If your girlfriend has broken up with you and you’re having trouble getting her back, you may be considering sending her a love letter or e-mail to hopefully convince her to give you another chance.
Yet, is it actually a good idea to send her a letter or will it reduce your chances of getting her back?
To answer that question for you and more, here is what I’m going to cover in this article:
- The only time when you should ever send your ex girlfriend a love letter or e-mail.
- Why a love letter to your ex girlfriend is usually a bad idea.
- Mistakes to avoid when sending your ex girlfriend a love letter or love e-mail.
- An example of a love letter that will turn an ex girlfriend off.
1. The Only Time You Should Ever Send Your Ex Girlfriend a Love Letter or E-mail
If your ex girlfriend has stopped answering your phone calls and text messages, has unfriended you from Facebook, unfollowed you from Instagram, Twitter or other social media accounts and won’t see you in person, then sometimes, your only remaining option is to send her a written letter or e-mail.
If that is the case for you, then it is okay to send her a letter or e-mail. However, you should only send her a letter or e-mail as a last resort. Sending her a love letter is usually a bad idea and should not be used as your main way of trying to get her back.
2. Why a Love Letter to Your Ex Girlfriend is Usually a Bad Idea
According to most studies conducted by psychologists and social scientists, body language and tonality can make up anywhere from 70-93% of communication between two human beings.
What does that mean?
When you send a love letter to your ex girlfriend, she has to guess the state of mind that you were in when you wrote it. She has to interpret what sort of vibe you’d be giving off if you were saying that type of thing to her in person. She can’t hear your tonality and she can’t see your body language, so she has to guess.
In most cases, a guy’s ex girlfriend is going to thinking about him in a negative light. She will have a perception of him as being needy, insecure or desperate, rather than happy, confident and independent.
So, when she reads his love letter, it will almost always make her feel turned off because she will assume that he’s being needy, insecure and desperate.
Think about it…
What does your ex girlfriend currently think about you? Does she think of you as being a confident, masculine, emotionally secure guy who could have other beautiful women if he wanted to, but wants her back because he loves her? Or does she perceive you as an insecure, emotionally weak guy who needs her back because he feels lost or lonely without her?
When a woman receives a love letter from her ex boyfriend, she usually isn’t going to be thinking, “Wow! This is coming from my confident, masculine, emotionally strong ex boyfriend! I feel so turned on.”
Instead, she is likely going to be rolling her eyes and thinking, “Hhhh…he’s such a wuss…this letter is so corny. Why is he being so sensitive and romantic? We’re not even together. I told him that I don’t feel that way about him anymore.”
Making her think about you in a negative like that is not going to help you get her back. It simply makes her want to distance herself from you further.
Additionally, when getting an ex back, the cold, harsh truth is that your feelings don’t really matter so much to her.
What matters is how she feels, not you.
You need to focus on making her feel respect and attraction for you, rather than making her feel annoyed that you are potentially being selfish by focussing on your own emotions.
How can you make her feel respect and attraction for you? One easy way is to let her see that you’ve moved beyond the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
Watch this video for some examples of what I mean…
Of course, sometimes, sending a love letter to your ex girlfriend is your only available option because she won’t answer your calls, texts or see you in person.
So, let’s have a look at some mistakes to avoid when sending her an e-mail or letter…
3. Mistakes to Avoid When Sending Your Ex Girlfriend a Love Letter or Love E-mail
1. Trying to convince her to give you another chance
You can’t convince a woman to take you back via a love letter, e-mail or text message. It just doesn’t work.
To get her back, she needs to be able to feel understood by you, feel respect for you and feel attraction for you…and that is mostly going to happen when she talks to you on the phone or in person.
There’s only a certain amount of respect and attraction that she can feel for you via a letter or e-mail, but it’s very minimal compared to what she will experience when talking to you on the phone or when talking to you in person.
Why? On the phone for example, you can use your confident, easy-going and masculine tonality and vibe to make her feel attraction.
She doesn’t have to guess as what type of mood you are in because she can hear it. She can hear your confidence and love coming through the phone via your tonality and how you’re using your words.
This is why I also don’t recommend that guys try to text their ex back.
Texts are great if you are using humor to bring her guard down and then get her on a call, but if you’re texting back and forth like a friend or worse, trying to convince her to give you another chance – it’s just not going to work.
So, if you absolutely have to send a love letter to your ex girlfriend, simply aim to get her on “one last phone call” (don’t worry, it won’t be the last. It’s just the way to get her on the phone).
Then, when she is on the phone, make her feel understood and make her feel respect and attraction for you. When you are able to do that, your ex girlfriend will then be open to meeting up with you in person.
At the meet up, you can then make her feel intense respect and attraction for you when she sees how much you’ve changed.
2. Being needy and protective
If an ex girlfriend isn’t answering his phone calls or responding to his texts and has completely blocked him from social media, a guy will sometimes get into a needy state of mind.
He will e-mail her, message her or send a letter asking why she is ignoring or avoiding him.
Yet, asking her those sorts of questions are pointless because they do not make her feel any respect and attraction for him. Accusations or questions about why she is avoiding you should never be included in a love letter, e-mail or text.
Accusations or needy questions do not provide you with any benefit in terms of getting your ex girlfriend back. They simply drive her further away from you.
Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness. So, when you show any sign of emotional weakness to your ex, it actually makes her lose respect and attraction for you.
3. Pleading and begging for another chance
When it comes to picking up a woman for the first time, a woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s doing a guy a favor by giving him her phone number or hooking up with him.
When it comes to getting an ex back, this is even more important. To get an ex girlfriend back, you have to make her feel respect and attraction for you and use certain techniques to make her feel like her life doesn’t feel right without you in it.
You can’t permanently get an ex girlfriend back by getting her to take pity on you because you feel sad or lost without her.
Some women who lack experience with relationships or who have been having trouble finding a new guy, will sometimes get back with a begging ex boyfriend temporarily, but she will then break up with him when she feels emotionally strong enough or finds a replacement guy.
To get an ex girlfriend back for real, you have to make her feel like she wants it, rather than making her feel like she is doing it as a favor to you or to make you feel better.
You have to use the break up and getting back together as a chance to cement you and her together as a strong, loving couple, rather than trying to get a temporary chance with her due to begging and pleading.
If you have made the mistake of begging and pleading for another chance, don’t worry.
Just laugh it off and focus on showing her the new, improved version of you who isn’t as emotionally insecure or needy. Let her see that you have rapidly matured after the break up and are way past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
In most cases, a woman won’t run back into a guy’s arms when he shows her that, but she will drop her guard and become more open to interacting with him again.
So, the more you interact with your ex girlfriend, the more chances you will have to rapidly rebuild her feelings for you.
Right now, your ex girlfriend is likely in an emotional state of mind where she feels as though she doesn’t need or want your love in her life.
Yet, what you need to understand is that you really can actually get her to change how she feels about you.
Humans change their emotional states all the time.
A human can go from HATING someone to really LIKING them and LOVING them, if they change their behavior and how they make you feel.
You may have experienced it in your life with a person (e.g. at university or work) who started out as someone you hated, but they then changed their behavior and how they spoke to you and you instantly began to really like them.
It is completely normal and natural for humans to go through different emotional states. If your ex girlfriend currently hates you right now or doesn’t want to see you again, that doesn’t mean you can’t change how she feels.
The reason why is that love never dies.
When you and your girlfriend broke up, she may have felt like she didn’t love you anymore, but what really happened is that the love (which never dies) simply got pushed into the background of her mind.
Instead of being in a state of love with you, the way you treated her or behaved in the relationship caused her to be in a state of resentment, dislike or distrust around you.
Yet, that doesn’t mean she will be permanently in that state of mind. You can get her to forgive you and give you another chance.
When a woman begins to feel respect, attraction and trust for you again, she naturally begins to connect with the love that was in the background.
The love comes to the foreground of her mind and she begins to be in that state of mind around you.
It’s actually really cool how it works.
4. An Example of a Love Letter That Will Turn an Ex Girlfriend Off
It’s Saturday night and I am alone yet again.
I can’t stop thinking about you. The days are long and lonely without you in them.
Why are you answering my calls? Why can’t I get through to you? Why won’t you give me another chance?
You once told me that you loved me and wanted to be with me forever. Where is that Debbie? Why did you lie to me? I still love you with all my heart and my heart is aching with every breath I take.
Even though the love letter is short and isn’t a long-winded “pity me” rant, it is full of things that will turn an ex girlfriend off.
Essentially, he is demonstrating his emotional weakness without her, which is unattractive. Why? Women are attracted to the strength in men and turned off by the weakness. Showing emotional weakness to an ex girlfriend or a woman you’re trying to pick up for the first time ensures that she will feel less respect and attraction for you. You’ve got to be strong.
The letter is also an example of an ex boyfriend needing his ex girlfriend, rather than making her feel like she needs him. He is basically asking her to do him a favor and take pity on him because he is feeling sad, lost and lonely without her.
That is not how to get an ex girlfriend back.
If you want to get her back, you’ve got to actively start making her feel something for you when you interact with her via text, on the phone or in person.
If you only have access to e-mail her or send her a letter, then you need to make sure that you also ask her to answer one last phone call from you (don’t worry – it won’t be the last), so you can then make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you on the phone call.
You can then get her to meet up with you in person, get her to forgive you, get her to begin having strong feelings for you again and guide her through the reconciliation process.
Guys do that every day all over the world and you can do it too.
Don’t hide behind a letter and hope that she will say, “Wow! That was so sweet. I’ve got to take him back” or “Wow! I can see how much he cares. I’ve got to take him back!”
If you want her back, you have to actively spark her feelings for you so getting back together with you feels good.
You can do that.
Other guys are doing it to get their ex girlfriend back right now and you can too.