male. Make sure you’re signed up for the newsletter to get all the free videos, audio and PDF reports that we send out via e-mail. Sign up here.

      I’m also currently developing a dedicated program about being a powerful alpha male. Details will be announced via the newsletter soon!

      Cheers
      Dan

      Reply
  • Knut  

    Hey.

    To become an alpha-male, do you have to be able to fight?
    Because if a guy can’t fight (like me), then he will most likely be afraid of aggressive confrontations with other aggressive males, and thereby will be afraid of “sticking out”/be a leader/alpha-male, because it makes him more of a potential target to other aggressive males.

    And also, by not being able to fight, he’s not able to really protect his woman, is he?
    All though I think women are sexually attracted to a guy’s mental, protective abilities – like his strong mindset/belief in himself, rather than that they’re attracted to a guy’s actual, physical fighting-skills. Is this theory correct?

    And also, I wonder if you personally can fight physically, Dan? (Since you feel unthreatened enough, to actually dare to be an alpha-male.)

    Is physical fighting-skills a necessity for a guy to be able to really feel safe in all situations – and so he thereby can mentally “allow himself” to be an alpha-male?
    (Because by being able to fight, he doesn’t feel threatened by other aggressive males.)

    This is very important for me to know the answers to, because I’m afraid of getting beaten up/hurt/wounded for life, by aggressive males.
    So that makes me scared of becoming a leader/alpha-male, because he obviously will stick out from the crowd, in the eyes of the aggressive males, by being a challenge to them.

    For example by showing a confident body-language, which everyone stresses are so important to sexually attract women.
    But a confident body-language also attracts aggressive males – in a negative way, because they see me as a challenge, and they thereby wants to defeat me.

    I’m especially looking forward to your response on this one…

    And as always, your responses are much appreciated!

    Reply
    • Hey Knut

      Man, you worry too much.

      Worrying like that causes you to naturally have the type of body language that makes you a target for BAD BOY alpha males. Guys like that scan for fear and try to use it to make themselves feel tough, cool, etc. You’ve got to stop thinking like that.

      My fighting ability has nothing to do with my alpha thinking, behavior and actions. That is completely different. Sure, I can fight, but if you’re a fan of the UFC like I am, you will see that guys fight in the same weight range. A welterweight trying to take on a heavyweight will pretty much always mean that the welterweight is knocked out in a few seconds. So, just because I can fight, it doesn’t mean I can take on the big guys in a club for example. However, in that environment, I am still exactly the same alpha male that I am anywhere else and, in 99% of cases, bigger guys will get out of my way when I walk through a club. Why? This: http://store.themodernman.com/in/d2e92f

      I fought a bit at high school (went to a boy’s school), but since then I haven’t had to fight, except for the year or so I was learning kickboxing. “Ah hah!” Knut will think. He CAN fight. THAT is why he is alpha. No dude, this is why I am alpha: http://store.themodernman.com/in/d2e92f

      Cheers
      Dan

      Reply
      • Knut  

        Haha! Quote: ‘“Ah hah!” Knut will think. He CAN fight. THAT is why he is alpha.’

        You read my mind right there! ;)
        Thank you, Dan, for giving such a elaborated answer to my question, and to explain exactly why you dare to be alpha in your own mind, and how it’s NOT due to your ability to fight.
        You just disproved one of my limiting beliefs! :)

        I’ve also talked with some other people who are good at sexually attracting women, who says that they can’t fight, and that they never get in any form of physical trouble with aggressive males for showing their confidence to the world.

        So I guess ones true confidence/alpha-mindset is independent of ones ability to fight.

        Reply
        • Hey Knut

          No probs mate.

          Yep, alpha is a mindset. Live it and you will see what happens.

          Cheers
          Dan

  • Knut  

    Hey, Dan.

    Are Heterosexual women only Sexually Attracted to guys that have a confident mindset/alpha-mindset?

    Or are Heterosexual women also able to be Sexually Attracted to guys that have an insecure mindset/beta-mindset?

    The reason I’m asking, is this:
    You know those Heterosexual women that are in a relationship with a clearly submissive/insecure guy, where the women has taken the masculine role in the relationship, and the submissive/insecure guy is being lead/dominated by her masculine leadership.

    What’s going on in those kinds of relationships, in terms of Sexual Attraction and the theory of “being an Alpha-Male”?

    In a relationship like that; has the Heterosexual women simply settled for a submissive/insecure beta-male, because she’s afraid of getting emotionally hurt by the potential of being dumped by a confident alpha-male, or because she thinks she isn’t good enough for the confident alpha-male that she really desires, or because of some other personal problem of hers?

    Or are relationships like that due to the Heterosexual woman ACTUALLY being Sexually Attracted by an insecure/submissive beta-male?

    Do you get my question?

    In other words:
    WHY are so many Heterosexual women getting into relationships with insecure/submissive beta-males, if those Heterosexual women are biologically wired to ONLY be Sexually Attracted to confident alpha-males?

    Are those Heterosexual women really settling for a beta-male that is just “good enough”, or are those Heterosexual women really enjoying their relationship with a beta-male?
    (I mean “enjoying” as in the Heterosexual woman actually PREFERS a beta-male over an alpha-male.)

    This is a lot of text, so let me know if what I wrote sounds confusing or is hard to understand precisely.

    And up front: Thank you for answering, Dan!

    Reply
    • Hey Knut

      Simple: Those women couldn’t find themselves a real man. The wimpy guy got lucky and his woman will never love him, feel attraction for him and respect him as much as she would a real man.

      Read:
      http://www.themodernman.com/dating/how-to-get-lucky-with-women.html
      http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a-relationship.html
      http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/should-men-do-housework.html

      Guys like the ones you are referring to are largely (not completely) responsible for the high divorce rate. The guys you know of that are wimpy and have a woman will either get dumped, cheated on or divorced. Or, they will be in an unhappy relationship where the woman doesn’t respect them.

      Cheers
      Dan

      Reply
      • Knut  

        Thank you clarifying that, Dan.

        I also have another question:

        In some article, you wrote something very similar to this, with the same meaning: “When you are a genuinely confident man, you can get almost any woman.”

        How is that possible? Because, other “dating-gurus” like [Edited] claims that a man will never be able to sexually attract anything above 50% of the women he meets.
        In other words: Every man has a success-rate under 50%, regarding their ability to sexually attract a woman.

        This is claimed to be due to people having internal, biological “partner-preferences”.
        So that if a man is of a different biological “type” than the biological “type” that the woman is – then he isn’t biologically able to be sexually attractive to that particular woman.

        Could you please clarify what’s really going on here?
        How is it really?
        How can you say that a “genuinely confident man can attract almost any woman”, while other dating-guru’s are saying the exact opposite?

        Even [Edited] said that he had a success-rate of only 10%, regarding getting women into bed and having sex with them.

        So what’s really the truth? I’m very frustrated being stuck in the middle of these two sides of the dating-community, where one part claims one thing, and the other parts claims another thing.

        Please, please help me out here, as honestly as you can. It’s highly appreciated!

        Reply
        • Hey Knut

          Thanks for your question.

          Be careful who you learn from. I edited out the idiots/dating gurus you mentioned in your comment, to save my readers from getting brainwashed by their insecure advice. Let me tell you the main reason why they are 100% wrong:

          *A woman will naturally and automatically feel attraction if a guy is confident, masculine and socially intelligent. (All of our advice here at The Modern Man improves those traits in a guy). Just like you will automatically feel attraction for certain traits in women (e.g. breasts, butt, nice legs, nice face, etc), women automatically feel attraction for certain traits in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity, social intelligence).

          So, those idiots you’ve been learning from (who are NOT successful with women in their own life. Check their personal life and see photos of their girlfriends. 99% of “dating gurus” are either single or pick up ugly women), are wrong because EVERY woman that you meet will feel SOME level of attraction for you IF you display the right traits. However, that doesn’t mean that you can pick up EVERY woman because some women are taken, don’t want a BF or lover right now, etc.

          As for the “dating guru” who has a 10% success rate: Lol…why on Earth would you waste time learning from a guy like that? A 10% success rate means that he is just getting LUCKY sometimes.

          What is my success rate? Pretty much every woman I approached (I am now in a committed relationship) liked me and was interested in being with me. Was I interested in 100% of the woman I approached after I had a chat with them? NO! Of course not! That would mean that I have low standards and would mean that I couldn’t have what we call “dating power” (See: http://store.themodernman.com/products/dating_power.html)

          I feel sorry for guys like you who have a MILLION “dating gurus” to choose from these days. However, to make it simple for you, just check out what the dating guru’s success with women is like. If he hasn’t hooked up with loads of women and doesn’t have a hot girlfriend, then you shouldn’t be learning from him. Guys like that are simply trying to copy guys like me and trying to make a quick buck off of you. As for me, I’ve been helping guys since 2005 (before the book The Game even came out). I’m in this to truly make a difference in this world. Heck, if I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be replying to the 1,000s of comments on this site and helping guys like you.

          As for whatever the lame “dating gurus” claim: Mate, who gives a crap what they say? If they are not successful with women, their opinion doesn’t matter. So, don’t waste any more of my time or your time worrying about what a fake dating guru is saying.

          Cheers
          Dan

          P.S. Why do I say that when you are genuinely confident, you can attract pretty much any woman? Simple. Sometimes, a woman will not be in the mood to feel attraction. How? The best example to give guys is about porn. Sometimes a guy will go to a porn site and want to jerk off and he will be immediately ready to go when he sees a video or two. Other times, he won’t even be in the mood and won’t feel much or any attraction for the women, even though on another day he would.

  • Knut  

    Thank you for that long and elaborated answer! I can’t even express how glad I am that you answered this one!

    But if a man is genuinely confident; is it certain then that a woman will always perceive him as confident?
    Or is it possible that a man can be genuinely confident, but a woman still doesn’t perceive him as confident? In spite of him actually being genuinely confident.

    In other words: Is it possible that a woman can mistake a genuinely confident man for being an unconfident man?

    Because if that’s the case, then:
    If a genuinely confident man still meets women that rejects him; it’s due to those women mistaking him for being an unconfident guy?

    Example:
    A genuinely confident guy is walking down a crowded street and sees a lot of women walking towards him. He tries to get eye-contact with some of them, but most of them are just looking straight ahead and doesn’t even acknowledge that he’s there.

    That is what I experience very often, but I’m not a genuinely confident guy, as the guy that I described in the example.

    When I walk down a crowded street in a big city, there are women everywhere, walking up and down the street. Most of them don’t even acknowledge that I’m there, all though some of them give me eye-contact, and some of them even holds it for a while.
    But – it’s just a few of the women that give me eye-contact…

    So the question for me is:
    Is the reason for that due to me lacking confidence, or is it due to me not meeting their “biological partner-preference standard”?

    According to your last answer, it’s due to me not being confident.
    But I still have a hard time believing that if I actually were genuinely confident; then I would be sexually attractive to most of those women, and I would thereby have most of those women’s attention/eye-contact.

    What are your opinion about the situation I described?

    In other words, what I’m asking is this:
    How many of those women that are walking towards me down the crowded street, should want to have my attention/have eye-contact with me, in order for me to know that I’m a true alpha-male/a genuinely confident guy?
    Is it like most of them would try to get my attention while I walk down the street, or not?
    What is the behavior I should expect from women in those kinds of situations, if I were a genuinely confident man?

    In other words: How can I know when I’m truly at the successful level of a true alpha-male (regarding his ability to sexually attract women)?

    I’m sorry for asking this long question, but it’s driving me crazy to not know WHEN I can start to define myself as an sexually attractive man to women.

    Because if I knew what to expect, and when to expect it, then I would know when it’s justified for me to be very self-critical for not getting the reactions that I want from women – and when it’s unjustified for me to be very self-critical for not getting the reactions that I want from women.

    So, knowing what reactions to expect from most women, and when to expect them, when I’m a genuinely confident man; would tell me how far I actually am at this point from being a true alpha-male that women are sexually attracted to.

    I don’t want to exhaust you with all these questions – but at the same time, I really need to know…!

    You have no idea how much it means to me that you are taking your time to answer questions like these!

    PS: As you know, I have all of your products. But I haven’t gone through any of them, except “The Flow” and “The Ultimate Guide To Conversation”, because I’m afraid of being disappointed. I’m afraid that I’ve hyped your products up to be the “ultimate” understanding for me, regarding sexual attraction, and so I thereby am afraid to actually go through your products – due to the possibility of being disappointed of them not meeting my unrealistically high standard for them.

    I know I’m using too much time asking these detailed questions, when I should actually be using this time going through your products and getting experiences in real life. So I just wanted to tell you the reason why I haven’t done so much of that yet…
    I wanted you to know that because I imagine it’s frustrating for you to have to answer these “in-detail” and possibly unnecessary questions of mine.
    But anyway, I thank you for doing it.

    Reply
    • Hi Knut

      Thanks for your questions.

      “I know I’m using too much time asking these detailed questions, when I should actually be using this time going through your products and getting experiences in real life.” Yes, that is all you need to do. You wouldn’t be asking me these questions if you actually watched my programs and used the advice. As a friend, I am telling you in a loving, caring way, “Knut, stop being weird about it all. Just watch the programs, experience the transformations, use the advice, get the positive results and then take it from there.”

      About women “rejecting” a confident guy. Mate, there is no such thing as rejection. No guy can be compatible with every woman he meets, which is why we never say that you can pick up ANY woman you meet. We have always only said the truth, which is that pretty much every woman will feel attraction for you due to your confidence, social intelligence and masculinity, but that doesn’t mean that you’re going to like her and want her as your girlfriend and vice versa.

      Read:

      http://www.themodernman.com/dating/theres-no-such-thing-as-rejection.html
      http://www.themodernman.com/dating/fear-of-dating.html

      Cheers
      Dan

      Reply

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Dan Bacon

My name is Dan Bacon and I used to be hopeless with women. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get women to like me and I was single and lonely for many years.

When I discovered the secrets that I now teach here at The Modern Man, women began flooding into my life and I've had my choice with women ever since.

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Since starting The Modern Man, I have helped 1,000s of guys from all across the world to achieve success with women. View success stories. If you are sick and tired of not getting what you want with women and are feeling ready to try something new, then get started here.

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