Lately, I've been getting a lot of requests from married men who are wondering why their wife has lost interest in having sex with them. In almost every case, the core problem is that the man has handed over his power to the woman and she is running the relationship. When a woman feels as though she is mothering a man, she will almost always lose her sexual interest in him.
Before we get further into relationship dynamics, let's get some perspective on what is possible in terms of keeping your sex life alive in a relationship.
The Truly Happy Couple
Have you ever seen a man and a woman who've been in a relationship or married for decades, yet they are still madly in love with each other? They hold hands, flirt with each other, laugh and joke around together and of course, still feel completely sexually attracted to each other.
You know the type of couple I'm referring to, right? You've seen it. We all have. That is what is possible for you, if you set up and maintain the correct relationship dynamic. Part of what is required to achieve and maintain that type of dynamic, is to ensure that you are the more masculine and dominant one in the relationship, so your girlfriend or wife can then relax into being more feminine. If she has to behave in a masculine way around you, her sexual desire will begin to shut down because you will be forcing her into living in a more masculine state of being. In the modern world, too many men have destroyed the sexual desire of their girlfriend or wife by not being the man she needs.
“Help! My Wife is Addicted to Having Sex With Me!”
The truth is, the amount of love, sexual attraction and respect that a woman feels for you should actually DEEPEN over time, instead of fading away. In the beginning, most couples have sex 2-4 times per week. Eventually, after the relationship dynamic has been ruined, thus destroying the natural sexual charge that the perfect masculine/feminine balance creates, most couples only have sex once or twice a month or even stop having sex altogether.
If you set up the right relationship dynamic and maintain that, you will both want to have sex about twice a week, even after 10 years of marriage. I know this because I've heard back from men who've followed my advice in The Modern Relationship and Better Than a Bad Boy. I've had a number of married men contact me to tell me that the spark is back in their relationship and they're back to rocking the bed with their wife. If they continue using the advice, they will continue to deepen her love, attraction and respect. The woman will literally become addicted to having sex with him. She will actually NEED it because, due to his behavior in the relationship, she will be constantly building up sexual tension and it will need to be released with the act of sex. Additionally, since the love and respect will be strong again, she won't want to release that tension through masturbation. She will want to be close to him and “make love.”
When you set up and maintain the right relationship dynamic, your woman will get most of her pleasure from the fact that she is having sex with YOU, rather than her "getting off" or having sex in general. She feels lucky to be receiving you and it gives her great pleasure to open up and receive you, body and mind.
Deepen Her Love, Respect and Attraction For You
As mentioned, the love, attraction and respect that your girlfriend or wife feels should actually deepen. The truly happy couples I was referring to are undeniable evidence of that. It's not a “fairytale” to think that you will live happily ever after. It really does happen when the right relationship dynamic is set up and, more importantly, maintained.
Most people do not know how to correctly set up and maintain the ideal relationship dynamic, so they actually accept, in advance, that once they get married (or settle into a non-married relationship) their sex life will begin a sharp and irreversible decline. It just isn't true! When you set up and maintain the relationship correctly, you won't be wondering why your girlfriend or wife doesn't want to have sex with you, you'll be asking, “What super foods should I eat to give me more energy to keep up with the sexual appetite of my wife?”
You can literally turn your sexually-uninspired girlfriend or wife into a woman who is so addicted to having sex with you that she basically does whatever you say, just to keep you happy. This turns out to be a win-win situation because she gets to have more sex with you and you get a better girlfriend/wife out of it, so you're both happy. How, you might be asking?
Take Back the Reigns of Power
You need to "wear the pants" in the relationship and be the man. Do you think that the happy couples you've seen who are still incredibly sexually attracted to each other, have a relationship where the woman is in control and more dominant than the man? No. You will always find that the man is what women refer to as a real man and is more dominant than the woman. You may have SEEN what LOOKS LIKE a very happy couple where the woman is in control and more dominant, but I guarantee you that they are rarely having sex...and when they do, it's on her terms. She says if and when it happens.
That is lame. That is no way to live your life as a man. What makes both a man and a woman truly happy in a relationship is when the woman feels lucky to be having sex with her man and HE is deciding if and when she gets it. He rewards her for being a “good girl,” so to speak.
The Jokes of the Losers
The truly happy couple that I am referring to are winners at life. They are doing it right and they are happy, fulfilled and deeply in love as a result. The unhappy couple who rarely have sex, argue all the time and basically just live together to share bills and responsibilities are, let's be honest, losers at life. They are doing it wrong.
Is it their fault? No. Most people don't have good role models to learn from, so they resort to learning from TV (which is usually entertainment, not education) and from the random comments and advice from people who are not experts in the field of attraction and relationships. The jokes of the losers are all around us and, if you're not careful, you will start to think they are true. For instance, there isn’t a stand-up comedian in the world who hasn’t made a joke about marriage and the death knell it sounds on your sex life. They joke about the sex drying up and the passion dying in a relationship as if it has to be that way, because they don't know how to fix their situation. They are making mistakes in the relationship, experiencing the consequences and then assuming that it has to be that way.
All the while, these "losers" at life are failing to notice the couples out there that are doing it right. There are millions of couples who are still madly in love, feeling a deeper attraction for each other and having sex way more often than the average couple...because they are doing it right! The woman doesn't nag, the man is a real man and they look perfect together as a couple. People look at them in confusion, wondering how on Earth they manage to do it. “They are so lucky...they found their soulmate in each other and that's why they are so happy,” people assume. No! They are doing it right! That is why they are so happy.
The Stages of a Relationship
While it is true that there are stages to a relationship where you and your girlfriend or wife will go through certain changes together, it is not true that your girlfriend or wife absolutely has to lose interest in having sex with you. The truth is, the love, sexual attraction, emotional attraction and respect a woman feels for you should DEEPEN over time, if you create and maintain the right relationship dynamic. If you don't, then yes, her love, sexual attraction, emotional attraction and respect will fade over time.
If you want to learn more about creating and maintain the ideal type of relationship dynamic, watch The Modern Relationship to learn. Then, to learn more about how to be the real man that women are desperate to be with and stay with, watch Better Than a Bad Boy.