Most women won’t tell you how they really feel if you ask because they either don’t want you getting angry, don’t know how to explain it, or don’t want to give you clues on how to fix the problem and get her back.
Rather than trying to work out how she feels, what you need to do is start to actively make her have feelings for you from now on.
How can you do that?
Understand What She Likes and Doesn’t Like About You
Your ex once really wanted to be with you in a relationship, but something happened that caused her to want to break up with you.
In most cases, the things that really turned an ex woman off aren’t very obvious.
They are the subtle things that she and other women don’t like to admit (e.g. the guy wasn’t man enough for her, he cried in front of her and it ruined her feelings of attraction for him, she got tired of feeling like the emotionally stronger one in the relationship).
Here’s the thing though…
If you don’t know what her real, subtle reasons are, you won’t be able to make the correct adjustments or changes to the way you interact and communicate with her from now on.
If she doesn’t see the right changes in you, she will continue to conceal how she really feels about you (e.g. by being nice to you one day and then ignoring you, or being distant and cold and then sending you texts like she used to when things were good).
This may leave you wondering, “How do I know how my ex really feels about me?”
To answer that question, you need to get 100% clear on what your ex liked and disliked about you.
For example: Not everything about you in the relationship was attractive to her (e.g. you might have become insecure, needy, immature or jealous.
At the same time, not everything about you was unattractive (e.g. you made her feel feminine and girly in your presence, you were caring and loving, you were supportive of her dreams, you were honest and loyal).
If you’re not sure what you need to change, ask yourself the following questions…
- When I interact with her these days, do I make her smile, laugh and feel happy to be with me, or does she seem bored, get annoyed with me easily or look for excuses to get off the phone or leave?
- Am I emotionally strong and confident around her, or do I come across as insecure?
- Do I take the lead when we’re interacting, thus allowing her to relax and be a feminine woman around me, or does she dominate me with her confident personality?
- Am I an emotionally masculine man that she can look up to and respect, or am I way too soft and just allow her to push me around?
- Do I have purpose and direction in my life, or am I sitting around feeling lost about who I am and what my life is going to be about now because she broke up with me?
- Was I loving, caring and supportive towards her, or did I take her for granted at times?
Answering those questions in your mind will allow you to get clearer on the real relationship dynamic between your ex, so you can begin to focus on improving the things that really matter to her.
When you truly understand what was turning her off in the past, or has been turning her off since the break up (e.g. you became insecure, you don’t make her feel feminine and girly when she’s around you anymore, she feels more dominant than you), you can take action on improving those things about yourself right away.
Then, the next time you interact with her, you will be able to give her the attraction experience that she really wants from you, because you will naturally be doing more of the things that turn her on, and you will have improved and changed the things that turn her off.
She might not show you how she feels right away, but the more you interact with her and build on her feelings of respect and attraction, the less she will be able to hide her feelings for you.
4 Mistakes to Avoid When Trying to Determine How Your Ex Really Feels About You
An important part of making your ex have feelings for you again, is to avoid saying and doing the types of things that will turn her off even more.
So, make sure that you avoid making the following mistakes…
1. Asking her how she feels about you.
When a guy wants to know how his ex feels about him, it might seem like the logical thing for him to just say to her, “Hey, I know we’re broken up but I still care about you and I was wondering… how do you feel about me?”
Yet, rather than saying something nice like, “I still like you” or “I don’t have feelings for you anymore,” most women will say something like, “I don’t know” or “Don’t ask me that.”
After a break up, a woman will rarely be honest with a guy and come out and say exactly what she’s feeling because:
- She’s afraid that if she tells him she doesn’t care about him anymore, he may either start begging and pleading with her for a second chance, or in a worst case scenario, become angry and possibly violent towards her.
- She doesn’t want to give him a chance to try and convince her to change her mind (e.g. by telling her that he will change, bringing up all the good times they shared in the past, telling her that he can’t live without her).
- She doesn’t want to have to explain her feelings to him (e.g. tell him that she doesn’t care about him anymore because he’s too insecure) and then listen as he tells her that he’s fixed those things (even though he really hasn’t) just to get her back.
- She doesn’t want to make it easy for him to get her back by telling him how she feels. She wants to see if he’s man enough to get her back without her helping him along.
- She doesn’t want to teach him how to be the kind of man that she needs him to be.
So, rather than asking your ex how she feels about you, just focus on making her feel respect and attraction for the new you, every time you interact with her from now on.
When you make her feel attracted, she naturally becomes more open to discussing her feelings with you.
She automatically starts to say things like, “I like the new you” or “Why weren’t you like this before? This is how I wanted you to be.”
2. Reading way too much into what she says or texts.
There are many different reasons why a woman will say or do something.
For example: Sometimes a woman might be having a bad day and respond to a text from her ex in a cold way by saying something like, “What do you want? Leave me alone,” or “I’m busy now. Please stop bothering me!”
If a guy feels insecure about himself, he might then begin to wonder, “What does that text me mean? Does she just want me to stop texting her today, or does she never want to hear from me again? Does this mean it’s really over between us and that she won’t ever consider getting back together again?”
On the other hand, a woman might be having a particularly good day, and she might then call her ex and say something along the lines of, “Hey, I was just thinking about you and I thought I’d check to see how you are doing. How are you today?”
He might then start thinking, “Wow, she’s checking up on me. It must mean that she is missing me and wants me back.”
Yet, neither of her reactions are solid proof that the woman either hates her ex or loves him and wants him back.
Just because a woman is being cold and unfriendly towards her ex, it doesn’t mean that she hates him and doesn’t ever want to get back together with him.
In the same way, her being sweet and caring towards him doesn’t mean that she does.
Here’s the thing…
If you spend a lot of time trying to decipher how your ex really feels about you, you will usually end up feeling confused and insecure.
So, don’t waste time wondering how she feels. Just make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction when you interact with her.
A woman will rarely make her feelings clear to her ex (e.g. because she doesn’t want to lead him on, she doesn’t want to make it easy for him to get her back), so it’s usually best not to bother trying to figure out how she feels.
Instead, you just need to focus on making her laugh, smile and feel good when you interact with her and then guide her through the ex back process, until she is back in your arms again.
3. Checking her social media profiles for clues.
Sometimes a guy might get so caught up in trying to figure out his ex’s feelings for him, that he may spend hours, day after day, looking at all her social media profiles (e.g. on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter) for clues.
For example: He might check her social media to see…
- If she still has photos of him and her together up on her profile.
- If she is talking about him with other people and what she might be saying about him.
- If she is going out and having fun, or feeling sad and is avoiding socializing.
- If she is adding any new guy friends.
- If any new guys are commenting or clicking like on her posts.
- If she is posting photos of herself with other guys.
Depending on what he finds, he may think something like, “It looks like she hasn’t completely forgotten me. She isn’t saying that she hates me either, so maybe she still has feelings for me,” or “What the?! She has moved on without me so fast. She’s having fun and hanging out with new guys, so I have no chance now. I guess she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore.”
Yet, based on the 100s of ex back cases that I’ve personally worked on with clients, a woman’s social media profile doesn’t prove anything.
For example: If there are still photos of you and her on her Facebook profile, it might simply mean that she hasn’t bothered to take them down, or it could mean that she still has fond memories of you and her together.
It could also mean that she is trying to mess with your head and show you that you still have a chance, or that she is trying to signal to you that she is still open to getting back with you and is hoping that you make it happen.
There are so many possibilities of what she could really be thinking or what her real reasons might be.
So, don’t waste your time trying to decipher some imaginary code that will tell you how your ex really feels about you.
Instead, what you need to do is interact with her on the phone and in person and make her have feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
4. Asking her friends or family to help you understand what she is thinking or feeling.
As a last resort, a guy might call up his ex’s friends or family and ask them things like, “Does she still talk about me? Does she say that she still has feelings for me? Do you think there’s a chance we can get back together again? Is she always like this with ex boyfriends? Do you have any idea how I can get through to her and show her that I’ve changed? Do you think she is open to giving me another chance?”
In some cases a guy might even ask a friend or family member to “put in a good word” for him and try to convince his ex to give him another chance.
However, by calling your ex’s friends and family, not only are you putting them in an awkward position (i.e. by putting them in the middle of your break up and expecting them to pick sides), you are also running the risk of really annoying your ex.
If she finds out that you’ve been bothering her friends and family, she may think, “Why doesn’t he just man up and call me himself if he has anything to ask? Why is he being a coward and hiding behind other people?” and she will then feel even turned off by you.
Remember: You want your ex to feel good about you, not annoyed, frustrated, or turned off.
If You Want Her Back, Get Her Back
If you like, you can continue wasting day after day, week after week trying to figure out how to know how your ex really feels about you, or you can just get her back.
Which option do you prefer?
Ignoring her and hoping that she comes running back, or just getting her back now?
If you want to get her back, the quickest way to do it is by actively re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you while interacting with her on a phone call or in person.
This means that you shouldn’t sit around ignoring her and hoping she will miraculously send you some sign to let you know that she wants you to contact her.
In 95% of ex back cases that I’ve worked on, a woman doesn’t send her ex a lifeline text like, “I miss you. I want you back. Call me” because there is nothing for her to miss anymore.
By the time most men seek real help to get their ex woman back, they’ve already made many of the classic mistakes (e.g. begging or pleading for another chance, sending her insecure texts about his feelings for her, continuing to turn her off in the subtle ways that made her want to break up with him in the first place).
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t waste anymore time using the wrong approach.
You have to pick up the phone and call her and if possible arrange a time to meet up in person.
You then need to focus on making her laugh, smile and think, “Wow, it’s so good to talk to him now. I can’t believe he has changed so much since we broke up. He sounds so much more confident and in control now. I’m really enjoying talking to him. Why wasn’t he like this before? Maybe we should just give this another chance.”
The fact is, the more that you spark her feelings for you, the more open she becomes to getting back with you.
When she opens up, she shows more signs of interest and is happy to meet up with you, hug you, kiss you and have sex with you again.
When that happens, you don’t have to sit around wondering how she really feels about you, because she will be in your arms again and saying things like, “I never thought it was possible to feel this way about you. I just can’t get over how much I love being around you now. I’m so happy we’re back together. Why weren’t you like this before? If you were like this, we wouldn’t have broken up. I really like the new you.”
Of course, not all women will be that open with their feelings, but when she is in your arms again and kissing you, it’s pretty obvious how she feels.
So, what are you going to do now?
Sit around and hope that she contacts you and guides you through the ex back process, or take action and get her back now?