Has your wife lost interest in having sex with you?
Don’t worry, you can change how she feels and make her want sex more often from now on.
If your wife currently doesn’t want to have sex with you, here are some of the main reasons why that happens and what you need to do to fix it:
1. A lack of attraction
If your wife has lost her feelings of attraction for you, she won’t have much or any desire to have sex with you.
The good news is that you CAN get those feelings back. Luckily for us men, the amount of attraction that a woman feels for us is mostly within our control.
You simply need to start displaying traits (e.g. confidence, charisma, humor, masculine vibe) from now on and your wife will automatically start feeling more sexually attracted to you.
2. Power problem
Some husbands hand over complete power and control to their wife in the hope that it will make her happy.
Other husbands take all power away from their wife and seek to control her as much as possible in the hope that it will keep the relationship together.
Either extreme isn’t healthy and will lead to a break down in sexual desire.
The correct dynamic to have to ensure that your wife remains sexually attracted to you and sexually available, is to be a strong, leading man who takes charge, but who also inspires and encourages her to take charge of things that she enjoys.
You need to love her, respect her and cherish her, but also expect that she respects you in return. As long as your wife respects you, she will then naturally feel attracted to you and find it much easier to love you.
You can’t demand that your wife feel attracted to you or love you, nor can you beg her to feel that way or convince her.
You have to be the sort of husband that she looks up to and respects, but who also respects her, loves her and cherishes her.
Here are some examples of how women test men and try to take away their power…
Even though a woman might SAY that she wants a more obedient husband or ACT like she doesn’t like it when you take on the position of power, it’s actually what she really wants.
Most women are not turned on by insecure, self doubting men who essentially hand over their power to her.
She wants a man who she feels good about submitting to, not a guy who makes the sex feel awkward because he’s not in the position of power in her mind or his.
3. Unnecessarily switching roles
Sometimes it is necessary for a husband to help out around the house, or even temporarily take on his wife’s role around the house. Yet, most of the time, it isn’t necessary and by taking on her role unnecessarily, you actually make her lose some respect for you as a man.
There’s nothing wrong with a husband doing a bit of housework to help out his busy wife, but if it gets to the point where he is doing the housework so she can have more time to relax than he does, the wife actually begins to lose a bit of respect for him.
For a woman to want to have sex with a man, she has to feel attracted to him and feel respect for him.
If your approach to the relationship or your behavior around your wife has caused her to lose more and more respect for you over time, it also means that she will have lost her feelings of attraction.
Don’t worry – you can get it back.
From here on in, you’ve got to focus on saying and doing the sorts of things that will make your wife feel respect and attraction for you.
When you do that, she will naturally begin to have more sexual urges around you or, if she has a low sex drive, she will at least be open to having sex with you if you initiate it.
When a wife feels like she has taken on the role of mother to her husband or that she is the stronger one in the marriage, she begins to lose respect for him.
He is unable to make her feel like a real woman (i.e. make her feel feminine) because he lacks the masculinity to be the man in the relationship.
If that goes on for too long in any relationship, the woman will begin to feel restless and irritable.
Hoping to wake her man out of his confused state of being, a woman will then begin to start arguments and throw tantrums, in the hope that it makes him realize that something is wrong.
Women don’t ever want to have to teach a man how to be a man. We men are expected to know it and if we don’t, the woman will lose respect and then begin to create drama in the relationship as a warning sign.
4. Treating her like a friend
A great friendship is an essential part of a successful relationship, but it isn’t everything.
To keep the sexual spark alive, you also have to behave like her lover.
You can’t always just talk to her in a neutral way like you would with one of your male buddies. Sometimes, you have to talk to her in a way that makes her feel girly, sexy and wanted.
5. Being insecure
One of the biggest turn ons for a woman is a man who is emotionally secure and confident.
Insecurity about your attractiveness to her, your value to others in life or your place in the world are all turns offs to a woman.
When a man has the capacity to remain emotionally strong and secure no matter what life throws at him, it is deeply attractive to women.
6. Lacking purpose in life
Some husbands make the mistake of hiding from their true potential in life behind their wife and the basic responsibilities and tasks that come with modern life.
Some women will put up with a man who lacks purpose, but it will make her lose respect for him.
When a woman loses respect for a man, she then loses attraction for him.
To maintain the attraction of your wife, you have to be a man that she looks up to and respects, not a man that she secretly feels ashamed to be married to.
You’ve got to step up and be the man that you know you can be.
You’ve got to stop being afraid of your biggest dreams in life and start taking steps in that direction to eventually make those dreams come true.
All the while, you still have to love, respect and cherish your wife.
You have to see her as important and valuable, but not to the point where she stops you going after your biggest dreams in life.
The more that you stand up to be the sort of man that she wishes you would be, the more respect and attraction she will feel for you.
Then, if you also make her feel important, valuable and sexy, she will be much more open to having sex with you.
The Truly Happy Couple
Have you ever seen a man and a woman who’ve been married for decades, yet they are still madly in love?
They hold hands, flirt with each other and they laugh and joke around.
After all those years, they’ve managed to keep the sexual spark alive.
They may not be having sex every week or even more than once a month, but they are still doing it more often that most couples who’ve been married for a long time.
You know the type of couple I’m referring to, right?
Well, here’s the thing…
That is what is possible when you create and maintain the correct relationship dynamic between you and your wife.
If you are interested in learning how I’ve done that in my marriage, I recommend that you watch Make Her Love You For Life.
In the early days of the relationship between my wife and I (when we were boyfriend and girlfriend), it was all about the initial lust and passion.
These days, our sexual desire builds up when we interact with each other during the day or while relaxing in the evening in the lounge room.
As a result, we have regular sex because the love, respect and attraction continues to deepen over time.
The spark is always there because I know what to say and do to make that happen with a woman. It’s so damn easy.
When you know how to deepen a woman’s love, respect and attraction for you over time, having sex isn’t a chore for her. She wants to do it and so do you.
The Easy Way to Get Her to Love You Again
Getting her to love you, respect you, touch you and want you the way she did in the beginning, isn't difficult at all.
In fact, it's one of the easiest things you'll ever do.
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So far the thing that has marked the most success in my relationship with my girlfriend right now is that I always have led and have been the one in control. I made the first kiss, she asked me if we were dating later on, and I made the move to go to sex since then. I never asked to kiss or have sex. It just took getting her into the right mindset and making it work.
Two things have come up since. First, although I can get her pretty wet, it’s been hard to get her to orgasm (I haven’t apologized or anything making it look like it was my fault though). Second, she tried getting me to ask her for sex yesterday. Granted, I might not have done a good job in getting her ready, but asking for it sounded like giving up the control which would be a big mistake. Pretty much what happened is that I walked away with no sex but that seemed better than letting her think she had control. At that point I said I’d see her next weekend and walked off (even though we normally meet up most days). This seemed like a good way to let her know that if she would act like that then I could stand to wait.
So what things did I do well or badly?
Thanks so much,
Thanks for your question.
Yes, you took the right action. You are the one in charge, not her. She was just testing to see if you really were in charge. However, there is also a way to use opportunities like that to DEEPEN the love, attraction and respect she feels for you. It should not be a moment of frustration and disconnection that drives you apart. It should bring you closer together. If you want to learn more, I recommend that you watch Better Than a Bad Boy. I give many examples of tests that women will put you through and how to handle each one of them so it deepens the love, attraction and respect you feel for each other.
Thanks for setting up a great site as this. I had been a wuss when it came to girls stuffs before i stumbled upon this site.most recent was that of a girl i loved so much[and still love]. We got talking and somehow,things began to work out between us. Her attraction for me grew so rapidly and along the line,i ignorantly handed over the masculine power of the relationship to her.from that point,her attraction for me started fading rapidly. As we speak now, she usually goes into offline mode on BBM whenever she notices iam online and if she manages to stay on,we hardly chat with each other.She says ‘hi’ whenever she chooses which i snub or reply back with a ‘hi’ too. Depending on my mood. What can i do to win back her love and attraction for me? I tried pretending not to love her anymore and it didn’t workout either. . Thanks for your quick reply.
Thanks for your positive feedback.
It sounds like you were learning some great things from my free articles, but since you didn’t invest in my programs and get a proper education, you’ve gone ahead and made a pretty typical mistake. To get her back, sign up here and watch the free video I have made on the topic: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html
Hi thanks to u and everyone who made this site possible for us who are very bereft in dating tips.
Well I have been dating for past 6yrs and recently she started not getting time for me, listening to friends advice. I got frustrated and cheated on her due she not been able to satisfy me. There was quarrels and nags all over. So she got to know I cheated on her one day. Then I felt very sorry and apologized to her. But she wasn’t okay with herself. Rather instead kept it in her and reported to her mum! I explained things to her mum and what made me did so. We solved it and I thought everything was over not knowing she still kept it within her and affected the way she behaves towards me. She stopped calling me, sending me sms. She never had sex with me for almost a year! She never visited me too! So I asked her why she is doing that one day and all she could say is “she can’t date a guy who doesn’t love her”. I felt so sorry and embarrassed but I told her I really did love her and am sorry for the past so she should forget about and let’s move on. But still now she seems not to be transparent to me anymore, she tells me petty lies, she discusses issues with her mum and behave upon what her mum tells her. Now she I asked her to come and visit me and she said she can’t because she isn’t ready. Her attraction for me has completely changed but she claims she loves me while she doesn’t want to have sex with me too! Please help me with any advice.
Thanks for your positive feedback.
About your situation: You are already aware that cheating on her caused a lot of problems and was the wrong thing to do. However, you have made a worse mistake after that – letting her push you around, treat you badly, etc. You need to regain control of the relationship. She no longer respects you, which is causing her to lose attraction for you. If you want to get that back, the program I recommend for you is Better Than a Bad Boy: http://store.themodernman.com/in/2cf8a89
my wife is very selfish , nothing changes, no sex, no sex
I am lonely and just a roommate
CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE
Sorry to hear about your situation mate.
The only way out of this is for you to become more of a man for her and then to take charge of the sexual seduction process. Your wife WILL resist your attempts initially, but once she starts feeling the sexual pleasure of being touched by the new and improved version of you, she will melt into the moment and enjoy it.
I’ve helped a lot of guys in your situation via my phone coaching service http://www.themodernman.com/phone_coaching.html One of the techniques I teach (which has been hugely successful for my clients) is to get some massage oil and tell your wife that you’re going to give her a naked massage. If she just wants to start with her top off, that is fine – you can tell her to take off her skirt/pants later when she is turned on. After she is relaxed, tell her to massage you for a bit. Then, after about 5-10 mins turn around and have a relaxed conversation and hug. Then, start playing with her vagina/pussy (whatever you like to call it). She will most-likely resist, but just tell her to relax and enjoy for a bit. Put her hand on your penis/dick (again, whatever you like to call it) and get her stroking it.
A few minutes later, you will both be getting in the mood and you’ll have some sex.
Will that fix all of your problems though? No. The root of the problem will come down to the fact that you haven’t been the man you could be for her. Most guys don’t get any advice or training on how to be a real man and instead fumble their way through life. Times have changed though and there are now men like me who are here to help out. I’ve helped 1,000s of guys turn their relationship around with their girlfriend and lately, I’ve helped 100s of men turn their marriage around with their wife.
If you want my best advice for your situation, you will get that in these programs:
My husband is the problem, he doesn’t want sex, me or anything that I do. He wants to be left alone in his own little world. No one is alowed in his world. I’ve dealt with this problem for 47 years, the number of years we’ve been married. Since married we haven’t ever slept together and also before we we’re married. He lives in our basement and I have the upstairs. He went on the mid night shift at work because he didn’t want to deal with me. As far as I know he only cares about himself. I thought he had a little hussy on the side or he was gay . I had people follow him and there was nothing out of the ordinary. PLus he looks terrible long straggly beard and hair and old 60’s type clothes. All these years I’ve been a terrible mess, I take pills for every thing.
Wow, 47 years of marriage and no sex. That’s one of the most mind-blowing things I’ve ever heard in all my time running The Modern Man.
This makes me think about why people stay together in a relationship or marriage. It’s strange that two people who clearly aren’t interested in each other, still manage to stay together for life. I can only guess (unless you reply) that the reason you’ve stayed together is because you would feel like a failure to be a divorcee.
I don’t know what else to say here because I help men to be successful in their relationships with women, but it sounds like your husband isn’t interested in improving your relationship. I hope things get better for you guys.
There really isn’t getting any better, it will always be what it is. I’ve always felt like a failure since married. We are on a fixed income and I think I actually stay is because he has great medical benefits, I can’t get that any where else. He has a small pension and S.S. but that’s it. Not a lot of money !!! I just had a hysterectomy which I’m sure my husband knows nothing about. Had to stay with a neighbor for awhile . Now I’m just like him don’t want or care about sex, men or life in general.
Well, I sincerely do hope that you find joy and experience love in many other ways in life.
My wife and me had a child over 4 years ago and in the past week she told me that she wasn’t happy and was thinking of a devoice to make me happy. lol. She lets me have sex with her 1 every 2-3 months to keep me around. she wants to be alone excepted for the kid she want her around. she is always sad and their is nothing good to say always negative. I am not a doctor but it sounds like postpartum. what are your thoughts. Thanks
Thanks for your comment.
It’s difficult to break a habit, but it can be done. Right now, she’s in the habit of being negative and not caring about the physical side of your relationship. To change that, you have to chip away at the bad habit, by slowly introducing better habits.
1. Once a week, telling each other what you are grateful for about each other.
2. Once every few days, stopping to have a loving, warm hug together.
3. Smiling and laughing more often.
The positive vibes and good moods help to create a more loving environment, where you become more open and interested in being close to each other sexually.
BTW: The statement “she lets me” indicates a huge problem in the psychological dynamic of your relationship. Sex should not be about her “letting you,” but about her wanting to be close to you in that way.
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