That hot, stinging emotional pain that you are feeling at the moment, will either pass quickly, or slowly, depending on how you approach the ex back process from now on.
If you want the pain to pass quickly so you can feel confident and re-attract your ex, you will need to spend the next 48 hours improving on your weaknesses that led to the break up, and then contact your ex to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction to the new you.
Watch this for examples:
When you see that you are making real improvements to the things about yourself that caused her to lose respect and attraction for you, it gives you boost of confidence and self esteem that helps take some of the pain away.
You suddenly begin to feel hope that you can re-attract her and get her back and all you need to do then is actually do that.
She might not want you back immediately, but you will notice that she will begin to react to you in a more positive, open way from now on as long as you are making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you when you interact with her.
Of course, if you want the pain to take a long time to go away so you can live in misery for the next 3 months to 3 years of your life, then just don’t do anything to improve your attractiveness to her.
Sit around, feel sad and ignore her while she gets on with her life, and you become increasingly unattractive to women as they sense your deep feelings of unworthiness as a man.
You Are Not Doomed For Life Just Because You Got Dumped
When you can’t eat or sleep properly because you got dumped, the idea of actually getting your ex back may seem like an impossible thing to do.
Right now, it’s likely that you can’t see any way to get her back, especially if everything that’s happened since the break up is confirming that it’s really over between you and her.
For example: Your ex could be saying things like, “I’m never getting back together with you,” or “I need you to accept that it’s really over between us” or “We’re finished. I don’t want anything to do with you any more.”
That alone is enough to convince most guys that getting her back is a hopeless situation.
Yet, that’s just what she saying now based on her lack of respect and attraction for you.
What she doesn’t realize is that you can change how she feels.
The amount of respect, attraction and love that she feels for you is pretty much within your control.
You’re either saying and doing things to reactivate her feelings, or you’re not.
Another reason why a lot of guys give up on the idea of getting their ex back, is because they think something like, “I’ve tried everything and she still doesn’t want anything to do with me. If anything, she’s now acting like she’s turned off even more than before. I have no chance. It’s over. She doesn’t want me.”
At that point, a guy might:
- Beg, plead, whine or cry to his ex, in the hopes that she will feel sorry for him and will want to get back together again.
- Try to explain, reason and convince her to give him another chance, even though he doesn’t know how to make her have feelings for him again.
- Offer to do anything she wants him to do.
- Ask her to explain why she broke up with him.
- Ask her to tell him what he needs to change about himself to make her happy.
- Tell her how much he loves her and that no one will care for her the way that he does.
- Bombard her with text messages or e-mails in the hopes that he will stay in her thoughts.
- Promise to change things about himself that don’t matter to her (e.g. he’s offering to spend more time with her, when what she really wants him to have more purpose and ambition in life outside of his relationship with her).
- Ignore her in the hopes that she’ll realize how much she misses him and will then come running back.
- Tell her that he can’t eat or sleep properly since being dumped by her to make her feel guilty, and then hopefully, get back together with him.
These are some of mistakes that guys make in a desperate attempt to get an ex back.
Then, when none of those things seem to work, a guy might start to feel that there’s nothing more he can do to get her back.
However, that’s not the case at all.
There is a way that works.
Essentially, the main thing you need to understand, is that when you make some changes to the way you talk, behave and interact with your ex, her feelings towards you will change as well.
Even if right now she’s saying, “It’s over and I don’t want anything more to do with you,” when you interact with her in ways that spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you, everything changes in her mind and heart automatically.
She starts thinking, “Why do I suddenly feel like I want him back? Does this mean that he is the one? Is it a sign that we should be together? Maybe I should just see him and check how I feel because I really do miss him and my heart is telling me to give him another chance.”
That’s how it works.
So, from now on, stop thinking that it’s impossible to get back…and don’t worry about any mistakes you might have made either.
Pretty much every guy makes mistakes when trying to get his ex back, but the guys who succeed in getting their woman back are those who remain confident, actively make her have feelings again and guide her back into a relationship.
No Relationship Mistake is Unfixable
When some guys hear that the fastest way to get an ex back is by renewing some of her feelings of respect and attraction, they often don’t believe it’s possible for them because of how bad their break up was and how determined she is to move on.
For example: A guy might say, “Yeah, maybe it will work for other guys, but I really stuffed things up badly with my ex. I don’t think I can fix that with her. My situation is different. She really doesn’t want anything to do with me now.”
What he doesn’t realize is that pretty much every other guy says the same thing and thinks that his situation is so unique that it can’t be fixed.
All you’ve got to do is focus on the fundamental secret to getting her back…
Another reason why some men give up hope on ever getting their ex back, is because most of them believe that a break up is permanent.
Yet, that’s just not true.
To begin with, according to a recent American study, about 50% of couples break up and get back together again.
So, contrary to popular belief, most guys are able to get their woman back again these days.
The fact is: A break up is not permanent, if you can make your ex feel differently about you.
Even if you messed up quite badly in your relationship with her (e.g. took her for granted, became clingy, became insecure, allowed her to be the dominant one in the relationship), and even if she currently hates you, when you spark some of her feelings again, she won’t be able to help herself from opening back up to you.
She might try to resist what she is feeling because she doesn’t want to go back on her decision to break up with you, but her heart will be telling her to give you another chance.
She might even try to keep reminding herself that she doesn’t love you anymore, but she won’t be able to hold on to her negative feelings for long, when you are making her smile, laugh and feel happy every time you interact with her.
So, when your ex is saying, “You stuffed up. I just don’t love you anymore,” and she’s refusing to even listen to you, it doesn’t mean that her love for you is dead.
It doesn’t mean you can’t get her to reconnect with her feelings of love for you and make her want to get back together again.
Feelings are not static; they change all the time.
For example: Have you ever met a person that you didn’t like?
Yet, over time when they changed their behavior and communication style, you found yourself liking them, and possibly even became good friends with them?
That was possible because the person stopped behaving in the ways that were unattractive to you (e.g. being critical of others, talking loudly, pushing their opinions on you, being selfish or rude).
In the same way, right now your ex’s feelings have changed towards you and she’s thinking of you in a negative way (e.g. she’s feeling angry, hurt, disappointed, turned off).
She’s pushed her love for you into the background and her words and actions confirm that she isn’t willing to connect with that love right now.
However, that doesn’t mean she will never want to connect with her love for you today, this week or next.
When make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new you (e.g. by making her laugh, smile, feel happy to be interacting with you), then she will naturally become more open to reconnecting with her feelings of love for you again.
The process of getting her back then becomes really easy, because she is feeling open to you.
Nobody is Perfect
When a guy is sitting around at home feeling sad and lonely after a break up and thinking to himself, “I can’t eat or sleep properly since being dumped,” it’s not unusual for him to begin idolizing his ex.
Suddenly, rather than seeing her as a normal person, with normal hang-ups and faults just like everyone else, he begins to focus only on the good things about her, until he starts to see himself as being unworthy, or less than, compared to her.
For example: He might think to himself, “She was so beautiful and sexy while I’m so plain and unattractive. No wonder she broke up with me. Why would a hot woman like her want to be stuck with a guy like me? She’s out of my league and I got lucky by getting her in the first place…there’s no way she would want me back now.”
However, what he doesn’t realize is that attracting women is easy because most women feel more attraction for a guy’s behavior and inner qualities that anything else.
Yes, your behavior (e.g. insecure, needy) might have been a turn off, but you can change that and become confident and emotionally secure.
Yes, your inner qualities (e.g. lack of purpose in life, lack of direction, jealousy) may have turned her off, but you can change that and become a purposeful, forward moving man with loves fearlessly.
You don’t have to change who you are and become perfect, just better.
You’ve just got to let her experience the new, improved version of you who has improved the things about yourself that were turning her off.
So, before you start idolizing your ex and putting yourself down for not being as valuable as her, consider the fact that she was obviously attracted to you before, otherwise she wouldn’t have gone out with you in the first place.
Realize that she isn’t perfect.
For example: Ask yourself…
- Did she ever treat you with disrespect?
- Did she ever make you feel unloved and unappreciated?
- Did she accept you for who you are deep inside or did she try to change you?
- Did you feel supported by her, or did you feel like she was using you at times?
- Were you able to grow together as a couple or did she slow you down at times?
- Did you have fun together as a couple or was she sometimes a little boring?
When you ask yourself these types of questions, you will realize that you are not the only one to blame for your break up, and that she also bears some of the responsibility.
The fact is that nobody is perfect.
Yes, maybe your ex is a great woman, but she has faults just like everyone else does and when you can focus on that, you will stop putting her on a pedestal and stop feeling so bad about the break up.
Even if it just helps a little bit, it’s better than feeling the full emotional pain that you’ve been experiencing lately.
You’ve got to realize that you are a good man.
Yes, you made some mistakes, but that is who you were before, not today.
You’ve become a better man since and you’re becoming a better man now as you read this.
When you accept and believe that you are more than good enough to be her man, the idea of having being dumped by her will no longer have so much power over you.
Suddenly you will realize that you can eat and sleep properly because you feel okay with or without her.
Believe That You Can Get Her Back
When you can’t eat or sleep properly because you’ve been dumped, believing that you can actually get your ex back might seem like some impossible dream.
Yet, it’s not a dream.
You can make your ex feel differently about you today or tomorrow, by making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction to the new you when you interact with her.
You don’t have to sit around wasting time and hoping that things will somehow change by themselves, because changing how she feels is entirely within your control.
You can make the changes happen to her emotions very quickly if you simply interact with her and let her experience the new and improved you.
When you start saying and doing things that actively trigger her feelings of respect and attraction, she won’t be able to stop herself from opening up to her feelings of love for you again.
She will begin thinking, “This feels so good. Maybe I was wrong to break up with him,” and she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
So, don’t sit around feeling helpless because you got dumped.
Instead, focus on using every chance you get to interact with your ex as an opportunity to renew her feelings of respect and love for you.
Then, simply guide her through the final steps of the ex back process until she’s back in your arms again.