5 things you can do now to recover and get her back:
1. Stop focusing on the problem and start focusing on the solution
If you spend most of your time thinking things like, “I’m an emotional mess after being dumped. I miss her so much. I can’t deal with the pain. It hurts. I want her back so bad” then you’re focusing on the problem, rather than on the solution.
Yes, the break up happened and yes, it sucks big time, but dwelling on how bad you feel and how terrible your life is without her in it, isn’t going to help you recover and get her back.
So, what is the solution that you should be focusing on?
Focus on saying and doing the things that will re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you, so she naturally wants to open up and give you another chance.
For example: Some of the ways to begin changing her negative perception of you to a more positive one, include…
- Maintaining your confidence when talking to her, regardless of what she says or does to make you feel uncertain of yourself (e.g. she’s cold and unfriendly towards you on a phone call, she says things like, “Why are you bothering me? I told you it’s over between us and nothing you can do will change my mind”).
- Using humor to make her stop being so cold and distant and instead, relax and be more friendly and open to you when you talk.
- Laughing at her (in a loving way) when she’s creating drama and blaming you for the break up or how she’s feeling (e.g. laugh and say, “You’re such a drama queen, aren’t you? Relax. I know that I was a bad boyfriend, but surely I’m not the worst boyfriend in the world, or maybe I am” and have a laugh with her about that).
- Not trying to get her back into a relationship and instead, just focusing on building up sexual tension between you by using flirting.
- Making her laugh, smile and feel good when she talks to you over the phone or meets up with you in person.
- Showing her that you’ve changed and matured since she dumped you and are now a new and improved man.
- Not sucking up to her by being so nice (because you’re afraid of saying something that will make her feel annoyed) and start being more emotionally masculine and ballsy around her (e.g. be a good guy, but don’t be a pushover, stand up to her when she’s out of line, laugh at her in a loving way when she’s being a pain in the butt).
- Showing her that you’re more emotionally independent now, by getting on with your life and having fun without her.
When she can see for herself that you’re handling being dumped in a confident, emotionally strong way (rather than being an emotional mess and feeling lost without her), she will automatically start to feel some respect for you.
When that happens, she will also feel attracted to you, which then opens up the door for you to fully re-attract her and make her fall back in love with you again.
That is the best solution to getting an ex back after being dumped, so focus on that rather than on the problem.
Another thing you can do to recover and get her back is…
2. See the hope and opportunity in this situation, rather than drowning yourself in fear and self-pity
Although being dumped is not something that would be on anyone’s “must do” list, it can actually be a very good thing for a man.
Sometimes, getting broken up with by the woman he loves, is just what a guy needs to shock him into becoming an even better man than he was before.
It gives him a real opportunity to take an honest look at his strengths and weakness and encourages him to change and improve.
Then, not only can he re-attract his ex woman in most cases (i.e. because she doesn’t want to lose him now that he is the kind of man who takes action in life and uses a challenging situation to improve himself), but he also gets ahead in other areas of his life as well (e.g. work, relationships with friends and family).
So, rather than feeling sad, depressed and possibly even feeling like a failure or a loser for getting dumped, decide to thank your ex instead (in your head only of course!), for giving you a chance to become an even more awesome man that you were before the break up.
3. Regain confidence in your ability to re-attract her by improving your ability to attract her
If you don’t believe that your ex could ever respect, feel attracted to and love you again, then it will come across in your body language, behavior, conversation style and vibe when you interact with her.
She will then look down on you and treat you with disdain, which will only reaffirm your negative beliefs about your chances with her.
This is why it’s absolutely essential that you regain confidence in ability to attract her, before you attempt to re-attract her/
Some of the ways you can do that is by seeing yourself as already being a better man than you were when she dumped you.
- You’re less insecure and self-doubting now, so she can’t get under your skin anymore when she’s being unwelcoming or cold towards you during interactions.
- You’re more emotionally independent, so you don’t need her approval or emotional support to feel good about yourself anymore. You are a self-approving, confident man who also has the class to be good to her as you talk to her.
- You’re more emotionally masculine now, so you no longer let her walk all over you like she used to.
- You believe in you attractiveness to her now, so you don’t feel as though she is too good for you. You know that you are more than good enough for her and it comes through in your body language, vibe and behavior, which then makes her feel more respect and attraction for you (as long as you are being good to her at the same time and aren’t being arrogant about it).
The more you believe in yourself and your ability to re-attract your ex, the more it will become a reality.
Then, when you interact with her and she experiences the changes in you, her feelings will also begin to change.
Even if she tries to deny it to your face, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect and attraction for you again for being man enough to quickly learn from your mistakes and improve.
She will feel a spark with you and will wonder if it means that you and her aren’t meant to be broken up.
When those kind of thoughts enter her mind, the door to getting her back begins to open wide and you can enter and get her back.
4. Know that it’s possible to get an ex woman back
Even if your ex is saying things like, “There’s nothing on Earth that will ever make me change my mind about being broken up with you! I feel nothing for you anymore and I don’t want to see you ever again. So, just leave me alone!” it doesn’t mean she will feel like that forever.
In fact, you can change how she feels pretty quickly.
When you focus on making her feel surges of respect and sexual attraction for you during every interaction you have with her, she will naturally start to feel less angry and closed off and begin to feel more open and optimistic about the possibility of you and her getting back together.
You can then get her back right away, within days or possibly a little longer (e.g. a week or two).
So, I recommend that you think about that (and then take action to make it happen), rather than focusing on the fact that you’ve been an emotional mess since the break up.
5. Know that you don’t have to be perfect to get her back, just better
A lot of guys don’t make the effort to change and improve after a break up because it feels like such an impossible task.
For example: A guy might think to himself, “There’s no way I can change everything that’s wrong with me. She will see through me the first second we meet again and she will know that I’m not perfect, so why even bother trying? I just need to accept that I will never be good enough for her and give up. Maybe other guys can get their woman back, but I can’t because I will have to fix so many things about myself.”
Yet, that’s the worst kind of thinking you can have because it’s just not true.
A man doesn’t have to be perfect in every way, in order for a woman (including an ex woman) to love him in a sexual and romantic way.
In many cases, a woman just wants to know that her ex is aware of his mistakes and shortcomings and has already made the effort to change and improve.
If she can see that has been genuinely changing and improving in the ways that really matter to her (e.g. she wants him to be more manly in his behavior, she wants him to stop talking to her in a neutral way and start creating a spark between them by flirting and creating a sexual vibe), she will automatically feel some respect for him again.
When she can respect him, she will then be able to feel attracted to him and from there, reconnecting with her original feelings of love follows on after that.
On the other hand, if a woman gets a sense that her ex can’t or won’t change, or is only pretending to have changed just to get her back, she will lose even more respect for him and then getting her back will become difficult, if not impossible.
So, while you do need to change, improve and level up as a man (i.e. if you were insecure, you need to become more confident), you don’t need to be perfect in every way.
You just need to be able to make your ex feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, so she can begin to open back up to you and naturally feel drawn to the idea of being with you again.
When you make her feel that way, it then becomes possible and often easy, to get her back.
3 Ways That Guys Mess Up When Trying to Get an Ex Back After Being Dumped
Here are 3 mistakes to avoid if you honestly want to get her back…
1. Trying to heal for weeks, which then turns into months and then years
Sometimes a guy will feel so emotionally messed up after a break up that he will assume he needs a long time to recover, before he will be ready to talk to her again.
He will then wait for weeks or even months before he finally contacts feels like he could handle talking to her again.
Unfortunately, in most cases, by the time the guy makes a move, his ex has moved on and is already in another relationship, or is happy enjoying single life and sleeping with new guys.
He is then left feeling emotionally messed up all over again and feels like he has to spend even more time recovering, before he can eventually pluck up the courage to find himself another woman.
Don’t let that guy be you.
What you need to understand right now is that healing from a break up doesn’t have to take you very long at all.
In most cases, a guy can get himself ready to confidently re-attract his ex woman in one week or less.
During that week, he needs to focus on improving his ability to attract her as he talks to her, so that when they do talk, she feels a spark for him and opens back up to flirting with him and seeing where it goes.
Essentially, you need to use the time apart to prepare.
You’re not going to magically heal in a week for no reason at all.
Part of your healing will come from knowing that you are going to be able to attract her, seduce her and get her back.
So, don’t make the mistake of thinking that you need a month or two to heal first, before you will be ready to talk to her.
Talking to her after a month or two won’t achieve anything if you don’t create a sexual spark with her and make her want you back in that way.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Telling her that you’re an emotional mess without her
Sometimes, a guy will be feeling so upset and lost without his ex woman that he will tell her all about it.
He might say, “I’ve been such an emotional mess since you dumped me. It’s been difficult for me to even get up in the morning. I can’t fake it and carry on like nothing has happened, when in reality my world has come crashing down around me. You mean everything to me and without you, I just can’t cope.”
He’s hoping that she will think something like, “Oh wow! I never realized how much he loves me and needs me. I feel so flattered! Maybe I should give him another chance! After all, what women doesn’t want a man who can’t handle the challenges of life? Every woman wants an emotionally weak man! Yes! I want him so much now that he is broken and needs my help to heal and feel whole again!”
It would be nice it that’s how reality works, but it doesn’t.
Women just aren’t attracted to emotional weakness and desperation, especially after a break up.
An unattractive or desperate woman might accept an emotionally weak man, just so she has a boyfriend, but she will eventually withhold sex and make him have to suck up to her to get any action later on in the relationship.
On the other hand, an attractive woman will usually just reject an emotionally weak man because she knows that she can do better.
So, if your ex is attractive and she knows that she doesn’t have to accept a man who can’t handle the challenges of life, then don’t go to her and tell her how messed up you’ve been since the break up.
Women aren’t impressed by emotional weakness at all.
Ideally, a woman wants to be with a man who is emotionally stronger than her, rather than being with a guy that she will need to be gentle with and take care of because he’s too sensitive and soft.
Additionally, a woman doesn’t want to be in a sexual relationship with a guy out of feelings of pity for him.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t bother telling her that you’re an emotional mess after being dumped by her.
Instead, just use any interaction that you have with her from now on to show her that you’re now the kind of man that she wanted you to be (e.g. you’re much more confident, emotionally strong and emotionally masculine now) to reawaken some of her feelings for you.
The more she can see that you’re being an emotionally strong man without her help or support, the more open she will become to being a couple again.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Talking to friends and family about how messed up you are
It might feel comforting to offload all your feelings on your friends and family, but it usually just makes the pain deeper and more long lasting.
Family and friends will usually empathize with you by saying things like, “It’s perfectly normal to feel emotionally messed up. You loved her and now she’s gone and you wouldn’t be human if it didn’t hurt. So, go ahead and feel what you need to feel. Take the time you need to heal.”
Alternatively, a friend or family member might say, “Who cares? Just forget about her! You’re a great guy and if she can’t see that she doesn’t deserve you, then she’s an idiot. Just move on and find another woman who will truly appreciate you.”
Unfortunately, neither of those responses helps you get past the pain of the break up.
You just end up feeling frustrated, stuck, depressed, lonely and confused, which isn’t going to help you feel the confidence that you need to feel to re-attract a woman.