Here’s what you need to know to get her back:
1. Understand that many women use that as an excuse to break up with nice guys
A woman finds herself in a relationship that seems perfect.
Her and her man never fight.
Her man always treats her well and all her friends are always saying things like, “You guys are so cute together,” or “He’s no nice. I wish I had a relationship like yours.”
Yet, even though everything seems idyllic, deep down, she doesn’t feel happy with him.
She knows that something is missing, but she can’t seem to pinpoint it.
Eventually, she decides to break up with him, even though she can’t really find a good reason why.
Yet, she can’t just say something like, “I want to break up with you. It’s over. Goodbye” because her man will naturally want to know her reasons why and she won’t have a valid explanation for him.
So, rather than getting caught up in a long discussion about why she is breaking up with him and possibly being convinced to change her mind, she instead decides to use her unhappiness with life as an excuse to end the relationship.
In that way, not only can she get out of the relationship without hurting her guy’s feelings, or having to deal with him trying to convince her to change her mind, but she can also make him feel like he should be supportive towards her and give her space.
As a result, he will likely say something like, “I don’t want to lose you. If you need a little time to work on yourself, I want you to know that I will be here to support you. If there’s anything you need me to do for you, you only need to ask and I will be there for you. Just know that I love you and I want to be with you.”
She can then use the time apart to easily move on, without too much fuss.
Of course, her sneaky way to exit the relationship doesn’t mean that he can’t get her back.
He can get her back if he creates a strong sexual and romantic spark that she feels like she would regret missing out on if she didn’t give him another chance.
When a guy does that, a woman will almost always quickly change her mind about breaking up with him.
A woman will often then say something like, “Although many areas of my life are really screwed up right now, I’ve come to realize that the one sane thing is you. You make me feel safe, grounded and happy. I think I made a mistake by breaking up with you. I’m sorry for what I put you through. Let’s get back together. I love you”
Then, rather than her feeling dissatisfied and restless, she now feels lucky to have him as her man.
As a result, she will begin to try harder to keep him happy by being a good, loving, devoted woman.
If he treats her well in return and is able to keep the spark alive, the relationship will stay together and remain happy for life.
The same can happen to you.
If you want your ex back, you need to focus on reactivating her feelings for you, by offering her the attraction experience she really wants, but hasn’t been getting from you.
She wants you to be more emotionally masculine, rather than being so soft or timid with her.
She wants you to be more self-motivated and emotionally independent, rather than needing her to guide you and support you all the time.
She wants you to make her feel sexy and desirable, rather than making her feel neutral around you.
She wants you to be able to laugh at her when she is being a pain in the butt, rather putting up with it and treating her even nicer, in the hope that she treats you better in return.
When she can see that you’re an upgraded version of the man you were before, then the idea of getting back together will naturally begin to seem appealing to her.
2. Know that she will be happy if she meets a guy who can attract her in the ways that were lacking in your relationship
The mistake that a lot of guys make in a situation like yours, is to assume that because a woman is unhappy with her life, she will remain single and alone for quite a while after the break up.
Yet, the reality is that the majority of women try to move on quickly after a break up so they can feel better about themselves, or so they can create an extra barrier between themselves and their ex getting back together.
Additionally, even if a woman doesn’t try to move on quickly, if she meets a guy who sparks her sexual and romantic feelings in a way that was missing from her relationship with her ex, she will naturally start crushing on him and become open to being with him sexually and romantically.
This is why, if your ex is saying that she is unhappy with her life and is using that as a reason to break up, you shouldn’t just assume that she’s going to be too sad or depressed to move on.
She can and she will.
Additionally, what you also need to be aware of is that when a woman is happy in a relationship, she won’t want to lose what she has with him, no matter how terrible the rest of her life is.
Even if she is depressed or unhappy with her life, she will do everything she can to keep the man that she is in love with, respectful of and attracted to.
She’s not going to just break up with a man who makes her feel happy, because she is unhappy.
That rarely, if ever happens and if it does, the woman is mentally ill.
No normal woman is going to leave a man who makes her feel respect, attraction and love and want to be with him.
It just doesn’t happen.
So, if you want your girlfriend back, the best approach is to first understand her REAL reasons for breaking up with you, so you can then adjust and change your approach to re-attract her and get her back.
For example: From now on, when interacting with your ex, ask yourself…
- Am I turning her on (e.g. by being confident, emotionally masculine, charismatic, funny), or am I turning her off (e.g. by being insecure, unsure of myself, timid, hesitant or needy)?
- Does she feel relaxed and happy to be talking to me, or does she feel tense, stressed out and like she wants to get away from me to be able to feel at ease again?
- Am I making her feel like an attractive, desirable woman, or do I make her feel more like a neutral friend?
- Does my attitude, actions and behavior make her feel respect and attraction for me, or does it make her look down on me and feel like she is with a guy who doesn’t yet know how to be a real man?
When you do it correctly, she naturally starts to feel drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her and makes her want to give you another chance (i.e. because you’re now giving her the attraction experience she always wanted from you, but didn’t get).
She then starts to think things like, “Maybe it’s not too late to get back together again. Maybe being with the new and improved version of him is what I need to finally feel happy.”
When that happens, getting her back becomes easy.
3. Get clear on what has been secretly turning her off about you
Sometimes a woman will feel turned off by a guy for subtle reasons, which she will never tell him about (e.g. he was too timid in the bedroom, he gave her too much power during conversations and it made her feel more dominant than him, he lacked confidence around other men, which made her feel unsafe and ashamed to be his girl).
This is why, if you want to get back with your ex, you need to understand the subtle, more secret reasons she felt turned off by you.
Only by discovering that (on your own though. She won’t want to tell you), will you be able to make the correct adjustments to your approach to her to naturally re-attract her.
So, if you’re unsure about what those reasons might be, here are some questions to help you figure it out…
- Did you confidently go after what you want in life like a real man, or did you always seem to need your girlfriend’s advice, approval or say-so before you felt confident enough to take action?
- Were you confident and self-assured no matter what you were faced with in life, or did you break down emotionally and regularly lean on her for emotional support?
- Did you pass her confidence tests by not being affected (e.g. when she threw a tantrum to get a rise out of you, when she pretended to disagree with you during conversations to see how you’d react, when she rolled her eyes at you to see if you’d become insecure), or did you mostly become upset, defensive or annoyed when she tested you?
- Did you make an effort to support her as she tried to make her dreams a reality, or were you a critical or resistant towards her making progress in life because you feared it might cause her to leave you behind?
- Did you give her the time and attention she needed, or did you tend to spend more time with your friends (on work, or playing video games) than her?
- Did you make the effort to get to know her friends and family, or were you distant and disinterested in making the effort, even though you knew it was important to her?
- Did you put ongoing, consistent effort into achieving your big goals in life, or did you prefer to live day-to-day and try to make yourself seem busy so you could avoid rising through the levels of your true potential as a man?
- Did you maintain her sexual attraction for you, or did she end up feeling more like your friend or roommate?
After reading through those questions, you will most-likely have a better idea of some of the subtle things that might have turned your ex off about you.
With that knowledge, you can now change your approach to her to make her feel attracted to the new and improved you.
When she feels a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she will begin to have doubts about her decision to break up with you.
You can then get her back into a relationship that is even better than before.
You can also ensure that you put yourself in the position of power, where she feels the need to maintain your interest and keep you happy.
As long as a man is treating her well, that’s the position a woman really wants to be in when in a relationship.
Most women won’t go around admitting it, but it’s what they really want.
All you have to do is look at the women who are the happiest in their relationship with a man, the most affectionate and who treat him with respect and you will see that the man makes her feel the need to treat him well.
…and she loves it.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t realize that, so they end up putting way more effort into the relationship than the woman and hope that it makes her love him.
That’s not how women work.
You’ve got to make her feel lucky to be with you, to the point where she wants to treat you well and never lose you.
That is what makes a woman feel happy, energized and excited in a relationship.
4. She will want to remain broken up if she believes that the relationship would be too stressful to maintain
For example: A guy will make a relationship feel too stressful because he will…
- Text her or call her way too much.
- Need her constant love and attention to feel good about himself.
- Sulk and get into arguments with her if she doesn’t give him her full attention, or seems preoccupied with other things (e.g. her phone, social media).
- Make horrible decisions without asking her that end up putting him and her into financial distress.
- Need to have long, stressful discussions about fairly simple things before he feels confident enough to make a decision.
- Be unreliable and not keep his word to her (e.g. she asks him to run an errand for her and he forgets to do it, which then gets her into trouble at work, with the government, with family or friends).
- Try to get her to think, behave and act more like him (i.e. a man), not realizing that women find that stressful and a turn off. He doesn’t have the awareness to imagine that if she was trying to do the opposite to him (i.e. get him to think, behave and act more like a woman), then he would think she is crazy, annoying and stressful to be around.
- Spend all his spare time with her rather than doing anything else, to the point where she feels smothered by him and turned off by the fact that he’s not rising through the levels of his true potential as a man by pursuing big goals.
When a woman finds herself in a relationship like that, she will begin to feel as though it’s just too much for her to handle or deal with.
As a result, she may think, “I’ve already got so many problems in my life. What I don’t need is a boyfriend who makes me feel even more tense, stressed and agitated. This is just too much for me to handle right now. Relationships aren’t supposed to be this hard. Maybe it’s time that him and I broke up.”
Yet, rather than say something like, “I don’t have feelings for you anymore and I want to break up,” and risk him trying to change her mind (making things even more stressful for her), she will just say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but I can’t be with you right now. I’m unhappy with my life and if we stay together, I’m just going to bring you down with me. I need time to sort myself out before I can be in a relationship. Please accept that and don’t make things harder for me than they already are. Give me the space I need.”
He then feels like has no choice but to be a good man and let her go.
In most cases, she then uses the time to move on without him.
Avoid the Following 3 Mistakes if You Want to Get Your Unhappy Girlfriend Back
Regardless of what your ex girlfriend is going through right now, she will put all that behind her and get back with you if you make her feel a renewed sense of sexual and romantic attraction for you.
To ensure that you achieve that, try to avoid making the following mistakes that other guys make when in a situation like yours:
1. Trying to be her therapist
If a guy notices that his woman is unhappy with her life, he might decide to try and fix her problems for her, or at least give her a shoulder to cry on and some advice on how to deal with what she’s going through.
Seems like a good idea, right?
Rather than making her want to stay in a relationship with him, his therapist approach makes her feel like he is trying to fix her, which automatically kills her sexual feelings for him.
What works is when you make a woman feel sexually attracted and turned on by how you interact with her in a moment, rather than trying to be Mr. Fix it, so she can then get back on with being with you.
So, when a guy tries to fix his woman’s emotional progress, she simply leads him around in circles because she is unwilling admit the real, more subtle reasons why she’s unhappy with him.
As a result, his attempts to fix her just end up annoying her and making her feel misunderstood.
For example: She says that she doesn’t know what she wants from life anymore and he tries to fix her by getting her to think of what she wants to do in life.
Yet, that isn’t the real problem.
If a woman is attracted to her man and in love with him, she will be happy and won’t break up with him because she’s unsure what to do with her career.
Saying that she doesn’t know what she wants to do in life is just an excuse.
It’s a diversion, a distraction.
She can’t come out and say, “I’m breaking up with you because you’re too soft emotionally. When I’m being a pain in the butt, you never have the balls to laugh at me and put me back in my place. You just try harder to be nicer and avoid my tantrums. You can’t handle a woman like me.”
So, if you want to get your girlfriend back, don’t bother trying to be her therapist and solve all her problems for her.
Instead, briefly (I repeat, briefly!) give her some emotional support if she wants it, but then focus on sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
Remember: The more sexually and romantically attracted to you she feels, the less she will want her problems with life to ruin what she’s experiencing with you.
You will be the thing that makes her feel the happiest, so she won’t want to lose that.
That is how it works.
However, if you try to fix her by acting like her therapist and trying to come up with solutions for her, she’ll end up feeling annoyed that you don’t even understand her and what is really going on.
As a result, she won’t feel motivated to interact with you or be around you, which will make getting her back difficult for you.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Trying really hard to make her happy and coming across as desperate
When a woman is feeling sad or stressed out about her life, it’s a man’s natural instinct to try and protect her, take away her pain and make her feel better.
For example: He might…
- Buy her things that he thinks will please her.
- Always try to crack jokes around her to take her mind off her problems.
- Offer to take her on vacations to distract her.
- Listen to her and be there for her, even when she’s being unnecessarily dramatic and emotional.
- Suck up to her by being extra considerate of her feelings, needs and wants.
The thing is, if a relationship is happy and the woman looks up to her man and respects him, then she will appreciate it if he occasionally is extra nice to her if she is going through a hard time.
Yet, when a man does that because he has no idea how to make her feel attracted to him, respectful of him and in love with him, then it becomes annoying to her.
She sees his attempts as being out of desperation because he has no idea what else to do to make her happy.
He doesn’t realize that making a woman happy in a relationship is simple and making a woman really happy in a relationship, is even easier.
Making a woman really happy is about making her feel the need to impress you, treat you well and show you love, while also being good to her.
That is what works.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t know how to do the first part and instead try to compensate for their lack of ability in that area by doing more and more for the woman.
Yet, that isn’t what makes her happy in a relationship.
It’s not what women will go around admitting, but it’s what happens.
Women want to feel the need to impress you, treat you well and show you love, while also seeing that you are good to them.
That is what works.
3. Trying to get her back by offering her the same kind of attraction experience that got you dumped in the first place
If your approach to her hasn’t been working, don’t keep doing it.
Try something different.
Start attracting her in new ways that she hasn’t experienced before with you and likely never thought you were capable of.
When she experiences that, her feelings towards you immediately begin to change and she opens up to giving you another chance.