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The Consequences of Not Being an Alpha Male
An alpha male doesn't get all the girls because he has big muscles or is tall, dark and handsome; he gets the girls because he is ALPHA.
For instance, a lot of introverted guys mistakenly assume that, in order to be considered an alpha male, they need to go around dominating everyone all the time. However, being an alpha male is about being confident, masculine and going after what you want in life, without hiding away in fear. You don't have to go around dominating people to do that. At times, you do need to take on a leadership role, but being a leader is not about domination. The most effective leaders are the ones who empower others to work with them to achieve common goals.
If You're Not Alpha, Then You Are Not the Most Attractive You Can Be to Women
Lower-ranking males can't naturally attract the type of desirable women that alpha males attract because women are turned off by their insecure, nervous, shy and hesitant behavior. A lower-ranking male human can "get lucky" at times, but that doesn't mean his woman will love him or feel as much attraction for him as she would for an alpha male. She'll always have a “wandering eye” when she sees alpha males and the lower-ranking male will notice that about her. He may then begin behaving in a jealous and insecure way and might even become overly-protective of her in fear of losing her.
The Alpha Male, Beta Male and Omega Male
Generally speaking, the lower-ranking a male is (the lowest being an omega male), the more prone he will be to experiencing nervousness, anxiety and fear around people. Why? Nervousness and anxiety is created by your own thinking. If you think like a lower-ranking male, you will experience nervousness and anxiety. Likewise, the more alpha a guy is, the more he will be prone to experiencing a state of confidence, self-assurance and fearlessness around people.
Here is a basic list of the three different types of males starting with the alpha male and the expected psychological benefit or consequence of his ranking. In the area of study called ethology, there are six different labels for rank (alpha, beta, gamma, delta, epsilon and omega), but most studies focus on the following three. To include all six usually just makes things unnecessarily complicated.
| Type | Rank | Natural Disposition |
|---|---|---|
| Alpha male | 1st in command. | High levels of social confidence and self-assurance. Determined, not held back by fear, comfortably takes the lead. |
| Beta male | 2nd in command. | Mild levels of social confidence and self-assurance. Mild levels of insecurity, nervousness and fear in social situations. Follows the lead of the alpha male because he is either too afraid or lacks the confidence and belief in himself to be the leading male. |
| Omega male | Lowest ranking male. | Low to very low levels of social confidence and self-assurance. High levels of insecurity, nervousness and fear in social situations. Follows the lead of the alpha male and beta male because he is too afraid and lacks the confidence and belief in himself to be the leading male or even the second in command. |
Bad Guy Alpha Males vs. Good Guy Alpha Males
For a guy who isn't an alpha male, it can be very frustrating, disappointing and confusing when he sees alpha males having their pick of beautiful women, especially if the alphas appear less intelligent than him or if they behave like jerks around women. It can lead him to conclude that women mustn't like good guys and would prefer to be with bad boys who have more brawn than brains.
I often get contacted by guys here at The Modern Man who complain to me about how they often see women hooking up with jerks and bad boys. However, what these guys fail to realize is that women are attracted to their alpha male traits (e.g. confidence, masculinity, etc.), but would sincerely prefer that the bad boy was also a good guy. The absolute truth of the matter is that most women do NOT want to be in a relationship with a bad person, but they are so attracted to alpha male traits that they sometimes put up with a jerk or a bad boy just so they can experience the amazing feelings they enjoy in response to his alpha male traits, behavior and actions.
Here's another way of explaining it....
Are you attracted to the sexy (let's face it “slutty”) women in pornographic movies? Do you find beautiful strippers sexy when they dance on stage and show off their perfect bodies? Of course you do! (If you don't, then you probably aren't into women at all.) However, if you're like most guys, would you PREFER it if a woman who is as sexy as a stripper or porn star but who could also be a nice, loyal, caring girl? Even though you'd prefer her to be a nice, trustworthy girl so you could have a successful relationship with her, if you had a chance to have sex with her for a while, you probably would anyway, right? After that, however, you might then try to “change her” and turn her into a “good girl,” right?
The same applies to women.
When they come across guys who are alpha, they cannot help but feel intense attraction even if the man isn't the nicest guy in the world in the same way that we men cannot help feeling attraction for sexy women...even though they might not be the best choice for a relationship either.
Women go with their emotions (attraction, lust, love) and hope that once they snag a “bad” alpha male they can change him and get him to treat them better. They want to be with a guy who is alpha because it causes them to feel the most amount of sexual attraction, but that doesn't mean they want to be with a bad man who will treat them badly. They just want to be around him because of his confidence, masculinity and alpha male behavior. The same applies to most guys who hook up with “bad girls” (i.e. strippers) where they hope to eventually change her and turn her into the perfect girlfriend/wife.
Now, even though I've explained it several times above, I know that some guys will be reading and thinking, “So, does that mean I should become a bad boy alpha male or behave like a jerk around women while being alpha? Is that the secret to attracting women?”
NO!
Being GOOD is GOOD. The fact is, when a woman comes across an alpha male who is ALSO a good guy, she will hold tight to him like no other man. That is the type of guy that women REALLY want and when a woman meets a guy like that, she will instantly know how lucky she is to have found him. Even if he has a girlfriend or wife (although I disapprove of women who get involved with married men or who are in a relationship), some women will try to snag him for herself. Women all over the world know how rare it is to come across an alpha male who is also a good guy and isn't already tied down in a relationship with another beautiful woman.
The same applies for us men. When a guy comes across a beautiful, sexy woman who is also intelligent, easy-going and down-to-earth and who also happens to be SINGLE, he can't believe his luck and does whatever he can to snag her for himself. However, such women are the most sought-after (and they know that) so they will settle for nothing less than an alpha male. A woman like that does not have to settle for a mildly-confident beta male or a nervous omega male. She wants an alpha male and will be desperate to meet one and secure him into a committed relationship before she gets too old. Women know that once they start looking old, it becomes more and more difficult to attract alpha males who can have any type of woman they want and who usually go for the younger, prettier ones (or at least the mature ones who look youthful and who have retained their beauty).
So, what are some of the consequences of not being an alpha male and what can be learned from it?
Consequence #1: Attraction vs. Repulsion
When an alpha male walks into a room, heads often turn and women are attracted to the confidence and energy he naturally emits. Whether he is a good guy alpha male or a bad boy alpha male, they are instinctively drawn to him because of their feelings of natural attraction.
The lower-ranking male, on the other hand, may also turn heads but for all the wrong reasons. He’s often considered a joke and women either avoid him or poke fun at him. They are naturally repulsed by him because of his nervousness, insecurity and hesitant behavior. The attention he attracts (if he’s noticed at all) is usually neutral and sometimes negative unless he is needed for something or people have to be nice to him (i.e. in a work environment, restaurant, etc.).
Consequence #2: Confident vs. Nervous Approach
The alpha male will spot a woman he wants and will approach her with confidence. He won't think about it, he'll just do it because he does what he wants to do and he knows that women find him attractive. She will sense his confidence and masculinity and will naturally feel a deep and irresistible attraction for him. The type of attraction she will feel is just like the attraction you feel when looking at a sexy porn star or stripper. You just can't help it – you're attracted and you want her. Even if the woman isn't the perfect woman for a relationship, you can't help but feel intense attraction and want to do something about it. That's the same thing that happens when a woman encounters a real alpha male.
Conversely, a lower-ranking male will spot a woman and usually spends so much time trying to figure out the best way to approach her that by the time he builds up his nerve, or comes up with a “special line” he thinks will impress her, she’ll either have left the area or when he does approach her, she’ll recognize how nervous he is and will either reject him or ignore him completely. Of course, there are some lower-ranking males who get so freaked out at the mere thought of even walking up to a woman they’re attracted to that they talk themselves out of doing it and, once again, they go home alone and frustrated.
If that happens to you, I recommend you watch Alpha Male Power and discover the ONLY cure for approach anxiety that is guaranteed to work for every guy who uses it. As with all of the techniques included in our programs here at The Modern Man, it was successfully tested for YEARS with real clients before being released as advice on our site.
Consequence #3: Dynamic vs. Disastrous Dates
When an alpha male goes out on a date, he naturally chooses what he and his lady are going to be doing. During the date, he’ll be himself and won't make any apologies for it. His girl, in turn, loves whatever he’s chosen for them to do and will do whatever she can to keep him interested. The alpha male knows that no matter what they do on the date, she is going to rapt and excited to be in his presence, so everything is going to feel better, look better, taste better and so on. She won't really care where they go or what they do as long as she gets to be with him.
On the other hand, if a lower-ranking male is lucky enough to get a date, even with a woman that an alpha male wouldn’t look twice at, he’ll usually spend hours nervously worrying about where to go for the date and if it will be enough to impress her. Often, he’ll be so afraid that he’s going to choose the wrong thing, he’ll ask for her input...repeatedly. Since he wants (and needs) her approval (because he isn't alpha and naturally doesn't take the lead), he’ll constantly check with her during the date to see if everything they’re doing is to her liking.
If she says anything negative about any aspect of the date, even if it is something out of his control or something very minor, it will put him into a state of panic and he'll feel like he is losing her and must try even harder to impress her. He’ll then try, usually unsuccessfully, to “fix” whatever she mentioned and repeatedly apologize whether it was his “fault” or not. This will make her feel uncomfortable for having said anything at all because most people do not like being responsible for making another person nervous, fearful or anxious. From then on, she’ll likely shut down and avoid saying much at all in fear of how he is going to react if she says something that he might interpret as a negative comment.
Needless to say, since the date is a bust, she’ll often come up with an excuse to end it as soon as possible and he won’t be able to convince her to go out with him ever again. Of course after a disastrous date like that, a lower-ranking male will have lost so much confidence in himself that he likely will be too scared to approach her or any other woman for a very long time. Additionally, since he doesn't even know how to think, behave and act like an alpha male and doesn't understand the negative consequences of being a lower-ranking male, he will incorrectly assume that maybe he isn't good looking enough, isn't tall enough or some other irrelevant garbage like that, which will make him even more insecure about approaching another woman.
Consequence #4: Affection vs. Alienation
As the date progresses, an alpha male will be able to read his lady’s body language and obvious desire for him, so getting physical with her will just be a natural progression for them both.
The lower-ranking male, on the other hand, will usually be too afraid to even hold his date's hand as they are walking along, much less kiss her or suggest going back to his place to be alone. If he does think she might be responsive to having any type of mild physical contact with him, no matter how innocent it may be, most lower-ranking males will make the mistake of first asking her permission (like some gentleman from a movie about the early 1900s) and turn a very natural progression into something very awkward and weird for both of them.
Do You Have to Be Born as An Alpha Male to Be One?
While it may seem to some lower-ranking men that they have been horribly unlucky not to have been “born” with the positive attributes of an alpha male, the fact is that all of an alpha's skills with women and in life can be learned. If a lower-ranking male chooses not to change his mindset and behavior and transform himself into an alpha male, then he will naturally continue to live a sorry life filled with heartache, rejection, insecurity and disappointment. It's just how nature works and you would see the same thing happen in the animal kingdom where the stronger animal dominates (or kills) the less aggressive animal, as you have seen in human society where the alpha males get all the desired girls and the lower-ranking males get the scraps.
The only question now is: Why on Earth would a lower-ranking man choose to live such a disappointing, gloomy life when he can transform himself into an alpha male who moves through the world with confidence and power, turning heads wherever he goes? Why would a lower-ranking man WANT to be nervous and insecure in social situations when he could just as easily be confident, self-assured, happy and be full of an endless supply of self-esteem and mojo for life by adopting the mindsets, behavior and actions of a GOOD GUY alpha male?
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By Dan Bacon, Founder of The Modern Man. Dan Bacon on Google+
(Personal photos with women)
Hey!
I don’t want to make an essay out of this. I hope that you with your skillset can make the most possible out of the situation I’m in.
(Long time ago I went through the flow and mastery methods. If there is any other product that could still be of help to me then let me know. I’m at an advanced level already!)
Since late august I’ve been living at college, studying acting. College is pretty special, especially when you like me live at one completely isolated from rest of the society, in the way that you hang around the same people a lot.
I’m not a relationship-type guy. At least I’ve never been before
At college I’ve met this girl. We started flirting pretty early on, the whole thing going on a bit on- and off. Eventually one night it led to lots of kissing and foreplay. With her on her period, that’s where it ended also. Since then we’ve shared bed some times, kissed and had some foreplay, not sex thou. Partly because our college life is extremely stressful and does take a lot of your lust for sex away.
A couple of nights ago we had somewhat of a deep-talk regarding where this was going (she being a bit uncomfortable with some of the public massage’ing I had given her while in class watching a presentation – not seeming to mind it at the time thou). I had now realised I might want more than sex with this girl.
She said she was attracted to me, and thought of me as charming. That she wanted to have sex with me, but that she was not in love with me. I.e, not wanting more than sex.
My problem with this rather fascinating girl is I do not know if she is not interested in more than sex or if she is playing hard to get big time.
Normally I would’ve let this go, but taking into consideration there aren’t a lot of alternatives at this 100 people campus, and this girl being absolutely stunning, with a nice personality and a good heart I’m not going to let it go quite yet.
What could lead to some major hard to get playing is; I have told her about my tendencies to lose interest for a girl after sleeping with her, which might be why she goes into foreplay mode, but not further. She knows about my, want-what-you-cannot-have drive. She knows I’m not the relationship guy, originally she said she though I was. She has about every decently confident male at the campus hitting on her (which does suck, takes happy thoughts not to let it show), and she by nature being a flirtatious gal, does enjoy a little bit of flirting back. I do, almost subconsciously, respond to this by flirting with other girls while around her (which she doesn’t seem to like). All this behaviour doesn’t look very promising relationship-wise either.
During the talk (I don’t enjoy these kind of talks as I make myself so vulnerable by telling her how I feel) I told her I didn’t know if a relationship was the way to go for me, but that I had feelings for her that I do not otherwise get (which is true) so.. that.. yes, maybe. She told me then it might be best to stop so that I do not have these feelings for her and then end up getting hurt.
This girl does suffer from the worst decision-agony I’ve ever seen before, by the way, in all areas of life.
Dan, your take on the situation?
Any suggestions? This girl is a really nice one.
//K.E
Hi K.E
Thanks for your question.
Well, it does seem like you are at quite an advanced level already. You certainly aren’t making all the basic mistakes that other guys make.
As for this girl, it really is 50/50 whether she is saying that she isn’t interested in anything more than “just sex” to:
a) Protect her heart, because you’ve already told her you lose interest in a girl after sex, or;
b) Let you know that she doesn’t want to get into a serious, committed relationship, but does want to have sex.
Regardless of which approach she is taking, the thing you need to do the most is have sex with her. Having too many deep and meaningful conversations BEFORE getting to sex pretty much always ruins it, because it makes the guy look too emotionally involved and then the girl starts pulling back and toying with him.
At this point, you need to be careful of not starting to fall madly in love with her based on the fact that you can’t have her. The more she plays with you and the more deep and meaningful conversations you have together, the more you will begin to feel convinced that you absolutely love her and want to have a serious, committed and possibly even get married to her or have a lifetime relationship with her.
If you want to get another one of my programs that will ensure you DO NOT get messed around by this girl and end up heartbroken, I recommend you watch Better Than a Bad Boy. When you follow the advice in that program, she will begin chasing you and will fall madly in LOVE with you. Additionally, while you might TOTALLY love her too, the advice I provide in the program will ensure that you do not become needy or end up broken-hearted, no matter what happens. Personally speaking, I have not had ONE girl want to break up with me since discovering what I teach in that program (it’s been 7 years since I’ve known what I teach in the program, but I wanted to make sure it worked consistently for me and for the clients I’ve coached over the years, before I released it on the site).
Cheers
Dan
Man, everything makes total sense now. dan I love your advice, you are the enlightener, really. I am totally out of touch with modern culture, and it’s values. I love your advice but disagree with your values- I am extreme Old World, no wonder I am misunderstood, so out of touch with modern mind, and that’s my cure. No woman of my few relationships have ever broken up with me, amazing sex, women are drawn to me slowly, but deeply, if they don’t prejudge me first or a rival gets in the way. I realite I can’t start with logic when I am really interested in a woman- as marriage material. I am or must be a modern Petruchio, from Taming of the Shrew, and to be in touch with what is going on and the mindsets of both genders. We have a different morality. I shall not be judgmental. If I am to be Old World, having intentions, I must keep myself a Mystery and never reveal the intentions. My problem is meeting women- not because I’m shy, but being caught between worlds. Really truly deeply torn. I will hold the center. To do that I have to be in touch, be a mystery regarding my intentions, kill neediness, find my life purpose (I just have), and go physical sooner- though I would prefer not to for spiritual reasons. Both my relationships started by going physical soon though. I’d be laying down the strongest weapon in the arsenal if I didn’t. I will decide in the moment. Carpe Diem, keep fighting
Hey Gerald
Thanks for your comment and positive feedback.
Indeed you are one of the old world. Your writing a poet’s musings or writer’s ramblings, albeit with a few grammar and spelling errors to boot.
My advice to you: Stop taking things so seriously regarding the courtship of a woman. You come across as way too analytical and serious. That is great for philosophy, economics and business, but not for talking to and relating with women. To connect with women, you need to relax and be your unrestricted self in the moment. Nothing matters, just be. The Modern Man is not new world or old world. We hold the centre as you refer to, in that we encourage guys to follow the path that is true to their heart. Some guys want to have sex with many women and then have a relationship, while others want to take things slow and marry one woman. We support both paths because both paths are valid and applicable to the modern world. If you’re confused about how to tackle the modern dating world, I recommend that you watch The Modern Relationship: http://store.themodernman.com/in/18c787c
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
This is a great article, but am I wrong to think that an Alpha Male is actually more insecure than some-one who is comfortable in his own skin, and does not constantly feel the need to dominate every social situation?
Behind that social “confidence” of some-one who has to be the dominant ape is a lot of insecurity and self doubt that is being over-compensated for.
Peter
Hi Peter
Thanks for your question.
Yes, guys who feel the need to go around impressing people by trying dominate social situations are NOT alpha males. They are beta males. In Alpha Male Power, I explain that you do NOT need to “be the most alpha” in every situation to be considered an alpha male and receive all the benefits that come with such recognition. Most guys do not understand what is required to be an alpha male and end up making assumptions based on the bad boy alpha males they see.
You are also correct that when a person behaves like that, it actually means they are insecure. If you want to learn how to behave like a truly confident alpha male, watch Alpha Male Power.
Cheers
Dan
Hi,
I read this and I realize that I have made the omega men’s mistakes, it is very helpful to me knowing it and I want to give them my gratitude for it.
Hi Guillermo
You’re welcome mate. I’m glad to be able to help you.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan.
Would you say that an alpha male’s greatest trait to women is their confidence? I recently met an alpha male and even I was impressed and felt valued by the guy. We hanged out in London for a night and he was just being a natural around women. Seeing with my own eyes that the guy was not a bad boy confused me. He later told me that it was all in his confidence, the real key to a woman’s heart (and her underwear ha). I asked him how he’s so confident and why is it so hard for me and other guys to feel the same? He replied saying he just grew up with it. I’ve had some random spurts of confidence that have given me guts to at least approach a girl or 2 but that confidence never lasts. I believe I can get it and that without it no guy should even bother. Dan, what was your experience of this? How do you build confidence in this? Thank you.
Hi Josh
Thanks for your question.
Mate, you asked it so well that I almost want to sit here and teach you in my reply! However, that sort of advice is reserved for my customers only. The Confidence Building System that we teach in Dating Power took was tested for YEARS on ourselves and with the 100s of clients that we taught for the 3 years prior to recording Dating Power.
BTW: The confidence that you experienced to approach those women is a superficial type of confidence that would be better described as courage. However, if you want consistent confidence that grows in power every day, you need to go through a confidence building process. The process eliminates your insecurities, fears and anxieties one by one and replaces them with mindsets of confidence, power and masculinity. The Confidence Building System is one of the 100s of things we teach in Dating Power. I recommend that you watch the program and follow the advice. As with all of our programs, the advice has been thoroughly tested, proven and guaranteed to work, so you can EXPECT success with women because that is what you will be experiencing very soon.
…and no – you don’t have to be a bad boy to be a confident, alpha male. We teach guys how to be good guy alpha males. Being a bad boy alpha male involves being insecure, insincere, mean, violent, selfish, etc. None of that is necessary for success with women and will only cause you problems in life. Our advice is based on being a strong man, but a GOOD man.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan,
I want to thank you for all your articles, for they’re really of great help.
You guys are doin a really great job for helping out. Thanks to you!
Dan, it’s about the “alpha male” stuff of which I find a little bit confusing somewhat. I was wondering if you can simply list what an “alpha male” is all about. I can see that confidence seems to come 1st in every aspect.
I’ld really be more appreciative if you do that.
Thanks.
Hi Carlid
Thanks for your positive feedback and question.
I spend 5 hours explaining it and providing examples, techniques, mindsets and methods in Alpha Male Power. So, it’s not something that I will spend another 5-10 hours writing up in a comment!
However, here is another one of my articles you will find helpful: How to Become an Alpha Male.
Cheers
Dan
Dan, you are spot on about the consequences of not being an alpha male. Being an high-ranking male has large implications beyond getting laid. You get more respect from your male peers. People take you more seriously. People always take your advice and are more likely to give your advice a go. People naturally gravitate towards you. You have a greater social circle with less effort. You have a greater ability to pull women from the peripheries of your social circle with less resistance. People seem to tolerate your faux pas much more than a beta male. You can say the same joke that a beta male would and have everyone laugh at it simply because you are an alpha male.
If you are not an alpha male, consider yourself pretty much settled upon. In my opinion, a girl will always wonder what its like to be with the guy who the guys want to be and the girls want to be with.
As someone who has lived both the life of an alpha AND a beta, the difference is night and day, and being an alpha male is a much better life to live.
Thanks for the insight, Dan.
Hi Alan
You’re welcome mate.
Thanks for your positive feedback and contribution to the discussion.
EVERYONE: Read Alan’s comment. The guy knows what he is talking about.
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan
I’ve probably read this very interesting article about 8 times now or so, and based on what I’ve learned from you, there is an MASSIVE diffrence between a lower ranking male and an alpha male. If you’re an alpha male, pretty much everyone wants to be your friend, they invite you to parties, people take a genuine intrest in you, you have your pick of hot women, you get promoted at work etc. (And that’s just some of the benifits of being an alpha male)
Whereas, if your an lower ranking male(especially an omega male), you have to work REALLY hard to get a girl to just like you, you’d be a butt of the others joke, you feel painful emotions of weakness and self-doubt at your core, having a hard time making friends etc.
The point I want to make here is to get you guys a clear picture of how great life really can be if you’re an alpha male. In the modern world there’s a lot of academic intellegent men out there, but their life’s keeps procrastinating and wasting away just beacause their lack of success with women, their fears, lack of motivation etc. Well, to be honest, I am one of those guys…
Hi Tomas
Thanks for your contribution to the discussion.
If you don’t want to be a lower-ranking male, then change. You will become an alpha male when you get rid of your unnecessary social fears and anxieties by changing your thinking. If you keep thinking like a lower-ranking male, you will keep experiencing the consequences.
Cheers
Dan
Great article.
I always wondered why some average-looking guys got hot girls and the answer was staring me in the face: they were alpha males!
I’m very fond of watching documentaries and you can see there time and again that the alpha male always mates with the female. It’s expected and natural.
Time to become an alpha male!
Hey Javi
Thanks for your comment.
Yes, it’s only natural. Females go for alpha males for many, perfectly good reasons. All that (and how to actually be an alpha male) is explained in Alpha Male Power: http://store.themodernman.com/in/d2e92f
Cheers
Dan
Dan
How do you get over wasted time? Ive known you can improve your success with women for almost 4 years now but have been held back by fear I’ve known about your website for about two years bought the flow around this time but done nothing bascially trying to do anything to get a gf, lay, date without approaching. I look back at my youth with pain missed out on everything I am 26 so not so still a young man but I cant help feeling regrets especially its not as painful the years I didnt know any better because well i didnt know any better but last couple of years looking back i feel like shit and i am annoyed at myself for not even trying. Do you look back at your early years with regret or now that have you become more successful in life you no longer look back in anger? I would be interested to hear how you view your past. I have a feeling I know what your going to say to me but would be interested in hearing about your journey.
Hey Bobby
Thanks for your question.
Yes, I do look back in regret (I bet that’s not the answer you expected, right?). Most people say, “Nah, I don’t regret the past because if it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t be where I am today” when they finally become successful. However, for me, I wish I could go back and be the current version of me 20 years ago (I’m 35 now). I would be able to do achieve so much more in life, so much faster. For instance, when I became an alpha male and was still working in the corporate environment (before leaving to run The Modern Man), I was promoted 3 times within 6 months. The owner of the international company said he wanted me to become his right hand man and help him expand the business (an American business operating in Australia) into China. However, I left to run The Modern Man and have been having a great time since. I can only imagine how good my corporate career would have been if I was alpha from the start. Additionally, for most of my teens and 20s, I had awkward relationships with family, friends and people in general. These days, my relationships are full of love, happiness, laughter, comfort, close companionship, enlightened understanding, etc.
About how you can get over your wasted time: You’ve got to take action Bobby. Nothing happens until you take a step forward. Read this Tweet I made on Twitter: https://twitter.com/Dan_Modern_Man/status/275926339486367744
Here are some relevant articles for you:
http://www.themodernman.com/success/fear-of-life-in-the-modern-world.html
http://www.themodernman.com/success/successful_thinking/if_only_you_had_done_it_differently.html
Also, listen to this customer and how he transformed himself. If HE can do it, any guy can (he had coke bottle glasses, a lisp when he spoke, overweight and NONE of that mattered because he focussed on being attractive in the ways that are most important to women):
http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan
This is probably getting a little bit deep but how does someone like Stu whos always been successful in this area always come to the right conlusions and have the right mindsets that benefited him in situations that could be seen as potentially awkward, bad, etc Like I don’t understand how some people can just have the right mindstets from the get go or fairly early on and then other people can be in a similiar situation and automatically think in ways that put the blame on themselves, cause themselves to feel nervous, make them feel worse. I guess I’m talking early childhood like when someone first encounters a potentially negative social situation I was always someone who put the blame on myself and as a result became more and more shy, doubted myself more and that pattern continued through high school and I am that same person now. How does someone like Stu just assume or think in the right ways that allowed him to live an enjoyable life when he had no positive experiences to make him belief that he should or could think in those benefical ways?
-Bobby
Hey Brody
Thanks for your question.
The reason why is that he’s more of a natural at working out this area of life. For instance, some guys are more of a natural at maths, engineering or sports. For the rest of us (Ben, me and pretty every other guy who visits this site), we have to LEARN how to think, behave and be like the naturals.
Here is the basic process you will go through on your way to becoming a natural in this area of life:
1. Unconscious incompetence: You don’t even know that you’re doing it wrong.
2. Conscious incompetence: You know what you’re doing wrong. (When you learn from us)
3. Conscious competence: You can do it correctly, but you have to think about it while doing it. (When you use our advice)
4. Unconscious competence: You can do it correctly without thinking about it. (When you have been using our advice for a while)
Cheers
Dan
Dear all,
Thank you first for this great post!
So here’s my story. I’m quite a handsome guy but I am usually very insecure that’s why I never get girls.
I was peacefully single and without any hassle, my vision was to find a sincere girl with a good character, although my friends tell me that with my handsomness I can get easily a girl, I was always looking for a girl with such characterisitcs.
One day i received an anonymous message saying; “I’m a girl and I confess I like you a lot, I can’t confront you i’m shy”, then i found the girl courageous and asked her to add me on facebook and not to be afraid because I’m not arrogant, and she did. She noticed me in my graduation ceremony because she was invited by her cousin that studied with me. Talking to her is amazing, she’s very sincere and good, she told me about her past and the boyfriend she was with for 4 years before they break-up last november, she confessed in beginning April. All out dates were amazing, we get so along with each other.
After lot of stuff going on, she told me that her ex knew about us from Facebook (he hacks sometimes her accounts) and he’s jealous and is treatening her with some secrets about her family if she doesn’t break up with me. I called him and he said : “dude, the girl cheated on me twice and this is the 3rd time!!! with you! I’m still with her”. After lot of hassles and each one of them trying to convince me that he’s telling the truth (her that she broke up with him, and him that she’s still with him) I agreed with her to date and she told me she’ll hillucinate him that we broke up and keep talking to him as they are dating, because obviously he still love her.
I broke up with her twice during this short period: first time because he overtreatened her and had to let her go so she won’t be in trouble, but she couldn’t break up and we got back together, and second time because I was doubtful about her a lot. She still talk to him because she’s pretending to date him, but her friends know that I’m dating her since we go out all of us, the other guy is studying in another country.
These days, I feel like a boy toy and i’m very emotional, it’s very overwhelming, she told me that i’m a god in bed, I make her have pleasure lot of times. Even though her friends know about us and not her ex, I feel she’s just using me because her “ex” is abroad and they only Skype. One time she even called him on Skype in front of me to say good night, afterwards she hugged me saying sorry baby it’s just that he become so doubftul sometimes so i needed to call him to say goodnight so he’d think i’m sleeping now.
And now, it’s like she’s loosing interest, she never texts me back, I asked her to come see her she said i’ll reply if u can come and she didn’t reply, and finally she talks sort of mean to me.
Please tell me people, what do you think about this situation? I’m starting to fall for her a lot and it’s the first time it happens to me.
Hey Joshua
Thanks for your question.
This part of your comment said it all to me, “I asked her to come see her.” You don’t ask women if you can come and see them – it’s not her who is in charge of the relationship. YOU are the man, not her. I never had to go see any women – they always came to me (I’m in a committed relationship now) because I was in charge.
Read: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/who-should-wear-the-pants-in-a-relationship.html
If you want to stop being so insecure, learn from me. I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
Cheers
Dan
Dan,
Is it necessary to be very good looking to be an Alpha Male? What if you are just average looking? Also I have a lisp would that ruin my chances of becoming an Alpha Male? I have noticed that some people don’t take me as seriously due to my lisp.
-Thanks
Hey Justin
The answer to your question is right here: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/audio/turn_rejection_into_success.html Listen as we interview a customer who fits that description perfectly.
Cheers
Dan