This is something that I used to have a lot of trouble with when I wasn’t a confident, alpha male.
If I was talking to a girl and was doubting myself or feeling a bit nervous around her, she would naturally feel turned off by that.
She may have liked me on a few levels (e.g. “This guy seems interesting. He seems like a cool, good guy…oh, that was funny, he made me laugh there…he seems to have an fairly good vibe about him”), but my lack of confidence would turn her off.
Then, if a more confident guy came over and started talking to her or if there was a more confident guy in the group, she would naturally gravitate towards him in most cases.
Why? Women are mostly attracted to a guys confidence and are turned off by a guy’s shyness, nervousness, insecurity and self-doubt.
Generally speaking, confidence wins over any other trait when it comes to attracting women. A guy can be average or below average looking, but if he is very confident and believes in himself, he will get more action with women than a good looking shy guy who feels nervous around women.
How to React When it Happens
The best reaction is to simply continue believing in yourself and to not view the other guy as your competition.
It doesn’t matter who he is, what he looks like or what he has to offer women; you have to trust in the fact that confidence is the most attractive trait to women.
You can’t pick up every woman (no man can) because you will not be compatible with every woman in the world.
Likewise, every woman won’t be compatible with what you want in a girl either, so don’t worry about not being able to “score” with every girl you meet.
Instead, just focus on the fact that the more confidence you have in yourself, the more that women will like you. Then, when you do meet compatible women, they will choose you over other guys because you will feel compatible to them and you will be more attractive.
One of the main things you have to do to achieve success with women is to become more confident.
When I became more confident, guys stopped hitting on the same girl as me during a conversation because they realized that they would pale in comparison to me in terms of confidence, masculinity and social intelligence.
However, that didn’t stop all guys from trying to hit on the same girl as me (i.e. some guys lack confidence and will try to step in and steal a girl that you’re talking to, rather than approaching a girl on their own).
Whenever a guy did hit on the same girl as me, I would actually like it because he would end up looking less attractive compared to me in 99% of cases because I would be more confident, masculine and socially intelligent.
When I when I reached a level of true, powerful confidence and masculinity, pretty much every other guy in a group was less confident than me.
These days, the only exceptions are when I’m around my alpha male friends who are naturally good with women, in which case we are usually equally confident and alpha, or I am slightly more confident and alpha.
Women are always analyzing a situation to see who the confident alpha males are and which guys are simply pretending to be confident and alpha.
When you are truly confident and alpha, you don’t have to put on an act or try to compete with other guys, because there is no competition; you are the man.
If you want to have your choice with women, you have to focus on becoming more confident and alpha.
You may know 20 great conversation starters or funny lines that you’ve read online, but if a guy is more confident and alpha than you, the woman will like him more than you in 99% of cases.
Mistakes to Avoid
Whatever your level of confidence is right now, the main thing you need to avoid (when a guy hits on the same girl as you) is to not try to compete with him.
As a true alpha male, there is no competition; you are the man. That’s not to say that there aren’t any other alpha males in the world, but that you’re not worried about other men being competition.
When women sense that you feel “less than” around another man, that guy looks like the alpha male and you come across as a self-doubting, lower ranking male.
Additionally, when a woman notices that you’re competing with another guy in front of her and trying to get her to like you more than she likes him, she will usually play hard to get with you and lose interest due to your lack of confidence in yourself.
Don’t try to compete with other guys; the most important thing is what happens between you and her (i.e. how you think, feel, behave and take action when around a her, how you make her feel, the connection that you and her develop, the respect that she feels for you, etc). Other guys are simply added noise in a situation; they’re not your competition.
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Dan appreciate your input on this tell me if I’m doing something wrong.
I have a friend who I’ve known ten years I often hang about with him and his girlfriend frequently we have a good dynamic.
I sometimes use to take his girlfriend out for lunch (suggesting it to him before hand of course) or a round of golf when he was out of town or busy with work all seemed to be cool but lately he’s been getting weird about it.
Want to point out every time me and his girlfriend have hung out it has been the intention to do it as a group even if its something that we know he won’t want to get involved in such as playing golf he hates that but always ask and if he declines his girlfriend will ask if it is fine to go with me. Another example is I accompanied her to a concert that he didn’t want to go to and I liked the band playing also.
I mean would you have a problem with this? If your girlfriend wanted to do something that you weren’t interested in would you have a problem Ben or Stu or someone else in your social circle you know accompanying her if you knew about it before hand?
Admittedly I don’t know if something has developed in their relationship to cause his reaction but the fact he lies he’s not a very honest person caught up in being macho when in my opinion the only reason you would have issue with this is if you were insecure. If anything from my perspective I just find it a little insulting that he thinks something would happen.
Thanks for your question.
It really depends on how you behave around her. If there is a flirty vibe between you and her, then he has every reason to not want you to be spending alone time with his girl.
However, if you’re all great friends and your intention is to only get her out of the house and hanging out with your mutual friends while he is away, then it’s fine. That said, most guys aren’t that secure about the loyalty and devotion of their woman. Most relationships aren’t based on true love and the sex life of most couples isn’t that good. So, if he falls into those categories, it would be normal for him to begin worrying that he might lose his girl.
BTW: Are you attracted to her? Have you considered sleeping with her? Have you gone to bed and daydreamed about being with her before falling asleep at night?
If yes, then what are your real intentions in this situation?
Haha I like when people flip questions like that on me makes me think about what I say and do sometimes.
Truthfully yeah I do find his girlfriend attractive I mean I’m a dude she’s a 25 year old blonde so yeah if a situation presented itself I would bang her. However she has almost no interest in me sexually and there are parts of her personality and character that would drive me mental so that’s enough for me to just keep it as it is not enough gain too much blowback. It is strictly platonic there is no sexual undertones to our interactions.at all and that’s fine I like to hang with her because she’s a laugh and alright to look at so why not she gets things from me that my friend her boyfriend doesn’t give her so its win win for everyone.
If there are no sexual undertones from your perspective, that is great. However, if your friend is insecure and perceives you to be a better man than he is (or a more attractive man), then he will be looking for clues that you and her like each other. He will see sexual undertones in the most innocent of exchanges.
It’s a tough call, but in cases like this you’ve just got to weight up the benefits and disadvantages of continuing to hang out with her like that. Let me know how it plays out…I’m curious to hear how you go with maintaining the friendships.
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