Some women will hold onto that negative memory, some will modify the memory over time and not see it as being so bad and other women will miss their ex and want him back regardless of how badly he behaved during and after the break up.
Of course, you don’t have to sit around and hope that by some chance, she will be one of those women who miss you.
You can take action now and actively change how your ex thinks about you.
Here are 5 things you can do if you want her back:
1. Get clear on her reasons for ending the relationship
Yes, you didn’t react well when she broke up with you, but that’s not why the relationship came to an end.
She had other reasons that were compelling her to go through with a break up and then try to move on from you.
So, if you focus on apologizing for how you behaved during the break up, you will be missing the point entirely.
When you apologize, she might then say, “Look, I accept your apology and thank you for saying that. I know you didn’t mean to do all those things when we broke up. However, I’m still not interested in us getting back together. We gave it a shot and now it’s over. You need to accept that and move on.”
She will say that if she can see that you don’t really understand why she wanted to break up with you in the first place, or you do understand, but have no idea how to change and improve to re-attract her.
So, how about you?
Do you understand your ex’s secret, subtle or deeper reasons for ending the relationship?
If you’re not quite sure, here are some questions to ask yourself to gain clarity…
Did you pretty much always treat her well (i.e. with respect and love), or did you slip into a habit of treating her badly (e.g. you became too emotional/aggressive/abusive/controlling/selfish) when things didn’t go your way or she annoyed you?
Did you keep your promises to her to be a man that she could rely on, or did you often go back on your word (e.g. forget to call, unavailable when she needed you)?
Did you remain emotionally strong and independent in the relationship, or did you end up becoming too clingy, jealous, possessive or needy?
Were you nice and loving towards her in public, but critical or emotionally distant when you were alone?
Were you emotionally fearless, or were you emotionally closed off and unavailable to her because you feared falling in love and getting hurt?
Were you able to maintain her feelings of attraction, or did you become insecure and stop being the cool, confident guy that she met originally?
Once you know where you went wrong, focus on showing your ex that you’ve moved past the level that you were at when she broke up with you.
When she experiences the new you (i.e. you are now behaving and responding a completely different way to the way she remembers), her guard will naturally come down and she will start thinking of you in a more positive light.
She will feel drawn to you and want to explore her new, fascinating feelings of attraction for you.
The next thing you can do to get her back is to…
2. Prepare to make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you
If you’re asking, “Will my ex always think of me based on how I behaved during the break up?” the answer can either be yes or no, depending on how you approach things from now on.
Yes, if you continue to talk and interact with her in a way that doesn’t make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you (e.g. begging, pleading, shouting, getting into arguments, sucking up to her, acting like just a friend, seeming to feel unworthy of her now).
No, if you make her feel a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new and improved man that you’ve become since the break up.
So, if you want the answer to your question to be, “No,” it’s essential that you prepare yourself to make your ex feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you when you next interact with her.
How can you do that?
Firstly, by changing and improving some of the things that matter to her (e.g. becoming more confident, emotionally open, not taking everything so seriously anymore), so she can naturally feel some respect and attraction for you based on you quickly learning from your mistakes and becoming a better man as a result.
Secondly, stop putting yourself down.
The more you keep thinking things like, “Will my ex always think of me based on how I behaved during the break up?” or “I stuffed up so badly, she will never be able to forget that,” the more it will come across in the way you think, act and behave when you are with her (e.g. you’re nervous and insecure around her, you put yourself down in front of her, she can sense that you feel unworthy of her now, your body language is now awkward and tense around her).
Rather than feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she will feel even more turned off by you and will want to end the interaction.
So, to fully regain her respect and attraction for you and get her back, you have to believe in yourself and your ability to re-attract her.
Stop assuming that you ex will always be thinking negative things about you and start imagining how happy and surprised she will be when she encounters the new and improved you.
Believe in yourself.
The next thing you can do to get her back is to…
3. Get her on a phone call
If things ended badly between you and your ex, you might feel nervous about calling her.
It’s even possible that you’ve tried to call her already and she’s not answering your calls.
However, you can’t make any real progress with her until she can interact with you and hear the tonality of your voice (e.g. do you sound confident and self-assured, or do you sound nervous and insecure?).
On a phone call, she can quickly determine for herself that some changes have already taken place.
So, don’t avoid calling her.
If you’ve already tried that and she’s refusing to answer your call, text her this:
“Hey…I tried to give you a call earlier/yesterday, but you must have been busy. I just want to ask you something quick over the phone. Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious and I do accept that we’re broken up. It’s just a quick question. I’ll call you in 10 mins.”
If she responds right away and asks something like, “What do you want to ask me?” just call her back right away. Don’t text back!
Alternatively, if she doesn’t respond to you at all, just call her 10 minutes later.
If she still doesn’t answer, leave it for a day and then try to call her again.
If she still doesn’t answer, text her this:
“Hey… I tried calling you yesterday to ask you this question, but I assume that you’re really busy at the moment. No problem. I might try to get hold of you some other time so I can ask you this question.”
At this point, she will most likely be curious and wondering what you want to ask her.
She may then either call you to find out what you want, or text you to say that she’s available for you to call her now.
Then, just pick up the phone and call her.
Once you get her on a call with you, make sure that whatever you’re saying and doing is restoring her feelings of respect and attraction for you again and getting her to think things like, “What is going on here? Why am I laughing and smiling when I should be telling him to get lost? I’m actually enjoying myself. I feel so confused. Maybe it’s not over between us.”
4. Get her to meet up with you
When your ex seems relaxed and open (e.g. after a few more minutes of conversation where you’re making her laugh and smile), you can say, “Hey, it was good chatting to you again. Anyway, what I wanted to ask you is for us to catch up for a quick cup of coffee sometime this week. Of course, I’m not asking for us to get back together again. I just think it would be nice to catch up as friends to say hello. So, let’s catch up this week. I’m going to be busy on Monday and Wednesday, but Tuesday and Thursday are open at the moment. Which of those days suits you best?”
By the way…
Some women won’t instantly agree to meet up with their ex guy, so don’t get disheartened if she says something like, “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” or even, “Why would I want to do that after the way you behaved during our break up?”
Instead, just maintain your confidence with her and say, “Hey, it’s just a coffee. I know that I stuffed up and our romantic relationship is over, but that doesn’t mean we can’t at least be friendly and share a cup of coffee one time. If you never want to see me again after that, I’ll accept your decision and leave you alone.”
She will then likely agree (especially if you’ve been making her laugh and smile during the conversation with you), because she will want to see for herself if you really have changed or not.
Then, when you meet up with her…
5. Re-attract her and start a new relationship with her based on her new feelings for you
At the meet up, focus on showing her (not telling her) that you really have changed and are no longer the guy she broke up with.
If she is being cold and unfriendly towards you and saying something like, “I shouldn’t have come here. This is such a waste of time. Let’s just get this over and done with, okay?” rather in a completely different way than you normally would.
For instance, if the old you would react by getting upset, angry, defensive and would then start doubting himself around her, the new you uses her negativity to make her laugh and relax.
When she sees for herself that you really are a new man now, she will naturally start to feel more respect and attraction for you (even if she tries to hide that from you) than she did over the phone.
She will then stop focusing on your past mistakes and start focusing on things about the new version of you that she does like.
As a result, her guard will then come down and she will open back up to you, rather than continuing to push you away because of how you behaved during the break up with her.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get an Ex Woman Back After Behaving Badly During the Break Up
It’s not only you who behaved badly when you got dumped.
Many guys have made the same mistake.
Yet, just because you messed up during the break up, it doesn’t mean that you can fix things now.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t ever read what you have read here today and as a result, they may end up making one or more of the following mistakes…
1. Feeling unworthy of his ex because of how he behaved during the break up
For example: A guy who behaved badly during the break up with his ex might start thinking things like, “If I was in her position, I’d never forgive me for how I behaved during the break up. I don’t deserve a woman like her. I’m not good enough for her. I will never be able to get her to forgive me and give me another chance. It’s over. I’ve ruined it. I have no chance.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that feeling unworthy of her love only makes him seem less attractive to her (and to other women).
A woman likes the idea of being with a man she can look up to and feel proud to call her guy based on his confidence, high self-esteem and self-assuredness.
So, when he doesn’t believe in his value to her, everything about him (e.g. his body language and the way he talks, acts, thinks and behaves) comes across in an unattractive way (i.e. nervous, unsure of himself, needy, insecure, low self-esteem).
As a result, his ex feels even more turned off than before.
So, if you want to get your ex back, you have to believe you ARE good enough for her, regardless of the mistakes you made in the past.
If you can’t get to the point where you genuinely believe that you deserve her, neither will she.
Another mistake that guys often make in your position is…
2. Assuming that a woman’s feelings can’t be changed
If your ex said something like, “It’s over between us. I will never be able to forgive you for how you behaved during the break up. You killed my feelings for you and nothing you say and do will ever change that,” you might then think, “My case is hopeless. She will never change how she feels and give me another chance. I have no chance. I can never get her back.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Feelings change all the time.
Think about it…
There was a time when you and her were complete strangers and she didn’t feeling anything fro you.
Then, there was a time when you first started interacting with each other and she began feeling stirrings of attraction and respect for you.
Then, she became your girlfriend and her feelings grew and intensified into love.
Her feelings were constantly changing in a positive direction.
Yet, when you got into a relationship, things gradually started to fall apart bit by bit and her feelings headed along a negative direction.
By the time she decided to break up with you, she was regularly experiencing emotions such as anger, disappointment and regret.
As you can see, your ex’s feelings for you have changed multiple times in the past and they can easily be changed again.
You might feel uncertain of your ability to re-attract her and get her looking at you in a positive light, but you really can do it.
Other guys have gotten their ex woman back after saying or doing much worse than you said or did during the break up.
The next mistake is…
3. Waiting too long to make a move and get her back
When a guy really stuffed things up during the break up, he may start to think, “My ex is probably too angry with me at the moment to even consider giving me another chance. So, if I give her some space for a few months, maybe she will calm down and stop thinking of me based on how I behaved during the break up. Then, she might be more open to forgiving me and we can possibly meet up and see where things go from there.”
Here’s the thing though…
Sometimes a woman can miss her ex and come back to him, simply based on him not doing anything other than giving her space and time to think.
However, in almost all ex back cases that I’ve seen over the years, if a guy doesn’t take action to actively re-attract her and get her back, a woman will focus on getting over him by finding herself a replacement guy.
This is why, if you want your ex back, you shouldn’t waste time waiting for her to possibly forgive you and come running back one day.
You can do that if you don’t care about getting her back or not, but if you really do want her back, you need to actively interact with her and change how she thinks of you based on how you’re behaving now.