If you’re saying, “My girlfriend had a fling,” you are probably feeling very hurt, betrayed, angry and confused right now.
You are probably asking yourself, “How could she do this to me?” “Does this mean our relationship is over?” “Was it my fault; what did I do wrong?” or even “Can our relationship be saved after what she did?”
Well, it depends.
The key to any successful relationship is trust and although you can never fully trust a woman 100%, you just have to. A relationship cannot function without trust, which is why you should now honestly answer these questions to yourself:
- Do you want to stay in a relationship with your girlfriend who cheated on you, or do you want to break up with her?
- Can you fully forgive your girlfriend for having a fling, put it all behind you and learn to trust her again so that your relationship can move forward and become better than before?
- Can you accept that certain behaviors and attitudes from you may have caused your girlfriend to stop feeling the way she wanted to feel when she was with you, so she turned to someone else to get what she felt was lacking in your relationship?
- Are you willing to make changes, fix any of your issues (that may have caused her to lose respect and attraction for you) and become an even better man than you are right now, so that you never again have to find yourself in the situation where you are saying, “My girlfriend had a fling”?
- If you had your choice of women right now and could be dating and having sex with as many hot women as you want, would you still be thinking about staying with your girlfriend?
- Are you simply holding on to a woman who cheated on you because you’re afraid that if you dump her you won’t be able to find another (even better) woman than her?
- Do you lack confidence in yourself and in your ability to approach, meet and date new women?
- How would you feel if you married your girlfriend or had a family with her and she cheated on you again? Do you really want to go down that path?
- Do you sincerely believe that she made a mistake and will never do it again?
You Can Make a Fresh Start
Right now you’re probably switching between feeling angry with your girlfriend and wanting to hurt her back, and feeling like you don’t want to lose her.
Either way, when your girlfriend had a fling with another guy, she highlighted the fact that your relationship is not what it should be. This is why, although what she did really, really sucks, it’s also a good thing because you can make a fresh start.
1. Understand what caused her to have a fling.
Whether you want to stay in a relationship with your girlfriend, or you want to dump her and go out and get yourself an even better and more attractive girlfriend than her, you first have to understand what caused her to cheat on you. Why?
Understanding what caused her to have a fling benefits you because when you know the real reasons why she did this, you can make the correct changes that will then make her feel understood and happy to start the relationship again with a clean slate.
Alternatively, if you get into a relationship with a new women, you won’t be at risk of making the same mistakes that caused her to have a fling in the first place. On the other hand, if you don’t know exactly what she really wants you to change, you will most likely end up making the same mistakes again.
Although it’s easy to put the blame entirely on her for what happened, blaming her is not going to make the underlying issues in your relationship, (and in future relationships) go away. If you decide to stay with her, and then only “sweep everything under the carpet,” what will happen is, eventually she will either have another fling, or, she will dump you.
2. Fix your issues and improve yourself.
If you renew your relationship with her without fixing your issues and becoming the kind of man that she needs you to be, she will most-likely cheat on you again.
On the other hand, if you dump her and get into a new relationship without fixing the issues from your current relationship, you will inevitably repeat the same mistakes and end up being cheated on again, or simply being dumped.
This is why it’s so important to understand what caused your girlfriend to have a fling; so that you can fix those things and avoid repeating past mistakes, whether in your current relationship, or in a new relationship.
But, you’ll probably be saying, “SHE is the one who had a fling, why should I be the one who has to change?” Basically, you have to understand that when a woman is getting what she needs from her man, she will never cheat on him because no other guy will be able to make her feel the way her man already does.
However, when a man behaves in ways that turn her off, she will look for a guy to fill the gaps that she’s feeling in her relationship.
For example: If a guy is clingy, needy and insecure in his relationship, his girlfriend (fiancé or wife) will feel smothered. If he doesn’t fix this behavior she will naturally find herself drawn to men who are confident and independent. Why? Women are instinctively drawn to strength in men and repelled by weakness.
Another example is if a guy takes her for granted, is careless with her feelings and doesn’t put in the effort to make her feel loved, appreciated and cared for in the relationship. Naturally, when this happens, she will look for a guy who is attentive, caring and treats her like a princess and makes her feel the way she wants to feel.
Whatever, you decide to do with your current relationship; understanding and then fixing the issues that caused your girlfriend to have a fling will help you in the long run.
3. Decide what YOU want to do.
The changes you make in your attitude and your behavior will definitely help make your girlfriend regain respect, love and attraction for you as a man. However, whether you’re prepared to give your relationship with her another chance depends solely on you – NOT her!
You can decide if you want to forgive her and trust her again. If you do, it will be because you want to, not because you are afraid that if you lose her you will never be able to find another girlfriend again.
Don’t Let Her Actions Destroy Your Sense of Self-Worth
You can sit around saying, “My girlfriend had a fling,” and feeling like a worthless victim, or you can use this bad experience as an opportunity to improve yourself and become an even better man than you are already.
The fact is, you’re not changing for her, or any other woman, you’re changing for YOU. You’re not changing who you are deep down as a guy, instead you are adding to who you already are right now.
When you become a stronger, more confident and more well-rounded man than you already are, your girlfriend (and other women) will see it in your actions and in your body language and will be drawn to you.
Your girlfriend (present or future) will feel like SHE has to work hard to maintain YOUR interest, because she knows that if she steps out of line, not only can you dump her, you can also replace her in a heartbeat.