How to Keep a Conversation Going With a Woman...and Keep it Interesting!

I often get asked about how to keep a conversation going with a girl and how to and keep it interesting, so today I'm going to offer some new insights on the topic. Let's start with a question from Ralph...

Question

"Dan I have no problems with girls I'm introduced to by friends. I also have no problems walking up to girls. I've been with many girls. But I know I can be with many more.

The part where I fail most is keeping the conversation exciting after I walk up to a stranger. Its the boring "interview type" conversation. I'm actually a funny guy, but I open up more usually after I get to know someone. What you think is the best thing to talk about to keep a conversation going with a girl and keep it exciting?

Ralph, NY, USA"

Response From Dan

Thanks for your e-mail Ralph. You've opened up an interesting topic that I'm sure many guys reading this can relate to on some level. To summarize your situation:

• You find it easier to talk to women when you're introduced through friends.
• You open up more when you get to know someone.
• When talking to a new woman (a 'stranger' as you put it), you revert to boring 'interview' style conversation.

This all adds up to a MAJOR problem for most guys. We've found that around 80% of guys need help with the area of 'talking to a woman they've just met'. So, let's find out why it's the case for you...

The first part I'll talk about is the fact that you have NO problem talking to women you've been introduced to through friends, but you then CHANGE when you're talking to a new woman. Why do you change?

It's not because you're hopeless at conversation. It's because you CHOOSE to CHANGE your approach when talking to a new woman. You CHOOSE to go into 'interview mode' and treat her DIFFERENTLY than you'd treat a girl you'd been introduced to through friends.

In fact, you said it yourself - you treat new women like STRANGERS. The reality is that there are MANY conversational approaches you can take when you meet a new woman. For example, you may CHOOSE to:

• Talk to her in interview mode.
• Talk to her like you would talk to your male friends.
• Talk to her like you would your best friend.
• Talk to her as though you know she wants you, but you're deciding whether or not you like her.
• Talk to her in a way where you mostly focus on playfully teasing her about what she is saying and doing.
• Talk to her like she's a total stranger.
• Talk to her like you would talk to your serious girlfriend.
• Talk to her like you're not even interested in her ONE LITTLE BIT.
• Talk to her you're scared of her.
• Talk to her like she's scared of you.
• Talk to her as though you're suspicious of her.
• Talk to her as though you're hoping to 'get lucky' with her.

And so on... After approaching and interacting with over 10,000 women in various countries around the world, we've found the best approach includes:

• Flirting.
• Humor.
• Being open.
• Being expressive.
• Being honest.
• Being ballsy (i.e. not being afraid to say what you think, not being too politically correct, not being emotionally guarded).
• Being real.
• ...and talking whatever the hell you feel like talking about.

The conversation approach above results in a woman feeling DESIRABLE EMOTIONS when she talks to you. If you want women to find your conversations interesting and exciting - you need to inspire DESIRABLE EMOTIONS inside them when they talk to you. Stop for a moment and imagine being a woman...

As a woman, you are attracted to a man's personality and how he makes you feel (even though most guys believe you're attracted to physical appearance and don't care about personality). Anyway, a guy walks up to you and makes you feel NOTHING because he's playing it safe with BS, interview-style conversation.

His personality is just like all the other 'pretenders' you've met lately. He is putting on 'the nice guy', guarded persona because he wants you to like him. So, what do you do? You ignore him and do whatever you can to get away from him, because you'd rather talk to a man who makes you feel the powerful emotion of ATTRACTION. Here's the reality...

If you can't make a woman feel DESIRABLE EMOTIONS when you talk to her, then the chances of her feeling attraction for you are close to ZERO. ...and if she doesn't feel attraction for you, then she is not going to want to date you, have sex with you or enter into a relationship with you. Just like you don't want to be with women that you're not attracted to.

To make women feel desirable emotions when you talk to them, you need to use the approach I've outlined above. In your message Ralph, you said "I'm actually a funny guy, but I open up more usually after I get to know someone." I have to be cruel to be kind here and tell you: That's not good enough!

To be successful with women and with socializing in general, you need to talk to people with an assumption of rapport. You can't start talking to women like a stranger and expect that they will PUT UP WITH the AWKWARDNESS that comes with that approach for 10-20 minutes, before you start to open up and be normal.

You have to do it from the BEGINNING. You can learn how in our new conversation program called, The Ultimate Guide to Conversation. Ralph, you mentioned that you already own a copy of The Flow, so I'd suggest that you go back and read the parts entitled: Assume Rapport and Accept Yourself.

Once you grasp those two mindsets, you'll find that your conversations flow more smoothly, are exciting and remain interesting. I also suggest that you read The Flow again and pay more attention for the many conversational snippets I provide throughout the book. You might even want to copy/paste them all into a separate document, so it's easier for you to find them when you need a refresher. Or, just check out The Ultimate Guide to Conversation - it has 100s of examples on what to say.

Remember: It is you who is CHOOSING to engage women in interview style conversation. It is you who is CHOOSING to change your approach when you meet a woman for the first time. STOP doing it. It doesn't work and NEVER will.

Question

Im getting all the signals that she likes me yet 1 month ago i sent her an email at the weekend saying we should meet up and i didn't get a reply so i just left it and she didn't bring it up when weve had conversations since. Can you please explain to me what might be going wrong?

She behaves differently around me too.... like hoping to impress me. Johnny, England"

Response From Dan

I'm going to keep this simple: If you are getting signals of interest, MOVE IT FORWARD. If you're worried about her saying no, just organize what I call a 'half date'. A half date is where you invite her to a party, bar or event you're going to ANYWAY with one or more friends. This would work in your case, as it sounds like you've built up great attraction, but it has then fizzled out due to inaction.

Get the thing started again with a Half Date. Build up the attraction again and then, if you are getting the signals of interest - move it forward, by getting alone with her and at least moving in for a kiss. If you want all of my best techniques for moving in for a kiss, then check out Dating Power.

If you want to learn how I have moved in for the first kiss with women in many different situations, then check out 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend. All the best with it, hope it works out for you.

By the way...

If you're reading this now and would love to improve your conversation skills, then check out The Ultimate Guide to Conversation here. Take action now, so you're not stuck wondering what to say the next time you're in front of a woman you like.

	Article by Dan Bacon. Founder and lead dating coach for TheModernMan.com
	Dan Bacon's Google profile. Photos and useful links.