Your woman broke up with you and you’re either feeling devastated, frustrated or just sad about not having her in your life anymore.
You want her back more than anything, but if you don’t know the right way to go about getting your ex back, chances are she’ll be gone for good.
This is why MOST songs on the radio are about people who miss their ex. Most people do NOT know how to get an ex back and when it comes to guys trying to get their ex back, the mistakes are common and global. Here are 5 common mistakes that guys make…
Mistake #1: Why? Why? Why?
When a woman breaks up with a man, most guys are shocked by the news and will repeatedly ask her why she’s leaving him. The fact is that she likely gave the guy clues for a long time and he never picked up on them, so when he starts asking her why she’s doing it, it only annoys her more.
She figures that if he wasn’t paying attention to the hints she was trying to get across to him in the past, why should she bother to tell him now.
She also thinks that if he doesn’t understand what he needs to do, then she doesn’t want to have to be the one teaching him. Women just don’t want to take on that role for a guy when it comes to a relationship.
From all my years of research into relationships, I’ve found that a woman doesn’t simply wake up one morning and suddenly decide to break up with her man. When she does break the news, it’s likely the result of something she’s been thinking about for a long time.
Before she decided to break up with her man, she would have dropped many clues about her unhappiness for months and in some cases years.
If her man doesn’t recognize her hints and act upon them early, when the end comes, she surely isn’t going to spell it out for him. She figures if he didn’t get the message long before the breakup, then she wants no part of discussing her unhappiness with him now.
On the other hand, some women won’t even know exactly why things have stopped working in her relationship. She just knows that she feels a loss of attraction for him and she probably can’t even explain the specific behavior he exhibited (or didn’t exhibit) that was turning her off.
For her, it was just a feeling of discontentment, so asking her why she wants to break up is pointless. She probably won’t be able to verbalize her exact feelings anyway.
Mistake #2: Rushed Apologies
When a breakup takes place, the unfortunate guy will often rush into apologizing and promising to change. The problem is that if he doesn’t understand why the woman dropped him, the apology will be full of words and statements that mean nothing to her.
Also, by taking the blame, especially without understanding her reason and her need to call it quits, the man will only put himself into a weakened position with her, which is extremely unattractive to a woman. A woman can’t stay with a man out of pity for very long.
She wants a man whom she can respect, look up to and be attracted to. She doesn’t want a guy who is willing to say anything, including taking exclusive blame for something he doesn’t even understand he did or didn’t do, just to win her back. If this example rings true for you, it’s very likely you do need to make some changes before you can go about getting your ex back.
It’s not your fault by the way. Most of us don’t grow up around male role models who have a successful, loving and passionate relationship with their woman. Instead, most of us grow up looking at TV and movies and hoping that we can learn that way.
However, what most of us don’t realize is that the writers of TV shows and movies inject LOADS of drama and relationship problems into the show to make us feel entertained.
Writers also play out stories where the “nice guy” gets the girl by being super nice to her, saying lots of sweet things and helping her out in a time of need. Yet, in the real world, women don’t feel attraction for those guys. They make like those guys as a friend, but not as a sexual lover they want to submit too.
Likewise, when we see TV shows and movies depicting long-term relationships, they usually have huge problems, affairs, deception, etc. Rarely does a TV show or movie show a happily loving couple without any problems apart from the occasional disagreement, which they then discuss and become closer over as a result.
Yet, in real life, we often see happy couples who are still madly in love after decades. THAT is possible and it is REAL. You just have to know how to do it.
Mistake #3: Whining, Begging or Crying
When the breakup happens, many guys become very emotional. Some will cry. Some will beg. Some will whine. Some will do all three and more.
The worst thing is that they couldn’t be displaying that behavior at a WORSE time. Women are extremely turned off by emotional weakness in a man. Whenever a guy gets emotional in that manner, it’s a major turnoff for any woman.
That type of emotion is not what women want.
They want a masculine man that they have a strong attraction for and not a guy who shows his emotions in such a weak way, or who breaks down and cries when he is challenged.
Likewise, the opposite emotion is also going to be an instant and permanent turn-off. I’m talking about guys who become hostile, angry or worse…violent. Obviously, that type of behavior isn’t cool, but hey – I’ll be the first to admit, I did it once.
I got so angry at my ex for cheating on me and dumping me that I swore at her and threatened to hurt her (I didn’t hurt her though). I was really angry and felt bitterly betrayed. I called my mother up and cried, telling her, “She cheated on me and now she wants to break up! What do I do?” and even my mother was a bit taken aback by my weakness.
It took me MANY years to learn what it means to be a man and to be the sort of guy who doesn’t lash out in anger, become emotional or have any weak points or insecurities. It also took me many years to learn that real men don’t cry when life gets tough.
Instead, they do what they need to do to fix a situation and achieve the goal they want. These days, I am emotionally bullet-proof and because of that, women feel a deep, lasting and intense attraction for me.
It’s a double bonus type of situation because I feel good and my women (now woman because I’m in a committed relationship) to do. If only I had someone like me to help me out back when I got dumped many years ago, I would have been able to turn the situation around and get her back. On that note…
When getting your ex back, it’s important that you do it like a man and not like a wimp. Any wimpy, whiny, sulky behavior will not win you ANY points with her. Also, if you’re one of the MANY guys who became overly emotional during the break up, don’t worry.
You can turn it around, get her forgiveness and get another chance with her. In my program Get Your Ex Back: Super System, I explain exactly what to say to her so she forgives the crying, whining or begging and gives you another chance. What you will say to her has been tested by 100s of my phone coaching clients who have been able to get their ex back successfully.
Mistake #4: Not Giving Her Space
Even if the decision to break up the relationship was hers, it doesn’t mean that she’s going to just move on right away without needing any time to lick her own wounds and heal. She needs space to sort out her emotions. She likely loved you and thought you and her would be together for life and now she has to work out how she feels about that, while on her own.
If the guy begins bombarding her with phone calls, cards, texts, love letters, e-mail messages or other forms of communication telling her over and over how much he loves her and wants her back, her need for distance, space and time to heal and get her head together is going to become even greater.
If she feels overwhelmed by the unwanted attention from her ex, she likely will want to break off all communication with him.
The good news for guys who have made that mistake is that you CAN recover from it. In my program Get Your Ex Back: Super System, I provide you with TESTED contact examples to use via Facebook, phone and text so she opens back up to you and wants to see you in person.
Mistake #5: Using Trickery
Another common mistake that guys will use in trying to get their ex back is trickery. This can take place in a number of ways.
There’s the “let’s be friends” ploy. What usually happens is that the man will attempt to coax his ex into believing that he’ll be satisfied with “just being friends.” He usually believes that if he can get her to keep talking to him and spending time with him, she’ll eventually realize that he’s a great guy and will want him back.
When he suggests that type of arrangement, she, on the other hand, will recognize what he’s doing and will quickly turn down his proposal of friendship or will continually make up excuses as to why she can’t see him or talk to him.
Guys in that situation will often feel as though they still have a chance and will be behaving in ways that actually push the woman away, rather than draw her back into a relationship. Whatever form of “trickery” a guy employs will usually make getting his ex back less likely.
Did you make any of those mistakes when your ex broke up with you? Whatever you did before, don’t worry about that. You CAN fix the situation, get her forgiveness and get another chance. If you want to do that, I recommend that you watch Get Your Ex Back: Super System.