If your girlfriend doesn’t trust you, don’t worry – you can fix it.
In fact, helping her overcome her trust issues will deepen her respect, attraction and love for you and make the relationship better than it ever has been before.
Most people will tell you to dump your girlfriend and move on because it’s impossible for her to change, but they are only saying that because they don’t know how to fix the problem.
So, if you’ve found yourself saying, “My girlfriend doesn’t trust me” and are wondering what you should do about it, here are 4 ways to fix the problem and get your relationship back on track…
1. Explain the consequences of a lack of trust in a relationship
The most important part of getting your girlfriend to trust you again, is about getting her to have certain realizations about relationships.
The first realization is to get her to understand the negative consequences of not trusting the person that you’re in a relationship with.
To get her to have the relationship, here’s what you need to say (in a relaxed, easy-going manner, rather than an angry, defensive or argumentative manner):
“Listen…I understand that you don’t trust me and you will have your reasons for that, but I want to ask you this question: Do you understand how a lack of trust affects a relationship?”
Get her to explain herself and give you her understanding of the situation.
For example, she might say, “Yeah, of course I know…you’re going to feel bad, I’m going to feel bad…we’re always going to be fighting and so on.”
From there, you need to say something like:
“Yes, what you’ve just mentioned are definitely some of the negative consequences of a lack of trust in a relationship, but lately I’ve realized that there are more.
For example: For a couple to stay together for life and to actually be happy and never want to leave each other, their love needs to mature and grow over time.
Love can only mature and grow when there is a strong foundation of trust.
If one person or both the man and woman have trust issues, the love is always going to be constrained and both of them aren’t going to fully open their heart to experience what real love feels like. It’s just going to be insecure love.
The same goes for us. Based on how bad each of us is feeling about this trust issue, we’re going to build up unnecessary feelings of resentment towards each other.
We’re not going to feel happy and secure in the relationship because there will always be an underlying mistrust and resentment for not allowing each other to experience what true love and commitment feels like.”
Once you have explained that to her, you will have gotten her attention in terms of how important it is for her to stop being so mistrusting of you.
After getting her attention, you then need to move on to the next step of the process.
2. Ask her what it would take for her trust you again
It’s one thing to get your girlfriend to understand the negative consequences of not trusting you, but she then has to take the next step to realize what is required to help her overcome her trust issues.
Trust issues don’t go away on their own; something has to be done about them, otherwise they always hang around in the background of a person’s mind and cause problems.
Ask her something like this:
“What I want to know now is this: What is it going to take for you to fully trust me in this relationship? I want to know what it will take for you to fully give me your trust and let me take care of it. I will also give you my trust and put it in your hands to take care of.
If both of us can be mature enough to make this relationship great, we will fully give each other 100% trust and just let go of any mistrust, which will then allow our relationship can get better and better over time.
So, I want to know what will it take for you to fully trust me in this relationship and to give me that full trust from this moment onwards?”
In most cases, if a woman has trust issues, she will make some unreasonable requests of her boyfriend at this point.
For example: She might tell her boyfriend to close his Facebook account, unfriend his female friends, stop talking to female coworkers or let her check his phone every day.
If she makes unreasonable demands like that, it means that she still doesn’t trust you and is just being the same old, insecure girlfriend. So, whatever she asks you to do, make sure that it’s not coming from a place of insecurity.
If she is unable to come up with a reasonable solution about what will make her fully trust you, here is what you can say:
“Couples who have a happy relationship that lasts for a lifetime are able to trust each other and not worry about ever being cheated on.
Of course, in a relationship, a person can never be 100% sure that the other person won’t ever cheat on them or leave them.
Yet, for the love to grow and mature and for the relationship to become even more amazing and enjoyable, both the man and woman need to give each other their 100% trust.
It’s a risk, but the trust has to be given. If you don’t give me your trust, we’re never going to get to experience how amazing this relationship could be.
We won’t be able to get to the point where both of us would laugh at the idea of ever cheating or leaving each other, because we will be stuck in an unhappy, untrusting relationship that doesn’t even seem like it will last.
Neither of us want the stress and unhappiness of being in a relationship like that, so we need to be mature enough to take the risk of giving each other our 100% trust.
If we do that, our love and relationship will get better and better over time and we’ll never want to leave each other because our relationship will make us feel so happy.
So, what I can promise you is that I’m not going to cheat on you, I’m not interested in leaving you for another woman and I’m not going to want to dump you in future if our relationship continues to get better over time.
However, if you continue not to trust me and keep accusing me of wanting to cheat on you or leave you, then I’m going to be happy, you’re not going to be happy and it will lead to a break up at some point.
So, if you do want this relationship to last, both of us have to take the risk of giving each other our full trust and just letting the other person take care of it and respect it.
I know that I can do that and I trust that you can do the same, so from today onwards I recommend that we need to be more mature about the way we are approaching our relationship. “
3. Get her to forgive you and start from a clean slate
When a girlfriend doesn’t trust her boyfriend, it’s not always because he has done something to break her trust.
In fact, in many of these cases, the boyfriend is a good, trustworthy man who works hard and is sincerely committed to his girlfriend. He has no intention of ever cheating on her or leaving her, but she can’t bring herself to believe that because she’s been hurt in the past by someone else.
Sometimes though, the boyfriend isn’t so innocent and will have done some bad things (e.g. lying, cheating, not following through on promises) to cause his girlfriend to lose trust in him.
Regardless of whether you are a good, trustworthy man or whether you have been dishonest with your girlfriend in a way that caused her to lose trust in you, it’s important that you still ask her to forgive you for anything that you have done to cause her to mistrust you.
Here’s what you can say to her:
“I don’t know if it’s my fault or if it has something to do with what’s happened in your past, but something has caused you to not be able to fully trust me in this relationship.
If it is all my fault, then I accept that and don’t hold anything against you for it. Regardless of who’s fault it is, you are only going to start feeling happier and less stressed if you can forgive what has happened in the past.
Unless a person forgives the thing that is causing them pain, they can never fully let go of it and grow as a person.
They will always keep getting pulled back by that pain and it will become an insecurity for them.
So, what I’m asking you to do is to forgive me or forgive whoever or whatever it was that caused you to have your trust issues.
Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to take the next step as a woman and actually become more emotionally secure, so you don’t have experience all the stress that occurs when you can’t trust in a relationship?”
Once she has forgiven you, it will then make her feel more relaxed about life, love and her relationship with you.
It may also make her feel a bit silly when she looks back at how she had been thinking, acting and behaving.
4. Stop apologizing for her insecurity
From that moment onwards, your girlfriend should begin to trust you and let go of her insecurities.
However, if she continues to be untrusting of you, it’s important that you don’t waste time going around in circles and apologizing or reassuring her that she can trust you.
What should you do instead?
Laugh at her, in a loving way.
Rather than getting angry at her or trying to reassure her that she can trust you, just laugh at her (in a loving way) for being so silly.
Laughter lets the love flow, but it’s up to you as a man to make the laughter happen. You can’t rely on her (an insecure woman with trust issues) to have the emotional strength and maturity to laugh and smile when she is worried about whether or not she can trust you.
So, if she is being insecure by not trusting you again, simply turn it into something laugh and smile about. She will then realize that she’s being silly and that it feels so much better to just trust you and enjoy the relationship.
For example: If you happen to check your Facebook and she sees that you’re responding to a private message, she might ask, “Who is that? Who are you talking to? Is it a girl?”
What you need to do at that point is smile and laugh at her in a loving way and then say something like this (while smiling and being easy-going and loving):
“We’ve already talked about this. You’re much more mature now and you’re not worrying about your old trust issues.
You and I trust each other.
You can have a look at this message if you want, but next time I’m not going to let you look at my message and I’m just going to laugh at you for being silly.”
Then, let her look at your message and tell her, “Next time, just relax and simply trust me. You can do that.”
If she ever does the same thing again, simply laugh at her and say, “No, I’m not playing these silly games anymore. You can either believe me or leave me. The choice is yours.”
If she is still having trouble trusting you, simply go back through steps 1-3 and get her to realize it all again. Let her know that the only way to get over her trust issues, is to take a risk and let her take care of her trust in you.
Tell her to put her trust in your hands and just let go of it, rather than putting it in a steel box with a lock and feeling like she has to guard it 24/7.
Tell her that if you break her trust, it is your fault, not hers and that you have no intention of ever doing that.
Likewise, if she breaks your trust, it is her fault, not yours and you trust that she has no intention of ever doing that.