Yes, some women will get back with a guy immediately, or after a week of space.
However, some women can take 2 to 4 weeks to fully get back into a relationship depending on how serious the reasons for the break up were (e.g. the guy was very insecure, needy or controlling, or there was cheating involved).
If you want to get your ex back today, this week, or at least very quickly, you must focus on re-sparking some of her feelings for you first.
Without sparking her feelings of respect and attraction again for you before you try to get her back, she’s just going to be saying, “Sorry, but I just don’t have any feelings for you,” or “Forget it. I’m not interested in getting back together again,” because you’re not saying and doing the types of things that are making her have feelings for you.
Here are 4 common mistakes to avoid making if you want to get your ex back quickly…
1. Trying to Get Her Back Immediately By Pleading, Crying or Begging
One of the most common reactions that guys have when they get broken up with is to beg and plead with a woman to change her mind.
A guy may think, “I don’t want to break up with her. I still love her. I have to do whatever it takes to convince her that I’m the guy for her. I have to make her change her mind. I’m going to beg and plead so she knows how much I care.”
He might then start texting her, sending her e-mails, messaging her on social media, or calling her up and pleading with her to give him another chance.
For example: He might say things like, “Please forgive me! I’m so sorry for what I did. I know I messed up but if you just let me explain, we can make this work. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. Please don’t give up on us. All I’m asking for is one more chance to show you that things can be different between us. Please. I don’t want to be with any other women. I only want you. Please don’t do this to us. We can make this work. Please just give me a chance.”
If she then responds by saying something like, “No, I’m sorry but it’s over between us,” he might then even start crying and saying, “I need you! Please… I can’t live without you in my life. You mean everything to me. You are my whole world. Without you, life isn’t worth living.”
Sometimes a guy behaves in that way because he believes that by getting emotional (and possibly even crying) he is showing her how much she means to him.
He may hope that if she sees the devastating emotional effect that the break up is having on him, she will feel flattered and possibly even think to herself, “Wow, I never realized how much my guy loves me. I can’t break up with him now. I would never be able to find another guy who could love me as much as he does. It must mean that we’re meant to be together.”
Although that might work if a woman is still in love with the guy and is secretly hoping that they will get back together, in most cases it simply turns the woman off even more. Why?
It is a woman’s natural instinct to be attracted to the emotional strength in men (e.g. confidence, determination, masculinity, the ability to cope in a crisis), and turned off by the emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, self-doubt, neediness, desperation, an inability to handle what life throws at him).
So, when a woman breaks up with a guy and he responds by becoming emotional, pleading, begging and possibly even crying, she naturally feels turned off by him, because of what she perceives as his emotional weakness.
A woman wants to be with the type of man who is emotionally strong and that she can look up to, respect and feel a strong attraction for, not a guy who can’t handle his problems in life without breaking down.
Of course, if you’ve already pleaded (or even cried) while trying to convince your ex to give you another chance; don’t worry about it.
It’s not the end of the world.
Now that you understand how begging, pleading or crying can cause a woman to lose respect and attraction for a man, you have learned a valuable lesson…and that is a good thing.
From now on, just focus on re-sparking some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you every time you interact with her (e.g. via text, social media, on the phone, or in person) and she will begin to see you in a more positive light.
For example: The next time you’re talking to her on the phone, or in person, you can laugh and say in a joking manner, “I hope you invested in Kleenex shares. With all the crying I did when we broke up, you’d be a rich woman by now if you had Kleenex shares. On a serious note… I know that I overreacted and I’m sorry for putting you in a difficult position. It was silly and immature of me to cry (or beg and plead) like that, which I now realize. I should have been a man about it and I know that now.”
Will that make her say, “Oh wow! You’re so mature now… let’s get back together again!”
No, but it’s a start.
From that point onward, you just need to continue saying and doing the types of things that will re-spark her feelings for you.
2. Promising to Change
Another common mistake that guys make when hoping to convince a woman to give him another chance, is to promise her that he will change anything she wants.
For example: A guy might say, “I’m going to change. Whatever you want I’ll do it. Just give me a chance to prove it to you.”
Yet in most cases, rather than make her change her mind, this will likely annoy the woman even more. Why?
Firstly, this is probably not the first time the guy is promising her that he will change.
They will have probably had many arguments and disagreements before she broke up with him and he may have said things like, “I promise to change this time. Please give me one more chance.”
Yet, clearly that never happened.
The second reason why a woman doesn’t want to hear a guy’s promises is because, quite often, he doesn’t even know what he needs to change.
For example: A guy might be saying, “I promise to take better care of you,” or “I promise we’ll do more things together.”
Yet, what the woman really wants him to change is his lack of purpose and direction in life, or for him to stop being insecure, clingy and needy in the relationship.
If you keep promising your ex that you will change things about yourself that she doesn’t really want (e.g. she wants you to be more manly, but you’re promising to treat her better), she’s just going to be thinking, “He still doesn’t get it. Obviously nothing has changed,” and getting her back today, or even this week will become a lot more difficult for you.
Rather that promising your ex that you will change if she gives you another chance, just focus on making her feel differently about you by completely changing the way you interact with her.
When you make some big adjustments to the way you talk to her and she then starts feeling respect, attraction and love for you again, the process of getting her back becomes a lot quicker and easier.
Even though she might not want to initially, she can stop herself from feeling like she wants to open up to you again.
She becomes intrigued and starts to wonder, “What’s going on here? Why am I feeling this way?” and suddenly wants to text you, speak with you on the phone, contact you via social media and see you in person.
3. Showing Her How Much You Care
When a guy finds himself in the position where his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) is telling him that the relationship is over, it’s only natural that he might struggle to accept that reality.
All of sudden, the woman that he loves so much doesn’t want anything to do with him.
So, how can he change her mind?
Some guys make the mistake of thinking that if they show her how much they care (e.g. by buying her gifts, offering to take her on holidays, helping her financially, doing favors for her), she will change her mind because he’s being so nice and helpful.
Yet, being nice and helpful doesn’t make a woman feel sexual and romantic feelings for a guy that she doesn’t respect.
If you want to get a woman back, you must start the process by making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction to the new and improved you, rather than trying to suck up to her by being Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Generous all of a sudden.
There’s nothing wrong with being good to her, but you must get her to look up to you and respect you as a man first before she will actually feel any romantic or sexual feelings in response to how well you are treating her.
If you are just being nice to her to show her how much you care, a woman will usually say something like, “I appreciate that you still care about me, but I can’t change how I feel. I just don’t feel the same way any more. I’m sorry.”
4. Cut Off All Communication With Her
When nothing else works (e.g. pleading, crying, pouring his heart out, promising to change, showing her how much he cares) a guy may then decide to cut off all communication with his ex, in the hopes that it will make her realize her mistake.
For example: A guy might stop replying to his ex’s text messages, ignore her on social media, and avoid calling her up on the phone, or hanging out in any of the places that he knows she might be at.
He may think, “When she notices that I’m missing completely from her life, she will realize how much she actually misses me. She’ll see that she made a big mistake by dumping me and that no other guy can love her and take care of her the way I do. Then, when I call her up, she will be happy to hear from me, rather than telling me she doesn’t care about me anymore.”
Yet, unless a woman is still in love with her ex, or she can’t find another guy to take his place, that approach just isn’t going to work. Why?
If a woman doesn’t have feelings for a guy (e.g. she lost respect and attraction for him because he’d become an insecure boyfriend, fiancé or husband), suddenly not hearing from him anymore isn’t going to break her heart.
In fact, if a guy has been pleading, crying, promising to change, telling her how much he loves her, and generally making a nuisance of himself around her since the break up, a woman may even feel relieved that he’s stopped bothering her.
She will think, “What a relief! I thought he would never leave me alone. Hopefully this means that he’s gone forever and I can now get on with my life without him annoying me any more.”
This is why it’s usually not a good idea to try and convince your ex how valuable you are to her, by cutting off all communication with her for more than 3 to 7 days.
Anything longer than a week of no contact and you’re simply giving her more time to meet someone else and move on.
Another reason why you should act fast to get an ex back is that she might look at your no contact as meaning that you and her aren’t meant to be together.
She may think, “Oh well…I was kind of hoping that we could work things out, but it looks like he doesn’t care about me anymore. He’s obviously moved on, so I’m going to do the same. I wonder if that cute guy at the gym still wants to go out on a date with me. I’ll talk to him tonight and suggest going for a drink together” and she will then try to make herself forget all about you.
So, if you want to get your ex back today, or even this week, ignoring her for a long time isn’t the best way to do it.
Instead, you need to use every chance you get to interact with her to make her experience the types of emotions that feel good to her (e.g. respect, attraction, romantic feelings, sexual desire, love).
After every interaction with you, she needs to be able to say to, “Wow…it was actually fun hearing from my ex again. I would have never imagined that he could make me smile and laugh like that. I’m actually enjoying talking to him now. It feels good. Maybe it means that we are meant to be together. Maybe it’s a sign that I should just meet up with him and see what happens.”
When you reactivate her feelings for you again, it makes her think about the negatives of your relationship in a more favorable light, because you’re actively replacing her bad memories with new, more positive ones.
The new, positive feelings that she has for you creates an opening for you to then quickly guide her back into a relationship.
So, if you are serious about getting your ex back, focus on making her have feelings for you now, rather than waiting around and hoping that she redevelops feelings for on her own.
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