If your woman broke up with you because you didn’t give her the kind of love and attention she needed, here are 6 steps to fix it and get her back…
1. Stop apologizing and start making her smile, laugh and feel happy when she’s interacting with you
You’ve most likely already apologized to your ex for the way you treated her and probably more than once, right?
As you would now understand, another apology isn’t going to fix the problem any more than all the previous apologies did.
So, what will?
Changing the dynamic between you and her to be more funny, enjoyable and light-hearted from now on, rather than allowing her to be so serious and make the situation out to be worse than it actually is.
Yes, it’s true that you didn’t do the right thing and you did made a mistake by not giving her the love and attention she needed, but it’s a pretty common problem that couples experience in a relationship.
It’s also something that can be easily fixed, forgiven and forgotten.
For example: Imagine that you’re on a call with your ex and she turns the conversation towards what went wrong and how badly you messed up by saying things like, “I can’t believe I’m even talking to you after the way you treated me. I gave you my all and you really hurt me.”
In most cases, a guy will want to make his ex woman feel better by apologizing to her and saying things like, “You’re right. I’m a jerk and I deserve everything you throw at me,” but that’s not going to change anything if he’s already apologized plenty of times before.
It’s also not going to pull her out of her negative mood and make her see him in a more positive light.
So, rather than getting caught up in all the drama she’s creating, you need to use humor to get her to snap out of her “poor little me” attitude and into feeling good and feeling attracted when she interacts with you.
When she says something along the lines of, “I can’t believe I’m even talking to you after the way you treated me. I gave you my all and you really hurt me,” you can turn it around by saying in a light-hearted, joking way, “You know why you’re talking to me…you missed my delicious lasagna, right? Of course, you’re not going to admit that to me, but I know you haven’t eaten a decent lasagna since we broke up. Go on… tell me I’m wrong! I can hear your stomach rumbling over the phone! Lasaaaaanga! Mmmm…”
She will then laugh, smile and begin to feel respect for your confidence and ability to turn her bad mood into a good one.
As you may know, woman always say, “I like a guy who can make me laugh” and one of the most important parts of that desire from women, is a guy who can get them out of a bad mood with his confidence and humor.
So, when you get your ex laughing and feeling good, she stops focusing so much on the negatives about you and the relationship.
Note: Make sure you don’t go overboard with it and turn every discussion into a joke, because then she’ll get defensive and may think, “Not only didn’t he give me the love and attention I needed before, but now he’s not taking the break up seriously. Well, I’ll show him. I’m not going to laugh at his jokes anymore.”
So, don’t go overboard with it.
Just get her laughing and smiling to help her relax enough to drop her guard and open herself up to interacting with you again (on the phone and in person).
The next step is to…
2. Get clear on the real missing pieces to the love experience that you and her shared
You need to understand your ex’s real reasons for breaking up with you, so that when you interact with her from now on (e.g. on the phone and in person) you will be giving her the kind of love experience she really wants, rather than offering her things that she doesn’t want.
For example: She might like the fact that you were ballsy and confident, but didn’t like the way you ended up treating her badly and making her feel unimportant.
So, a mistake to avoid is dropping your confident, ballsy attitude and become a Mr. Nice Guy all of a sudden.
That’s not what she’s looking for either.
She wants you to take a more balanced approach.
A lot of guys who get dumped for the reason you did (i.e. not giving her the love and attention she needed), make the mistake of giving her way too much love and attention and hoping that it makes her happy.
In some cases, doing that can temporarily get a woman back because she wants to see him grovel and suck up to her, before she dumps him again.
Yet, because the guy comes across as desperate by sucking up to her, she loses respect for him and therefore, finds it difficult to maintain feelings of sexual attraction for him from then on.
As a result, the relationship will then break up again.
He will then be left thinking that he’s trying “everything” and it didn’t work, so he’s lost her.
He hasn’t lost her.
He just has to use an approach that actually works (i.e. re-attract her, remain balanced and in control, build sexual tension).
When you re-attract your ex in the ways that really matter to her, then she naturally drops her guard and opens back up to you.
Do you know what part of the love experience was missing in your relationship with her?
Ask yourself, “What did I do that made her feel like I wasn’t giving her the love and attention she needed?”
Maybe you bought her lovely, expensive gifts for special occasions (e.g. birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day), but you failed to show appreciation for her on other days (e.g. You didn’t notice when she changed her hairstyle or bought a new dress to look good for you. You didn’t appreciate it when she made an effort to prepare a special dinner to impress you and make you feel loved).
Maybe you were nice and sweet to her in public, but when you were alone, you became more critical of her.
Maybe you spent too much time at work, but never made it up to her for being late, forgetting to call or not being available when she needed you.
Maybe you spent a lot of time pursuing your goals in life, but you never encouraged her to do the same or worse, criticized her and made her feel stupid as she tried to succeed at things in life.
Remember: Each relationship is different, so you have to find the reasons that are the most relevant to you and your ex.
Then, once you know where you went wrong, focus on showing your ex that you’ve moved past the level you were at when she broke up with you.
When she experiences your new, attractive behavior in person, she naturally begins to feel more respect and attraction for you as a man.
3. Show her love and attention, but don’t do it in a desperate way
It’s only natural that when a woman breaks up with a guy because he didn’t give her the love and attention she needed, he might go to extremes to prove to her that he can do better.
For example: Some guys immediately propose marriage to a woman in situations like this, but because he is doing it out of desperation to get her back, she doesn’t see the proposal as being sincere and something that he really wants to do.
Even if he promises that it is something he wants, the proposal is still out of place and just doesn’t feel right to her.
She may think something like, “A proposal doesn’t fix anything. The problems are still there and getting married would be like sweeping the dust under the carpet and hoping that it will go away. I don’t want to do that and then find myself being another divorce statistic in a year or two. When I get married, I want it to be forever.”
Another example is where a guy pours his heart out to his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) and cries to her, hoping that it will show her much he really cares for her.
He hope that when she sees how badly the break up is affecting him, she’ll realize that he does love her after all and she will then change her mind.
However, desperation rarely makes a woman change her mind and in most cases, she just feels even more turned off and uses it as a reason to want to remain broken up.
So, make sure that when you interact with your ex, you’re saying and doing the types of things that are making her reconnect with her feelings of love, respect and sexual attraction for you (e.g. making her laugh and smile, making her feel appreciated), not being desperate and turning her off even more.
Another important step to getting her back in a situation like yours, is to…
4. Get her to forgive the old you
Forgiveness makes a woman drop her guard and open herself back up to the idea of being with you again.
Getting her to forgive you is not about begging and pleading with her and saying things like, “Please, please, please forgive me! I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it,” because that type of desperate pleading will cause her to close herself off even more.
A better way to get her to forgive you is by telling her that it will be for her benefit (this is actually true by the way).
For example: You can say something along the lines of, “I know I messed up and I’m truly sorry for hurting you. Breaking up was a big wake up call for me and I deserved it. It made me realize what’s really important in my life and that is without a doubt, you. I don’t expect you to believe me, but I really have changed and I would appreciate it if you’d forgive me, so we can both move forward without feeling negative and bitter about the past. We all know what it feels like to be angry at another person and then, when you meet someone new, you then project that anger onto them. The thing is, even though we’re broken up, I still care about what happens to you and if you don’t forgive me, that’s what might happen to you in future relationships. So, I don’t want you to forgive me for my sake, I want you to do it for you, because it will make your life better from now on… and of course, I’ll feel better about it too. So, can you forgive me and allow us both to go forward as friends?”
If you can get her to the point where she genuinely forgives you, it makes her drop her guard feel comfortable to be interacting with you again.
She no longer stops herself from feeling attracted to you, or feeling respectful towards you.
Then, when she experiences the new you for herself (i.e. every time she talks to you on the phone or meets up with you in person), the idea of being your girl again doesn’t seem as far-fetched of an idea to her as it did before.
She likes the new you and has already forgiven the old version of you.
You then need to…
5. Build on her feelings whenever you interact with her
Building on your ex’s feelings of respect, attraction and love for you is the only way to make sure that you get her back for sure.
Some women are easier to get back than others.
If your case is a little more difficult, you need to make sure that you are using every interaction that you have with her as an opportunity to build on her feelings for you.
If you do that, she will be yours again for sure.
Where many guys go wrong is by trying to reactivate a woman’s feelings by being on their best behavior around her.
For example: A guy will avoid flirting with his ex and will instead remain neutral and friendly around her.
He worries that if he flirts with her and shows her that he’s still sexually interested, she will get upset and then he won’t get another chance with her.
Alternatively, a guy might use every interaction he has with his ex to get into serious discussions about the relationship and where he went wrong.
He may ask things like, “Tell me what I should have done differently to give you the love and attention you needed? I need to know.”
Yet, rather than make a woman feel loads of respect and sexual attraction for him for asking her to tell him what to do, it’s actually annoying for her to have to explain what women feel attracted to and how he can do it.
So, if you want to reactivate your ex’s feelings for you, don’t make the mistake of seeking her help or being extra nice around her to suck up to her.
Instead, focus on flirting, using humor and being a confident guy who believes in his ability to attract her.
When you use humor to get her smiling and laughing and then flirt with her to create sexual tension between you, it allows her to relax and enjoy the moment, without worrying about the fact that she’s considering getting back with you now.
6. Get the relationship back together
In most cases, if a guy has properly reactivated his woman’s feelings for him, she will be open to the idea of getting back together again right away.
However, if your ex isn’t ready to get back together just yet, you might need to meet up with her another couple of times before she is.
In some cases (e.g. where the woman is very angry with her ex, or is afraid of getting hurt again) it might take 2 to 3 interactions (on the phone and in person) where a guy is building on the woman’s feelings, before she will fully drop her guard and open herself up to the idea of getting back together again.
If that doesn’t work, you might need to make her feel the pain of losing you by letting her see you enjoying a great life without her (e.g. by actively pursuing your big goals and dreams in life, taking up a new hobby or interest, going out and enjoying yourself with your friends).
When she finds out about that (e.g. via social media, mutual friends, co-workers, or even when you talk to her about what you’ve been up to lately) and she realizes that you’re getting on with your life and are happy without her, she will begin to wonder, “Did I make the right decision by breaking up with him? Am I about to lose the love of my life because of my stubbornness? Should I just give him another chance?”
She then drops her guard and without even realizing it, she finds herself back in your arms and thinking to herself, “This is what I wanted all along. I’m so glad that he didn’t give up on our love. He’s such a better man now. I love him and want to stay with him for life.”
You can make her feel that way.
You can do it.
Don’t doubt yourself and feel like your situation is just too difficult.
Most men who get their ex woman back are dealing with difficult situations and they are able to do it.
You can too.
Yes, you made a mistake by not treating her as well as you should have, but that doesn’t have to be the end of it.
When you focus on making her feel attracted to you again and then building on her feelings, you will get her back.