The No Contact Rule (ignoring a woman for 30-60 days) can work sometimes (e.g. if a woman is unable to find a replacement guy, is inexperienced with love and relationships, etc), but in most of the cases I see, it simply allows the woman time to move on without her ex.
Watch this video to understand why it’s usually a bad idea to use the so called “No Contact Rule” and why you should actively begin to re-attract her instead…
If your ex currently doesn’t have any feelings for you, not contacting her usually won’t reactivate her feelings.
She might get curious and wonder why you are contacting her, but if you haven’t changed and don’t even know how to re-attract her if she contacts you, she will feel turned off and then continue moving on without you.
Of course, that’s not what you will hear if you search around online. A lot of people will suggest that you should use the No Contact Rule for 30-60 days because they have no idea how to actively re-attract a woman.
I do and that is why I don’t recommend that guys waste time sitting around and hoping that their woman comes running back.
If you want to re-attract her, here is some free advice to help you get the process started:
Re-attracting a woman works better than ignoring her because most women who break up with a guy no longer have feelings for him.
If the guy ignores her, she doesn’t care and simply moves on without him, while he sits around feeling sick to the stomach at the idea of her having sex with another guy and moving on without him.
The No Contact Rule is all based on the hope that your ex might miss you, contact you and then want you back.
Yet, it doesn’t work on most women and I know this because I’ve literally helped 100s of guys to get a woman back and most guys start out telling me that they’ve been ignoring their woman and it hasn’t been working.
What I’ve found is that, in most cases, a guy should contact his ex girlfriend (wife or fiance) immediately and then meet up with her in person to re-attract her, rather than letting her move on with her life.
Here are the four main reasons why the No Contact Rule is a (very) bad idea…
1. It allows her to get on with her life, fall in love with a new guy, have sex, etc
Maybe your ex has already met another guy, is in love with another guy or is simply opening herself up to the possibility of being with other men. If you allow her to have that space and she falls into the arms of another guy, that is not speeding up the process of getting her back by using the so-called “No Contact Rule.” Giving her that space just causes more problems for the both of you.
If the new guy makes her feel great emotions, then not contacting her for 30 or 60 days is going to be a bit of a favor to her. Instead of getting her back, you are simply helping her get on with her life and forget about you.
2. It doesn’t solve the problems between you and her
The reasons why you and your ex have broken up aren’t going to be solved by not contacting her.
For example: If she broke up with you because you were too insecure in the relationship, you weren’t enough of a man for her or you weren’t committing her and she got sick of that, or you were committing too much to her and needed her way more than she needed you. Not contacting her isn’t going to fix those issues that you have.
The core problems between you and her have to be fixed first.
That starts with you really improving yourself and fixing your issues and that isn’t something that you need to do over 30 or 60 days using the No Contact Rule. You can quickly (within hours or a few days) fix those issues enough to get her respect and attraction back.
Instead of wasting time with the No Contact Rule, to get an ex back now, you have to contact her and get her to feel respect and attraction for you again.
You’ve got to make her feel understood and happy to be interacting with you (don’t worry – it’s easy).
You also need to allow her to get the sense that the real reasons why she has broken up with you have been fixed. If she sees that you still haven’t changed or have no clue what to change to get her respect, attraction and love back, then she’s just going to move on without you.
When a woman provides her guy with the reasons why she is breaking up with him, she will usually try to keep things very simple and vague. Why?
One of the main reasons is that a woman doesn’t want to be a man’s teacher in life. She wants him to know how to be a man without her having to teach him.
Additionally, for most of human history and still to this day, a woman could be hurt or even killed by a guy during a break up. So, most women try to give vague or soft reasons (e.g. “I need time to find myself” or “I don’t feel the same way anymore. Give me space and we’ll see what happens”) to not hurt the guy’s feelings too much in case he becomes angry or voilent.
3. If she eventually calls you and you turn her off, it will help her get over you even faster
In some cases, the woman will just want to reach out to her ex and contact him.
She may get to a point where she misses him or she may just be curious to see if he is moving on faster than she is. Some women call just to check that the guy is still sitting around missing her and feeling horrible and lonely without her.
If you use the No Contact Rule and your ex eventually does call, you need to make her feel respect and attraction for you on that phone call.
If you turn her off by being insecure or needy, it will turn her off even more and make getting over you even easier. Likewise, if you pretend that you don’t care about her and that you haven’t been missing you, it will be easy for her to find out if that is true.
She just has to show interest in you again or say that she misses you and when you get excited about it, she knows that you were lying about not missing her.
If you haven’t fixed your issues and improved yourself, she will pick up on it. If she gets the sense that you still have the same old mindsets and insecurities that caused her to break up with you in the first place, then it simply reminds her that she has made the right decision to break up with you.
So, make sure you don’t make your ex feel that way. That is the opposite of what you need to do to get an ex back.
Sitting around and hoping that not contacting her will fix things is a bad idea. To get an ex back for real, you’ve actually got to prepare yourself for when you call her or for when she contact you. When you get in contact, it is critical that you make her feel respect and attraction for you at that point. If you don’t, it will simply help her move on even faster.
4. Getting a call from her doesn’t mean that she wants to get back with you
Getting back with her means that she’s back in your arms, you’re kissing her, you’re having sex with her again and she’s telling you that she loves you and wants to be with you.
However, using an amateur technique that people talk about on the Internet called the “No Contact Rule” to get her to call you, is not actually how to get an ex back.
To get an ex back, you’ve got to get her respect back, get her attraction back and then you’ve got to meet up with her in person.
At the meet up, you’ve got to re-attract her and then escalate to kissing, sex and the relationship.
While all that is happening, you also have to turn the tables/change the dynamic between you so that she gets out of the old emotional state that she’s been in where she has been thinking that she doesn’t need you, she doesn’t want to be with you and she doesn’t want your love.
You have to get her into a new emotional state where she feels like she does need you, she does want your love and that her life just doesn’t feel right without you in it.
So, don’t think that the No Contact Rule is going to solve all or any problems that you have with getting your ex back.
It may cause your ex to call you, text you or send you a message on Facebook, but if your reply or response gives her the sense that nothing about you has really changed and she is still feeling the same old feelings that caused her to break up with you before, then you won’t be getting her back.
Is There Any Time When the No Contact Rule is Helpful?
Don’t get me wrong.
I’m not saying that the No Contact Rule is absolutely crap and that there’s no value in it at all, because sometimes it can help.
For example: If a girl doesn’t have much experience with relationships or she doesn’t feel as though she’s very pretty and is worried that she will find it difficult to get another guy, or if she actually has been finding it difficult to get herself a replacement guy.
In those cases where the woman is feeling worried, insecure and regretful about the break up and is panicking that her ex will move on faster than her and it will make her feel even worse than she does now, then she will reach out to the guy.
Sometimes, that will result in them getting back together, but it’s almost always just a temporary thing that she is doing to keep him close while she tries to find another guy or become confident enough to be without him.
When a woman gets back with a guy because she is worried that he will move on faster than her, she will usually reel him back in by saying that she’s made a mistake, loves him and wants to be with him forever. He will then relax and feel like everything is back to normal again. When she sees that he’s back with her fully, she will say that she feels confused or will create a fight between them that leads to a break up.
She will say that she’s dumping him and never wants to see him again, to which most guys will respond to by being needy, insecure and desperate.
What will happen then? Well, given the fact that women are sexually attracted to a man’s emotional strength and turned off by his weakness, his response to her will allow her to feel turned off by him and move on with less worry and regret.
This is why it is so important to fix your emotional issues (e.g. insecurity, neediness, fear of commitment, fear of true love, etc) before you get in contact with your ex.
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Hope you are doing awesome.
I bought your Get you Ex back system few months and used it to success first time but want to know what to do at the second time.
Here is my story:
Few months ago i got together with my ex , after she dumped me (Using all the steps given in the “Get Your Ex Back: Super System “).
But my own insecurities and the involvement of another guy (who she likes and had a brief relationship ) resulted in she breaking up with me very strongly few days back. Now she knows what all i did last time to get her back and doesnt want any contact whatsoever.
What should I do NOW as she knows that despite I saying that we should be friends, I might try for a relationship reconciliation attempt! :(?
Are there any DIFFERENT things which i should do THIS time?
Can you please help and suggest me Dan.
Congratulations on getting your ex back. Now that your insecurities have driven her away, she will be blocking out any feelings of attraction or respect to help herself move on. What you need to do now is go to Plan B from the system. You must kick Plan B into full gear as quickly as possible. It will almost certainly get her to contact you, at which point you need to let her know that you still love her and will give her space if she wants. At that point, she will feel as if she doesn’t want you having any more space because of what you’ve been doing (i.e. with Plan B). Make it happen the second time my friend! Good luck and make sure you really put Plan B into full swing right away.
Hi Dan Bacon
My ex said that lost feelings gradually ina a month without knowing why,My story:
THis girl was crazy about me at the beginning she chased me for 4 months,we have been together for 7 months,all these 6 months were great ,the last month she was acting like she didnt wanna see me alot we have been meeting for 1-2 a week since she had school,whhile the summer almost all days,a day told me i wanna broke up because i lost feelings for you ,i told her i dont want to break up with you because i love you(because i never said it before) then she cryed a little,i was saying to her that i dont want another woman in my life i dont want to suffer again ,i was ready to suicide that day she tried to calm me and told me go home etc,i told her that in the beginning i never felt anything for you she said then why you came with me and i told her to make you happy and i told her how now i love you?because i tried to make you happy she said nothing,that day she went on the
they told me that she was looking fine(laughing etc) while me i was lost in the forest at night,friends found me there with beers to calm me,next day i begged she said no,she hugged me and told me to move ,i told her many couples are being together in the future,she said people broke up( like she dont want me),she told me you dont like me anymore,every time you was calling me to hung out i was feeling bored but she dont know why she lost feelings,i told her wanna be together in the future?she said no,wanna meet up in 1 month,she said dont know.FRiends told me that i wasnt a challenge (always available)since i had a her like a queen always favors never jealous and i was almost always me to make the first call or text(that month i was desperate thats why i was acting needy because other problems that i never told her),she told me that she never loved in a relationship(strange to me because we had a great time she came many times with my friends out met my family etc),mutual friends told me that she is not into another man,and whe we broke up i told her you found another one?she said if i have to do something with another one it needs a year,since then i never contact her its been 1 month ,i really think that this girl was a good girl and suitable for me,All im thinking to do is to write a letter that will say that i loved her in the beggining before we met(lie)so that if someday wanna come back she will and other things like problems in our relationship since we never talked about them and that it was my mistake of not trying making her love me because i had no experience with relationships and say a goodbye and move on.what should i do?
the fact that i said:”i told her that in the beginning i never felt anything for you she said then why you came with me and i told her to make you happy and i told her how now i love you?because i tried to make you happy she said nothing”,thats why i wanna write a letter so that i will tell her that i was lying since 3 friends told me that even if she wanna come back thinking of it maybe she wont,i also wanna apologize to her since we have spend more time being together with friends than 2 of us to do romantic things but i really think that we had fun even if we did other things and because i was desperate cause i lost an aunt and never told her, a day i wanted to go in bed with her we had an arguement and because she didnt wanna go that day and i wanted i sound like crying becuase my aunt died but never told her but for her it sounded like i was crying because we didnt went to bed(maybe for her i sounded weak),also we had some arguements like because i say that all people are same (because they always want more)and she was saying that they are not but i think is a stupid arguement dont know,but i think she was saying the truth that she didnt know why she lost feelings ,now its been 2 months of no contact,so if she dont contact i just move on?
Thanks for your question.
Begging, threatening to commit suicide, etc. Woah! 🙂 Man, there’s no way I can properly help you with a quick comment reply. You need to be properly educated on what it takes to be an emotionally strong man. Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness. If you don’t know how to be an emotionally strong guy, she won’t be the only woman who loses respect and attraction for you and then dumps you. You will also find it difficult not to become needy or clingy with women in future.
Check this out: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/the-3-stages-she-went-through-before-breaking-up-with-you.html
About writing her a letter. Man, that isn’t the answer. Check this out: http://www.themodernman.com/relationship/love-letter-to-your-ex-girlfriend.html
In a case like yours, you either need to make the commitment to properly learn from someone like me or lose her. There is way too much to teach a guy like yourself and you can’t be properly helped with a simple comment. If you are serious about learning, fixing your issues and improving yourself to be attractive to her again, the in-depth programs for you are:
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