Becoming a man is either going to be a very exciting and rewarding process for a guy to go through, or it’s going to be a nightmare full of rejection, heartache and confusion.
If you are still in the process of becoming a man, here are 4 things that you must master before you will feel like you’ve made it to manhood:
1. Get clear on your true identity as a man.
Some guys never become a real man because they never get clear on their true identity.
For example: A guy will present himself to the world as a nice, friendly guy and hope that people like him for it, his boss promotes him because of it and women want to be have sex with him because it.
Yet, who he really is deep down is a good guy who yearns to more assertive and to be respected and looked up to by people.
Rather than becoming a real man by rising up to that level of being, he will continue to be a passive nice guy and hope that people take pity on him, feel sorry for him, etc.
Secretly, he will fall asleep at night feeling angry about how people don’t respect him and women don’t seem to like him. He will often imagine himself taking out revenge of people and finally getting the respect that he feels he deserves.
Yet, the world doesn’t bow down to passive nice guys or hand success or sex to them for being nice. If you want to be respected for being the good guy that you are, you have to command that respect.
A big part of becoming a man is getting rid of the nice guy act that would have worked for you as a child. As a boy, you would have been treated well and given treats for being nice, but that doesn’t work as an adult.
2. Have a huge purpose in life.
If a guy doesn’t have a huge purpose in life and isn’t really aiming for anything in particular, other than the basics (e.g. get a woman, get a house, settle down and then die), he will naturally be susceptible to depression.
To be what people refer to as a real man, you’ve got to have a huge purpose in life that you are aiming for and will stop at nothing to achieve. Another way of saying purpose is to refer to it as having big dreams and ambitions that stretch out as far as you can imagine.
3. Have your choice with women, rather than taking whatever you can get.
Most guys don’t grow up with a male role model who can teach them how to attract women, so a lot of guys grow up feeling desperate to get pretty much any girl that they can find.
Rather than having his choice of women and having the power to choose a truly compatible woman for him, a guy will accept whatever he can get with women and then try to make it work.
Based on this, it’s no surprise that the divorce rate it so high these days. In the past, a woman had to stay with a man for life, even if she was unhappy or if they were incompatible.
Yet, in today’s world, a woman can break up with a guy or divorce a man whenever she pleases. So, rather than being a beggar with women and working your ass off to hopefully get one girl to like you, be a man about it and learn how to attract women so you can have your choice of women.
Watch this video to understand how a woman’s attraction for a man works and how you can use it to have your choice with women…
4. Be the type of man that your woman and other people can look up to and respect.
If a guy is looked down on, picked on or disrespected by women and people in general, then he’s not what is referred to as a real man.
To be what people refer to as a real man, you’ve got to be the sort of man who others can look up to and respect. It doesn’t matter if you’re 18 or 58; the same rule applies. It also doesn’t matter if you’re aiming to pick up women or keep a relationship with a woman together for life; the same rule applies.
To be what people refer to as a real man, you’ve got to be the sort of man that others can look up to and rely on to “be the man” no matter how challenging life gets.
A Lack of Male Role Models
In today’s world, many guys grow up without the perfect male role model to show them how to be a successful modern man. With no one else to turn to, guys often look to TV shows, movies and even the lyrics of songs for the answers.
Yet, what many of these guys don’t realize is that the scenes played out in TV sitcoms and movies are designed to entertain an audience, not educate them. Without this awareness, many modern men copy the often foolish behavior of men on TV and in the movies.
A classic example is where the nervous, shy, “loveable loser” guy in a TV show or movie will stumble and make all sorts of mistakes around a woman. He will be madly in love with her, but she will initially reject him. Eventually, he’ll “save the day” or do something amazing to impress her and then she’ll give him a chance.
This is entertaining for some people to watch, but it’s not how things play out in the real world. In the real world, women are attracted to the emotional strength in men, not the weakness.
So, when a women meets a shy, nervous guy who is hoping to get a chance with her, she doesn’t think, “Hmmm…he could probably save the day or save the world like one of those loveable losers from the movies.”
Instead, she simply doesn’t feel any attraction for him and rejects him.
A Poetic Look at Becoming a Man
“If” is the title of a famous poem by Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936) about becoming and being a man. You may have studied it at school, but if you’re not familiar with it, here’s the opening line…
“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you.”
Kipling then expands with another confusing 30 or so lines of thought provoking “ifs” to ponder over before getting to the last line…
“Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, and – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!”
It’s a pretty big lists of “ifs” and fairly confusing to read. Really, it’s enough to put most guys off the idea of being a man because it all sounds too hard.
Here’s the full poem to show you what I mean…
Confused by that wording? Me too.
The above poem is a sum total of Kipling’s thoughts on becoming a man and what it takes to be able to call yourself a real man. I’m sure he meant well, but in my opinion, that is a bit too intense for today’s world.
These days, people have realized that we don’t need to be so serious and nit-picky about everything because nobody is perfect.
Kipling seems to make it out as though unless you do all of those things, you will be a failure as a man.
I feel sorry for the guy and would love to back in time and tell him, “Hey Rudyard – everything will be okay mate. Just be a good man, be emotionally strong and go after your goals and dreams. No-one really cares if you make some mistakes along the way, so don’t waste anymore time trying to think about how to be perfect. Life doesn’t have to be that complicated mate. Smile and get on with living your life, rather than feeling like you’re inadequate unless you do all of those things.”
When people are on their death bed (i.e. they are just about to die), they are often quoted as saying they wished that they hadn’t worried so much about what people thought of them. Right at the moment when their life in this world is about to come to an end, they finally realize that it really doesn’t matter.
As long as you are a good person, following through on your goals and being a man of integrity, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Push forward towards your goals and go after what you want in life, rather than worrying what others might think.
Be the man that you want to be, based on your current understanding of the world, but just know that your perspective will most-likely change as you get older…
Getting Wiser With Age
Personally speaking, I’m just about to turn 38 years old and when I was 22, I thought I had the whole damn world figured out.
I looked at how other people lived their lives and from my 22 year old perspective, I thought that some of them were so naïve and blind. Yet, as I gained more experience as a man, I eventually realized why people think, behave and act in certain ways.
Nowadays, I love and accept people for who they are and understand that, although they might not think exactly the same way as I do, they are going through their own journey of life in their own way…and that is okay.
Many years ago, I realized that a big part of becoming a man is learning to love and accept yourself, as well as love and accept others. In this life, You can’t make everyone think like you do or obey your commands, so don’t stress out about that. We’re all different and that’s okay.
As long as you are actively rising through the levels of your true potential as a man, you will be feeling increasingly happy and fulfilled and you will also garner the respect and admiration of those around you.
You will also be the sort of man that women want to align themselves with because you have the courage to rise up in a world were so many other men cower and hide from their true potential.
Becoming a man is an exciting, rewarding and fulfilling lifelong process of learning and development. Only the guys who are willing to keep on learning and developing will have what it takes to realise their full potential as a man.
If a guy gets stuck at a certain level of life and then gives up on becoming the man that he knows he could be, it won’t be something that he can escape. The sadness of never reaching his true potential as a man will always be there in the back of his mind.
He will know that he is hiding from his true potential, but if he never works out how to get past that and reach the next level of life, he will always feel depressed, frustrated and confused about life and what he should be doing to feel happy and fulfilled.
Let’s face it, life can be very challenging at times, but it’s the way a guy chooses to deal with those challenges that eventually separates the men from the boys.
As Ben from The Modern Man has often said when we’ve discussed this topic, “Apart from experiencing bad luck, where people are at in their life is usually a sum total of all the choices they’ve made to get to that point. Successful people consistently make good choices and keep pushing forward if some of their choices don’t work out.”
Being a successful man is not about being a man who “wins” at everything and it’s not about always being right about everything either.
Instead, it’s about being a man who always gives it his best shot and knows that everything doesn’t always go to plan. Sometimes, plans work out perfectly, but if he tries and makes a mistake or fails, he sees it as a lesson and then learns, improves and tries again until he gets it right.
As the legendary basketball coach John Wooden once said, “If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes.”
Becoming a Man Who Naturally Attracts Women
Being successful with women is one of the most important goals that guys have in life. Without women, life is pretty shit, to put it bluntly.
When you are loved, wanted and respected by women, life feels awesome.
So, if you have yet to reach that point in your life where you naturally attract women, it might because you’re making one or more of the following mistakes…
As you will discover from the video above, it is possible for you (yes you) to naturally attract the women you meet and then deepen a woman’s respect, love and attraction for you in a relationship.
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