It depends on the following:
1. Are you now able to make her feel the kind of love that she always really wanted to feel with you?
Sometimes a guy will offer a love experience that just doesn’t hit a woman at her core.
For example: He’s too nice, gentle and sweet.
However, although she appreciates that, he lacks the masculine edge that would make the relationship more exciting and balanced for her.
As a result, she stops feeling motivated to stay in the relationship with him and decides to just break up with him, move on and find the kind of guy who has a more well-rounded approach to attraction.
Another example is where the guy is too clingy and emotionally dependent on her (i.e. he doesn’t have friends, hobbies, interests or a purpose outside of his relationship with her).
Once again, although she appreciates his devotion to her, too much of it makes her feel smothered and like she can’t maintain any of her own independence (e.g. her own friends, interests or hobbies), because he constantly needs her support, approval and presence in his life to be able to cope and feel good about himself.
This causes her to lose respect for him as a man.
When she stops respecting him, she also starts to feel less and less attracted to him and eventually, there’s nothing left for her to want to stick around for.
When that happens, her ex may end up thinking things like, “I know what we had was perfect. Her problem is that she’s a love avoidant. As soon as things get too good in a relationship, she runs away.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that he simply wasn’t making her feel the way she wanted to feel when she was in a relationship with him.
So, if want your love avoidant ex to come back, you need to make sure that you give her the attraction experience she really wants from you, not what you think she wants.
For example: Some of the ways to make a woman feel the kind of love she wants to feel in a relationship are…
- Being a good man to her and being attentive and loving, while at the same time maintaining your emotional independence. She is the most important person in your life, but your purpose is the most important thing.
- Being grateful to have such a good woman as her in your life, while at the same time feeling confident in yourself and in your value to her. You know that even though she’s an amazing woman, you’re a remarkable man and she’s lucky to have you.
- Being a good, reliable friend to her in the relationship, while at the same time not being a neutral friend and instead making her feel like a sexy, desirable woman. You understand that without the spark of sexual attraction what you have is a friendship, not a relationship.
- Being masculine around her (i.e. in the way you talk to her, the tone of voice you use, how you touch her, how you behave), so she can feel feminine.
When your love avoidant ex experiences those kinds of changes in you, she can’t stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
Suddenly she feels surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again and then the idea of being your girl once more starts to feel good to her.
When that happens, it becomes pretty easy to get her back.
Another question to ask yourself is…
2. Are you willing to interact with her and re-attract her?
Sometimes, when a guy gets broken up with by his woman, he will sit around feeling dejected and wondering, “Do love avoidants come back?”
So, rather than interacting with her and actively re-sparking her feelings for him, he instead pulls back and just waits for her to hopefully change her mind.
Essentially, he’s hoping that she will eventually miss him enough to make the first move (e.g. text or call him to say hi, send him a message on social media or suggest a meet up to say hello in person).
He then sits around for weeks, months and in some cases even years, waiting for her to contact him, only to be devastated when he realizes that she’s not coming back and is already dating someone else.
He may then try to make himself feel better by thinking something along the lines of, “It’s not my fault. She’s a love avoidant. That’s just the way she is.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
A woman will rarely chase after a guy; especially if she’s the one running away from love.
Instead, she will focus on moving on as quickly as possible.
So, if you don’t interact with your ex and actively focus on re-attracting her, you’re just going to be playing into her hands.
Don’t lose out on getting her back because you’re waiting for her to come back to you on her own, because that will probably never happen.
You need to be courageous enough to make the first move and get the ex back process started with her.
How can you do that?
Start by calling her on the phone and re-attracting her a little bit (e.g. by using humor to make her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to you again, showing her by what you say and the way you respond to her that you’ve changed in some of the ways that are important to her, maintaining your confidence regardless of how she treats you or what she says to put you off).
Then, get her to meet up with you in person so that you can fully re-attract her by showing her that you are now the man she always wanted you to be (e.g. more confident and self-assured, more charismatic, more emotionally mature, no longer clingy and needy).
The more she experiences and enjoys the new you, the less she will be able to avoid experiencing surges of respect, attraction and love for you.
As a result, she starts to look at you with different eyes and she may begin thinking things like, “As much as I try to fight it, I can’t stop myself from feeling love for him. He’s turned my world upside down and made me believe that being in a happy, loving relationship with one man is possible.”
She then wants to spend more and more time with you to see what happens.
On the other hand, if you don’t interact with her because you’re hoping she will come back to you on her own, she will most likely move on and forget about you.
Another question to ask yourself is…
3. Is she going to be able to easily meet another guy who makes her feel more attraction?
When a woman decides to break up with a guy, it’s usually because her wants and desires in the relationship don’t match what she’s actually getting from him (e.g. she wants a confident, self-assured man but he’s insecure and needy, she wants a man who is emotionally more dominant than her but he is a wimpy and emotionally sensitive, she wants him to make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman, but he instead makes her feel like a friend or big sister).
As a result, her feelings of respect, attraction and love begin to fade over time.
However, if she feels confident in herself and in her attractiveness to men, rather than cling to the relationship and try to make it work because she’s afraid of being alone, she instead breaks up with the guy and focuses on finding herself a new man right away.
For example: All she has to do is start going to clubs, bars or parties with her friends and flirt with the men there until she picks one up to have sex with and see where that leads.
She can put out the word that she’s single again and wait for all the men who have already shown interest in her to come flocking to her.
She can also join online dating sites or go on Tinder and find a new man there pretty quickly.
She can then have her pick of men for dates, sex or a relationship, without ever having to worry about her ex and what was missing in the relationship with him.
Of course, her ex might assume that this happened because she’s avoiding love which is why she jumps from relationship to relationship.
Yet, in most cases, it may simply be that she hasn’t found the man who can make her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with him, so she just keeps looking.
So, if you want your ex to come back to you, you need to be able to attract her in the ways that she wants.
Then and only then will she want to be with you again for real.
By the way…
If you’re not quite sure what your ex might have been looking for in the relationship with you, here are some questions to ask yourself to gain clarity…
- Were you emotionally strong and independent in the relationship, or did you become too clingy, jealous, possessive or needy?
- Were you emotionally masculine in a way that made her feel feminine and girly with you, or were you too emotionally sensitive and wimpy causing her to feel like she had to take care of you?
- Did you stand up to her in an assertive yet loving way when she behaved badly (e.g. threw a tantrum over something irrelevant, was moody, was rude to you), or did you let her get away with being childish and disrespectful?
- Were you a bit of a challenge to her (e.g. by not being available to her 24/7, pursuing your own interests, hobbies and goals, walking away when she didn’t behave herself with you), or were you always nice and sweet and did everything she wanted you to do?
- Were you the kind of man she could depend on to be emotionally strong and confident all the time, or did you often lose your cool, become emotional and doubt yourself?
Depending on your answers to these questions, you will likely begin to have a better idea of what you need to change and improve to be able to re-attract your ex.
When she experiences the new you (i.e. you are now behaving and responding in a completely different way to the way you were before), her guard will naturally come down and she will naturally start feeling drawn to you again.
She will want to explore her new, fascinating feelings of attraction for you because you are now the man she’s been looking for all along and she no longer has to run and avoid love.
4. Was she really avoiding love with you, or just not feeling it?
Sometimes a woman might get into a relationship with a guy she’s not fully attracted to.
For example: She might say to herself, “I know he’s not exactly my type, but he’s a nice guy and he really treats me well. Maybe if I give him a chance, he will eventually change in some of the ways that are important to me and we can then be happy together.”
However, if over time she notices that her guy is stuck at the same level he was at when they first got together and that he still doesn’t have a clue how to make her feel attracted in the ways that she wants (e.g. becoming more ballsy, stop being so insecure, stop being too nice and not being able to spark her feelings of sexual desire), it’s relatively easy for her to move on, because she never really got to the point where she was fully into him.
He may then perceive her as being a love avoidant, but what he doesn’t realize is that she was only avoiding love with him, because he wasn’t making her connect to those feelings (i.e. because he was turning her off with his attitude, thinking, actions, behavior and the way he responded to her).
The good news however, is that even if this was the case between you and your ex, you can still change how she feels. How?
If you use every interaction you have with her from now on to spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you (e.g. by making her smile and laugh, making her feel like a desirable, sexy woman, showing her that you’ve really changed and improved in some of the ways that matter to her), she will naturally start to feel drawn to you again.
She may then begin thinking things like, “This is so weird. I really thought I didn’t have feelings for him, but all of a sudden I can’t get him out of my mind. I seem to be thinking about him all the time. Is it possible that I’ve actually fallen in love with him without even realizing it? Maybe I made a mistake by breaking up with him. Maybe he’s the right guy for me after all. Why don’t I just give him another chance and see what happens?”
She then becomes open to coming back to you.
This is why you shouldn’t waste any more time thinking that your ex is a love avoidant and that getting her back will be difficult.
If you focus on re-attracting her instead, sooner rather than later you may be surprised to find that she’s head over heels on love with you and never wants to let you go.
So, call her on the phone or meet up with her in person and spark her feelings for you by showing her that you’re a new and improved man.
Then guide her back into a relationship with you that’s 100% better than it was before, because she is now fully committed to being your girl rather than looking for a way out.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Attracted to a Love Avoidant Ex
It’s quite possible that your ex is a love avoidant.
However, that doesn’t mean you can’t get her back.
Just make sure that you don’t make the mistakes that most guys make when in a situation like yours:
1. Assuming that no man could ever cause her to stop avoiding love
Sometimes a guy might say to himself, “It’s not my fault that she left me. I’ve noticed that she does this with every guy that she dates. I think she’s just a love avoidant and she will never be able to settle down and be happy with a guy.”
However, if he then finds out that she’s in love with a guy and maybe even moving in with him, getting engaged or married to him, or planning to start a family with him, his confidence will take a huge blow, because she’s not fitting into the love avoidant mould he’s put her in.
Here’s the thing…
A woman will only avoid love for as long as it takes for her to find a guy who can make her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with her guy (e.g. excited, turned on, respectful, lucky to be with him, desirable, sexy, adored).
When that happens, she will quickly change her avoiding ways and hold on to him as firmly as she can, because she doesn’t want to lose him.
She will then be a loving, devoted woman to him who treats him well.
That man can be you.
All it takes is for you to spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you and make her see that she’ll be losing out if she doesn’t come back to you.
Another mistake that guys make when in a situation like yours is…
2. Offering the same thing that other guys have offered her in the past, which led to them getting dumped by her
The likely reason why a woman will get into relationship after relationship without settling down is often because she’s looking for a guy who is different to every other guy she has dated.
In most cases, she will meet a guy and feel drawn to him because he displays certain personality traits and behaviors that are instinctively attractive to her (e.g. he’s confident and emotionally strong, he makes her feel sexy and desirable, he’s emotionally more dominant than her).
However, once the initial thrill of being together wears off, she may begin to notice that the things that attracted her to him initially have started to fade away.
For example: If the guy was confident before, he is now more insecure and needy.
If he made her feel strong surges of sexual attraction for him before, he now makes her feel neutral feelings for him.
If he was more emotionally dominant before, he’s now too submissive around her.
She then naturally feels turned off and so she breaks up with him and moves on to the next guy in the hope the he will be different.
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to come back, you need to make sure that you don’t give her what she’s being getting from every guy in her life so far.
So, don’t take her avoidance of love seriously and try to suck up to her and show her that you’re different and would never hurt her.
Be more of a challenge and don’t get dragged into her tests.
When she sees for herself that you really are the man she’s been looking for all along, she’ll be the one asking you for a relationship again.
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