Here are 4 examples of when using No Contact on an ex woman can end up backfiring:
1. She feels rejected when her ex doesn’t try to get the relationship back together, so she makes herself feel better by sleeping with a new man
Sometimes, a woman will break up with a guy, but still have feelings for him.
Even though she may be experiencing some pain, anger and disappointment because the relationship didn’t work out, deep down she might also have a sense of hope that they might fix things and get back together again.
So, if her ex doesn’t make a move within a few days of breaking up to get her back and instead cuts off all contact with her for 30 or even 60 days, it can actually cause her to move on faster instead.
She wonders things like, “Why isn’t he calling me? Doesn’t he care about me at all? I thought that he’d at least just call to see if I’m okay after the break up, or to say hi as a friend, but he hasn’t bothered at all. Clearly, he’s over me and moving on with his life. Maybe he didn’t even love me at all to begin with. Maybe it was all an act and he’s actually happy to be rid of me now. Well, my days of waiting to him are over. I’m not going to sit around hoping for him to contact me. If he can forget about me so easily, then I intend do the same. I’m going out with my friends this weekend and I’m going to get laid no matter what!”
She then puts in added effort to completely switch off her feelings for him and hooks up with a new guy as quickly as possible, to give herself a confidence boost (i.e. that she’s still attractive and men find her desirable).
Alternatively, she lines up a bunch of dates via Tinder and kisses or sleeps with one of the men.
Then, by the time her ex makes contact after waiting for 30 to 60 days, she will have probably be in a new relationship.
She might then say something like, “Why are you calling me after all this time? You had your chance when we broke up and you chose to ignore me. Well, it’s way too late now. I’ve moved on and any feelings I may have had for you are dead. I’m with someone I really like and I’m very happy. So, don’t call me again. It’s over between us.”
This is why, if your intention is to get back into a relationship with your ex, don’t play games with her by using a rule that was originally invented by counsellors to help couples get over each other and move on.
If you want her back, the best approach is to interact with her, re-attract her and make her fall back in love with you.
You can do that after giving her a few days of space, or a week at the moment.
You don’t need to wait any longer than that to prove the point that you’re not desperately trying to get her back.
So, rather than wasting 1-2 months using No Contact on your ex in the hope that she’ll come running back to you, just focus on re-attracting her, so she has a reason to get back with you (i.e. she feels sparks of respect, attraction and love for you again).
Another example of when using No Contact on an ex woman can end up backfiring is…
2. She doesn’t care that he isn’t contacting her because she’s no longer attracted to him, so she just uses the time apart to move on and get over him without any distractions
In most cases, a woman will only go through with a break up when she no longer feels enough respect, attraction and love to continue on with the relationship.
In other words, her relationship needs aren’t being met by him, so any positive feelings for him fade into the background and get replaced by negative ones such as anger, disappointment, frustration, resentment and regret.
She then breaks up with him and if. her doesn’t contact her for 30 to 60 days, rather than feeling upset about it, in most cases, she feels relieved.
She may even think something along the lines of, “Wow. Cool! This worked out better than I hoped for. I thought he was going to turn desperate and needy on me and try to talk me into giving him another chance. Instead he just vanished out of my life. Too easy. Of course, he might be using that silly No Contact Rule that I’ve read about online where guys hope it will trick a woman into missing him, but I don’t care. I now have plenty of time to move on. If he contacts me in a few weeks or a month, I will most likely have a new man in my life and he’ll just have to give up and let me go.”
She then focuses on finding a new man as quickly as possible (e.g. by going out to clubs or bars with her friends, making it known that she’s single and available so that her friends, family and coworkers can introduce her to available men they know, or accepting dates with guys that were interested in her, but whom she rejected because she was in a relationship).
If she’s pretty or even just average looking, there will be plenty of men who want to sleep with her and many who’d love to have a relationship with her.
So, it won’t be difficult for her to start moving on physically and emotionally.
3. She initially misses him when he doesn’t contact her, but eventually becomes resentful. Then, when he eventually contacts her, she gets revenge by using No Contact on him
When a woman doesn’t hear from her ex after dumping him, she may end up missing him.
She can think things like, “Why am I feeling so sad? It’s like someone has died or something. I mean, I know that I broke up with him and felt like it was the right decision for me. Yet, now that he’s not around, I realize I really do miss him. He did have his faults, but in general he was a good guy. Maybe I made a mistake by breaking up with him. If he calls me, I think I should just agree to meet up with him in person and see how I feel.”
She then waits and waits for days that then turn into weeks.
A month or so later, he still hasn’t contacted her.
In most cases, a woman feeling will then change from missing him to resenting him.
She may think, “How dare he ignore me like this. Who does he think he is? He wasn’t that special. I can get another man like him, or better. I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I was a good girlfriend to him and if he thinks he’s going to punish me now by avoiding me, he can think again! I’m going to make him regret losing me.”
Then, when he finally gets in touch with her after 30 to 60 days, she doesn’t answer.
He then wonders, “What’s going on? I don’t understand what’s happening here. I thought No Contact made women miss you and want you back. Why is she ignoring me?”
The answer is simple: No Contact backfired, like it almost always does when it is used on women.
The reality is that when a woman uses No Contact on a guy who has dumped her, it usually works because he suddenly feels rejected that she’s not trying to get him back.
So, he then contacts her and she plays a little hard to get, secures a meet up and then gets him back.
Yet, when a woman dumps a guy who she is no longer attracted to, she will rarely care about ‘losing power’ over him.
She will simply begin to move on with a new man, so she can get what she truly wants deep down; an in love, relationship that lasts for life.
If she feels as though her ex isn’t capable of giving her that, she will just move on.
This is why, it’s essential that you contact her and reawaken her feelings for you.
Make her feel new sparks of respect, attraction and love for you, so she can realize that her feelings for you aren’t dead.
She can also then begin to worry that if she doesn’t give you another chance, she will end up regretting it and feeling like the one who got rejected and left behind.
She can also worry about the fact that she may never find another man who is capable of making her feel the way you now make her feel.
That is what works, whereas simply cutting off contact is like buying a lottery ticket – you can do it your entire life and never win.
If you want the winning ticket right now, it’s attraction.
Attraction is what makes a woman change her mind about you now.
Attraction is an automatic reaction that cannot be switched off.
Once it’s switched on, she feels it whether she wants to or not.
When she’s feeling attracted to you, she wants you.
When she isn’t, she doesn’t want you.
4. She assumes that he has moved on, so she quickly begins to move on as well
Some women find it difficult to deal with the pain of a break up.
In fact, according to a study published in the science journal Evolutionary and Behavioral Sciences, women experience more emotional pain than men after a break up.
Additionally, when a woman notices that her ex in’t contacting her, she will usually assume that he has moved on, or is doing fine without her and doesn’t want her back.
So, rather than feeling lonely, becoming depressed and feeling rejected, she will make herself feel better by moving on as fast as she can.
To do that, she might begin:
- Going to nightclubs, bars or parties and hooking up with guys that she meets there.
- Going on blind dates arranged by friends or family members that she trusts.
- Going on dates with guys that have been interested in her all along (e.g. from work or university, mutual friends, friend of a friend, ex boyfriend).
- Using an app like Tinder to line up dates.
- Joining a meet up group in her area, so she can meet men who have the same, or similar interests as her.
- Joining a dance class with men, so she can instantly be partnered up with men and have the opportunity to flirt with them.
Here’s the thing though…
You can prevent that from happening if you really want to.
All it takes is for you to contact her within the next few days, rather than 30 to 60 days from now.
When you contact her, re-attract her to you by making her feel new sparks of respect, attraction and love for you who are now.
You have changed and leveled up as a man since the break up, right?
If not, then you need to learn where you really went wrong in the relationship, make quick improvements and prepare yourself to interact with her.
That doesn’t take long.
It only takes a day or so to learn and prepare.
Once you’ve done that, get in touch with her and let her feel attracted to the new and improved you.
Don’t try to sell yourself to her on the phone by telling her how much you’ve changed.
Just talk to her in a confident manner, use some humor and let her pick up on the changes in you.
When she does, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and realize that, if she got back with you now, the relationship would be more enjoyable for her.
As a result, she opens up to exploring her new feelings for you and giving you and her another chance.
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