If your ex won’t give you another chance, it’s usually due to one of the following 3 reasons:
1. She doesn’t look up to you and respect you as her man.
The beginning of a relationship is the easy part because both the man and the woman are feeling a lot of lust and excitement, and will pretty much do anything to impress each other.
Even if a couple isn’t 100% compatible with each other, they are more likely to turn a blind eye at this time, because the sex and the feeling of new love is so much fun that it makes up for any small problems that might exist.
Yet, when the initial novelty wears off, what often happens is that everything that was overlooked in the beginning stages of the relationship now becomes a bit of a problem and then the fights start.
For example: A woman might start complaining and saying things like, “You are so selfish, you always expect me to do everything around here,” or “Stop being so jealous of me all the time, I’m not your property you know?” or “You’re always watching TV. Why don’t you do something with your life? I didn’t think you’d be like this.”
Although this might sound like she’s nagging and just being an emotional woman, it’s simply a woman’s way of letting a guy know that she’s not feeling the way she wants to feel in the relationship with him.
When she calls him selfish, what she is trying to tell him is that she feels that he’s taking her for granted.
When she tells him that she feels smothered, she’s saying that he’s being too insecure, clingy and needy, and when she whines about him watching too much TV, what she really wants to say is that he’s wasting his life and not reaching for his true potential as a man.
Over time, if nothing changes and the guy continues to behave in those ways, she will begin to lose respect for him.
So, if you’re wondering why your ex won’t get back with you, one of the real reasons is because she has likely lost too much respect for you and can’t see you being able to quickly change and become the man she needs.
Here’s how it works…
If a woman loses respect for you as her man, she will then begin to feel less attraction for you and when that happens, the love that she feels for you will begin to fade into the background and get replaced by negative emotions (e.g. anger, resentment, disappointment).
2. She doesn’t feel enough attraction for who you’ve become.
One of the most common reasons why a woman will lose respect and attraction for a guy and then want to break up with him, is if she realizes that he’s just not man enough for her at this point of his life.
What that means is that when she interacts with him (e.g. via text message, on a phone call or in person) he is displaying behaviors that are instinctively unattractive to her (e.g. he allows her to boss him around, he is emotionally sensitive around her, she is more dominant than him, she doesn’t feel girly and feminine enough around him and feels like more of a friend or like a big sister or mother figure in his life).
Even if the man is doing everything that he thinks will get her to forgive him and take him back (e.g. apologizing, promising to change, offering to do anything she wants), she still won’t get back with him because she can see that he hasn’t yet moved past the level he was at when she broke up with him.
If you want to regain your ex’s respect and attraction for you, one of the ways to do it is by showing her you’re not at the same level that you were at when she broke up with you.
For example: If a guy got broken up with by a woman because he was being too clingy and needy in his relationship, he needs to show her that he is now confident and is getting on with his life in a positive way, with or without her.
You don’t have to change everything and become perfect to get you ex back.
Instead, you simply have to show her that you’ve moved beyond the level you were at when she dumped you, so that she can begin to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
3. She doesn’t believe that you know how to change.
If the current way that you’ve been communicating with your ex has been turning her off more and more, she’s not going to be thinking that she wants to get back with you anytime soon.
Instead, she is likely going to be telling you things like, “You really need to accept that it’s over between us,” or “I just don’t feel the same way anymore and nothing is going to change that.”
Where Most Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get a Woman Back After a Break Up
It doesn’t matter how intelligent or successful a guy is, when he is faced with the horrible, shocking news that the love of his life is leaving him, it’s only natural that he might react in one of the following ways:
1. Asking her to explain why.
Pretty much every guy asks his woman what she wants him to change, but he doesn’t get the answers that he is hoping for.
For example: A guy might ask his woman:
- How can you just turn your back on me after all we’ve been through?
- Why are you doing this to me?
- Why won’t you tell me what I’ve done wrong?
- Why won’t you tell me what you want me to change?
It seems like a smart thing to do, right?
Yet, it actually annoys the woman more and convinces her to want to go through with the break up.
Why? Most women don’t decide on the spur of the moment that they want to break up with a guy.
It is usually a decision that has taken her a long time (e.g. weeks, months and sometimes even years) to make, so in her mind, she usually feels that she’s given the guy enough information (e.g. by nagging, starting fights, hinting) for him to be able to figure out by himself why she is breaking up with him.
For example: A woman might have continuously nagged her guy about playing TV games all the time, as a way to encourage him to become more focused and goal driven in his life.
Alternatively, she might have complained about him not noticing her new dress/hair style/shoes, as a way of letting him know that she was feeling neglected and taken for granted.
Yet, the guy never really picked up on what she was trying to tell him, and might even have brushed it off as her being unreasonable, or by calling her a nag and telling her to stop being such a pain.
So, when he starts asking her why she’s breaking up with him, it only annoys her more because it highlights that he wasn’t paying attention to what was going on between them.
A woman doesn’t want to be a guy’s teacher in life and have to teach him how to be a man, so she will only hint or nag and hope that he gets the message.
If she has to explain to him what he has been doing wrong, she will feel like his mother, or teacher, and like she has to hold his hand and guide him through his life.
She fears that if she leads him now, she will need to lead him again and again in the future.
If that keeps happening time and time again, she will feel like she is the more dominant one in the relationship (like a mother figure or big sister), and then she won’t be able to respect him and look up to him as her man.
This is why it’s not a good idea to ask a woman why she is breaking up with you.
She wants you to figure out how to be the man she needs you to be, without her help.
When guys learn that truth, they often ask, “Why do women have to make it so complicated? Why can’t they just tell us?”
Simple: Women do not want to be a guy’s teacher in life about how to be a man.
2. Thinking that being nicer to her than ever before will change her mind.
Another common mistake guys make when they are trying to get an ex back is to be extra nice to her (e.g. promising to do whatever she wants him to do, lavishing her with gifts and tokens of his affection, being available to her at a moments notice) in the hopes that she will realize how much he cares for her, and she will then change her mind.
However, what a guy like that doesn’t understand is that when a woman is saying things like, “Go away. You need to accept it’s really over between us,” or “Leave me alone. I don’t want anything more to do with you,” it’s because she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.
So, when he’s being extra nice to her, it doesn’t make her have sexual and romantic feelings.
She may appreciate that he is being nice, but it’s not going to make her think, “You know what? I should love him and give him a chance. Why am I being so cold, selfish and stubborn? He’s being nice, so I should be nice back to him and give him another chance.”
Unfortunately, that’s not how the ex back process works.
In almost all cases, a woman won’t give a guy another chance unless he can make her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction, which will then make her reconnect with the love that she once felt for him.
Making her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction doesn’t come from sucking up to her and being extra nice.
You’ve got to make her have romantic feelings for you, not friendly feelings or feelings of pity for you.
So, don’t waste your time being nice to your ex and then feeling hurt and dejected when she keeps saying “No” to you.
Instead, you need to focus on making her have some feelings for you first, otherwise she’s not going to care that you care so much for her and that she means so much to you.
When you re-spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction (e.g. via the way you talk and behave when you interact with her), she will naturally drop her guard and care that you care, because it will feel right to her to give you another chance.
3. Thinking that she will eventually realize her mistake and come back one day.
When trying to get a woman back after a serious break up, a lot of guys make the mistake of ignoring her and hoping that it will make her realize that she misses him, and she’ll then come running back.
Ignoring a woman only works when a woman is really in love with the guy and she regrets breaking up with him.
Then, when he ignores her for a while, she begins to miss him and starts fearing that he will meet someone else and forget her, so she then contacts him.
In most cases though, when a woman doesn’t have any feelings of respect and attraction for her ex, not hearing from him for a while (e.g. a few weeks or even months) isn’t going to make her think, “Oh no! The guy who I don’t want to be with at all is not contacting me! I need him!!!”
Instead, she’s likely going to be thinking, “Good. I’m glad he’s moving on with his life and isn’t hassling me to get back together with him. I don’t feel anything for him any more,” and she will then start dating and having sex with other guys.
This is why ignoring a woman after a break up is usually a bad strategy and doesn’t result in her fully coming back.
She might get in contact to check that he’s still missing her (so she then feels good about herself), but she’s not going to get back with him.
On the other hand, if he was to actively re-spark some of her feelings for him again before ignoring her for a few days to a week, that would definitely get her attention and make her miss him.
For example: He calls her up, makes her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction over the phone and then ends the phone call and doesn’t try to contact her for 3 to 7 days.
In most cases that I’ve worked on, the woman will then contact the guy within the 3 to 7 days to say hi and he can then arrange to meet up with her in person and get her back.
So, rather than waste a lot of time ignoring your ex in the hopes that she will come back to you, focus instead on using every interaction you have with her as an opportunity to re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
Whenever you interact with her from now, make sure that you let her see, feel and experience the new and improved you.
The more that you let her experience that, the more she will enjoy interacting with you and the more her defenses will come down.
4. Thinking that because she once loved you, she has to give you another chance.
A lot of romantic movies would like you to believe that the love between a man and a woman is unconditional.
However, it’s simply not true.
Love is conditional and is based on how a man and a woman make each other feel in the relationship together.
If a man continues to guide both himself and his woman to deeper levels of respect, attraction and love, the relationship will grow and become stronger over time.
On the other hand, if a guy begins to behave in ways that erode the feelings of respect, attraction and love (e.g. he becomes needy, clingy and insecure, starts taking her for granted, gives up on his goals and ambitions and becomes very negative about life, becomes emotionally weak and lets his woman lead in the relationship), it’s only natural that a woman will stop wanting to be around him.
The reality is that a man and a woman are in a relationship together because they choose to be with each other.
It’s a decision.
A guy doesn’t own a woman (and she doesn’t own him), and she doesn’t have to stick with him simply because she once loved him.
She can decide to be with him or not be with him.
That’s how it works.
A relationship stays together when both people decide that they want stay together, not out of a sense of duty or obligation or because they used to be in love.
In the past, a woman had to stay with her man even if he treated her badly, and even if he was mentally or physically abusive towards her.
Yet these days, a woman can leave a man if she decides that she wants to.
So, don’t make the mistake of expecting your ex to give you another chance based on the fact that she loved you before.
If you want to get her love back, you are going to have to re-spark her feelings for you and get her to fall in love with the new you again.
Luckily, it’s actually pretty easy to do.
When She Experiences the New and Improved You, Her Feelings Will Change
Right now, your ex might be saying things like, “It’s really over between us, just accept it,” or “I just don’t love you anymore,” but that doesn’t mean her love for you is really dead.
It simply means that she’s not willing to connect with the love right now.
Basically, she has allowed negative feelings like anger, pain and resentment to block any positive feelings of love that she still has for you.
When you can quickly change the things about yourself that turned her off (e.g. insecurity) and then interact with her to let her experience the new and improved you (e.g. let her experience your confidence, make her smile and laugh, make her feel happy when she interacts with you), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you once again.
Even if she fights it at first, something inside her will be saying, “He’s different now. He’s changed in a good way. I actually like the new him…I want to see him” and her heart will be full of new feelings, which she won’t be able to ignore.
So, now that you know the real reason why your ex won’t get back with you, and you also know what you need to do to make her love you again – what are you waiting for?
It’s time to start getting her back…