Here are 5 common reasons why a couple will drift apart in a relationship and what a man can do to get her back:
1. After the initial excitement of being with each other wore off, they gradually began to take each other’s presence and commitment for granted
They assumed that because they both loved each other so much at the start, it would be enough to keep them together for life, or at least for a lot longer.
So, they stopped putting in effort to make the other person feel loved, appreciated and valued.
For example: At the start of the relationship, the guy might have been very loving and attentive towards his woman.
He did that by always noticing her efforts to look attractive for him and complimenting her on her appearance.
He also told her that he loved her and appreciated all the things she did for him (e.g. cooking, cleaning, running errands to save him time, being supportive, being fun to hang out with).
Over time though, he began to take her efforts for granted and just expected her to look good, treat him well, be fun to hang out with and remain in his life out of duty, or because they were so in love at the start.
As for her, she started out the relationship by showing him a lot of appreciation and love, but over time, she began to put more of her attention into other things (e.g. work, spending time with her friends, pursuing her hobbies, playing with her phone).
As a result, they lose the connection that initially attracted them to each other and made them want to be a couple.
2. Rather than adapting to each other and building mutual goals for the future, they worked on goals that would naturally cause them to drift apart
For a couple to be able to stay together in the long term, they need to have important mutual goals that they’re working towards achieving together (e.g. getting a house together, moving to a better area, going on holidays to places that they will eventually be able to afford, doing things that they can’t currently afford, but will be able to once they achieve other career goals, getting married and starting a family, creating a close, happy family together).
It’s fine to have individual goals, but there also needs to be couple goals, that are big, important, meaningful and fun to look forward to, otherwise they will naturally drift apart.
Additionally, it’s also fine for a man to be focused on his purpose in life (i.e. his biggest goal, ambition, vision or reason for doing what he does) and make that a success, but there also needs to be a vision, purpose and reason for them remaining together in the long run.
If there isn’t, the relationship will start to feel unnecessary after a number of years and they will eventually drift apart.
3. The relationship became stale and didn’t level up
The lust love that a couple feels at the start is completely different to the dedicated, unconditional love they can feel in the long run.
Not all couples get to that point though, hence the amount of break ups and divorces.
Yet, those who do are in a relationship that has leveled up in so many ways (i.e. the connection, what they achieve together, how they relate to each other, their understanding of each other, their communication style, the respect, attraction and love they feel, how committed they are to each other).
The only way to make a relationship last and be happy and in love for life is to level it up as you go along.
There’s just no other way.
Without that, you will drift apart from each other and end up experiencing yet another break up in your life.
It will continue to happen until you understand where you’ve been going wrong and learn to do things differently.
It’s just how it goes.
Now, with you and your ex – you still do have a chance with her.
You can re-attract her and get her into a new, leveled up relationship that feels better for both you and her.
You can do that, but you have to be willing to make some adjustment to how you talk to her, interact with her and relate to her.
If you are willing to that, you will bring out a different side to both of you that will bring you closer together, more in love and more attracted to each other than you have been in a very long time.
4. They treated each other more like housemates than anything else
They got so caught up in the responsibilities of life (e.g. chores, paying bills, running errands, cooking) that they convinced themselves they were too tired to put in any effort into keeping the romance alive in the relationship.
It just felt all too difficult for them, even though other couples who had even more responsibilities in life than them, were keeping the romance alive and enjoying a loving relationship.
Before too long, they stopped looking at each other as boyfriend and girlfriend (e.g. sexy, desirable, exciting, fun to be around) and began treating each other like a friend or housemate.
Yet, that dynamic will never work to keep a man and a woman together in a sexual, loving relationship.
It simply doesn’t work that way.
To keep the spark alive, you have to look at your woman like a new woman that you’re seducing and picking up, even if you’ve been with her for 10 or 20 years.
You’ve got to look at her as a woman that you want to pick up as well, rather than just a housemate, or a person who helps you pay the bills or take care of the house and other responsibilities.
If you don’t look at her that way, you will begin to feel attracted to other women (or look at porn more than usual) because you no longer see her as what you want.
When that happens, your behavior towards her and treatment of her will change.
You might be nice to her and treat her well, but you won’t really ‘see’ her.
You will look ‘through’ her as though she is just a random woman, rather than looking ‘at’ her and feeling desire and determination to turn her on, make her enjoy being physically close to you and have sex with her.
Instead, you might retreat to your phone, video games, TV, hanging out with friends or more work, to avoid approaching and seducing her as your woman.
If you can relate to treating her more like a housemate at times and letting her drift into the background of your life, it doesn’t mean that you can’t get her back now.
So many men get women back in a situation similar to yours.
What you need to do is interact with her again and make her feel attracted in new ways (e.g. if you were too neutral before like a friend, you are now more of a playful challenge and also flirt with her to create sexual tension. If you were distant and emotional insecure, you are now present and emotionally strong).
When you do that, it suddenly reactivates her old feelings for you and mixes them in with her new, exciting feelings for who you are now and how that makes her feel.
She then begins to feel as though she would seriously regret it and miss you if she didn’t get back with you, or at least give the relationship another chance for a while to see how she feels.
As a result, she opens up to you and you can get her back.
Another reason why a couple will drift apart in a relationship is…
5. One of them, or both of them secretly thought that the relationship wouldn’t last, so they didn’t put much effort into it
Sometimes a relationship will start out as a hook up where the couple is attracted to each other sexually, but isn’t really looking to get into a serious, committed relationship that lasts for life.
Yet, due to their attraction for each other and unique connection, one of both of them might change their mind and decide to want to have a committed, exclusive relationship.
For example: A guy might realize that he finds his woman sexually attractive and enjoys having sex with her, but he also really feels drawn to her as a person.
He loves the way she thinks, acts or behaves.
He loves the way she reacts to him, how she inspires him to be better and how he wants to be a good man to her.
As a result, he naturally begins to fall in love with her and starts imagining a future together.
Meanwhile, she’s is secretly happy to just have a short term, sexual relationship with him, but she doesn’t foresee anything more, because she feels that she will eventually get bored of his approach in the long run (e.g. he’s too nice, he isn’t very adventurous and just sticks to a boring routine all the time, he mistakenly thinks that doing more and more for her is the secret to getting her to love him more and treat him better).
She knows what kind of man would make her fall madly in love (e.g. a confident man who is a bit of a challenge for her to maintain the interest of, who treats her well, but doesn’t put up with her bad behavior. He has a way of making her feel happy about being a good girl for him, without him really having to do anything for her. He is ambitious, but not to impress her. He’s doing it because he wants to and she can come along for the ride if she wants, but he isn’t going to drag her there. He looks at her as a feminine woman, therefore as being less dominant than him, rather than looking at her as his equal in terms of dominance. He loves her completely, but he could fall out of love if she didn’t show him enough respect, affection and keep herself looking pretty. He doesn’t tell her that though. She just gets that sense about him and it drives her wild (in a good way). It keeps her thinking about him all the time, wanting to impress him and win over more of his love).
A woman will know that about her desire, but she will rarely, if ever, speak of it to a man.
A man either knows it, or not.
She doesn’t want to be the one to teach him, only to then see him try to act like that man and therefore, turn her off because he’s essentially following her instructions.
This is something that men simply need to know about women, or learn from other men.
It’s not something to ask women about because they will almost always feel uncomfortable about telling the truth (i.e. what kind of woman would want to say, “I want you to laugh at me sometimes if I’m being a pain in the butt, rather than taking me seriously”?).
Women can’t say that because it will usually cause a man to take it the wrong way and go too far with it (i.e. laugh at her all the time, never take her seriously, assume that she wants to be disrespected), to hopefully impress her.
That’s not what she wants.
She wants a balanced, good man who understands the darker side of attraction that women can rarely, if ever, speak about.
A man who will treat her well, but also give her tastes of the darker side of attraction (e.g. occasionally being very masculine in his behavior around her, or when touching her or having sex with her. Occasionally laughing at her when she is trying to be intimidating, but other times taking her seriously, being loving and warm. Occasionally looking at her with raw, aggressive masculinity in his eyes and then touching her, kissing her and having sex with her, while almost all other times, being loving, warm, intimate).
If a man is uncomfortable with the other side of the Coin of Attraction (i.e. the dark side) and is only comfortable with the light side, then he will never, ever have a woman truly love him in a sexual and romantic way.
She may love him as a good friend, a nice man or as a nice companion, but she will always secretly feel desire to occasionally experience and taste his darker side.
It might sound ‘bad’ to say ‘darker side,’ but it’s not about good vs. evil.
It’s about being nice vs. having balls, or being masculine.
There’s nothing wrong with having balls around your woman (i.e. expressing the ‘darker’ side of your masculinity), as long as you are also a good man to her and treat her well.
Additionally, as long as your expression of masculinity is done with love and not hate, she will respect you and appreciate you in an almost indescribable way.
Essentially, no other man will compare and she will hold you in her heart as the one.
3 Mistakes to Avoid When Attempting to Get an Ex Back After Drifting Apart in the Relationship
1. Desperately telling her that you will change whatever she needs you to change
While that seems nice, honorable and very caring, it also seems a little forced from the woman’s perspective.
As a result, she will think something like, “So, it’s not that he really wants to change, but is just doing it to hopefully get me back. I’m basically going to be forcing him into it and he will probably secretly resent me for it. Then, he will either fall back into his old patterns when he gets bored or tired of pleasing me, or will end up breaking up with me when he feels ready to do so.”
Additionally, being desperate for a woman rarely works at all stages of the relationship cycle (i.e. meeting her for the first time, going on a first date, getting into a relationship, keeping the relationship together, trying to get her back).
If a guy is desperate when meeting women for the first time, they will rarely be interested in him and will almost always reject him.
He might get lucky from time to time, but it will rarely be with women he truly wants and if it is, they will dump him eventually.
The same applies throughout the rest of the relationship cycle.
So, if you want to get her back, don’t make the classic mistake of promising to change whatever she wants, in the hope that she then gives you another chance.
Most women see that as desperate and as a result, they reject it.
2. Being unaware of the core things that make a couple feel close and connected and then using that to get her back
For example: Some of the core things include…
- Being able to be your true self around each other. That means being your true masculine self (that you honestly feel inside) and letting that come through. It also includes seemingly unimportant or silly things like eating the way you want at home, rather than having to put on act of eating very politely in front of each other, or letting an occasional fart or burp out and not being embarrassed about it around each other. The more of a fake act that a couple has to put on around each other, the less close and connected they will feel.
Knowing that the other person understands you and loves you for who you are.
- Showing interest in the things that the other person likes (e.g. football, shopping, antiques, video games) or at least appreciating that they are interested in them and letting them enjoy them (e.g. if she likes certain TV drama shows and he doesn’t).
- Being able to fully trust each other.
- Being able to laugh together, especially when things are stressful (e.g. at work, after a fight, during tough times).
- Having a balanced relationship dynamic where you make her feel loved and appreciated, but she also feels motivated to be a good woman back to you.
- Being able to connect on a deep level through conversation, rather than being afraid to open up and be real about things. Of course, as a man, you should still be masculine about your emotions (i.e. express emotion, but then focus on a solution, be emotionally strong), while letting her be a girl about things (i.e. express her emotion, not have to focus on a solution like a man, cry or feel vulnerable, want to cuddle into you for support and safety).
If a man is unaware of the core things that really bring a couple closer together, then he will struggle to reconnect with his ex in a way that inspires and motivates her to give him a chance.
Instead, interactions with him will feel superficial, tired and she will feel as though the relationship is done.
3. Feeling like there’s no chance to get her back because she doesn’t seem to care anymore
She will care when you re-attract her.
It’s as simple as that.
If you try to get her back before re-attracting her, then she’s going to judge you based on how she felt leading up to, during and after the break up.
So remember: Attraction first and everything else after that.
If you try to skip re-attracting her and attempt to get another chance just by talking to her, or texting her, then you will almost certainly continue to be rejected.
Most women break up with men when they no longer feel enough respect, attraction and love to be with them.
That rarely changes due to a break up (i.e. her feelings don’t automatically come back for no reason).
If you want her to have feelings for you again and care about getting back together, you have to re-attract her.