No Contact doesn’t always work.
Whether or not it works (especially for short term relationships), really depends on the reason why she broke up with you.
Times When the No Contact Rule Can Work
Here are 2 examples of when the No Contact Rule can work after breaking up a short-term relationship:
1. She broke up with you to see if you’d chase her and become desperate
Sometimes a woman just isn’t sure if she should continue to invest in her new boyfriend, or break up with him and find someone who she can be more certain about.
Although she does care for new boyfriend, certain aspects of his thinking and behavior are causing her to wonder if he’s really the man for her.
For example: She decides to become a bit of a nag in the relationship with a guy (e.g. she’s always complaining, creating unnecessary drama over irrelevant things) to see if he can stand up to her in a dominant, but loving way.
Yet, rather than standing up to her and putting her back in her place in a loving way, he makes the mistake of being even nicer and sweeter to her in the hope that it makes her treat him well.
She was hoping to see that he had the balls to stand up for himself and make her respect him, but he failed that test.
Now she feels like she is the more dominant one in the relationship, which causes her to feel turned off by him sexually.
She begins to think, “He’s just too nice all the time. No matter how badly I behave, he just lets me get away with it. Maybe it’s because he fears that I will dump him. Why isn’t he more confident in his value to me? Why does he have to be so self doubting? Maybe he’s not the right guy for me after all. Maybe I’m too good for him. I wish it wasn’t like this, but I have to follow my heart. My heart is telling me that he probably got lucky with me and he knows it.”
She then breaks up with him and waits to see how he will react.
If he becomes desperate and starts chasing her in a needy way, she will then make up her mind to leave him for good because it will confirm to her that she’s probably just too good for him.
On the other hand, if accepts the break up, says goodbye and doesn’t contact her for a week, then it can impress her and make her want to hear from him.
So, in a case like that, the No Contact Rule can work.
BTW: You don’t need to wait 30 or 60 days to contact her.
7 days is more than enough because it proves the point (i.e. that you’re not desperately chasing her).
In a case like this one, your ex is just testing to see whether you will lose your confidence and hand over all your power to her (i.e. suck up to her, promise to change whatever she wants).
So, when you ignore her and focus on living a fun, happy life without her for a week and then let her find out via social media and/or mutual friends, she will naturally begin to look up to you with respect again.
She will then start to feel sparks of attraction and love for you, drop her guard and open up to giving the relationship another chance.
Another example of when the No Contact Rule can work after ending a short-term relationship, is when…
2. She is still very much in love with you, but is afraid of getting hurt if she commits
Sometimes a woman finds herself falling in love with a guy very quickly (e.g. they’ve only been dating for a few weeks and she already sees herself moving in with him, getting married to him, or having a baby with him).
This may cause her to panic (especially if she’s inexperienced with relationships, or she’s been badly hurt by some other guy before) and she might start thinking to herself, “I can’t risk getting hurt again. I need to break up with him before things get too serious and I end up with a broken heart. It’s probably best that I just remain single. I hate getting my heart broken.”
She breaks up with him before he can breakup with her, as a way of protecting herself from potentially getting hurt by him in the future.
If this is the case between you and your ex, then the No Contact Rule can work on her.
Not hearing from you for a 1-3 weeks will give her enough time to realize just how much she loves and misses you.
She might then begin to think something like, “I want him back. I can’t bear the pain of not having him in my life anymore. I messed up. I allowed my fear of getting hurt to ruin the best relationship I’ve ever had. I need to get him back before he finds a new girl.”
She may then try to contact you by sending you a text to say hello, or happily answer your text or call when you get in touch.
Times When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work
Here are 7 examples of when the No Contact Rule doesn’t work after the break up of a short-term relationship:
1. She’s no longer attracted to you
If a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for a guy, then him ignoring her for 30 or 60 days (i.e. the typical amount of time that many people ignore their ex) isn’t really going to bother her that much at all.
This is especially true if the relationship hasn’t been properly established (i.e. it’s still relatively new, possibly only a few weeks to a few months old) and she hasn’t completely fallen in love with him.
The kind of love that you experience at the start is a lot different to completely falling in love in a way that lasts for life.
New love feels amazing, but properly established, deep love in a long term relationship is much more powerful and so much harder to let go of.
So, if your relationship wasn’t properly established, she might not really care if you cut off contact and will simply focus on finding herself a new guy to move on with.
If you want her back, you stand a much better chance of getting her back by actively interacting with her (via text, on social media and especially over the phone and in person) and re-sparking her feelings for you.
The more respect and attraction you can make her feel during interactions with you, the more open she will become to getting back with you.
However, if you just ignore her when she doesn’t have strong feelings for you anymore, she probably won’t even give you a second thought after the first few days apart.
This is especially true if she is the one who broke up with you and she was clear (in her mind) about why she left you.
If she knows that she felt turned off by you (e.g. because you were insecure), she will remember that and just try to move on with a guy who is more confident and emotionally secure.
The next example of when the No Contact Rule doesn’t work after the break up of a short-term relationship is when…
2. She can easily move on without you
If a woman knows that she can easily find a replacement guy (e.g. she is pretty, many guys like her, she knows how to flirt and get men interested), then not hearing from you won’t be that much of a problem to her.
She knows that all she has to do is get on a dating app (e.g. Tinder) or site, go to a bar or nightclub, or take up a hobby that is mostly male-oriented and loads of guys will hit on her.
She can then have her pick of men for sex, dates or a relationship.
So, while you may be sitting at home counting the days of No Contact off your calendar (e.g. 30 to 60 days), she will probably have already moved on by the time you contact her.
Remember: It’s much easier to change how a woman feels when you are actively interacting with her and making her feel attracted to you again, compared to just cutting off contact and hoping that she misses you.
If you disappear from her life when she isn’t attracted to you, she’s not really going to care.
The next example of when the No Contact Rule usually doesn’t work after the break up of a short-term relationship is when…
3. She is looking for real love
Initially, a woman might get into a relationship with a guy and enjoy it because the sex between them is great, they have loads of fun together and he’s interesting to hang out with.
However, if all that really exists between them is the initial spark of new romance and the love doesn’t develop over time, she will eventually begin to question whether or not she wants to stick with him in the long run.
Women know that truly being in love with each other is essential for a relationship to last for life.
It’s not enough if the man truly loves her though.
It has to be mutual.
So, if a guy wasn’t able to make her fall truly in love with him (e.g. because he was too insecure), then a woman will eventually get to the point where she breaks up with him.
She will then try to find a new man who will be able to guide him and her into deeper feelings of love over time, until they are truly, inseparably in love and then stay together for life.
She won’t feel the need to go back to her ex, simply because he isn’t contacting her.
She wants to experience real love and find herself a relationship that can last for life.
Not all women are like that though, which is why the next example is also very important to understand…
3. She enjoys being single and won’t chase a guy back
Some women don’t want to settle down.
They just want to enjoy themselves, fall in love, break up and be free for many years, until maybe, eventually, they decide to settle down.
For now though, she might enjoy the freedom of being able to…
- Stay out late and party with her single friends.
- Have sex with a different guy whenever she wants to.
- Not have to compromise on what she wants to do.
- Not have any relationship responsibilities.
- Hang out with whomever she wants, whenever she wants.
- Be irresponsible about her life and just focus on having fun.
So, rather than miss her ex and want him back when he isn’t contacting her, she will just get on with enjoying life without him.
If he then calls her after 30 to 60 days to try and get her back, it’s highly likely that she will say something like, “I’m sorry, but I’m not ready for a serious relationship. I prefer being single. I’m having so much fun. So, look…maybe there’s a chance that at some time in the future we will be able to get back together. For no though, I don’t want to be in a relationship. I wish you all the best.”
He then has just wasted 30 or 60 days sitting around, hoping that she would miss him and come running back to him.
Yet, she just got on with her life and possibly hook up with a new guy or a number of new guys, not even caring about the fact that her ex wasn’t contacting her.
5. She has had a lot of experience with break ups and knows that the pain will go away
When a woman is experienced with break ups, she will know that no matter how sad, lonely and dejected she might be feeling because her ex isn’t contacting her, those feelings will eventually fade away.
So, rather than let his silence get to her, she will usually focus on doing the types of things that will help her get over him even more quickly (e.g. put more effort into her work or studies, take up and interesting new hobby, spend more time going out with her single friends and flirting with guys).
If her ex then contacts her after a few weeks or months, she may have fully healed enough to say something like, “Sorry, but it’s too late for us now. I really thought I mattered to you, but not hearing from you all this time made me realize that we’re not meant for each other. I’m over you now, so please don’t call me again.”
Another example of when cutting off contact for 30 or 60 days probably won’t work is when…
6. She doesn’t believe that you will change
If a woman gets a sense that her ex won’t be able to change, or doesn’t even know how or what to change (e.g. she wanted him to be more manly because he was too emotionally sensitive, but he has no clue how to be like that), she won’t waste time thinking about him if he stops contacting her after their break up.
Instead, she will focus on fully getting over him and opening herself up to meeting a new man.
After wasting 30 or 60 days waiting in the background (while she is most likely moving), he will then try to contact her.
If she answers and is open to talk to him, she will quickly realize that he really hasn’t changed (i.e. he’s still not manly enough emotionally. He’s still too insecure) and then, getting her back becomes even more difficult than before.
So, if you want your ex back, you need to first make some attractive changes to your way of thinking and behavior.
Get ready to properly re-attract her, based on the new and improved man that you’ve become.
Then, interact with her and let her experience it.
By the way…
You don’t need to waste 30 or 60 days doing that.
If you keep learning from me here at The Modern Man, you will get it done within days and will be ready to contact her then, or after a week if you want to wait that long.
However, you don’t need to wait for 1-2 months before you make a move.
If you do wait that long to contact her and begin the ex back process, she will most likely move on without you.
Another example of when the No Contact Rule doesn’t work too well is when…
7. She knows that you don’t understand what she really wants in a guy
Sometimes a woman will break up with a guy, without really telling him exactly what turned her off.
She might just say, “I don’t think we should see each other anymore” or, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore. Let’s just be friends” to end the relationship.
Yet, what she doesn’t tell him is that….
- He was confident when she met him, but after a while he started doubting his attractiveness to her and as a result became more needy and clingy. This turned her off because she wants a guy who is confident and who believes in his attractiveness and value to her.
- She felt drawn to him because he was nice and sweet, but soon realized that he wasn’t manly enough for her. She wants a guy who is good to her, but also makes her be good to him. She doesn’t want a guy who sucks up to her all the time.
- The spark between them quickly faded and he went from making her feel like a sexy, desirable woman, to treating her like a neutral friend. She wants a guy who has the ability to keep the spark alive (e.g. by being very confident, making her feel girly in comparison to his masculine vibe and behavior).
- He put a lot of effort into chasing her and getting her to be his girl and it was fun at the start, but she quickly became bored of it. She wants a guy who is more of a challenge, so she feels the need to impress him too, rather than it being so one-sided.
So, when her ex uses the No Contact Rule to hopefully get her back, he doesn’t.
She simply doesn’t care enough about losing him, because she knows that he doesn’t even understand how to attract her in the ways that really matter to her.
When the No Contact Rule Can Backfire on You
The goal of the No Contact Rule is to hopefully make your ex miss you like crazy and want you back.
Yet, it usually doesn’t work that way.
In fact, in most cases, a guy ends up causing himself more harm than good by doing it.
1. Using the No Contact approach for so long he develops insecurities
- He starts to feel unworthy of her and believes that the reason why she isn’t contacting him is because she is too good for him.
- He loses confidence in his attractiveness to other women because he begins to see them as hard to get or hard to keep.
- He ends up thinking of his ex as, “the one that got away” and believes that his relationship life will never be happy with a new woman, or that he will never be able to get his ex back.
Don’t let that guy be you.
Be a man of action and get her back now.
Don’t use the No Contact Rule for longer than 3 to 7 days.
Get the job done quickly.
If you wait any longer than a week, it’s usually a waste of time and can result in you losing confidence each and every day that she doesn’t contact you or coming running back.
2. Not making a move before it’s too late
Even if a woman still has feelings for her ex, it’s unlikely that she’s going to wait forever for him to contact her, right?
She’s going to move on.
Initially, she might pine for him and even feel really sad that he’s not calling her, but after a while she’s just going to start thinking things like, “Well, he obviously doesn’t care about me the way I care about him. I guess it’s truly over between us and I need to stop putting myself through this pain. It’s time for me to accept the truth that he’s not going to call me. He has probably met someone else and forgotten all about me. So, I have to stop holding myself back and move on.”
She will then make an effort to fully get over you by going out when invited by her single friends or colleagues, or by meeting and hooking up with new guys and getting herself a new boyfriend.
3. Not improving his ability to attract her when he does interact with her next
When a guy uses the No Contact Rule and eventually calls his ex, she usually won’t be excited to meet up with him if he’s still offering her the same old attraction experience as before (e.g. he’s still not very confident, she can still dominate him during a conversation).
So, she doesn’t feel motivated to get back with him and then rejects him.
He then thinks, “What happened? Why didn’t No Contact work? Why doesn’t she want me back? I thought that all I had to do was ignore her for 30 or 60 days and it would do the trick!?”
The reason why it didn’t work is that he used the same old approach to attraction that caused him to be dumped in the first place.
So, to her, he’s still the same guy he was 30 (or 60) days ago (e.g. insecure, emotionally immature, wimpy and weak-minded).
He’s just not able to make her have the types of feelings she wants to feel.
So, she rejects him.
Here’s the thing…
If you want to get your ex back, make sure that you use any time apart to rapidly change and improve yourself (e.g. become more confident in yourself and in your value to her, become more assertive and able to stand up for yourself to her and others, more emotionally masculine, understand exactly how to create a sexual vibe when you talk to her).
Then, when you interact with her again, she will have a reason to want to get back with you (i.e. she will feel attracted and drawn to you now).
By the way…
If you then ignore her for a few days after that interaction, rather than think, “Cool! I’m glad he’s leaving me alone. I can move on in peace, without having to be annoyed by him” she will be wondering, “Why do I miss him all of a sudden? Why am I so worried about losing him now?” and she will want to interact with you again.
As a result, you can get her back easily.
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